Ashley walked nervously into her hospital room. She was hoping to be alone, but Lori was in there, reading a book.
"Hey," Lori said softly, putting down her book. "I'm sorry, okay? I really am."
"Okay, its okay really. I mean, um, I guess, I'm really the one who should say I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to be treated like dirt. You were nice to me when I got here, and you introduced me to all your friends. I should have been grateful."
"Nah. I treated you like a five year old when you got here, because I wanted to be the superior one. I wanted to be able to look down on you. But I can't. You're really something, you know that Ashley?"
"Call me Ash. And what do you mean?"
"You stayed down by that stairwell. You beat Doctor Steve. You fought against him, and you won."
"I didn't win. I slept in a stairwell, and I still don't get to see my friends."
"But he conceded to you. He let you win. Even if it was only for a second, the balance of power shifted from him to you. I waited up for you last night, figuring you couldn't beat him. I was wrong."
"Well, I don't recommend sleeping in a stairwell. The bed's are warmer."
"So, no friend visits yet?"
"Nope."
"I don't get to see my friends either. I have to eat for that to happen."
"Why can't you just eat?"
"Why can't you just not cut?"
"Why are you so stubborn?"
"Why are you so persistent?"
"What's Group anyways?" I asked her.
"A group of people get together and talk about why we're so screwed up. Its usually just a contest to see whose life is the most messed up. I usually win, but I'm getting sick of it. I don't know how much longer I want to be the sickest."
"You know, you could just try to eat. I saw you at lunch before. You don't try, do you?"
"Of course not. What if I fail? Then I'll look stupid in front of everyone!"
"Well, its lunchtime. So I guess we'll find out now."
"No way, Ash. I'm not eating."
"Then you'll stare at the food with me. But you're going to try. Even if it kills me."
"It won't kill you. But what if I get fat?"
"Come on Lori. How often do anorexics get fat anyways?"
"Fine, you win. For now. I'll go to lunch with you."
We headed down to lunch together, and got our trays. We sat down, and right away Lori started to pick at her food. Like it was alive or something, and she wanted to make sure it was really dead.
"Knock it off. Either eat at it, or stare at it, but don't pick at it like you're afraid it'll move. It is dead, trust me."
Lori laughed, but it was tense.
"Relax Lori. Even if you don't eat today, at least you'll have really tried. Give the roll a try. Its not bad with a little butter on it."
"Butter?" Lori spat out the word like it was a swear.
"Yes Lori, butter. You know, a dairy product commonly put on food to give it flavor." It was getting hard for me to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
"Hey ya big jerk. I'm working on it okay."
And she was. Lori was actually putting a little butter on the roll. I was impressed. But she was really terrified. She was sweating and she kept staring at the roll. I knew when to stop pushing her. Now would be a good time. I also knew I shouldn't stare at her, so I focused really intently on my food. The meatloaf was fascinating.
"Why aren't you eating," Lori asked me a minute later. I looked up, and couldn't find the roll.
"You ate it all!"
"That's not a very good reason not to eat," she said, laughing.
"Fine, fine. Talk about getting on someone's case," I replied.
"So, what do you say we play a game?" Lori asked.
"Game? Huh? Weren't we eating?"
"Yes yes, it has to do with eating. Sort of. Want to play?"
"This sounds awfully suspicious. But, um, okay. Sure."
"I will eat my entire piece of chocolate cake if you don't cut for two days."
"Two days? I don't know…"
"Fine, the rest of today, and all of tomorrow. That's only one and three quarter days."
"Chocolate cake for not cutting? I'll call it a deal if you eat a bite of meatloaf too. That's stuff's awful."
"Well, okay. It's a deal."
We started eating again, not talking much. Lori was really struggling with finishing all the food she promised me she would. She made it halfway through her cake, and was just about in tears.
"Ash, I can't do this!" she finally cried to me.
"Relax Lori, and don't cry. You'll get saltwater on your cake. You know, if you don't finish, its not a big deal."
"But I don't want you to cut anymore. I thought if I could do this, I could fix everything."
"Come on Lori, you don't honestly believe that. Besides, its only lunch. You still have dinner to try again. Now come on, we'll go put the trays away. You don't have to eat anymore."
Lori and I got up, and headed over to put our trays away. We headed over to our rooms, with an hour to kill. We had taken forever to eat (well, Lori took forever to eat) and we had to be at Group at four.
"Hey," Lori said softly, putting down her book. "I'm sorry, okay? I really am."
"Okay, its okay really. I mean, um, I guess, I'm really the one who should say I'm sorry. You didn't deserve to be treated like dirt. You were nice to me when I got here, and you introduced me to all your friends. I should have been grateful."
"Nah. I treated you like a five year old when you got here, because I wanted to be the superior one. I wanted to be able to look down on you. But I can't. You're really something, you know that Ashley?"
"Call me Ash. And what do you mean?"
"You stayed down by that stairwell. You beat Doctor Steve. You fought against him, and you won."
"I didn't win. I slept in a stairwell, and I still don't get to see my friends."
"But he conceded to you. He let you win. Even if it was only for a second, the balance of power shifted from him to you. I waited up for you last night, figuring you couldn't beat him. I was wrong."
"Well, I don't recommend sleeping in a stairwell. The bed's are warmer."
"So, no friend visits yet?"
"Nope."
"I don't get to see my friends either. I have to eat for that to happen."
"Why can't you just eat?"
"Why can't you just not cut?"
"Why are you so stubborn?"
"Why are you so persistent?"
"What's Group anyways?" I asked her.
"A group of people get together and talk about why we're so screwed up. Its usually just a contest to see whose life is the most messed up. I usually win, but I'm getting sick of it. I don't know how much longer I want to be the sickest."
"You know, you could just try to eat. I saw you at lunch before. You don't try, do you?"
"Of course not. What if I fail? Then I'll look stupid in front of everyone!"
"Well, its lunchtime. So I guess we'll find out now."
"No way, Ash. I'm not eating."
"Then you'll stare at the food with me. But you're going to try. Even if it kills me."
"It won't kill you. But what if I get fat?"
"Come on Lori. How often do anorexics get fat anyways?"
"Fine, you win. For now. I'll go to lunch with you."
We headed down to lunch together, and got our trays. We sat down, and right away Lori started to pick at her food. Like it was alive or something, and she wanted to make sure it was really dead.
"Knock it off. Either eat at it, or stare at it, but don't pick at it like you're afraid it'll move. It is dead, trust me."
Lori laughed, but it was tense.
"Relax Lori. Even if you don't eat today, at least you'll have really tried. Give the roll a try. Its not bad with a little butter on it."
"Butter?" Lori spat out the word like it was a swear.
"Yes Lori, butter. You know, a dairy product commonly put on food to give it flavor." It was getting hard for me to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
"Hey ya big jerk. I'm working on it okay."
And she was. Lori was actually putting a little butter on the roll. I was impressed. But she was really terrified. She was sweating and she kept staring at the roll. I knew when to stop pushing her. Now would be a good time. I also knew I shouldn't stare at her, so I focused really intently on my food. The meatloaf was fascinating.
"Why aren't you eating," Lori asked me a minute later. I looked up, and couldn't find the roll.
"You ate it all!"
"That's not a very good reason not to eat," she said, laughing.
"Fine, fine. Talk about getting on someone's case," I replied.
"So, what do you say we play a game?" Lori asked.
"Game? Huh? Weren't we eating?"
"Yes yes, it has to do with eating. Sort of. Want to play?"
"This sounds awfully suspicious. But, um, okay. Sure."
"I will eat my entire piece of chocolate cake if you don't cut for two days."
"Two days? I don't know…"
"Fine, the rest of today, and all of tomorrow. That's only one and three quarter days."
"Chocolate cake for not cutting? I'll call it a deal if you eat a bite of meatloaf too. That's stuff's awful."
"Well, okay. It's a deal."
We started eating again, not talking much. Lori was really struggling with finishing all the food she promised me she would. She made it halfway through her cake, and was just about in tears.
"Ash, I can't do this!" she finally cried to me.
"Relax Lori, and don't cry. You'll get saltwater on your cake. You know, if you don't finish, its not a big deal."
"But I don't want you to cut anymore. I thought if I could do this, I could fix everything."
"Come on Lori, you don't honestly believe that. Besides, its only lunch. You still have dinner to try again. Now come on, we'll go put the trays away. You don't have to eat anymore."
Lori and I got up, and headed over to put our trays away. We headed over to our rooms, with an hour to kill. We had taken forever to eat (well, Lori took forever to eat) and we had to be at Group at four.