I didn't think I'd really be able to do it. I kept dialing almost all the numbers in Ellie's phone number, but I'd always hang up a few numbers short. Finally Lori got irritated with me.
"What are you doing? Either call someone or don't, but you can't keep dialing 5 numbers over and over."
"Jerk. I'm trying," I replied.
"Does this conversation sound familiar?"
"Yeah, I think we had it when you were trying to eat, only reversed. Or something."
"Anyway, my statement still holds. Call or don't, but pick one. Besides, its 8:30, and pretty soon it'll be too late to call anyone."
I picked up the phone again. Dialed, 5 numbers, then six I paused for a while before the seventh, and quickly dialed. It was ringing! I almost hung up again, but Lori gave me a dirty look, and so I stayed on the phone.
"Hello?" Ellie said.
"Hi!" I responded.
"Ash? How are you? You're not calling to tell me that I can't come tomorrow, are you? Because Marco and I are so excited!"
"No, I've got a different reason for calling. But before I explain, I want to tell you that you can still come."
"Ok, so what's up?" she said.
"Um, well, I've been cutting again. Only a little on my legs." I lied through my teeth.
Lori caught me though. "A lot!" she called to Ellie.
"Ash, why?! I thought you were doing better!"
"I am, honest. But that's kind of the reason I'm calling. I think I figured out why I started again."
"Why?"
"Well, to be honest, I really don't want to get into that. But I do want to tell you one thing."
"What's that?" she asked, nervously.
"It isn't your fault, it never has been your fault, and it never will be your fault. Everything I did, I did to myself. Sure, I could blame my problems on lots of people, but that wouldn't be fair. Anytime I wanted, I could have asked for help, but I didn't. You did the only thing you could, and it was the right thing to do." I stopped. It was silent for a while.
"My, isn't this awkward?" I said, to the silence.
"How did you know I was blaming myself?" she asked, quietly.
"I heard you in the car."
"You really mean what you said? You don't blame me?"
"Of course not!" I said, vehemently. "Ellie, I have to take responsibility for my own actions. Its no one's fault but my own."
"Thanks Ash."
"Belch, enough of this touching crap. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yes! And… Marco and I have some surprises for you! Hey, was that your roommate yelling earlier?"
"Yeah, her name is Lori, the big tattletelling jerk."
"She seems cool. Ask her if she wants to join us, if that's okay!"
"Yeah, I will! I bet she'd like to come."
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow at 2!"
"Bye."
I turned to Lori. "Happy now, tattletale?" I asked.
"Yes. So, you have visitors tomorrow?"
"Yeah, want to come hang with us?"
"Seriously? Yeah! Definitely!"
"Great. Anyway, I'm going to bed so I'm not dead tired in the morning. Goodnight."
"'Night Ash."
"What are you doing? Either call someone or don't, but you can't keep dialing 5 numbers over and over."
"Jerk. I'm trying," I replied.
"Does this conversation sound familiar?"
"Yeah, I think we had it when you were trying to eat, only reversed. Or something."
"Anyway, my statement still holds. Call or don't, but pick one. Besides, its 8:30, and pretty soon it'll be too late to call anyone."
I picked up the phone again. Dialed, 5 numbers, then six I paused for a while before the seventh, and quickly dialed. It was ringing! I almost hung up again, but Lori gave me a dirty look, and so I stayed on the phone.
"Hello?" Ellie said.
"Hi!" I responded.
"Ash? How are you? You're not calling to tell me that I can't come tomorrow, are you? Because Marco and I are so excited!"
"No, I've got a different reason for calling. But before I explain, I want to tell you that you can still come."
"Ok, so what's up?" she said.
"Um, well, I've been cutting again. Only a little on my legs." I lied through my teeth.
Lori caught me though. "A lot!" she called to Ellie.
"Ash, why?! I thought you were doing better!"
"I am, honest. But that's kind of the reason I'm calling. I think I figured out why I started again."
"Why?"
"Well, to be honest, I really don't want to get into that. But I do want to tell you one thing."
"What's that?" she asked, nervously.
"It isn't your fault, it never has been your fault, and it never will be your fault. Everything I did, I did to myself. Sure, I could blame my problems on lots of people, but that wouldn't be fair. Anytime I wanted, I could have asked for help, but I didn't. You did the only thing you could, and it was the right thing to do." I stopped. It was silent for a while.
"My, isn't this awkward?" I said, to the silence.
"How did you know I was blaming myself?" she asked, quietly.
"I heard you in the car."
"You really mean what you said? You don't blame me?"
"Of course not!" I said, vehemently. "Ellie, I have to take responsibility for my own actions. Its no one's fault but my own."
"Thanks Ash."
"Belch, enough of this touching crap. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
"Yes! And… Marco and I have some surprises for you! Hey, was that your roommate yelling earlier?"
"Yeah, her name is Lori, the big tattletelling jerk."
"She seems cool. Ask her if she wants to join us, if that's okay!"
"Yeah, I will! I bet she'd like to come."
"Ok, I'll see you tomorrow at 2!"
"Bye."
I turned to Lori. "Happy now, tattletale?" I asked.
"Yes. So, you have visitors tomorrow?"
"Yeah, want to come hang with us?"
"Seriously? Yeah! Definitely!"
"Great. Anyway, I'm going to bed so I'm not dead tired in the morning. Goodnight."
"'Night Ash."