A/N: Thank you all for your reviews!
SybilantSybil: My thoughts exactly. Snape could use more color in his life. But not that much...
Limyaael: The cat/hat scene was inspired by your comment. I hope you'll approve.
Shadowycat: More on the background history of how Gingerhead invaded Hogwarts in later chapters. Including a guest appearance from Peeves.
Dupadi: Speak the word, and I'm fed-exing you a kitten.
RivanKnight: I'm glad you like it. No more tuna today.
CHAPTER 3: To sleep; perchance to dream.
Gingerhead's POV.
I'm bored.
I want to get out of that stuffy room and venture the dungeons below. I want to hunt mice, to chase after the other castle cats who think they can take over my territory and perhaps get lucky with one of those cute females I spotted on my way here. But instead of having fun fighting and procreating, I have to tolerate the presence of that snoring biped.
Oh, my poor ears! I should have guessed. With such a trunk decorating his face, the sound could only fit the size. Not to mention he smells funny. He smells as if he had been dipped headfirst to a bubbling cauldron.
What does he use on his hair, come to think of it? Mayonnaise?
And now I need to pee. And there's no litterbox in sight.
~*~
Snape was started from his sleep from the sound of a demanding mewing in his ear. Mumbling something like "cruciatus is much too merciful", he kicked Gingerhead off the bed and turned over, pressing his pillow over his head.
He should have never done that.
~*~
Gingerhead's POV.
How dare you?
The only thing you had to do was to summon a litterbox. Now you'll suffer the consequences.
I'll use your bathtub as my toilet.
Although I suspect you never use it anyway.
~*~
When Snape got up, he headed stumbling for the bathroom to wash his eyes open. But before his eyes could witness the dirty deed, his nostrils intercepted a horrible smell. Staring wide-eyed the recycled remains of the cat's dinner, he couldn't help wondering if this animal was indeed a cat.
How on Merlin's name had that come out of the cat? A cow, perhaps. A cat, unlikely. And yet true.
Sighing, he returned to his bedroom to dress for the day. The house elves could clean up the mess later. And then he saw that all of his black clothes were covered in cat fur.
After the third cleaning spell, the fur was still present. Less, but still there. Thinking of razorblades and shaving foam, he dressed up and left for the Main Hall.
Gingerhead followed right behind him.
As Snape took his place among the other teachers, he saw that the Headmaster was tapping his fingers on the table, looking really annoyed. And then Gingerhead jumped up and started to drink water from his cup.
"Severus," he heard Dumbledore say on a firm voice, "get your cat off the table."
"It's not my cat," he protested.
"Then why does he rub his head against your shoulder?" the Headmaster replied coldly.
Snape was speechless from the unexpected expression of affection. And then he saw the glitter in the cat's eyes.
This is War.
"Your pet," continued Dumbledore, "sneaked into my office, Merlin knows how, intimidated poor Fawkes enough to get him burning and then sat on the Sorting Hat. The poor thing is still covered with fur and it will take me a lot of time and energy to restore it to its previous condition."
Snape stared at Gingerhead who had started to wash his privates right on the teachers' table.
~*~
Gingerhead's POV.
It's not my fault if your Hat is not house-trained.
It dared to mock me, saying I would look ridiculous if I wore a hat. So I showed it how ridiculous it would look if it wore a cat.
It wasn't laughing when I flattened it. And then it finally decided to sort me into my House.
As for wearing stupid hats, I think your boss could easily win the first prize. Next time, I'll be shredding one of these.
Whoa! What's that?
By Merlin's beard, she's a fox!
~*~
Filch had just stepped inside the Main Hall with Mrs. Norris in his arms. When she saw Gingerhead, she jumped off and walked closer to the teachers' table.
In a similar way, Gingerhead walked to her.
In great embarrassment, Snape watched the two cats sniffing each other's private parts in the middle of the Hall.
~*~
Gingerhead's POV.
Hello there!
What is a cute kitty like you doing in a place like this?
Do you want to groom my tail?
Do you want me to groom your whiskers?
Will you come home with me to, ahem, show you my collection of rat tails?
~*~
A very angry Filch picked up a screaming Mrs. Norris. The cat tried to escape his grasp and return to her admirer, but in vain.
Before exiting the Main Hall, Filch stared at Snape in the most poisonous way.
"Keep your perverted monster away from my angel!" he howled.
"But it's not my cat," the Potions Master protested, sinking deeper in his seat.
And Gingerhead jumped up again and sat purring on his lap.