A/N: Gingerhead returns to Hogwarts. As per request, he meets Dumbledore and Mrs. Norris again.
Many, many thanks to everyone who has taken the naughty cat in their hearts. And reviewed, of course.
Discussing the theory that cats repel evil. Let's see...
Thanks to Kyra and Kingmaker for inspiring me through their reviews for this chapter.
Enjoy, and let me know what you think.
CHAPTER 11: Divide and Conquer.
Severus Snape entered the Hogwarts grounds crankier than ever. He was tired, he was covered in cat fur and he feared that his leg was probably still bleeding after the unfortunate encounter with the cat's claws. On top of this, the cat had cost him a good deal of money and his peace of mind. Despite the fact that he had restocked in several essential ingredients, his relations with every shop owner at Diagon Alley had suffered considerable damage due to the cat's mischief.
He growled and tried to focus on the coming evening. After a much-needed change of clothes and a light supper, he could at last be free to brew the potion that could allegedly make interspecies communication possible. Perhaps then he could talk some sense to the monster. But seeing Gingerhead friskily chasing the Fat Friar's transparent figure, he seriously doubted it.
In foul mood, he removed the wards guarding his dungeon, unlocked the door and stepped inside the coolness of his private chambers. He threw the package on the bed and removed his robes, readying himself for a thorough cleansing from the cat's fur and odor. As soon as he was about to remove his trousers and inspect the damage on his leg, a house elf appeared inside his bedroom.
Snape glared at him, infuriated from getting caught with his breeches down. "Yes? What is it?"
The house elf stared at the Potions Master, trembling. He never managed to speak a word; he just handed him a note. Gingerhead, on the other hand, watched their guest with obvious interest. The elf's eyes darted back and forth, unsure of which of the two posed a greater threat.
Of course, the Potions Master had never intended to devour the elf. Beat him, perhaps. Kick him, probably. Shout at him, certainly. But Gingerhead had already made his mind regarding the elf's usefulness. He focused, gathered his strength on his hind legs and jumped on the terrified elf. He shrieked and disappeared, just as the cat's claws cut through the air exactly where his throat would have been heartbeats ago.
Gingerhead landed on the floor with a loud thud, dispelling the myth that cats always land on their feet. Sometimes they land on their bellies.
Snape snickered and opened the note. And the glee was wiped off his face. The note was from the Headmaster.
Professor Snape,
Your presence is required to an urgent staff meeting held in the Headmasters office to discuss the disruption of the school life due to the behavior of a certain cat.
Proffessor McGonagall wishes to remind you that you are never too old to receive detention.
Proceed to the Headmaster's office the moment you return to Hogwarts.
Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster.
PS
Leave the cat out of my office.
The Potions Master glowered at the cat that was blissfully rolling on his robes, shedding even more fur on the dark fabric. Somehow, he had been missing his days as a Death Eater lately. Ah, the curses, the tortures, the killing... Sighing, he started dressing up again.
~*~
Gingerhead's POV.
Damn that house elf! I really need to know how they do this.
There goes my last chance of a decent supper. I doubt it if that hopeless simian will provide me with an adequate dinner.
Great Mother of Cats, he has that look again! What did I do now?
And where are we going?
~*~
Despite Snape's best efforts, Gingerhead was faster than he would ever be. The cat evaded his attempts to lock him in the bathroom, the bedroom or his study. He didn't even fall for either valerian or catnip. And his suspicions that the cat was more than he appeared were heightened when the cat ignored a bowl of tuna, sticking stubbornly to his side. It was as if he had sensed that the Potions Master was trying to ditch him.
When he finally entered the Headmaster's office, Gingerhead jumped on Dumbledore's desk and made himself at home. Fawkes crowed and flew out of the room as soon as he saw the cat, while the Sorting Hat cowered on its shelf. Albus, tapping his long fingers on the wooden surface of his desk, glared at Snape.
"Perhaps I did not make myself clear, Severus," he said in an icy voice.
Snape sat down on an empty chair, fighting to keep the fatigue from appearing on his features. "I'd like to see you try and keep him out, Headmaster," he replied in a bilious voice. Of course, diplomacy was never Snape's strong point. He dared a sideways glance to the rest of the participants of the meeting.
Professor McGonagall was there, her lips forming a tight line on her stern face, avoiding acknowledging the presence of the cat. Snape tried hard not to smirk, remembering her humiliating encounter with the cat a few nights ago. Madame Sprout was also there, her plump face holding nothing else than disapproval. As for Madame Hooch, he was only grateful that her broomstick was nowhere in sight. Flitwick, who had been spared the cat's mischief, was sitting quietly on his chair. Something that did not apply to Lockhart, who seemed to be lacking something of his charm that night, including his always-elegant attire. His robes were not quite fitting, as if they were two sizes bigger. A smirk appeared on Snape's face, which he was quick to conceal under Dumbledore's cold stare. Somewhere in the back, he caught glimpse of the caretaker's slim figure.
Gingerhead jumped down and, much to Snape's surprise, it appeared as if he was actually behaving himself. But then the Headmaster's voice called him back to reality.
"Severus," he started, "Minerva has brought to my attention a certain incident involving your cat. I am deeply appalled as both a Headmaster and a friend to have one of the teachers undergo sexual harassment. And I believe I express everyone's thoughts when I say that you should find a way to restrain that cat of yours, or else there will be consequences."
"How many times do I have to say this? It is not my cat."
At that precise moment, Gingerhead jumped on Snape's lap, purring loudly.
Dumbledore folded his arms across his chest. "Of course."
Professor McGonagall followed Dumbledore's lead. "Need I remind you, Severus, of the incident in your classroom not long ago? This cat endangered the welfare of several second-grade Gryffindor students."
"Oh, and what a loss would that have been," he mumbled.
McGonagall was shocked. "Excuse me?"
"What I wanted to say, Minerva, is that Longbottom has caused equal, if not greater disruption during my classes, but you have never called a meeting on him."
"Neville never destroyed the flower beds I've worked so hard on, Severus." It was Madame Sprout's time to speak. "While this cat of yours turned months of hard labor into a salad bar in seconds!"
Snape fought back a yawn. As if he cared about the woman's flowers. The only way he liked them was dried, labeled and stocked in airtight jars.
"Not to mention that he almost threw me off my broo-"
But Madame Hooch never finished her sentence, for Gilderoy jumped in. "And what about my clothes? My exquisite, expensive robes? And my beauty brews? I'm reduced in wearing this ... this thing, while I have been without my eye serum for two nights! I swear I can feel the wrinkles forming!"
Snape's face dropped in his palm. Dumbledore rolled his eyes, while everyone in the room seemed to share the same feelings; although it was not clear if they sympathized with Gilderoy or the cat this time. Gingerhead jumped off Snape's lap and vanished among their feet.
"That little monster has been harassing my angel, Headmaster." It was Filch who spoke this time. "He has been after Mrs. Norris ever since he set his accursed paw on the Hogwarts' grounds."
McGonagall was shocked. "Your cat? That creature almost raped me, Argus. If you had let him have some fun with your cat, perhaps I would have been spared the humiliation."
The caretaker's jaw dropped. "Let him molest my angel? My innocent little girl?" A vicious smile dawned on his ugly face. "In truth, Professor, I think that the cat was doing you a favor."
"Excuse me?"
"Yes, Professor," Gilderoy was quick to reply. "The worst that could have happened to you was some much needed release of sexual tension. While my robes..." His words almost became sobs under everyone's shocked stares.
"Shut up, Gilderoy," spat Madame Hooch. "How can you even compare attempted rape with the loss of your ridiculous clothes?"
"Something else to ponder on," said Filch in a silky voice. "How do we know that the cat did not actually achieve his goal?"
"My robes, ridiculous?"
This was too hard for Snape to resist. "Yes, Minerva," he said in a velvety voice. "Do tell. Did the cat indeed fail in his attempt?"
"Severus Snape, how dare you suggest such a thing?" McGonagall's eyes flashed.
"The cat followed his natural instincts. It is only logical to assume that you would have followed yours."
Minerva's face was twisted by anger and shame. "You... You..." She fought to find a suitable reply, but none came to her mind. "Severus Snape, you are on detention!"
"Am I, now?"
Dumbledore attempted to calm things down. "Please, Minerva, I'm sure that Severus-"
"My robes, ridiculous?"
The Headmaster eyed Lockhart with clear irritation.
"Shut up, Gilderoy," hissed Hooch. "There are more important issues than your clothes here."
"And what would those be? The flower beds of a menopausal witch?"
Madame Sprout's face turned deeply red. Snape snickered. Well, well... I never thought that Lockhart had it in him. But Sprout saw his snicker and her anger targeted him instead of Gilderoy.
"This is all your doing, Severus," she yelled. "I have warned you," she growled as she reached for her wand.
Snape was quick to duck and her curse hit Hooch beside him, who in turn yelled in pain, as the poison ivy rush spread over her skin.
"Stupid witch! What's the use of carrying a wand if you cannot even aim?" And she cast her own curse. However, due to the uncontrollable itch, her aim was equally off target and huge red boils covered McGonagall's face.
"Order! There will be order, or you will all-" Dumbledore attempted to restore the peace and regain his authority, but he never completed his phrase. He hid under his desk just in time to avoid Lockhart's spell that incinerated the painting behind him.
For sometime mayhem continued inside the Headmaster's office. Nasty comments and various curses flew around, which eventually had nothing to do with the cat that triggered this. It was Filch' scream that momentarily ended the dispute.
"My angel! What is this monster doing to you?"
Snape leaned forward to see what was Gingerhead doing to Mrs. Norris. And he saw the huge ginger cat happily on top of an equally happy brown tabby, engaged in the ancient ritual of procreation.
Curses! This means more cats like this one! I'm doomed.
Is this the end of Hogwarts?
It seems as if we do not need the Dark Lord, after all. We are more than capable of finishing each other off without anyone's help.
Save for this of a certain cat, of course.