Great Sea Anthology
Story Three
Lay Off The Shinies
Author's Note: No reviews for chapter two. ;_; People either want more humor or just haven't gotten around to reading my ever-so-somehow-great story. Yeah. Of course. Now then. I was gonna do a Salvatore story, but I couldn't think of anything, so now I'll do… A Mrs. Marie story. Waha. I warn you, this story will be really messed up and stupid. Like a randomness fic in novel form!
"And what about you, Wally? What do you have for show and tell?" She asked in obvious boredom. Mrs. Marie, mistress of joy, must have been really down about something to not pay attention to her students. Wasn't she supposed to always be extremely happy?
"Oh, well…" Wally walked up to the front of the class, turned to face everybody, and took a strange trinket out of a pocket on his pants. "For show and tell today, I've brought this little necklace! My daddy called it a Joy Pendant, but it's shiny, so I like it,"
Mrs. Marie's ears perked up like a dog's, but she still didn't say anything.
"Shiny…"
"Shut up, Jin,"
"I'm gonna beat you up, Jun,"
"Could you guys just shut up?" I groaned. They never stopped arguing with each other, but their arguments never went anywhere. "Or I'll just have to beat you up!" Even Ivan, who had opened his mouth to talk, didn't dare talk back to me. They knew, unlike any others, that I was the toughest of the bunch. Smart kids.
It took us all a while to notice that Mrs. Marie was standing up with arms outstretched, drooling profoundly. Profoundly? I found a new word! Anyways, she reminded me of a Moblin with rabies and, let me tell you, rabid Moblins ain't pretty. O' course, a rabid Moblin could be an improvement for the good Mrs.
I'm veering off subject now, huh? Veering? Cool! Now then, I realized I was the only one to notice the teacher's longing for the shiny thing, so I just sat quietly, waiting for somebody else to start pointing and laughing.
Now, I might be smart and tough, but even geniuses mess up sometimes, right? Right. And I messed up by not showing everybody what the teacher was doing, because she suddenly jumped over to Wally and ripped the Joy Pendant out of his hands. Ripped, I say!
When he saw the woman, in all her creepy splendor (whoa), he screamed and ran right into the door – knocking it off of its hinges – as he flailed his arms in the air. Flailed? Dude, this is a good day for genius Jan!
But that really wasn't a good day for me, because Moblin Marie (witty nickname, eh?) leapt right onto my desk and let loose a spine shivering roar. Instinctively, I dove under the desk and screamed and screamed. Y'know, instinct. Anyhow, my hiding spot didn't prove too practical, because the teacher – who was now off of the desk – pulled said desk into the air and started to gnaw on the shiny metal that served as its legs, Joy Pendant still in one of her hands.
My ever-keen instincts told me to yell bloody murder and run for the sake of my life, so that's exactly what I did. Unfortunately, that was one of the few sometimes other people had my idea before me. In fact, a lot of other people. The whole class was crowded up trying to fit out of the door, pushing, shoving and beating on each other.
Mrs. Marie swung the desk around and tossed it into a wall with a boom, dashing over to us and pulling a random kid out of the crowd. Potava, of all people. The little blonde haired girl with the shiniest hair anywhere in the Great Sea. Let me tell you, Pota rued that day for months and probably still will for years.
Why?
Well, because Moblin Marie every little hair off of the girl's head with her teeth. Her teeth. Bald, crying and real pitiful-like, Pota stole the paper bag Wally was currently playing with, put it on her head and jumped out of an open window, rolling away as the bag got wetter and wetter from tears, eventually becoming air-tight.
By the time the Mrs. finished swallowing her hair, us, the Killer Bees, were only kids left in the building. We all had the same idea that if we couldn't stop this madwoman nobody could.
Let me tell you, when everyone but me left there naked I felt real proud of my speed, wit and cunning. Even the smartest of smart teachers couldn't outsmart me after rabid animals bit them. Funny thing, at that exact moment one of Dampa's pigs stumbled by the school and saw it through a window. Heh.
Of course, I wasn't laughing then by any means! I was running for my life in the ravaged classroom, dodging flying desks and chairs and bolting right up the walls. No, seriously. And I could've sworn I was wearing a black trench coat and shaded eyeglasses at one point. But they just vanished into thin air once I got clipped in the head by an airborne eraser, span around and fell onto the ground face first.
Now, Mrs. Marie literally hovered over to me! Seriously! She was all daunting and menacing-like, breathing heavily and floating right over me, trying to make me go into a state of utter despair. But nobody, nobody in the world, could stop Jan the blue-hair!
I flipped to my feet, swiftly dodged a swing and ducked under the teacher's legs, coming up behind her with my hands around her throat, choking her while I was perched up on her shoulders. She roared and swung her head around until I lost hold and flew off, smashing into the wall and making a Jan-shaped dent in it. I fell onto my face, but jumped back up again. Whipping my telescope out of its strap on my back, I pointed the thing – lens first – as Mrs. Marie.
Big mistake.
She squeaked, shrieked, giggled and roared as she zipped over to me with inhuman speed and smacked me in the wrist, knocking the telescope out of my grip and catching it with her non-smacking hand. As she chewed on it, I took the responsibility of whacking a chair against an upside down chair until one of its legs broke off. I grabbed the piece of wood and thrust it forward repeatedly, to keep the now-moving Moblin Marie at bay.
She shoved her head out and grabbed hold of the end of the leg with her teeth, so I pulled it out quickly and jabbed her in the chest with it, sending her reeling backwards in complete, self-destroying pain. After she yelped for about half an hour, she finally laid on the ground in a fetal position, sucking on her thumb.
Cheering, I tossed the leg out of a window, ignoring the pained oinking of a pig from outside as I grabbed the pendant out of Mrs. Marie's hand and ran out of the door to return the shiny thing to its rightful owner.
Story copyrighted by Jan the blue-hair, 1210. All resemblances to real-life people are purely coincidental.
* * * *
"And that," Jan finished, "is my show and tell project!" Whistles, cheers, hurrahs and yippees were shouted out by many a class mate as the kid handed the book containing the short story he just read aloud to the teacher. After nearly drowning in confetti, the kid walked back to his desk and took a seat.
Almost right when he sat down, Mrs. Marie started hitting a rusty bell with a stick repeatedly, indicating the end of class. Everyone darted out the doorway happily, but Jan stopped cold when he heard the teacher talk.
"Jan, could I speak with you for a moment?"
Gulping, he tried to rip a leg off of a chair but eventually failed and sadly walked over to the fuming teacher.
Author's Note: See? My sense of humor is gone. Oh well, it might be crazy enough to work. After all, what is a story without a pink-haired old lady that's foaming at the mouth? Huh? Huh? I thought so. Now I'm gonna upload this and go and read Sojourn. …Hehe. Salvatore.