HOT: Final Round
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Ain't that sad?
::squeals in delight:: The person who Draken is based on, one of my bestest friends, just got his license at the beginning of the summer! He can friggin' drive!! YEAH! He can drive me around!
Draken: Gimme gas money.
Me: Um… *empty pockets* Well…
Draken: No deal. ::drives away::
Me: Aw, crap.
Lol. I'm so happy for him! ::applause::
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It's hot. Sweltering. Absolutely and completely devastatingly scorching. OV is floating in the pool of the Hylian Resort, Draken paddling about in a tire tube not too far away. There are many discarded bottles of Chateau Romani littering the ground around the pool. Link is conked out at the beach table, a half-empty bottle in hand. Zelda and Sheik are snoozing in near-by lawn chairs, and Ruto is face first in the grass. CP dives off the diving board and into the pool.
OV: Well. That was a great party.
Draken: You really didn't have to throw me a "Yay-you-can-drive" party.
OV: Meh.
Draken: I mean, really…
CP: Quit complaining. I didn't get one.
OV: You don't have your license yet!
CP: But I could! I've been able to take the test for longer than he has!
Draken: Then why not go get yours?
CP: {drifts away} Nah. Too lazy.
OV/Draken: Oy…
OV: {Gets out of the water} Well. I think it's time for some more gameshowness.
Draken: {falls through the tire tube, then comes back up} But I was going to go and play some more Wind Walker…
OV: Didn't you finish that?
Draken: Oh, eons ago. I started a new game, though. I need something to do until Soul Calibur ll comes out.
Link: {stirs} Ah'm in that… {Goes back to sleep}
CP: Come on! What we need is a rousing game of HOT!! Besides…I need points.
Draken: Fine…fine…
{Ten minutes later, all the players are all behind their podiums and waiting for the opening titles.}
Audience: H_O_T: HEROES OF TIME!!
OV: Welcome back everyone!! This time we are going to try and get this round done in two months or less!
Audience: {cheers}
Draken: Also, this is the final round….
Audience: Awww…
OV: I know, I know… so the points will be double!
Contestants: Yeah!
OV: All right. This is the superhero round. Points will be given to those who can give correct answers to the questions.
Draken: Speaking of points, there are points still to be awarded from last round. Sheik gets only eight points for completing two of his three tasks correctly.
Sheik: {Grumbles} How was I supposed to know how to 'get down tonight'?
Draken: Ah…right. Anyway, Zelda is awarded five points for clapping her hands, and another five for actually fighting, for once in her life.
Zelda: What's that supposed to mean?
OV: Nothing...nothing.
Draken: Ten points are awarded to Link, for being the prize of the day, and for being awarded to Ruto and still managing to survive.
Ruto: {Flutters her fins at Link}
Link: {Pretends he didn't see, looking the other way.} Doodeedoodeedoo
OV: Therefore, the points are as follows; Link is in last with 40 points, CP just ahead of him with 43…
CP: Not for long!! Hahahaha!!
Draken: Zelda is third with 45, Ruto is second with 54, and Sheik is in first with a giant 73 points.
Audience: {applauds}
OV: Moving right along… First Question, and feel free to yell it out. Name these catch phrases! "Holy frozen bad guys!"
Sheik: Robin, of Batman and Robin.
Draken: Correct! "Up, up and away!"
Ruto: Superman!
OV: Right! "Shazam!"
Zelda: "Captain Marvel!
OV: Yep! "By the power of Greyskull!"
CP: He-man!
Draken: Yes, now, list the superpowers of these X-men… Rogue!
CP: Ooh! Ability to steal others powers and memories!
OV: Close enough! Wolverine!
Link: Superhightened senses, healing ability and an andantanium skeleton!
Draken: Only half right! The skeleton was not a superpower! It was surgically placed into his body!
Link: Aw, crap.
Audience Member 1: How do they know this?
Audience Member 2: Don't everyone read comic books?
OV: Okay, a points update…
Draken: Sheik has 93, CP has 83 Ruto has 74, Zelda has 65, and Link has only 50.
Link: Crap, crap, crap.
OV: Okay, now…for the final set of questions, you must rely on your memory of details in the game. Ready?
Contestants: YEAH!
Draken: What color is Link's hat in Soul Calibur ll?
OV: What? I thought that you didn't get that yet.
Draken: Well, not when you started to write this chapter…but it's October, now, and I have beaten it already.
OV: Oh.
Draken: I mean, really… I got my drivers at the beginning of summer. YOU'RE TOO SLOW TO UPDATE!
OV: BITE ME!
Link: {Uncertain}Um…beep?
Draken: Hmm? {Looks at him} Oh! Right – yes?
Link: Green.
OV: TWENTY POINTS. What is the first song learned by Link, from Sheik?
Link: BEEP! Minuet of the Forest!
Draken: Correct! In Majora's Mask, which of the witches are attacked by Majora while in the Woods of Mystery?
Zelda: Beep! Koume!
OV: Yep! What is the full name of the owl that always babbles on with advice that you already know?
Link: {Quickly} Beep! Kaepora Gaebora!
OV: {mutters} Damn…correct.
Draken: Final question; what is the poem that is inscribed on the tomb where you learn the Sun's song, in Ocarina of Time?
Sheik: Oh! Beep! {Clears throat} Ahem… "The rising sun will eventually set, a new born's life will fade…from sun to moon and moon to sun, giving peaceful rest to the living dead."
OV: {Sighs} I love this guy. That's completely correct. For a follow up, what is the second part of the inscription, bearing the title of the song?
Sheik/Link: BEEP. "Restless souls wander where they don't belong, bring them calm with the Sun's song!
CP: … Whoa oh…
{Sheik and Link look at each other.}
Sheik/Link: I was first! … No! I was!
OV: Um…judges?
Judge #1: Hmm…this is a tough one…
Judge #2: Maybe we should just divide the points…
Judge #3: Well…
Judge #2: Eight points will be given to Sheik because it was his follow up.
Judge #1: And Eleven points will be given to Link, for a correct answer that he isn't expected to know, but did anyway… Weird.
Judge #3: And one point will be split between CP and Ruto, because they didn't answer any questions and we're feeling generous.
CP: One lousy point?
Ruto: You mean, one lousy half point.
CP: Hmph. One lousy half point.
Sheik/Link: ::Glare at each other::
SFX: BWEEEOOOOOOO
OV: Now, we're going into the final question of the final round!! The correct answer is worth FOURTY POINTS!!
Audience: OOOH. AHHH.
Draken: Ruto has 74.5 points, CP has 83.5 points and Zelda has 85.
OV: Surprisingly, though… Both Sheik and Link are tied for first with 121 points apiece. Weird.
Draken: Yeah. But now it's the final question!!
{Dramatic music plays in the background.}
OV: And your question is… If Link and Bowser were to face off, who would win? Please give reasoning.
Draken: What?
OV: My brother asked me this the other day…I wanted to see what they make of it.
Draken: What's the right answer?
OV: {Shows him the cue card.}
Draken: Really? But I thought---
OV: Shh! They're writing!
{Jeopardy music plays in the background.}
Johnny: Duh, duhduhduh, duh. Duh. Duh. DUHDUHDUH. And the time is uuuup!
OV: What are you doing back here?
Johnny: I dunno. Got bored, I guess.
OV: Oh. I see. Please go.
Johnny: Can I at least sit in the audience?
OV: Well…
Johnny: {Puppy eyes}
OV: {sighs} Fine.
Johnny: Yay! {Hops off to sit in the audience}
Draken: ANYway… Pens down! Let's see your answers. Let's start with… Ruto!
{Ruto presses a button and the newly-formed screen on her platform lights up. It reads; "I think my Linkie-poo would definitely win, because though I have never heard of this 'Bowser' fellow, I'm sure that Linkie can beat anyone or anything that stands in his way." Following this was a little picture of Ruto hugging Link, outlined in hearts.}
OV: Ugh. I think I'm going to be sick. Bleargh. Zelda?
{Zelda presses the button and her screen lights up. "There is no doubt in my mind that Link would be perfectly capable of defeating Bowser. He is a fire-breathing lizard, while Link is the Hero of Time. There would be no contest." A Triforce is sketched off to one side.}
Draken: Nicely said. Link?
{Link presses the button. "I would win. End of story." There's a picture of a stick man piercing a stick Bowser with a stick sword. There is a speech bubble that reads – 'I win! Haha!'}
OV: Self absorbed sonofab-
Zelda: Language!
OV: Fine…fine… Sheik?
{Sheik pushes the button. "Though I am seriously tempted to say that Bowser would kick Link's skinny ass, I cannot. Link is the Hero of Time and the holder of the Triforce of Courage. … I'd have to come in and give him some backup." There's a comic underneath, with Link lying on the ground. He's clinging to Sheik's leg, saying, 'help me, Sheik! Only you can save me!'}
Sheik: Heh…
Link: HEY!
OV: Heeheehee…
Draken: {Shakes his head} CP?
{CP presses the button and the screen lights up. "I don't know and I don't care, so um…yeah." A design of a rose was doodled to the left, the words, 'Malice Mizer' done in a flowery script.}
Draken: Ah…nice…?
OV: {Grins} Now…for the real answer… {Flicks the cue card}
OV: {cont.} "If Bowser and Link were to go at it, I guess that Link would win. But seeing how I'm not too overly fond of the Hylian, I kind of want to see Link get squished. But since Bowser's from a different game and different reality that I don't care for… I don't care. However, I could guarantee that Link would need help of some sort. "
Draken: What? But Bowser would be like Volvagia…
OV: No…see, the difference between Bowser and Volvagia is that Bowser has a brain with speech patterns and plots and stuff… Volvagia doesn't.
Draken: I guess…
OV: Yep. So! {Turns back to the contestants.} "Forty points go to both Sheik and CP, who predicted that Link would need help, and that, I don't care! HA!
CP: YEAH!
Link: That was so cheap! I could definitely beat him by myself.
OV: Oh?
{Bowser music plays, and the king lizard himself comes out onstage.}
Bowser: RWAR! LINK!
Link: O.O HE'S HUGE!
Sheik: Well, duh.
Bowser: COME HERE, YOU LITTLE RUNT!
Link: O.O!!! ACK! RETREAT! RETREAT! {Runs off}
OV: Tallying the final results, it seems that Sheik is our…
Audience: HERO OF TIME!
Sheik: {preens} Oh, yeah…
OV: Therefore, he is given a lifetimes' supply of Termina Wax, and a spotlight in a game of his own!
Sheik: {gasps} ARE YOU KIDDING ME? My own game?? THAT'S AMAZING!
Draken: Thank you all for playing and thank you all for joining in on the fun! Till next time, this was…
Everyone in the studio: H-O-T! HEROES OF TIME!
Draken: Thank you, and good night!
{Link is seen being sat on by Bowser.}
Link: Why do you hate meeee?
OV: Because Sheik would take it personally if I openly hated Zelda.
Zelda: You don't like me??
OV: Um… Look! Over there!
Zelda: {Looks} What?
OV: {Hiding inside the Hylian resort} Well. That was a fun fic. … Maybe I should do one for Harry Potter or something… Hrm…
CP: {Head in hands} Oh, dear God…
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The end! ;_; Thanks, all! Your support was greatly appreciated and whatnot. Thankies!
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