"Sunny Day"
10/09/2003
* * *
".I'll stand far away! (My apologies ) I wouldn't wanna dull your sunny day
I'm sorry, I reek of depression (I have so many flaws )
Your happiness is my only obsession
Just you, all you (Don't blame me I never can believe how stupid I can sound ) For you, only you (It's obviously my fault why can't I figure out what's wrong with me ?)
Just you, all you (I can never truly make you satisfied sometimes I just wish I wasn't me) For you, only you (Maybe I'd be better off alone all I do is embarrass me)
(. I have so many flaws)
I wouldn't wanna dull your sunny day
Zug Izland, 'Sunny Day' Cracked Tiles
* * *
Lucrecia stumbled to the bathroom, feeling like she'd eaten a bowl of live termites for dinner the night before. A light shone from down the hall but she paid no mind to it, even thought it was so very, very early. A little past four in the morning, she had checked. The churning in her stomach would not cease.
It had been like this every morning for the past two weeks. She would spontaneously wake around this time every morning and have to immediately make a dash for the toilet. She'd spent more hours draped over the toilet bowl vomiting feverishly than she'd EVER believed possible.
Was it normal to feel this ill when expecting? She had no idea. She'd heard stories of dizziness and nausea, and the dreaded 'morning sickness', but this took the cake. In addition to being violently ill every morning, she lay in bed every night tossing and turning, the sheets damp with her own sweat. Simon hadn't commented, the times he actually DID come to bed he was out like a light the moment his head hit the pillow. So her nights were spent all but alone, twisted in the soggy sheets staring at the ceiling.
She was barely able to make it to the toilet in time before a terrible cramping seized her and she found herself retching painfully into the ceramic bowl. Ack, and the way it burned her coming up! This COULDN'T possibly be right.
After a few minutes of sheer torment the spasms stopped long enough for her to lean against the cool tile, sweat beading her brow like rain. She stayed like that a moment, too afraid to really move in case the second wave hit.
Why hadn't she said something when she'd first felt ill? She'd smiled and insisted nothing was wrong whenever the topic came up; after all, it was only morning sickness, right? Lucrecia Hojo was not a whiner. Even when the blood clots had begun to emerge in her vomit, she'd said nothing.
But now. the green.
A few people had commented on her pallid and somewhat haggard appearance lately but she'd waved them away, saying she felt fine, only a bit tired. Everyone had accepted her denial, believing that she would certainly say something if there was a problem. The inquiries had all eventually stopped, save one person.
Vincent.
He'd persistently asked her if anything was the matter, and even after she assured him she was fine she could see the worry creasing his smooth brow. He'd come across her one morning in route to the bathroom, and been shocked at the intensity of her illness. He'd been angry, threatening to go straight to Gast about it and demand the project be stopped as far as Lucrecia was concerned.
She'd talked him out of it that time. Ha. As if anything he could do would end the project, but still she'd calmed him down. He'd still been angry however, muttering something about wringing Simon's neck should anything bad happen to her. She'd just patted his hand and told him not to worry.
Simon on the other hand hadn't even commented on any of this.
It surprised her that he could remain so in the dark about things that went on right under his nose, but she attributed this to his fatigue. He'd been working so very hard lately. The project had fallen a bit behind and as a result he'd been putting a lot of overtime in now.
She couldn't really blame him for his lack of concern though. After all, she'd never said anything to give him the idea that she was unwell. She'd merely suffered in silence, trying to be strong.
Sometimes she wondered why she even bothered to keep up with this charade. She knew full well that if she even hinted that something wrong that Simon would do whatever was needed to correct it, if not only for her also for the sake of the project.
Not that the project wasn't going well. On the contrary, despite being a little behind it was proving to be more than any of them could have hoped for. Simon, despite his tiredness had been very pleased with everything so far. They'd spoken about it, and he'd been very enthusiastic, saying that this would undoubtedly be the highlight of their careers, that something like this could only come along once in a lifetime and that they'd be fools to pass it up.
Besides, when it was over, everything would be better for them. He'd promised that.
Oh no. She could feel the second wave growing near, nearly missing her mark as she gripped the sides of the bowl. Water and bile splashed, threatening to hit the floor. She winced even as she gagged, she REALLY didn't want to clean any of that up.
Finally she felt safe enough to stand up. She went straight to the sink to rinse her mouth, spitting repeatedly, trying to clear the acrid taste from her mouth. She froze as she heard footsteps approached.
The toilet. She ::had:: to flush it lest anyone see exactly what she'd been vomiting.
She bolted over to the toilet and flushed, just as the door opened. Simon stood there in the doorway, his eyes red-rimmed with sleeplessness, looking as if he would like very much to just pass out right then and there. He frowned, squinting over at Lucrecia trying to figure out what was going on.
"..what's wrong, 'Crecia?" he said softly, his voice thick with sleepiness. "Is something the matter? I heard you from down the hall.and I wanted to see if something was wrong."
Lucrecia just stared at him. Here was her moment, her opportunity to tell him everything about the insomnia, the night sweats, and the peculiar nature of her morning sickness. Her brain screamed for her to just tell, tell it all; but she said nothing.
"You're. up late, dear." She said lamely. A sleepy smile lit up his face.
"I think I've just had a breakthrough. This could be it. Everything we've worked for, it's finally looking up for us. The project is going better than I could have ever hoped. I'm. just really excited, that's all. We'll finally have something to show for all our trouble, 'Crecia."
"That's. wonderful." She whispered weakly, noting the sleepy yet satisfied look in his eyes.
" I meant to come to bed earlier, but I just got so wrapped up in it all that time stood still for me. I'll explain it all in the morning. er. when I wake up. I'm going to try to catch a few hours before I have to get up and get going again." He ran his hand over her cheek, still smiling softly. "Are you sure you're all right, 'Crecia?"
How could she tell him this now? She couldn't bring herself to shatter his satisfaction, to rain on his parade, not like this. She shook her head negatively.
"Nothings wrong. Just. a little peaked, that's all. I'm fine, really."
'Well, I'll see you in the morning then. I have a very good feeling about this all." He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, and then shut the door behind him.
She stood there, feeling numb. And then she decided.
He would never know of this. She couldn't bear to dull his sunny day, not now when things were finally looking up. She hadn't seen him this happy in a while, and damned if she'd drop something like this on him. She smiled, gritting her teeth as yet another wave hit her. Even as she felt her throat burning horridly, even as she expelled the noxious waste, she smiled on.
"For you, only you."
* * *
Authors Notes: I know it's a bit. strange. And you might not understand why I put that bit up there by Zug Izland if you haven't actually heard the song. It just seemed to fit. ::shrugs:: I thought of this today at work, and it was also inspired by an RP I had last night with Sephiroth1Ripley8. Meh. And who says RPing's a waste of time. ::laughs:: Thanks for reading.
10/09/2003
* * *
".I'll stand far away! (My apologies ) I wouldn't wanna dull your sunny day
I'm sorry, I reek of depression (I have so many flaws )
Your happiness is my only obsession
Just you, all you (Don't blame me I never can believe how stupid I can sound ) For you, only you (It's obviously my fault why can't I figure out what's wrong with me ?)
Just you, all you (I can never truly make you satisfied sometimes I just wish I wasn't me) For you, only you (Maybe I'd be better off alone all I do is embarrass me)
(. I have so many flaws)
I wouldn't wanna dull your sunny day
Zug Izland, 'Sunny Day' Cracked Tiles
* * *
Lucrecia stumbled to the bathroom, feeling like she'd eaten a bowl of live termites for dinner the night before. A light shone from down the hall but she paid no mind to it, even thought it was so very, very early. A little past four in the morning, she had checked. The churning in her stomach would not cease.
It had been like this every morning for the past two weeks. She would spontaneously wake around this time every morning and have to immediately make a dash for the toilet. She'd spent more hours draped over the toilet bowl vomiting feverishly than she'd EVER believed possible.
Was it normal to feel this ill when expecting? She had no idea. She'd heard stories of dizziness and nausea, and the dreaded 'morning sickness', but this took the cake. In addition to being violently ill every morning, she lay in bed every night tossing and turning, the sheets damp with her own sweat. Simon hadn't commented, the times he actually DID come to bed he was out like a light the moment his head hit the pillow. So her nights were spent all but alone, twisted in the soggy sheets staring at the ceiling.
She was barely able to make it to the toilet in time before a terrible cramping seized her and she found herself retching painfully into the ceramic bowl. Ack, and the way it burned her coming up! This COULDN'T possibly be right.
After a few minutes of sheer torment the spasms stopped long enough for her to lean against the cool tile, sweat beading her brow like rain. She stayed like that a moment, too afraid to really move in case the second wave hit.
Why hadn't she said something when she'd first felt ill? She'd smiled and insisted nothing was wrong whenever the topic came up; after all, it was only morning sickness, right? Lucrecia Hojo was not a whiner. Even when the blood clots had begun to emerge in her vomit, she'd said nothing.
But now. the green.
A few people had commented on her pallid and somewhat haggard appearance lately but she'd waved them away, saying she felt fine, only a bit tired. Everyone had accepted her denial, believing that she would certainly say something if there was a problem. The inquiries had all eventually stopped, save one person.
Vincent.
He'd persistently asked her if anything was the matter, and even after she assured him she was fine she could see the worry creasing his smooth brow. He'd come across her one morning in route to the bathroom, and been shocked at the intensity of her illness. He'd been angry, threatening to go straight to Gast about it and demand the project be stopped as far as Lucrecia was concerned.
She'd talked him out of it that time. Ha. As if anything he could do would end the project, but still she'd calmed him down. He'd still been angry however, muttering something about wringing Simon's neck should anything bad happen to her. She'd just patted his hand and told him not to worry.
Simon on the other hand hadn't even commented on any of this.
It surprised her that he could remain so in the dark about things that went on right under his nose, but she attributed this to his fatigue. He'd been working so very hard lately. The project had fallen a bit behind and as a result he'd been putting a lot of overtime in now.
She couldn't really blame him for his lack of concern though. After all, she'd never said anything to give him the idea that she was unwell. She'd merely suffered in silence, trying to be strong.
Sometimes she wondered why she even bothered to keep up with this charade. She knew full well that if she even hinted that something wrong that Simon would do whatever was needed to correct it, if not only for her also for the sake of the project.
Not that the project wasn't going well. On the contrary, despite being a little behind it was proving to be more than any of them could have hoped for. Simon, despite his tiredness had been very pleased with everything so far. They'd spoken about it, and he'd been very enthusiastic, saying that this would undoubtedly be the highlight of their careers, that something like this could only come along once in a lifetime and that they'd be fools to pass it up.
Besides, when it was over, everything would be better for them. He'd promised that.
Oh no. She could feel the second wave growing near, nearly missing her mark as she gripped the sides of the bowl. Water and bile splashed, threatening to hit the floor. She winced even as she gagged, she REALLY didn't want to clean any of that up.
Finally she felt safe enough to stand up. She went straight to the sink to rinse her mouth, spitting repeatedly, trying to clear the acrid taste from her mouth. She froze as she heard footsteps approached.
The toilet. She ::had:: to flush it lest anyone see exactly what she'd been vomiting.
She bolted over to the toilet and flushed, just as the door opened. Simon stood there in the doorway, his eyes red-rimmed with sleeplessness, looking as if he would like very much to just pass out right then and there. He frowned, squinting over at Lucrecia trying to figure out what was going on.
"..what's wrong, 'Crecia?" he said softly, his voice thick with sleepiness. "Is something the matter? I heard you from down the hall.and I wanted to see if something was wrong."
Lucrecia just stared at him. Here was her moment, her opportunity to tell him everything about the insomnia, the night sweats, and the peculiar nature of her morning sickness. Her brain screamed for her to just tell, tell it all; but she said nothing.
"You're. up late, dear." She said lamely. A sleepy smile lit up his face.
"I think I've just had a breakthrough. This could be it. Everything we've worked for, it's finally looking up for us. The project is going better than I could have ever hoped. I'm. just really excited, that's all. We'll finally have something to show for all our trouble, 'Crecia."
"That's. wonderful." She whispered weakly, noting the sleepy yet satisfied look in his eyes.
" I meant to come to bed earlier, but I just got so wrapped up in it all that time stood still for me. I'll explain it all in the morning. er. when I wake up. I'm going to try to catch a few hours before I have to get up and get going again." He ran his hand over her cheek, still smiling softly. "Are you sure you're all right, 'Crecia?"
How could she tell him this now? She couldn't bring herself to shatter his satisfaction, to rain on his parade, not like this. She shook her head negatively.
"Nothings wrong. Just. a little peaked, that's all. I'm fine, really."
'Well, I'll see you in the morning then. I have a very good feeling about this all." He gave her a quick kiss on the forehead, and then shut the door behind him.
She stood there, feeling numb. And then she decided.
He would never know of this. She couldn't bear to dull his sunny day, not now when things were finally looking up. She hadn't seen him this happy in a while, and damned if she'd drop something like this on him. She smiled, gritting her teeth as yet another wave hit her. Even as she felt her throat burning horridly, even as she expelled the noxious waste, she smiled on.
"For you, only you."
* * *
Authors Notes: I know it's a bit. strange. And you might not understand why I put that bit up there by Zug Izland if you haven't actually heard the song. It just seemed to fit. ::shrugs:: I thought of this today at work, and it was also inspired by an RP I had last night with Sephiroth1Ripley8. Meh. And who says RPing's a waste of time. ::laughs:: Thanks for reading.