(Present Day)
Sadie can't help but smile when Eddie parks the van at the edge of a familiar path, the memory of how the two of them would come here as often as they could when they were younger putting her at ease like nothing else could. For a minute, she can almost believe nothing has changed between them. That they're still the same stupid, love-struck kids they used to be.
Her heart aches because a part of her suspects they will never have that again. But she tries to do what she can to force that suspicion from her mind, because she can feel it winding her tight enough to snap.
It's difficult though. Remarkably so, because every sidelong glance she flits in Eddie's direction has her heartbeat picking up. At one point, she even started to fear he would hear the staccato thundering against her ribs, but if he did, Eddie never said a word, seemingly content to keep drumming his fingers against the steering wheel in time with the soft tune spilling out from the speakers.
It almost feels as though Sadie forgot how attractive he is. As though she somehow expected the years that passed since the last time she had seen him to have been unkind. But Eddie is still just—Eddie. He's filled out a bit. Gotten a bit more muscular, though the lean frame he had when they were in school still persists.
Sadie gives a moment's consideration to the thought of whether or not he's gotten any more tattoos since she last saw him, but rapidly steers her thoughts away from that particular minefield as quickly as she can, her cheeks burning as she looks down at her lap while Eddie breaks the silence with a question that sounds almost fearful in spite of the bravado he always wears around him like a shield.
"This uh—this okay?"
"Why—why wouldn't it be?"
"Oh, I don't know. Probably because it's not exactly a five star restaurant," Eddie remarks, the mischievous glint in his eyes causing Sadie's mouth to twitch, her teeth chewing on the inside of her cheek before she replies.
"Guess it's a good thing I'm not really into five star restaurants, then."
"Guess so."
"Just tell me you brought one thing, though, or the deal's off," Sadie teases, honestly surprised at the ease with which she slips into it, one of her eyebrows quirking up as she takes in Eddie's expression of mild intrigue. She appreciates this. His apparent ability to sense that she doesn't want to be around a crowd, and react accordingly. Or maybe it's just that he already had this planned out, and it had nothing to do with her at all…
Either way, though, Sadie cannot help but smile as Eddie leans over just a bit from the driver's seat, the smell of cigarettes and cologne and leather tickling her nostrils until the memories become nearly too much to bear.
"What's that?"
"Tell me you brought the—"
"Reeses' Pieces?"
"You—you remembered?"
"Christ, Sweetheart, as obsessed as you were with those things? How could I forget?" Eddie laughs, pleased to see Sadie's shoulders shaking a bit as a result, before turning to rummage in a plastic bag behind the driver's seat to pull out the aforementioned candy, himself, "Just promise me you'll share, yeah?"
"Mm. I'll think about it."
Sadie plucks the package of orange, yellow and brown candies from Eddie's hand before he can stop it, and hops down out of the van as quickly as she can manage, aware of his startled protest that comes about in response. She's halfway down the path before she even fully realizes it, Eddie's pounding footsteps and the rustle of a plastic bag echoing behind her.
A shriek escapes as Eddie catches up to her, and the box of candy goes flying out of her hand as she attempts to yank it away from him with just a little too much force. And for a moment, Sadie freezes. She freezes, because she can recall teasing moments with Andy starting off this way, only to end in a sudden shift. It takes everything Sadie has to resist the instinctive urge to shy away from Eddie as though he will suddenly abandon his amused grin in favor of a fist to her jaw…
Eddie is not Andy. He's nothing like him. Not even close.
Sadie is so lost in reassuring herself of this for the umpteenth time since her return to Hawkins that she almost misses Eddie's lower, more concerned tone, her entire body going taut as his hand comes to rest upon the bare skin of her arm.
"Hey—you okay?"
"I—yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Positive," Sadie assures, gently withdrawing her arm from Eddie's light grip, and forcing herself to ignore the flare of disappointment she feels over the loss of contact as a result, "Sorry, I—let me go find the—"
"Got 'em," Eddie interjects, already jogging past Sadie and stooping to swipe the box of peanut butter candies up from where they had landed in the grass, "See? No harm, no foul."
Sadie nods, and manages another smile, but this one is shakier, and Eddie notices the difference in seconds, flat. He wonders what makes her so skittish, because some instinct he can't quite put a finger on is all but certain it can't be entirely to do with just being around him. It's like she's constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. As though she is on edge, just waiting for her entire life to go up in flames.
Not for the first time, Eddie wishes he could have done something to keep her from feeling that way. Done something to keep her in Hawkins.
If he had, maybe she wouldn't be so reserved. So cautious with everything she says and does.
If he had, maybe she would still be with him.
Eddie closes the door on that particular train of thought, though, turning back to Sadie and depositing the box he swiped from the ground back inside the relative safety of the plastic bag containing the rest of their snacks. She is watching him intently, her teeth chewing on her lower lip, and Eddie has to put forth a significant effort to keep the way his breath hitches in response from becoming too obvious.
He doesn't know if she's forgotten what that look used to do to him, or if she's trying to use it as a bargaining chip, but either way, Eddie is nothing short of transfixed. He doubts there will ever be a moment where Sadie Carver doesn't own at least a piece of his heart, and looking at her now, Eddie knows he won't ever be likely to want that to stop.
"Eddie?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you sure this is okay?"
Almost immediately, Eddie is kicking himself, because his lapse into silence clearly has Sadie doubting the sincerity behind this entire thing to begin with.
And that is something he definitely does not want to allow.
"Trust me, Sweetheart, if I didn't want this, I wouldn't be bribing you with your favorite candy."
"Bribing me?" Sadie asks, risking a look at Eddie, and flushing almost immediately as soon as she recognizes the blinding smile he is giving her, and the dimple that has always had the ability to bring her to her knees, "As I recall, you made no mention of candy when you first brought this up."
"Didn't I?"
"No. Not a word."
"Hmm. Wonder why you agreed to come out with me, then," Eddie muses, giving Sadie a conspiratorial wink, and savoring the soft laugh that comes about in response, "Any theories?"
"I'll let you know as soon as I find one."
Sadie probably should have expected Eddie's response—the widening eyes, and flail backwards as though she actually attacked him causing her laughter to bubble out with surprising force. He is grinning again because of it, but that is apparently not enough to stop Eddie from dropping the bag of snacks and toppling backwards to flop onto the ground, stray leaves scattering out around him and sticking in his hair as a result.
"You've killed me."
"I see that," Sadie acknowledges, watching Eddie for a moment of silent thought, before leaning down to swipe the bag of snacks just out of his reach, "So I guess that leaves us with a question."
"Oh?"
"Do I try to revive you, or just take the snacks and run?"
"Revival would be—would be good."
"But you brought Reeses' Pieces."
Eddie lunges forward without even thinking, one hand snaking out to loop around Sadie's waist and effectively knocking her off balance for long enough that he can tug her down to the ground in retaliation. She shrieks, before dissolving into breathy giggles, the sound only intensifying as she ends up splayed, half on top of him. And although Eddie is more than a little relieved that she does not immediately pull away, he is still blatantly aware of the tensing of her muscles where his hands rest against her sides…
He is the first one to pull away, holding his hands out and giving Sadie ample time to back out of the impulsive decision he made. And even though she does scoot back, she doesn't look away, her gaze holding his as she takes a steadying breath and brushes a bit of leaf from her hair.
"I feel like I'm getting deja vu right now."
"Yeah?"
"You don't—you don't remember?"
"That would depend on what you think I'm not remembering," Eddie says, his grin turning into more of a smirk that has Sadie swallowing past a sudden lump in her throat before she replies.
"Eddie Munson."
"Yes, ma'am."
"You are fishing."
"Fishing?"
"It's what they call it when—when someone tries to poke at someone else until they give more details than they really want to," Sadie explains, shifting to sit cross-legged on the ground, and watching as Eddie hauls himself upright, his knee brushing against her own in the process.
"So basically—fishing is just me being—me."
"Well you're the one that came to that conclusion."
"Is it a bad thing?"
"Is—is what a bad thing?"
"Me being me," Eddie clarifies, watching Sadie carefully, as though he can read her answer in just her expression alone. And he can, honestly, because he's always been able to read her like an open book.
Fortunately for him, Sadie's expression is giving him nothing but ample reason to believe that, at worst, she is mildly amused and exasperated by his antics, and nothing more.
"Eddie, when in the world would you ever get the idea that I'd think that was a bad thing?"
"You wouldn't be the first one to think that."
"I will never think that."
Sadie wishes she couldn't see the doubt that makes its way into Eddie's expression. She wishes she didn't know exactly where that doubt comes from. That she hadn't witnessed some of the events that cemented it in place.
And suddenly, she knows she has to tell him. She has to do this now.
He deserves to know he has a child. That there's someone else in the world that will adore him every bit as much as Sadie always has, herself.
She cannot be the person to hold him back. To give him more reason to doubt himself and his worth.
Sadie will not be that person, and she has to speak now, or she will likely lose her nerve.
"Eddie, I—I need to tell you something."
"Why does the look on your face say this is a bad thing?"
"No! No, it—it's not! I mean—it's—I don't think—"
"Sadie?"
"Yeah?"
"Sorry. I was—that was a joke."
"Oh," Sadie murmurs, momentarily caught off-guard even though she knows that was far from Eddie's intent, "Sorry, I just—"
"This is something serious, so I should shut up now and let you talk?"
"Well I—I wasn't going to say it like that."
"Shutting up now."
The smile Eddie gives her goes a long way towards settling some of Sadie's nerves, whether she feels like she deserves such a thing or not. And she forces herself to take a few slow breaths, her fingers flexing in a last ditch attempt at finding an outlet for her apprehension, when truthfully, she should have known nothing would work from the beginning.
"Eddie, when I left—I—I thought you were going to be meeting with that producer."
"I was."
"Until Andy," Sadie persists, holding up a hand because she can tell Eddie is going to try to defend her—to make her believe what happened is not her fault, even though it is, "But Andy isn't—he's not what I need to talk to you about. I just—"
"Sadie. It's me."
"I—I know that."
"Then just—just tell me what it is, 'kay? No acting like I'm gonna hate you forever once you do, because I won't."
"I was—I wanted to tell you something. Before I left. The night you found out about the meeting."
"I remember," Eddie nods, desperate to make sure Sadie knows he is with her. That even if she is struggling, he isn't walking away, "Keep going."
"You were—Eddie, you were so excited, and I just—I couldn't destroy that."
"Kinda not seeing how you could have ever done that, Sweetheart."
"I was—that night, when you told me about the producer," Sadie begins, lifting a trembling hand to tuck a stray lock of hair the wind is blowing in front of her face behind her ear, instead, "I was pregnant."
The stunned silence that follows pains Sadie far more than she wants to admit, and she can no longer look Eddie in the eye. She is waiting for him to yell. To leave her here, alone. To hit her, like Andy did when he learned the truth. A part of her wants him to. Sadie wants Eddie to do something other than watch her as though he is waiting for the punch line of some joke. Even if the bruises Eddie may or may not hypothetically give her would hurt more than the ones she earned from Andy, specifically because it is Eddie that is inflicting them, Sadie almost welcomes the thought of them. After all, it isn't as though she doesn't deserve them.
But Eddie doesn't do anything. He doesn't yell. He doesn't lift a hand to lash out against her.
He continues to sit, motionless, for so long that Sadie is almost worried he is slipping into some sort of shock, concern finally giving her the courage to look up at him, rather than keeping her gaze fixed upon her fingers knotting and unknotting in her lap.
"Eddie—"
"Chrissy is—she's—"
"Your daughter. And I am—Eddie I am so sorry that—"
"Why didn't you—Jesus, Sadie, why didn't you just say something?" Eddie demands, the words causing Sadie to flinch, even though there is absolutely nothing about them, or Eddie's demeanor that would signify an immediate threat, "I would've—"
"I couldn't."
"What the hell do you mean you couldn't?"
"I couldn't tell you because if I did, it would've been like—"
"Like what?"
"Like ripping you away from your dream!" Sadie exclaims, flinching again at the volume of her own words, her eyes suddenly burning with tears as she realizes Eddie is looking at her with an expression she can no longer read, "And I wasn't—I wasn't going to do that to you when you had everything you wanted—"
"I wanted you."
"Eddie—"
"No. No, Sadie, I wanted you. That was all I ever wanted," Eddie insists, aware of how Sadie is biting into a trembling lower lip, her fingers twisting together even in spite of the tremors in her hands, "And you left. With my daughter, apparently."
Eddie is standing now, and Sadie can do nothing but watch as he paces away, half expecting that he will just keep on walking. That he is actually going to leave her behind. And she can't blame him for it. She can't, because she knows she deserves it.
He turns back, though, and Sadie tenses, bracing herself for whatever comes next. But even though Eddie opens his mouth as though he is about to say something, it snaps shut seconds later, and he turns to pace away once again.
"I don't—I don't expect you to—"
"To what?"
"To want anything to do with—"
"With my own daughter?"
"With me," Sadie corrects, though it seems the damage has already been done, Eddie's pacing slowing enough to give her ample time to see the tense set to his shoulders, and practically every other part of him as well, "I would never keep you from Chrissy, but—"
"Well I am glad to know that."
"Eddie, please—"
"Please what?"
Sadie reminds herself that she expected this. That Eddie's reaction is completely reasonable, and she would be a fool to be surprised. But the brittle nature of his tone is nothing she didn't anticipate. In fact, comparatively speaking, it is better than she deserves. And suddenly, she can't speak past the lump in her throat. She can't reply to his question because there is no answer that will be good enough.
The plastic bag of snacks is now utterly forgotten on the ground between them, and Sadie feels like she has broken something beyond repair.
"Does Harrington know?"
"What?"
"Does Harrington know?" Eddie repeats, folding both arms across his chest, and almost immediately becoming aware of the slight shift in Sadie's demeanor—how she seems to shrink in on herself—a clear sign of the answer before she ever has a chance to give it, "Of course he does."
"Eddie, I'm—"
"How long has he known?"
"Not—not long. He—Eddie, no one else knew until Andy, and then—"
"And then you came home."
"And then I came home," Sadie confirms, "And I am so—you have no idea how much I regret what Andy did with the—"
"Sadie, I don't give a damn about the producer!"
Eddie is aware of yet another visible flinch that Sadie gives at the very present edge in his tone, but even with the wedge of guilt that comes about in response, he can't take any of it back, now. He's still reeling. How could he not be? He has a daughter. A little girl he barely knows, and processing that is entirely too much.
Chrissy is his. His and Sadie's.
Eddie feels almost as though none of this is even sinking in, and he knows he is reacting exactly how Sadie probably feared he would. But he meant it when he said he didn't care about the producer. That he had only wanted her.
He would have given up everything in a second to be with her every step of the way if she had just told him she was pregnant instead of leaving Hawkins for good…
But now the idea of having a child is at odds with the knowledge of Sadie's lie, and Eddie honestly doesn't have a clue what he is supposed to do about any of it.
"We should go back," Eddie says, noting Sadie's small nod, and the way her skin has paled, her expression almost drawn as she hauls herself to her feet and brushes a few stray leaves away from her clothes. Her hand lifts to wipe at her cheek, and Eddie tries to ignore the twist of guilt because he knows without a doubt that she is dashing away a tear.
He doesn't know what to do, a part of him wanting to fix this for both Sadie and himself, while the other part just wants time alone to think.
And the part that wants to be alone appears to be winning.
Eddie is aware of Sadie following along in silence at his side as they head back to the van, keeping a careful distance so that they stand no chance of inadvertently brushing against one another on the way. And he is poignantly aware of how she reaches up to wipe at her cheek again before climbing into the passenger seat, her voice so soft that Eddie almost questions whether he hears her say anything at all.
"I'm sorry, Eddie. I'm—I'm so, so sorry."
…
Okay, so here it is! The moment of truth, so to speak! And I really, really hope I didn't botch it too badly! In my head, I couldn't help but see Eddie's reaction to the news being as it is portrayed here. Initial shock, and even a little anger as the gut reaction, even though I hope I made it obvious that he realizes Sadie didn't do this to be cruel. And trust me, I don't intend for this to be a permanent rift between them. Eddie just needs time to wrap his mind around having a kid, but he and Sadie will be slowly inching their way back to one another soon!
As always, my heartfelt thanks go out to each and every one of you that has taken the time to read, follow, favorite and review this story so far! And special thanks to BlackRoseBooks for the feedback last time around! I'm so happy everyone appears to be enjoying this AU so far, and I cannot wait to hear what you think of this installment as well!
Until next time, angels…
MOMM