I got to my room, and sat on the bed. I didn't want to be there. I wanted nothing to do with this place. I wanted nothing more than to be at home.
"Nothing will make me feel better," I thought. "I'm a big stupid failure."
I laid there for a while, until I realized there was one thing that would make me feel better. I wanted to cut. I had to cut. But with what?
It only took me a little while to find something sharp enough to do the job. The clip on the clipboard of a medical chart in the room would do fine. I grabbed the chart, and easily broke the clip off. Knowing I might not have a lot of time until a nurse came in, I got right to it. Slice, slice, slice, all down my arms. Unlike with a razor, it took a little more effort to get blood, but it was worth it.
The blood trickled down my arms, and I started cutting my legs too. I spelled 'alone' on my right thigh. Its how I felt. I was so alone, and I couldn't stand it. My body might as well reflect my feelings.
The blood was all over the floor, and all over my bed's sheets. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't a huge lake or anything, but I did make a pretty good mess. Those sheets would never be the same.
I was lost in my own little world, watching the blood, until…
"Oh my God! Ashley, what the hell are you doing?!" Lori screamed at me, half hysterical. I guess I could understand why, I was bleeding a lot.
"Calm down," I told her. "I'm just fine." I stood up, and was going to go over to her to prove I was fine, but I fell backwards. My head was spinning. No, the room was spinning.
"Ashley? What's wrong?" Brad asked. He had followed Lori into the room.
"Nothing," I said, trying to make the room stop spinning.
"I'm calling the nurses," Lori said, pressing the call button at the side of my bed. A few minutes later, Nurse Molly headed in.
"Its so busy at the nurses' station. This had better be good, girls. I don't…" she trailed off, her face palling. "My God Ashley! What did you do?"
"Nothing, I'm fine." But Nurse Molly ran out of the room, and was back in with two doctors in under a minute. They introduced themselves, but the room was spinning so fast, and their words got softer and softer. The room was getting darker too.
"It would be good to sleep," I thought to myself before drifting off.
"Nothing will make me feel better," I thought. "I'm a big stupid failure."
I laid there for a while, until I realized there was one thing that would make me feel better. I wanted to cut. I had to cut. But with what?
It only took me a little while to find something sharp enough to do the job. The clip on the clipboard of a medical chart in the room would do fine. I grabbed the chart, and easily broke the clip off. Knowing I might not have a lot of time until a nurse came in, I got right to it. Slice, slice, slice, all down my arms. Unlike with a razor, it took a little more effort to get blood, but it was worth it.
The blood trickled down my arms, and I started cutting my legs too. I spelled 'alone' on my right thigh. Its how I felt. I was so alone, and I couldn't stand it. My body might as well reflect my feelings.
The blood was all over the floor, and all over my bed's sheets. Don't get me wrong; it wasn't a huge lake or anything, but I did make a pretty good mess. Those sheets would never be the same.
I was lost in my own little world, watching the blood, until…
"Oh my God! Ashley, what the hell are you doing?!" Lori screamed at me, half hysterical. I guess I could understand why, I was bleeding a lot.
"Calm down," I told her. "I'm just fine." I stood up, and was going to go over to her to prove I was fine, but I fell backwards. My head was spinning. No, the room was spinning.
"Ashley? What's wrong?" Brad asked. He had followed Lori into the room.
"Nothing," I said, trying to make the room stop spinning.
"I'm calling the nurses," Lori said, pressing the call button at the side of my bed. A few minutes later, Nurse Molly headed in.
"Its so busy at the nurses' station. This had better be good, girls. I don't…" she trailed off, her face palling. "My God Ashley! What did you do?"
"Nothing, I'm fine." But Nurse Molly ran out of the room, and was back in with two doctors in under a minute. They introduced themselves, but the room was spinning so fast, and their words got softer and softer. The room was getting darker too.
"It would be good to sleep," I thought to myself before drifting off.