Note: Buckle your seat belts, my lovely readers, because this definitely changes the rating to a solid 'R'. This is not for the faint of heart. I think.

Or, at least, that's what I would say, if I put the second version up. Or even the first. This is the third, which is a lot tamer.

It's still prolly R, tho.

Anyway, it's chock full of angst, but then again, that's basically what this story is, huh? I wrote this in that time I call the "Story Dream" period. Not a very inventive name, but it gets the point across. It's that slight period between sleep and wakefulness that I am able to come up with cool stories, but temper the more nonsensical, dream-like aspects with my own mind. As if you care. Anyway, to the chapter!

Delusions

By Warrior Kalia

Chapter 5:

Masculinity

"Megumi?" Maximillion called, opening the door to the guest room she was staying in. She was awake, and turned her head to smile at him. "Come in, Maxie." She said softly. He opened the door enough to slip into the room, then closed it. He smiled. "Come, sit." Megumi invited, gesturing towards the empty space on the bed. He went over and sat down. A small silence fell.

"I... wanted to see if... you needed anything..." Maximillion said quietly. His gaze was fixed on her soft smile, but suddenly, something else caught his attention, and he trailed off. His eyes moved to glance at it, and he found that he couldn't really look away. He blushed.

Megumi looked confused for a moment, then looked down. She blushed as well. Apparently, she hadn't been wearing a bra. And the cloth of the white nightshift wasn't exactly warm. An awkward* silence fell.

Maximillion looked away suddenly, his blush deepening. He was a very evil person for doing it, he knew, but he couldn't help it. A tear slid down his face, landing on his leg. He could hear Megumi shifting slightly behind him. "...Maxie?" She said cautiously.

Megumi heard her friend whimper softly. "Maxie... Maxie, it's okay. I don't care." It was a slight lie. She DID care. But, then again, it was Max. She still didn't know what to do. She had quite a few mixed feelings over this.

When Maximillion didn't reply, she slid an arm around his waist and hugged him as best her could. She felt something brush lightly against her arm, but she ignored it and withdrew her arm, struggling into a semi-sitting position.

Maximillion didn't move, didn't even breathe, as he felt Megumi's arms around him. It made him feel safe, and a bit happier. He felt her breasts press into his back, though, and his blush deepened further. They were awfully soft...  Max shook his head violently, as if to get rid of his thoughts. Unfortunately for him, they wouldn't go away. He looked to the side. Megumi's eyes were closed, her head resting lightly on his shoulder. "Maxie... I..." She whispered. His heart pounded in his chest. What was she going to say? He slowly turned around on the bed to face her.

Megumi looked at him. He looked so sad... Her hand brushed his cheek softly. "I'm sorry." She said quietly. "I... I didn't..." She struggled to find the right words. "... Sorry." She ended quietly, her head hanging.

Maximillion looked at her. "It's... not your fault." His quiet voice broke the silence. "I..." She started, but shook his head. "I have to go." He stood up quickly and made for the door. "Maxie!" Megumi cried, reaching towards him. She saw him stop for a second, then open the door and walk briskly away from the room.

---

Maximillion panted heavily, leaning against the door of his room. He looked at the ceiling, still panting, his thoughts racing. He stumbled over to his bed and sat down, staring dumbly at the ceiling. He swallowed out of reflex, his throat dry. Lowering his head, he looked down at his lap, his gaze still blank.

He knew what he was doing, but couldn't really stop it from happening. Max breathed heavily as he slowly stroked his erection, trembling. Why was he doing this? Was he really such a basic creature as... as he had told him time and time again, that he had refused to believe? Was he going to always be a slave to his emotions, as he had been since birth?

He began stroking harder, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps. Megumi... His hand sped up and he bit his lip, stifling a moan of pleasure and disgust. She was so beautiful, so very beautiful... Her smooth white skin, her sparkling blue eyes, her shy smile... her full, light pink lips, soft and kissable even without makeup, which she never wore... Her pert, rosy breasts, small but lovely... Her satiny thighs- just visible under her nightshift- that he ached and longed to touch, to run his hands over and sigh with happiness, to spread apart gently and... and...

His movements took on an almost mechanical quality, as if he refused to be a part of this, refused to think about her any longer... Several extremely long minutes later, he came, breaking the cold night air with a strangled cry. His thoughts faded into nothingness and he stared at his semen covered hand, a mixture of horror and disbelief on his face as his member began to soften. Maximillion slowly fell onto his side, his clean hand gripping his soiled arm, and cried himself to sleep.

--

Megumi sighed, attempting to sleep. She knew she wouldn't be able to, but that didn't stop her from trying. She felt bad for causing him pain. She had forgotten that she didn't wear lingerie* when she went to bed, and invited him in. She hit herself a couple more times. Perhaps she should go apologize... Better put on a robe, first.  She did just that, and set off down the hall, praying to whatever god of goddess would listen that he didn't hate her.

"Maxie?" Megumi said quietly, knocking on his door. No reply.

"Maxie, it's me. Can I come in?" She asked. Still nothing.

She sighed. "Well, I don't blame you if you're mad at me. I... I forgot. I... Oh! This is so difficult!" She cried, hitting the wall with her fist. She had started crying. "I don't blame you if you hate me. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." She collapsed onto the floor, her face hidden in her hand.

"... I'll leave you alone." She whispered after a few minutes, getting up. A stabbing pain shot through her heart and she stumbled, clutching her robe. "Ah!"

Megumi was unable to get up, the pain blinding her, weakening her body. She was still crying. After a few minutes, the pain subsided, allowing her to get to her feet. She was shaking, but able to walk, which she did. She reached her bed and collapsed onto it, her breathing ragged, her blue eyes sparkling dimly. She managed to get underneath her blanket before falling asleep, still worrying about her friend, and cursing herself for what she had done.

* Apparently, according to Microsoft Word, this is how you spell this word. It looks wrong to me, but whatever.

Note: Added a couple sentences, will probably come back to this chapter and rewrite it when I have more time. [and doesn't FF.net's HTML format spacing suck?]     -1/28/2004, Warrior Kalia