Chapter 2 – Now what do I do?
Merde. Jean Luc laid on his bed sweating. He had awaken from a very enticing, yet frustrating dream. It was always a variant of the same theme, Beverly and himself. Dreams like this had been part of his life since he met her. Back in those days, when he would have them he would be able to chastise himself at having lascivious thoughts about his friends girlfriend, and later wife. After Jack died he had managed to distance himself from her by remaining on the Stargazer. When he lost that ship he kept busy with temporary assignments until he got the Enterprise. He had even tried to stop her from taking this assignment. When the met for the first time again at Farpoint Station, she had Wesley with her. Never before had Jean Luc been so disconcerted to meet a new crewmember. Her they were, long time acquaintances and he felt as ungainly as a teenager. He was so happy to see her, yet he wished he had pushed to keep her away. As the years passed he found that he was glad she had been forceful enough to get the job in the first place. The more they became friends, the less frequent the dreams became. By the time she had decided to return to San Francisco he only had these dreams once or twice a month, if that often. In the past two months, ever since she left he had at least one a night. Tonight's however had been the most erotic one yet. Not just in the physical sense, but in the romantic sense. For some reason tonight's dream seemed to provide a more of a love induced bond, as opposed to the lust which usually prevailed.
Deciding that he was not going to get anymore sleep, the disconcerted captain went to the bathroom to begin his day, and think.
As the hot water cascaded down his back he thought. It was easier for him to think about complicated things like this in the shower and sometimes a water shower was just the thing he needed. For the whole time she had been gone he found himselof wandering back to her. Of all the crew tha he had lost recently she was the only one he could not bring himself to put into the background. Even though he still didn't have a very good fit with his new staff he realized that the problem would most likely take care of itself after they all worked together for a while. But Beverly was a different matter. He could not bring himself to accept that she wasn't part of his daily life anymore. By the time he felt his skin starting to wrinkle from the water he came to his decision. He knew he wasn't ready to give up his ship yet, but he also wasn't ready to give up the one person in his life that he truly loved in all of the ways, eros, philios, and agape; body, mind, and spirit.
There was something stopping him from simply sitting down and sending her a message, a Cardassian Gul with whom he was due to meet with this morning. He still needed to finish preparing for that. Alana had given him a file on the matter before the end of her shift last night. Picard had meant to look at before he had gone to bed last nght but he had gotten involved in the ongoing events of the Bajoran religious situation and had actually fallen asleep while reading. He still had almost two hours so he was confidence he could manage to be prepared. He went to retrieve his breakfast and noticed his terminal flashing. Someone had called while he was asleep and decided not to wake him. Either that or it was something from a subspace packet.
"Computer, access messages."
"Working. There is one new message, received at 03:57 hours."
"Display message." He was expecting to see a face as he looked a the screen. Insetead eh saw a copy of someone's written letter. He sat down, heart thumping ant read;
My Dearest Jean Luc,
Only one other time have I found myself shaking the was I am now. And you know about that. Yet this time, I am finding myself shaking even more. I have held feelings for you since nearly the first time we met. For all of those years I have kept them buried deeper than I ever wanted to. Now I cannot do that. I love you Jean Luc, with every ounce of my being.
I know you well remember the telepathic link we once shared. Since then I have had to fight even more to keep them to myself. I hid my loss of Jack and behind my duty as your chief medical officer. During the war I hid behind not wanting to put myself where I could lose you as more than the best friend that I have. I can tell you now that n those intervening years my love for you has only become deeper.
I woke this evening dreaming of you. It was then that I realized that I have been a fool for not trying to see if we could be lovers, even if it meant long distance.
So it is in anticipatory hope that I send this to you. The hope is that either way you decide I will still have the best friend of my life.
I want to try Jean Luc. I want to see if my nonsensical side and my heart can meet with reality. So what do you say to the two of us acting like a couple of starstuck teenagers in love? I wait in anticipation.
Love,
Beverly
Once his heart quit fluttering and he had read the letter a few more times a very happy man turned his mind to his days work, vowing that he would call her after his duty for the day was filled. So it was a giddy, yet nervous captain that greeted his crew on the bridge.
"My, you're happy this morning sir. Did you receive good news?" Alana's posture shifted slightly in response to the captain's mood.
"Counselor, truthfully I should remind you that you should not point out the captain's mood, in public anyway." He smiled. "But after fifteen years with you predecessor I learned that it was rather useless. You are right by the way, I did get some very welcome news from a good friend."
"What's her name?"
Picard looked to the other chair where the remark had been made by his first officer. The look on the man's face had causes the captain to feel like he had stepped into the past, back when Will and Deanna had been here. At that moment he realized that he had probably been the reason for not feeling like he fit with his own crew. In this moment he saw a pair of people that both thought highly enough of him to learn how to read his moods as well the previous people to hold their positions. The two of them in just these few seconds had menaged to get to him and show that he really could have a new family in these people. "Number One," Jean Luc paused as he realized that this was the first time he had used the phrase with Marty, "if you must know, her name is Beverly."
Picard almost didn't hear what his counselor said behind a giggle. "Deanna owes me."
"What did you say counselor?"
"Nothing sir." She was still smiling.
"I distinctly recall something along the lines of 'Deanna owes me'. Should I take that to mean that both the current and former counselors of this ship are taking bets o the captain's love life?"
A look of chagrin passed her face. "Mea Cupla. When I took this post Deanna gave me a very thorough briefing on the senior staff that was still here. We even discussed long term friendships which could have bearing on the way the crew acts together. When we discussed the changes in sickbay your relationship with Dr. Crusher came up. Well I had a bit of a flash. I told her that the two of you would give in to one another within six months of being apart, she was guessing closer to a year given your track record with each other. It looks like I won."
Picard shook his head. "Betting on your CO is not a good way to get in his graces. However winning a bet against Deanna Troi goes a long way in my book. And you," he turned to Marty, "Since you seem to know how to read me so well, I will ask you this. Do you play poker?"
In a tone that again reminded Jean Luc of Will Riker he answered. "I have heard of the game, sir."
Yes, I think I just needed to clear my head. Jean Luc Picard smiled as he leaned into his chair.