CHAPTER 3

The expression "one brick short of a load", like "one card short of a deck" or "one quart short of cranial fluid" does not usually mean that one is missing a card or brick or possibly brain juice, but that one is not all there, and that one is, in a sense, idiotic. However, in this historical account that I am typing furiously into my computer while crocodiles surround me in the Cordilian Crevasse, it does actually mean that one is missing a card or a brick or possibly brain juice.

When the siblings, now orphans, got off the helicopter and were told that they would have to stay with Mr. Snow for a few nights, they discovered that Mr. Snow was one card short of a full deck when they tried to amuse themselves by playing blackjack.

"Vivian, Mr. Snow is one card short of a full deck." Klyde said. Vivian answered:

"I know, Klyde, he is a bit silly, isn't he?"

"No, I'm serious, he is missing a card. I'm afraid we can't play." her brother replied. Mr. Snow walked into the room.

"Oh, that. No, I don't exactly play with a full deck," he said, "I play a different kind of card game. You just draw cards and when the deck runs out, you lose. It's very enjoyable, actually. Taking one card out just means the game goes faster."

"Headsa?" Sandra said.

"What my sister means is that those rules seem very strange. How can you possibly win?" Vivian quickly translated.

"It's simple," Mr. Snow answered, "you just stop drawing. I would think that you children would have been smart enough to figure that out. Oh, well, they just don't educate you like they used to. Why, in my day, they taught us how to spell every number in the dictionary."

"Dasde." Sandra said, which meant "but there are no numbers in the dictionary".

"Look at the time! It's high time you orphans went to sleep." Mr. Snow stated.

"But we've only just got here. And it's still light outside." protested Klyde, ignoring the comment about he and his siblings being orphans.

"Now, orphans, you must listen to me. After all, I am far more intelligent than you, and I know when you should go to bed. Now go."

"Yes, Mr. Snow." the Beausinclairs said miserably.

That night the children did not sleep well, as no one would after their parents have died in a terrible jet crash, except perhaps a few of my most vile enemies. They tossed and turned and wept thought about their loving parents. Soon ten, eleven, midnight came and went, and then one o' clock, and then two, and then they lost track of the time. Finally they fell asleep.

At about five in the morning there came a rap at the door.

"Open up, it's me." Mr. Snow yelled. Although the Beausinclairs did not want to open up because they were extremely tired and didn't particularly like Mr. Snow, they didn't have to. He just opened the door himself and said "It's time to get up and do your chores, orphans."

"Chores? We have to do chores? But were so tired." Klyde answered.

"Yes, you have to do chores, I'm afraid. Quickly now, get dressed." he replied. "I want you to load bricks onto wheelbarrows and then take them down to the mason. He lent me five dollars eleven years ago and this is my way of saying thank you."

"Yukiol." said Sandra.

"My sister says that it is silly to load bricks into a wheelbarrow and take them to the mason in repayment for five dollars that he lent to you eleven years ago, which he has probably forgotten about, and I agree with her." explained Vivian.

"Well, I disagree, and do you know why?" he asked the children, but he continued speaking instead of waiting for an answer. "Because the mason protests against child labour, and I whole heartedly support him. I also heard he was running low on cash to buy bricks, and I decided to be a good neighbour and lend him some, and, besides, I owe him."

"All right, Mr. Snow. How far away is the mason's house?" the children asked.

"It's up on the top of Higuty Hill. Now get up!" the siblings obeyed Mr. Snow, for what else could they do? When the Beausinclairs were dressed and ready, Mr. Snow led them outside, just when the sun was coming up.

"The bricks are over there." he said, pointing toward a pile of things that looked more like lampshades than bricks. "I have to go to work. The post office business these days is vigorous, you know. Ta ta." And then he drove away in his car.

"That's a relief. Mr. Snow is one brick short of a full load." Klyde said.

"Ichi." Sandra said, puzzled.

"Yes, Klyde, we know that he is absent minded, but why is that a relief?" Vivian said, just as puzzled as her sister.

"No, no. You misunderstood me. Seriously, he is missing a brick, just as he was missing a card." Klyde explained.

"Oh, Good. That means the load won't be as heavy." Vivian declared.

"Yatrud." Sandra said, which meant "let's get to work". The Beausinclairs loaded the bricks, one by one, into the wheelbarrow.

"Who will push the wheelbarrow first?" Klyde asked.

"I don't know. I guess I will. You can carry Sandra." his sister said.

"Nay." Sandra argued, meaning that she didn't want to be carried, she wanted to climb the hill, because she loved to climb.

"Okay." her brother agreed. They headed east for Higuty Hill, with Vivian pushing the wheelbarrow. It was a tricky and dangerous hill and it took them awhile to climb it, constantly alternating between who would push the wheelbarrow. By the time they had reached the top they were sweating profoundly, but they managed to get to the door of the mason's house. Klyde reached up and knocked on the door. In a moment, a weeping woman opened the door.

"Hello, children. What would you like?" she said tearfully. "Oh, who am I kidding, acting like nothings wrong? My husband, you see, he just, he just...passed away." she burst into tears.

"There, there, miss, it'll be all right." said Vivian, trying to comfort the complete stranger.

"We know how you feel. We just lost our parents in a terrible jet crash yesterday." Klyde said mournfully.

"Oh, I see. That's so sad." she said, and then she sobbed even louder. "My husband, he...he died because he was missing brain juice. The doctors told him that he was one quart short of cranial fluid, but he thought that they were insulting him." She started sobbing even louder than before.

"I can see why he made that mistake. I have made similar ones." Vivian assured her, and then glanced at Klyde.

"Oh, what are those for?" the woman gestured to the bricks, finding a break in her sobs.

"Well, they were for the mason, but I guess...well, you know. They're from Mr. Snow." Klyde said.

"I'll take them, children. Goodbye, I think I need some time to myself." The children all said "goodbye" in unison(except for Sandra, who said "fraguw", which meant the same thing). She took the bricks and shut the door.

When they got back to Mr. Snow's house, they heard what they then thought was exciting news.