Nurse Molly took her up to her room.
"Your roommate's in Group now, which you'll probably start attending soon. Lunch is at noon, dinners at 6, and lights out is at 10:30. If you need anything, you can go to the nurse's station down the hall," Nurse Molly told her in a flat voice. Ashley was a little hurt by this. She thought Nurse Molly might have cared about her, but she was obviously wrong.
There was absolutely nothing to do. Ashley decided she could use a nap, since she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. So she laid on her bed and drifted off. This proved to be a mistake. Her sleep was riddled with nightmares.
"Oh my God, Ashley. What did you do to yourself?" … "Why Ash, why did you do it?" … "I have to tell your parents" … the look on her parents face… the look on Toby's face… saying goodbye to Ellie and Marco…her parents crying…
Ashley woke up to a tall, super-thin stranger shaking her.
"Hey, hey, wake up. You're having a nightmare. You were crying in your sleep. What's wrong?" the stranger asked her.
"Nothing, just a nightmare, like you said. Who are you?"
"I'm guessing I'm your roommate, since you were sleeping here. My name is Lori. Who're you?"
"I'm Ashley."
"Are you sure you're okay? It looks like you haven't slept in days."
"I haven't slept for a while, but I'm okay. Just a stupid nightmare."
"Yeah, I understand," Lori said sympathetically. "I used to have those all the time. Mine were about being force-fed. In my nightmares, I was so fat, it was horrible. Everyone gets those nightmares. They'll go away, eventually."
"You're nightmares were about being fat? What's so terrible about that?"
"You've led a sheltered life, haven't you hon? I'm anorexic. My worst nightmare is getting fat. With every bite of food, I have myself convinced that I'll gain weight. And in my world, fat people aren't loved, they have no friends, and they waste oxygen."
"But that's not true!" Ashley said, thinking of Terri. Even though Terri had hurt her, Ashley still cared about her.
"Of course its not. I have plenty of friends who are overweight. I even know that most of my fears are unfounded. But I can't seem to convince myself that putting food in my mouth won't wreck my life."
"That's terrible!"
"Hey, I don't need your sympathy," Lori said angrily.
"S-sorry," Ashley said. She hadn't even realized she had said something wrong.
"Its okay," Lori said, chuckling. "I get a little defensive sometimes. Severe mood swings. Whatever."
"Ok, okay. Umm…" Ashley said, looking around the room.
"So, what are you here for?" Lori asked.
"I, um, I…"Ashley trailed off. She was still really ashamed of herself.
"Its okay if you don't want to tell me."
"No, it's just… I don't know. Its hard."
"Of course it is. If your problem was easy to talk about, you wouldn't be here."
"But you don't have a hard time talking about it."
"That's true. But I've also been here for two months."
"Two months!" Ashley exclaimed in disbelief. "But you're still so skinny! And two months is forever!"
"Nah, its not that long. You get used to being in here after a while. And yes, I'm still skinny. I just can't bring myself to eat like I should without being forced to."
"I'll just fake being better, and then I'll get out of here," Ashley said confidently.
"No you won't. Doctor Steve knows. I tried to fake having regular eating habits, but he knew. So I gave up faking, and went back to not eating. But he'll know if you're faking."
"No he won't. My problem isn't like yours. I can fake it. Besides, I don't even really have that much of a problem," Ashley told her, knowing it wasn't true. "I shouldn't even be here at all."
"Yeah? Well, what is it that isn't a problem?"
"I…I…I…" Ashley stuttered. "I cut myself." She said softly.
"Hon, that's a problem. Slicing up your skin is a problem. And it's a creepy problem."
"It is not creepy! What a horrible thing to say! It's totally normal. Its how I cope with stuff."
"Yeah, whatever. You hungry? Its lunch time, and I don't have anything better to do than go to the lunch room and stare at food I won't eat."
"Sure," Ashley said, letting Lori lead her to the lunchroom.
"Your roommate's in Group now, which you'll probably start attending soon. Lunch is at noon, dinners at 6, and lights out is at 10:30. If you need anything, you can go to the nurse's station down the hall," Nurse Molly told her in a flat voice. Ashley was a little hurt by this. She thought Nurse Molly might have cared about her, but she was obviously wrong.
There was absolutely nothing to do. Ashley decided she could use a nap, since she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. So she laid on her bed and drifted off. This proved to be a mistake. Her sleep was riddled with nightmares.
"Oh my God, Ashley. What did you do to yourself?" … "Why Ash, why did you do it?" … "I have to tell your parents" … the look on her parents face… the look on Toby's face… saying goodbye to Ellie and Marco…her parents crying…
Ashley woke up to a tall, super-thin stranger shaking her.
"Hey, hey, wake up. You're having a nightmare. You were crying in your sleep. What's wrong?" the stranger asked her.
"Nothing, just a nightmare, like you said. Who are you?"
"I'm guessing I'm your roommate, since you were sleeping here. My name is Lori. Who're you?"
"I'm Ashley."
"Are you sure you're okay? It looks like you haven't slept in days."
"I haven't slept for a while, but I'm okay. Just a stupid nightmare."
"Yeah, I understand," Lori said sympathetically. "I used to have those all the time. Mine were about being force-fed. In my nightmares, I was so fat, it was horrible. Everyone gets those nightmares. They'll go away, eventually."
"You're nightmares were about being fat? What's so terrible about that?"
"You've led a sheltered life, haven't you hon? I'm anorexic. My worst nightmare is getting fat. With every bite of food, I have myself convinced that I'll gain weight. And in my world, fat people aren't loved, they have no friends, and they waste oxygen."
"But that's not true!" Ashley said, thinking of Terri. Even though Terri had hurt her, Ashley still cared about her.
"Of course its not. I have plenty of friends who are overweight. I even know that most of my fears are unfounded. But I can't seem to convince myself that putting food in my mouth won't wreck my life."
"That's terrible!"
"Hey, I don't need your sympathy," Lori said angrily.
"S-sorry," Ashley said. She hadn't even realized she had said something wrong.
"Its okay," Lori said, chuckling. "I get a little defensive sometimes. Severe mood swings. Whatever."
"Ok, okay. Umm…" Ashley said, looking around the room.
"So, what are you here for?" Lori asked.
"I, um, I…"Ashley trailed off. She was still really ashamed of herself.
"Its okay if you don't want to tell me."
"No, it's just… I don't know. Its hard."
"Of course it is. If your problem was easy to talk about, you wouldn't be here."
"But you don't have a hard time talking about it."
"That's true. But I've also been here for two months."
"Two months!" Ashley exclaimed in disbelief. "But you're still so skinny! And two months is forever!"
"Nah, its not that long. You get used to being in here after a while. And yes, I'm still skinny. I just can't bring myself to eat like I should without being forced to."
"I'll just fake being better, and then I'll get out of here," Ashley said confidently.
"No you won't. Doctor Steve knows. I tried to fake having regular eating habits, but he knew. So I gave up faking, and went back to not eating. But he'll know if you're faking."
"No he won't. My problem isn't like yours. I can fake it. Besides, I don't even really have that much of a problem," Ashley told her, knowing it wasn't true. "I shouldn't even be here at all."
"Yeah? Well, what is it that isn't a problem?"
"I…I…I…" Ashley stuttered. "I cut myself." She said softly.
"Hon, that's a problem. Slicing up your skin is a problem. And it's a creepy problem."
"It is not creepy! What a horrible thing to say! It's totally normal. Its how I cope with stuff."
"Yeah, whatever. You hungry? Its lunch time, and I don't have anything better to do than go to the lunch room and stare at food I won't eat."
"Sure," Ashley said, letting Lori lead her to the lunchroom.