I am so sorry for the long wait! Things have been crazy in RL.
Thanks to Fran for looking over my chapters (any mistakes you see are my own), MrG and Me for her support, and to everyone who reads and reviews.
SM owns everything Twilight.
There's a moment of silence and stillness; no one speaks, no one moves; there is no sound. Edward and I are both frozen, staring at each other with surprised, wide eyes and mouths agape. Fleetingly, I wonder if they're okay because I didn't even hear them fall back down.
Were they thrown that far?
Or did they catch themselves?
I strain my ears, trying to hear them, but all I hear is silence. I'm tempted to touch the wall of snow around us, hoping it'll perhaps fall down and give me a clear view. But I remember I'm very underdressed and don't want to give them a peepshow.
"Are—"
Before I can ask anything, Edward bends at the waist as he erupts in laughter, his face scrunched up in amusement.
"It's not funny," I hiss. "Are they okay?"
He stands to his full height, low chortles rattling through his chest. "They're fine."
"How do you—"
"You're such a brat, Edward!" I hear James exclaim, his voice coming closer with each word. "Wait until you're not in some magic bubble. I'm gonna kick your ass."
Edward merely laughs in response, not at all bothered by the threat. "Sure, old man. We'll see."
James grumbles at his comment, muttering threats under his breath that have my back tensing and my teeth grinding together. Edward raises an eyebrow at my reaction, a small, cocky smirk on his lips. I roll my eyes and shoot him a lovely view of my middle finger, focusing on Victoria as she asks her own questions, ignoring James and Edward's taunts.
"What the hell happened? Did Bella do that?"
"Sorry," I mutter. "I have no damn clue what's going on."
"It's fine," she easily replies, her tone almost breezy-like. "Neither do we. What happened? And what are you in? Did you build an igloo or something?"
"We didn't build anything," Edward answers. "I think … this is Bella's doing."
"Ah," James replies as if this answers everything. "It must have been up for a while to amass this much snow, though. What were you doing that had you so distracted?" he asks, teasing.
Edward's response is a growled snarl, stepping toward the snow wall, seemingly forgetting it's there. As he steps through it, the snow around us shifts, falling to the ground in a low plunk of sound, revealing James and Victoria once more flying backward.
Their eyes are wide with surprise, but that might have more to do with the fact that Edward and I are practically naked, with scraps of clothing covering our bodies.
To my surprise, I notice a slight shimmer around us, casting a silvery golden glow in the rising sun. It shines like glitter, though it's more subtle and pretty than actual glitter.
It shimmies and sways somewhat, moving with every turn of my head.
It's breathtaking and alarming all at once, and I can't help but reach out and touch it, watching as it stretches with my hand, only to bounce back when I pull away.
Edward watches my movements with the same amount of rapt wonder, shaking his head slowly as he studiously looks on.
When the fascination wears off, I realize that without the cover of snow around us, we're exposed to anyone who might wander by—and we're half-naked.
I smack Edward's shoulder, glaring at him as he hisses, returning my glare with one of his own.
"What was that for?"
"Thanks for moving, genius. Now we can give everyone a show for free!"
His eyes darken as they roam down my body, his tongue slowly swiping across his bottom lip.
He hums in approval, his hands twitching in my direction as if he's going to grab me, but I shoot him a warning look, silently daring him to do it.
Before he can decide one way or another, I have backup.
"Keep it in your pants. Or what's left of them," James jokes, keeping his eyes at a respectable level when he winks at me.
Edward growls, stepping in front of me, blocking me from their view, prompting James to roll his eyes. He simply nods to the woman at his side.
"I have Victoria; I don't need anyone else."
Victoria smiles brightly, quickly kissing his cheek. "Damn right; besides, you wouldn't make it far without me."
"I know I wouldn't. Besides, you'd probably take a vital part of my anatomy with you."
She raises an eyebrow, her lips quirking as she tries to fight a smile. "Probably?"
"Definitely," he answers, looking a little afraid as he turns away from her slightly.
Edward doesn't look any better, but at least he seems a little more relaxed now.
When I move, however, he's right back to being tense and guarded, slightly turning so he can shield both of us from prying eyes.
"This is your fault. If you hadn't have moved, we'd still be covered in snow."
Edward huffs. "How was I supposed to know?"
"All right, lovebirds, let's not fight. What is this?"
"A shield, it looks like," Victoria murmurs, her eyes wandering around the surface of silvery gold.
"I figured, but how? It's strong; really strong for a newborn. Normally gifts like this take years to enhance and build. Hell, look at Kate. She could only zap people with her fingers when she first woke up. Now she can use it from head to toe. I didn't even realize hair could be used as a weapon," James says, shuddering.
"Bella's full of surprises," Edward murmurs, never taking his unblinking eyes away from me. "It comes out when she's upset, I've noticed. But it is uncontrolled. She can't easily pull it back as she can expand it."
James hums, his face thoughtful and intrigued. He looks so much like Carlisle, it's a little scary. "A defense mechanism, for sure. But protecting herself from her emotions and not a physical, outside threat? That's … new." He then turns to me. "What's troubling you, Bella?"
"I'm not upset or troubled … shut up, Edward," I defend, pointing a finger at him when he starts to speak. "I'm fine. It happens randomly. It's strange."
"I'm sure," James agrees, though he doesn't seem very convinced. However, he's trying to keep the peace in order to get us out of this bubble. "Well, you need to lower it; otherwise, you'll never get in the house. It's too crowded, and there are so many walls to send people flying through. The Denali's wouldn't appreciate a renovation. Can you try lowering it?"
I do a combination of a shrug and a shake of my head because I highly doubt putting this shield up was just as simple as imagining it go around me.
Then again, it did work when I was trapped inside my head.
"You did it before," Edward says, confirming my thoughts. "You can do it again. Just relax, and focus."
"What? You don't want to spend forever with me in a bubble?" I joke, trying to fight the panic rising within me.
The thought of lowering my shield unnerves me.
I had imagined it going up because I was tired of the weird feelings I had been having, and since putting it up, they had stayed at bay. Now, I'm afraid they'll come back if I take it down.
And then what?
What will I do? How can I handle these emotions if I don't know what's causing them? If I don't know what they are?
At the same time, I can't exactly stay inside this space forever, and I can't keep Edward with me, either.
We'd kill each other.
Right after we screwed each other again.
Of that, I'm definitely sure.
Edward doesn't answer me; he merely stares, silently willing me to try.
Focusing, I close my eyes and take a deep breath in through my nose and out of my mouth, picturing the iridescent glow grow brighter around us, like a sheer blanket. Taking another breath, I picture the top of it slowly coming down, inch by inch.
Something churns in my gut as I do so, and the feeling of overwhelming panic encompasses me. Suddenly, I see the glow snap back up when it's a quarter of the way down. The feeling of it startles me, and I gasp, stumbling backward half a step before righting myself.
Edward reaches for me, pulling me to his side. "Bella, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I reply, my words a little sharper than I intended. "I'm fine," I repeat, forcing my tone to be kinder.
The look he gives me is one of silent reprimand; he knows I'm lying, but he's refusing to call me out on it right now.
"Can you go get Eleazar and Carlisle? And a change of clothes, perhaps?" Edward requests, giving James and Victoria a pointed look.
"Definitely. I don't want to see your pasty ass any longer. Bella, I don't know what you see in him," James jokes.
"I do," Victoria replies with a wink as she turns and runs, laughter trailing behind her as James follows, playfully protesting against her words.
Similar to moments ago, silence settles around us, except Edward and I are alone this time.
"Bella," he starts, turning to me and folding his arms across his chest. "Talk to me."
His words are more of a demand than a request, which immediately pisses me off. My lips curl over my teeth as a low growl grits from my chest.
Edward stands by unflinchingly, silently waiting for me to be done.
"Talk to me," he says again, this time, his tone softer. "What's going on?"
Taking a deep breath, I force myself to calm down. "What do you mean?" I ask, faux innocence in my voice. "Nothing is wrong. I don't know how to bring it down."
The responding look is filled with barely concealed disbelief, understanding, and concern.
"It's okay to be upset—"
"I'm not upset," I interrupt, though I am kind of peeved by his assumption.
I'm not upset by any means; I'm overwhelmed for sure.
Since getting my upgrade, everything has been almost too much.
The lights—even natural light—are too bright for my new eyes.
Sounds are too loud.
Even touching things is a chore, considering no matter how gentle I think I touch something, it manages to tear anyway.
Add in this new ability I have, where I can put up a shield or make people do things without being aware of it; it's all a little overwhelming and awesome all at once.
I understand why they call new vampires newborns now; you have to learn almost everything over again, and it's frustratingly exhausting.
My respect for Edward has gone up since he shared his story of his first night as a vampire; I don't know how he managed hearing voices in his head, to boot.
At least things aren't that bad for me.
"Bella," he says, coming to stand in front of me. One of his hands settles on my hip while the other cups my cheek, his thumb gently brushing over my bottom lip. "It's okay to—"
"There's nothing to talk about," I interrupt again, resisting the urge to pull away and stomp my feet like a child.
I'm a little too old for tantrums, and besides, I'm afraid if I do that, I'll cause an earthquake somewhere.
"I'm fine, okay? Stop making it into something it's not."
Heavily, he sighs and looks as if he's going to speak again, but I turn away, not in the mood to talk about this right now. I walk forward a little bit, hearing a loud oof behind me.
Peeking over my shoulder, I see Edward on his knees, a confused scowl on his face as he glances at some invisible force behind him before looking at me.
A singular eyebrow raises in question as he slowly stands, brushing the snow from his knees.
"Bella?"
"What?"
"What was that?"
"I don't know. We're both on the same page here, Edward. I don't know what's going on, just like I'm not sure how to control it."
He hums, a knowing purse on his lips as he stares. "I think you know part of what's going on. I think we need to talk about a few things, baby."
"There's nothing to talk about." My reply is cool as I meet his stare. "Drop it."
"But there's something you're not saying," he persists. "There's a reason why your shield came out. Let's just talk—"
I throw my arms up in frustration as I release a combination of a huff and a growl, only for the breath to choke out of my lungs when Edward goes flying backward through the air.
Wide-eyed, I watch as he flips through the air, landing on one foot with the other knee bent on the ground, his hands scraping at the earth.
The look he gives me is a combination of astonishment, wonder, and a little bit of irritation.
"Bella," is all he says as he stands. Suddenly, he's projected forward and stumbles toward me.
Reaching out, I steady him, chuckling lightly.
"Walk much?"
"Bella," he repeats, his tone serious.
"You'll wear out my name," I sarcastically respond.
"Use your words."
My eyes narrow ever so slightly, but I plaster on a fake smile. I know what he wants, but I don't know how to say it, and until I do, I'm keeping it to myself. "Bite me, Edward."
Slowly, he releases a breath, his eyes roaming down my body. "Where?"
I shove his shoulder, and he grabs my hand, pulling me into his embrace. He holds me tightly, his lips against my temple. Allowing myself to relax, I fold into his arms, holding him just as tightly as he's holding me.
"Too tight," he grunts, and I immediately release him, ready to apologize until I see the playful grin on his face.
"You're an asshole."
"I couldn't help myself … although your grip was a little tight."
"Wait until you see what else it's tight on."
His eyebrows raise in surprise, his eyes glittering with teasing hope. "Promise?"
Making a noise of disgust, I push away from him, fighting his persistent hands that try to pull me closer.
"I was talking about this head," I say, flicking his forehead.
"Sure."
Shaking my head, I manage to extract myself from him, hearing the pounding of feet heading in our direction. Looking toward the sound, I see Carlisle, Eleazar, and Kate headed toward us.
"How do I get rid of this shield? Like I did before?" I ask, testing it by racing forward a few feet and glancing back at Edward.
He staggers forward as if some invisible force had pushed him and sends me a scathing look. "Can you not do that?"
I snicker. "Sorry."
"Sure," he mutters. "I imagine it would work the same. Did you picture anything when it covered us?"
I do a combination of a shrug and a shake of my head because I know if I answer truthfully, he'll just pester me again about talking.
I'll talk.
I just want to figure things out first.
The heat of his stare is heavy on my right side, but I ignore him, closing my eyes and focusing on the bubble I've trapped us in.
It shimmers and glows around us like a thin film, sparkling in the muted light.
As the footsteps grow closer, I see them perfectly in my head, their faces alight with amazement, curiosity, and intrigue.
I feel odd thinking they would look this way; I'm nothing special, and I'm sure they've seen other people do more extraordinary things.
Hell, Kate and Edward's ability—not to mention Alice's—are amazing.
I'm sure Eleazar has seen many greater talents, considering Edward told me his gift is seeing the gifts of others.
Still, those are the expressions I see in my head.
I guess I'll have to worry about my growing ego later.
I try to remain focused, concentrating on the shield around us, but my attention is drawn to the three vampires that have joined us.
In my head, I see all three of them walk around us in a circle, their expressions calculating and pensive as they study the surrounding bubble Edward, and I are in. Every so often, they'll exchange inquisitive looks before going back to their studying.
Constantly, I have to remind myself to stay focused; otherwise, Edward and I will be here for quite a while. I'm sure I could just imagine pushing him out, and while that would be great for some time alone, it's not an effective solution.
Besides, if I could toss people away without thinking about it, what would it do to the people and object around me?
As soon as the thought occurs, my mind jumps into overdrive.
If I learn to control my gifts, could I use them to block my senses and my newborn vampire rage?
Would it be possible to see my family sooner than what I think?
Could I return to my hometown to see my friends once more?
A shiver of excitement races through me at the idea. I need to get this under control and learn how to control it.
If I can, then perhaps things can go back to a somewhat normal state.
Muffled voices infiltrate my thoughts, and I try to focus on what they're saying and who they could be, but everything is muddled together in one long stream of worry and concern.
I make out my name every so often, but nothing more than apprehension coming from the people around me.
Why?
What's wrong?
My back stiffens at the thought of danger lurking nearby, and I command my eyes to open, but they remain closed as I picture the bubble around Edward and me, with the others standing nearby, glancing between themselves and us.
It's a strange view; like watching a film.
I can see myself standing, a porcelain statue with a strange ethereal beauty that takes me by surprise. Oddly, that same silvery golden shimmer that surrounds Edward and I seems to ripple outward from me in waves.
It's a beautiful sight, but as I continue to stare at myself, I feel a dull throbbing in the center of my head, growing in intensity.
Edward stands a good distance away, staring at me with equal parts wonder and concern. His lips are moving, but all I hear is a low hum of noise.
I focus on him, wanting to hear what he's saying, and just as I do, he doubles over, his hands cradled on each side of his head, his fingers twisting the roots of his hair.
Panic rushes through me, and I stop focusing on him; relief replaces alarm as he slowly stands.
Carlisle doesn't look any less relieved and reaches up toward the barrier between us. Edward furiously shakes his head, holding up his hands to stop him, but his father doesn't listen.
As soon as his hands touch the surface, he, Eleazar, and Kate go flying backward, their faces twisted in shock.
Edward rushes in front of me, delicately placing his hands on my shoulders with a fearful grimace, only relaxing when nothing happens.
I focus on his lips, trying to read what he's saying, but I can't make anything out. The harder I try, the more my head pounds.
Ever so slightly, I can feel myself start to sway, and if it wasn't for Edward tightening his grip, I'm sure I would fall into a heap on the ground.
"Bella, come back," I hear his muffled voice. "Come on. Open your eyes."
I fight like hell to follow his command, but all I can focus on is the throbbing in my head, painfully slicing through my skull and rendering me useless. It thunders throughout my system, keeping me frozen and still.
Edward's face morphs into extreme concern, his hands now shaking my shoulders as he tries to get me to open my eyes.
I see the others return on the outside of the bubble, frightened and troubled. I attempt to push back the pain, hoping if I do, I'll be able to hear what's being said.
Thankfully, it works.
A little too well.
In a rush of noise, everything is too loud.
The sound of snow crunching underneath feet sounds like a hundred people stepping on thousands of packing peanuts in a rush forward.
The birds high above sound as if they're right by my ear, screaming in agony.
The whispered voices of those around us, trying to make sense of what's happening, overlap into one unintelligible stream of raised voices.
It's too much.
Unable to take it, I fall to my knees as I loudly scream, but no sound escapes me.
It's all in my head.
Edward immediately follows, scooping me up in his arms and cradling me in his lap, his fingers working through my hair as he begins to whisper reassurances. One of his hands lightly taps my face as he begs me to open my eyes.
I wish I could speak, but like my eyes, my mouth won't open. I'm trapped inside myself, although it's strange how I can still see everything around me, almost as if I'm having an out-of-body experience.
If he hadn't heard me scream when I fell, then there's no chance of him hearing me unless I think at him, as I've done before, but I'm too fearful of harming Edward.
He had said it was like someone turned up static in his head, and that's something I don't want to happen again.
"What's going on?" Carlisle asks, inching forward, only to stop when Kate pulls his arm, warning him with a look to stop.
"I don't know," Edward answers, still tapping my cheeks. "She won't open her eyes … and she has this strange shimmer emanating from her."
"Is it harming you?"
Edward shakes his head. "No."
Relieved, I put all of my attention on the bubble around us, trying to push it down as well as keep the pain at bay. Nothing I do works; it starts to peel backward little by little before it snaps back in place.
"I think she's in pain," Edward continues, his fingers continuing their ministrations through my hair. "Whatever is going on, she's in pain. Carlisle, help!"
"Stay calm, son. It won't do any good to panic."
"I'm trying … but why is she in pain?"
"I'm not sure," Carlisle mutters, sounding helpless. "Can you hear her at all?"
"No. Nothing. But I know she's in pain, Dad. I can't explain it, but I know something isn't right; like when she wouldn't wake up from her transformation. There's something wrong. What if she gets stuck inside her head like before?"
"Bella," Eleazar says, his voice strong and commanding, yet there's an air of fear there too. "Just focus. Take a deep breath and focus on one thing at a time, okay? Block out everything else except one thing—"
"Is that wise?" Edward asks, interrupting. "How can she hear us if she blocks us out?"
"Because you're going to help her," Eleazar says with an air of patience needed for the frustrating man holding me.
"How?" Edward asks, perplexed.
"She's only going to focus on your voice and bringing down her shield. Talk her through it."
"Oh. And you'll think the instructions, so I'll know what I'm doing? I don't want to make her crush us or something."
"I doubt that—"
"This is Bella we're talking about," Edward interrupts again. "She's capable of almost anything. It wouldn't surprise me if she could open a portal to another dimension."
"Very true, she's a perplexing young woman," Eleazar says, amused.
"I didn't know perplexing meant pain in the ass."
I wish I could speak right now because I'd definitely tell him off for that comment.
Kate chuckles, shaking her head. "Watch yourself, lover boy. She can still hear you."
There's a series of snickers coming from our audience, but Edward doesn't pay them any mind; he's studiously staring at Eleazar as he calmly stands on the outside.
Taking a deep breath, Edward nods, bringing his lips to my ear.
"I know I have to talk your shield down, but I have to say this first; I wouldn't have you any other way, you know."
Again, I wish I could make some sort of sound because I know he's only saying that, so I won't kick his ass later.
Too bad for him; I'm going to do it anyway.
"And I'm not just saying it so you won't punish me later," he continues, much to my surprise.
How can he know what I'm thinking?
"Although, punishment might be fun," he teases, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear as he speaks.
"Edward," Carlisle scolds, though, from my strange third-person field of view, I can tell he's trying hard not to laugh. "Focus."
"Right, right. Sorry."
Edward takes in a deep breath, his arms tightening around me as he holds me closer; one hand making soothing circles on my shoulder.
"Just focus on me, Bella. You can't stay inside your head, okay? You need to come out; I need your sarcasm; otherwise, I'll go insane."
Internally, I snort at this because he's already there.
He's been there since I met him, and it's been a downhill slope since then.
Of course, if he were any other way, we probably wouldn't be here.
"Look at the shield around us," Edward continues softly, his fingers still caressing my shoulder. "Focus on the color, on the texture. What does it look like? Can you feel it?"
These questions are doing very little to help me; I can see the colors and the strange webbed-filmy texture of my "shield," but it continues to snap up like a rubber band whenever I get it down past a certain point.
I wish I could relay this, to let him know I have been trying, but there's no way to do that with me being rendered immobile and mute.
Too bad he can't come inside my head; that would be extremely helpful, but at the same time, it would be extremely weird, too.
I have enough trouble being inside my own head by myself, let alone someone else being in there with me.
Deciding I need to really focus; I concentrate on the silvery golden web surrounding us, picturing it slowly coming down like melted ice on a crisp fall day.
Edward releases a gasp, but I don't pay him any mind; I need to focus on getting this shield down; otherwise, I'll be an alert vegetable for the rest of my days, and that's not something I want.
I want to be able to control it easier, in hopes that I can return home quicker than I originally thought.
"Picturing it slowly sliding down," Edward says, his fingers lightly dragging down my arm. "Inch by inch. Go slowly and take your time lowering it. Just picture it melting—"
As I follow his directions, those feelings of unease and anxiety come flying back, threatening to envelop me completely. I still don't know what these emotions are from, but I didn't really try to analyze them, either.
I probably should, so I can get past it and move on, but now isn't the time.
The shimmering web around us wavers as the anxious emotions come flying back. The web threatens to snap back in place, but I hold firm, picturing it slowly gliding down.
A low grumble of a growl erupts from my chest as uneasiness settles within me, but there's also good news to go along with this; at my sides, my hands shake slightly, my fingers digging into the earth.
"That's good, Bella," Edward tells me, his voice full of elation. "Keep going; I know it's hard, but you can do it."
This process is going too slowly for my taste, and the longer I lay there, immobile, the longer these feelings of unease get stronger.
Where are these feelings coming from?
Why do I feel anxious? Upset? Angry?
I'm not mad about being turned into a vampire. Ultimately, it was my choice.
I vividly recall telling Edward to change me because there was no other option for me. Carlisle had said himself I wasn't getting better and probably wouldn't.
For him to say that is something huge. I knew if had felt that way, then there was truly nothing that could have been done to save my human life.
So, becoming a vampire was an easy choice.
No, there has to be something else. Obviously, there's some kind of malfunction in my brain from those days when I was trapped in my head.
Since I have clearly repeated history, that has to be the case.
Now, I just need to figure out how to stop it from happening again because if not, I'll be immobile for the rest of my eternal life.
"Bella, it's okay," Edward suddenly says, interrupting his mantra of coaching. "I know you have a lot of emotions right now, but it's okay; we'll work through them. I'll help you. I know—"
His break from coaching isn't helping my focus on lowering this shimmery web. The shield around us wavers and ripples, snapping upward slightly.
With another low growl, I tune Edward out and focus on repeating the words he had while concentrating.
Vaguely, I hear other voices join in, speaking over Edward, but I pay them no mind.
I imagine the silvery-golden web slam down toward the ground, disappearing into the Earth repeatedly.
I'm not sure how many times I picture this happening; I just keep repeating it until finally, I feel a jolt of electricity rush through me as the shield disappears and I'm able to move.
Jumping up with a snarl, I flip backward through the air, landing on my feet with one arm stretched away from my body, ready to defend.
Everyone is frozen still, their eyes regarding me with caution. Only Edward dares to move, shooting his father a look as he reaches toward him.
Slowly, Edward walks toward me, his face an indifferent mask, though I can see concern swimming in his dark eyes.
"You know, your dramatics are getting old," he says teasingly, reaching up to flick at my nose.
Batting his hand away, I huff. "It's not like I can help it, jerk."
"That remains to be seen."
"Bite me. By the way, you're a horrible coach. I had to tune you out because you couldn't stay focused."
Edward's eyes narrow. "Maybe you're just a terrible student."
"My ass! I have good grades; screw you very much."
"If you insist," he says with a shrug of his shoulders and a heavy sigh, as if something I've said is a burden.
It takes me a moment, but I figure out the meanings behind his words. "In your dreams."
The sound of someone clearing their throat subtlety reminds me we're not alone. I give our audience a smile and a wave, rolling my eyes when Edward steps in front of my barely clothed form protectively.
"It's not like they haven't already seen us by now, Edward."
"I'm not worried about me. I'm more covered."
"That's not the point. We're both half-naked. Get rid of your double standards and join us in this century."
Kate chuckles, handing over a pile of clothes from a bag dangling on her shoulder. "She's not wrong."
Edward ignores us, taking the clothes from her, murmuring our thanks. He hands me the clothes over his shoulder, keeping his perch in front of me.
Hurriedly, I toss the shirt over my head, wincing when I hear the delicate fabric of the yoga pants rip.
"Sorry," I mutter, coming to stand next to a now dressed Edward, who raises an eyebrow at me in question.
"What?"
"You care if people see me naked," he teases. "You must really like me."
"Eh. You have your moments."
He scowls, but it's quickly erased by curiosity as Carlisle and Eleazar step forward.
"I would ask how you are, but you're putting my son in his place, so you must be okay," Carlisle jokes, smiling warmly, though I do see a hint of tension around his eyes.
"Thanks, Dad."
"Someone needs to do it," is all he says, shrugging a shoulder, a hint of a smile playing on his lips before his expression turns serious. "Joking aside, Bella, how are you?"
I fight the urge to shuffle from side to side, all too aware of the four sets of eyes intently on me, awaiting my answer.
"I'm fine," I tell him, my tone a little sharper than I intend. I wince, guilt stabbing at my stomach immediately.
I begin to apologize, but Carlisle waves it off with an understanding smile. "It's fine, dear. I understand."
"Thanks," I lowly say, giving him a small smile.
"What happened, Bella?" Eleazar asks, his head cocked slightly to the side as he stares, his eyes slightly narrowed as he thinks. "What caused you to put your shield up?"
"Were you in danger?" Carlisle questions, his eyes quickly scanning the perimeter, his nostrils flaring as he takes a deep breath.
I follow his example but find no other new scents in the area.
Carlisle comes to this conclusion as well, his apprehensive expression morphing into one of confusion.
"No, there was no danger. I just—I don't know," I tell them, running a hand through my hair, roughly tugging through the knots I find. From the corner of my eye, I see Edward proudly smirk, but I ignore him. "I don't know. I have a lot on my mind."
Edward shoots me a disbelieving look, but I quickly change tactics.
"Look, whatever is going on with me, I'd like to get it under control. I want to practice with my shield or whatever it is."
Maybe if I can get control over my gift, then perhaps I can use it whatever way I want, like blocking my thirst and rage.
But first, I need to learn to control it and myself.
Everyone exchanges a worried look, and Edward shakes his head, reaching for my fingers, carefully extracting them from my hair.
It's probably a good thing because I think I could easily tear out my hair.
"Bella, you need to take time getting used to your new senses. You're a newborn; you have new senses and abilities you need to master and get used to before we start on anything like that."
"Really?" I sarcastically quip, an eyebrow raising in a challenge. "I hadn't noticed I became a vampire."
Edward glares, gently flicking the end of my nose. "You're being a brat. Knock it off."
He's right; I am being rather bitchy, and I nod in acknowledgment, but I'm not going to let this go.
"What if this happens again, though? It was like I was trapped inside my head, Edward. Except it was different this time," I confess, recalling how I had been able to see everything even though my eyes were closed.
"What was different?" Carlisle asks, eager and concerned all at once.
It's a strange mix of emotions that shouldn't go together, but he manages to pull it off.
It's easy to see the curious doctor inside of him; it's in the twinkle in his eye and the inquisitive leaning forward, as if he'll be able to hear what I say first. I know he wants to learn about everything new I've presented with my gift, and if it were any other person, I'd tell him to go screw himself because that's all he cares about.
However, that's not the case.
The other side I see of him, the father within him, fearful, worried and concerned, wondering new things I can do that might be able to hurt me or others.
That side of him, the paternal, is stronger and obviously evident in his expression.
"I could see everything … like a third party. I could see all of you, myself … but I couldn't move. I couldn't speak; I couldn't even think at Edward to help me. I was … trapped, even though I could hear you, I couldn't respond in any way."
With my statement, it's even more clear how much he cares for me.
The expression on his face reminds me of my own father, looking helpless when Rose and Jasper first came to live with us after my aunt and uncle died.
And after, when I had nightmares when I was younger and cried because of the invisible monsters that lived in my head.
He didn't know what to do or what to say to make things better, and it's the same expression Carlisle has now.
Edward slides an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side, his lips pressed against my temple.
"I can't go through that again, Edward." I look up at him before turning to the others. "I want to do this; I need to. I can't have that experience again. What if it happens when there's real danger? I'll—"
"With your shield, no one would be able to touch you," Edward interrupts, his features darkening into someone—something—I had seen before. The vampire within him. "And they certainly wouldn't with me around."
"That's not the point," I respond, slightly annoyed. "I need to be in control, Edward. What if I can't get out of my head next time? What if I remain trapped?"
"That won't happen."
"We don't know that," I argue.
Carlisle clears his throat, exchanging a quick look with Kate and Eleazar. "Bella is right, son. She at least needs to learn the fundamental basics of her gifts so this doesn't happen again. She needs to learn how to raise and lower it. Everything else can come later."
"That's not a good—"
"Great!" I interrupt, looking expectantly at the group before me. "We'll start soon. Tomorrow, maybe? No, tonight would be better. As soon we get back to the house, in fact."
Everyone exchanges a glance before Carlisle speaks. "Perhaps we should take a day or two to map out a plan, Bella. Plus, you should talk to your cousins and your father. They've missed you terribly while you were changing."
A pang of sorrow hits me heavily.
My family.
My parents.
Jasper.
Rose.
She would be the first one I'd tell about what happened with Edward, not because I wanted to gossip or because I wanted advice, but she's the only person who would understand.
Not only is she the closest female in my life I can somewhat relate to, but who else would understand vampire boyfriends other than her?
But can I talk to her without breaking down? Can I pretend everything is okay and constantly field off her questions on when I can return?
I might, but not for long.
I need to come up with another plan for talking to them. I need to focus a good chunk of my never-ending time on coming up with a solution.
Until then, I need tofocus on my shield. Maybe that's the key to going back home sooner.
"Sure," I reply dismissively. "But, it's early there. So, when do we start training?"
I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I will try my best to get the next update to you all very soon. RL is just difficult right now.
Stay safe, friends! I'll see you next time!