On the way back down to the psych ward, I could tell Nurse Molly was fighting with herself whether or not to ask me something.
"Spit it out," I told her, sick of waiting.
"What do you mean?" she asked, poorly faking innocence.
"I can tell you want to ask me something. So just do it and get it over with."
"Well, yeah. I wanted to know…I was going to ask…Why do you do this to yourself?" she finally blurt out. "I can't understand why you would hurt yourself."
"It feels good. Maybe you make yourself feel better by crying, or eating a gallon of chocolate ice cream. I make myself feel better by cutting myself."
"But it's not the same. Ice cream and blood are two distinct things."
"Not in my mind they aren't. They both feel good. But for me, cutting feels much better."
"Hmmm," Nurse Molly said. I didn't say anything. I knew she wouldn't, couldn't get it right away. Even I didn't completely understand why I did what I did. I figured I'd give her some time to think about it. Moments later, we arrived in my room.
"In a half hour, you need to head down to Doctor Steve's office. Don't think you can get out of seeing him, because if you don't show up, I'll just come and get you. And don't think I'm just going to forget what you told me. I'll figure you out if it's the last thing I do," Nurse Molly told me quickly. And with that, she left the room.
"Maybe she isn't all bad," I thought to myself. "I could have met a worse nurse." Thinking back to my previous room, I realized I did. Nurse Cold-Heartless-Bitch. Nurse Molly was much better than she was.
I considered this for a while, and the half hour passed much too quickly. I hauled myself up from my bed, and headed down the hall. For a brief moment, I wondered why Lori wasn't in the room, but I forgot all about that when I walked into Doctor Steve's office.
"Spit it out," I told her, sick of waiting.
"What do you mean?" she asked, poorly faking innocence.
"I can tell you want to ask me something. So just do it and get it over with."
"Well, yeah. I wanted to know…I was going to ask…Why do you do this to yourself?" she finally blurt out. "I can't understand why you would hurt yourself."
"It feels good. Maybe you make yourself feel better by crying, or eating a gallon of chocolate ice cream. I make myself feel better by cutting myself."
"But it's not the same. Ice cream and blood are two distinct things."
"Not in my mind they aren't. They both feel good. But for me, cutting feels much better."
"Hmmm," Nurse Molly said. I didn't say anything. I knew she wouldn't, couldn't get it right away. Even I didn't completely understand why I did what I did. I figured I'd give her some time to think about it. Moments later, we arrived in my room.
"In a half hour, you need to head down to Doctor Steve's office. Don't think you can get out of seeing him, because if you don't show up, I'll just come and get you. And don't think I'm just going to forget what you told me. I'll figure you out if it's the last thing I do," Nurse Molly told me quickly. And with that, she left the room.
"Maybe she isn't all bad," I thought to myself. "I could have met a worse nurse." Thinking back to my previous room, I realized I did. Nurse Cold-Heartless-Bitch. Nurse Molly was much better than she was.
I considered this for a while, and the half hour passed much too quickly. I hauled myself up from my bed, and headed down the hall. For a brief moment, I wondered why Lori wasn't in the room, but I forgot all about that when I walked into Doctor Steve's office.