Chapter Two: Round Two
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Disclaimer: I don't even remotely own anything or anyone that has to do with Zelda. Draken and Chibi Planeteria are real/based on real people, so you can't use them. :P And OracleVortex is me, so you can't steal me either…unless you're Sheik, or you ask first. ;)
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It's late afternoon, the sun is already heading for sunset, and the coffee in the machine is long cold. OracleVortex, one who isn't a morning person and hates coffee, finds it all good. "Beautiful." She says, pulling a remote out of her pocket. Pressing the channel change buttons, she is suddenly on the set of H.O.T., dressed in a navy polo shirt, grey pants and a red bandana. A Canadian flag is tattooed on her right arm—washable style.
OV presses the blue button on her remote. Ruto, Rauru, Link, Zelda and Sheik appear. Sheik grins at her. She grins back.
Ruto: Hi.
Zelda: Hello.
Link: Why so late?
Rauru: {Yawns} Why so early?
Sheik: {Winks} Sleep well?
There's a bright puff of pink/violet smoke, and another girl appears. She has rainbow hair pulled into two pigtails. A tail flickers in and out of view, and a set of pure white wings flutter from behind her shoulders.
Chibi Planeteria: Did I miss anything?
Ruto: We haven't even started yet.
OV concentrates for a moment, and an audience blinks into existence. The Judges walk in; take their place and wave at everyone.
OV: I think I'm missing someone… {Snaps her fingers} Oh!
She presses the green button on her remote.
Random Person: OH NO!! NOT THE GREEN BUTTON!!! THAT SUMMONS ORACLEVORTEX'S WIERD FRIENDS!!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!
CP: Shut up! That's what you said last time! {Hits the person}
Random Person: Ow…
A green vortex appears, swirling and yet at the same time, silent. It gurgles for a moment, but then spits out a person and vanishes. The dude stands up. It's Draken, and he's dressed all in green this time. The hippie shirt is nowhere to be seen. Oh well.
Draken: {Looking sick} Can I get a trailer on set? Going through the vortex all the time makes me queasy.
OV: Hmm…that's something worth considering…but it'll cost money…
Draken: You're the writer! Imagine it!
OV: Yeah, but I'd have to keep on imagining it, or else it'll disappear!
Draken: Oh…then write it.
OV: … I'll think about it. Now let's start the show by recapping!
{Crowd cheers and loud and lame music plays in the background. It booms out a game show reel, and then yells the name of the show. When it finishes, the crowd stops cheering.}
Draken: The points are as follows: Sheik is in the lead with 30 points
OV: YEAH!!
Draken: Chibi Planeteria is second with fifteen points
CP: {To all but Sheik} IN YOUR FACE!
Draken: Ruto, Zelda and Link are tied in third with ten points apiece, and Rauru is in last with zero.
Rauru: {Pouts}
OV: Thank you Draken, and let's get to the first of the second round questions! We will give you a description and you must buzz in and give us the name of what we are describing. Everyone got that?
{All six players nod vigorously}
OV: Okay, first Description: I have pointed ears, a big sword and I wear blue. Who am I?
CP: BEEP! Inu-Yasha!
OV: Well, it could be, but I don't think he wears blue. Nope.
CP: Darn it.
Link: Beep. Who is me?
OV: That, my friend, is bad English. Besides, you're wrong.
Sheik: Beep. The answer is Link.
OV: Correct! Ten points to Sheik!
Link: What? But that's what I said! And he didn't answer in the form of a question!
Draken: Oh. You don't have to answer in the form of a question anymore.
Link: Since when?!
OV: Since the judges decided it was getting too confusing. Right?
{All three judges nod, smiles on their faces.}
Judge #1: Sorry.
Judge #2: I guess you missed the memo.
Judge #3: {scratching her head} I thought that you got it…
Link: There was a memo?!?
Rauru: {Snaps his fingers} that reminds me. Link, I borrowed your fax the other day. When do you want it back?
Link: {Looking to the sky} Farore…they're all out to get me…
Farore: Yes. They are.
{Everyone looks up at the sky. All they see is clouds and those annoying raven things.}
Ruto: That was out of the ordinary.
OV: That was randomness. {Smiles}
Draken: Oooookay…description two. Scratch my head, I turn all red, scratch my back I turn all black. Throw a bomb at me and I die. What am I?
Ruto: Beep. Um… a match?
OV: Only in my reality. This is a Zelda thing, here, remember?
Rauru: Beep! It's a Flare Dancer.
Draken: {Looks at his cue card in amazement} You're…right!
{Everyone turns to look at the old man}
Rauru: What? I use to know one, okay?!
OV: Um… ten points to Rauru… Description three: Patta, patta, boom, boom, boom. The beat is loud when you enter my room. Who am I?
CP: Beep! It's Se—
OV clamps a hand over CP's mouth. "If you're going to use real people, then make up a name for them." She let CP go, returning back to the newly created announcers stand. CP gives her a quirky look, but thinks for a moment.
CP: Oh! Is it Freak on a Leash?
OV: {eye twitches} BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Freak on a Leash! {Wipes away a tear} Ah…that's great. No. It's not. Nice guess.
CP: It could be him, tho!
OV: I know, but that's not the answer. Heh…you get five points for that answer.
Everyone else: What?! Judges!
Judges discuss for a moment. "She gets to keep the points!" All the other players mumble and grumble, but they can't argue with the judges. Nobody can argue with the judges. No one. NO ONE!
Draken: O.o;; Anyone else?
Link: Beep. It's Bongo-Bongo.
OV: Oh, is it?
Link: Yes.
OV: And how do you know that?
Link: {Stares at her} Um…I fought him? Remember?
OV: {Reluctantly} Fine…
Draken: Ten points for a correct answer. Final description: Stubborn as a fool, pretty as a mule, powerful and has a dorky name, Sheik's suffering is his to blame? {Looks at OV} What kind of description is this?
OV: {Sternly} Don't argue with the cue cards, okay?
Draken: (sighs) Fine…
Sheik: Beep. Is it Link?
Link: Excuse me!
(Everyone edges away from him)
Link: {Exasperated} THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! How is that me?
Sheik: {Smirking} Think a little.
Link: {Suspious tone} Hey…are you insulting me?
Sheik: No shit Sherlock.
Zelda: {Shocked} Sheik! Watch your language! {Gives him The Look}
Sheik: {Meekly} Sorry Zel. I didn't mean it. {pauses} Wait…yes I did…
Link: {Growls}
OV: ^__^;;; Does anyone know the answer? This is a fifteen pointer.
Ruto: Ooh! Beep! {Waves a fin in the air}
Draken: Yes?
Ruto: It's Ganondorf.
Draken: Yes. Fifteen points.
OV: We would, however, prefer that you call him by his proper name.
Ruto: Proper name?
OV: Yes. GanonDORK. It was his nickname in high school.
Everyone bursts out laughing. Even CP, who doesn't know what the heck is going on, is giggling. Soon, Ruto and Rauru pass out from lack of air, and Link starts to choke. Zelda, chortling all the while, tries to get him to breathe properly again, but cannot stop laughing to do so. Sheik, being the responsible one, whips out a cell phone and dials 1-2-3, the Hylian Hospital. Within minutes, two white horses come in, a stretcher between them. They load Link, Ruto, Zelda and Rauru into it and gallop away.
Draken: Well.
CP: This means that we aren't playing anymore, today, are we?
OV: I guess not. Oh well. {Turns to audience} Thank you for tuning in! We'll see you next time on…
Draken/OV/CP: HOT: Heroes Of Time!
Sheik: Thank you and good night!
Draken: So…are you going to spring for a trailer?
OV: {Taps the side of her chin with a pencil} You know what, I'm going to do better. {Waves her hands at the set.} There ya go!
The set has changed into an exclusive Hylian Resort, with the words, "Cucco and fries-$2" flashing in the window of the restaurant. There is a swimming pool, complete with Zoras, and many large rooms scattered all over the place. Everything is done in a gentle green décor.
Draken: {Raises an eyebrow} Nice.
OV:{Bows} Thank you. {Offers an arm to Sheik} Shall we?
Sheik: {Smiles} Sure.
The last thing that you see is Draken, OV and Sheik walking into the resort. CP blips away, via her authoress powers, and the audience vanishes without OV's imagination to uphold them.
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There. Round Two is finished. Get ready for round three: Lightning round!!
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