Apologies Part II

The entire day, Max replayed that morning in her head–Billy threatening her, insulting her, "apologizing" to her, etc. But no matter what, the memories always ended with that anxious look in his eyes as he sat in his car. She'd never seen him so panicked in all the years she'd known him.

Still, a part of her couldn't give two hoots about how "panicked" he was. After that BS apology, he probably deserved whatever was coming to him. If she decided to tell Neil about it that is.

But the other part of her . . .

Max sighed. What should I do? She shook her head. What am I saying? I don't have to do anything. It's not like Neil said he'd get proof of Billy apologizing. Maybe I'm overthinking this.

After mulling it over, Max decided she didn't give a damn about Billy's sudden anxiety. At least, not for now. She needed more time to think, more time away from him. And school wasn't enough of a break away from that asshole.

As soon as the bell rang, Max went to the nearest skate shop. It took her some time to get there since she didn't have a ride, but there was no way she was going to be with Billy alone when he was mad. She thought about asking Lucas or Dustin if their parents could take her, but Max was technically grounded. That night when she returned from fighting Demodogs, her mom told her she had to come straight home every day, had to do dishes every night, and wasn't allowed to see her friends for the week. If she caught a ride with any of them, there was a chance their parents could tell her mom. So, she went alone.

There was nothing in particular Max was looking for in the shop. Just something functional and not broken. Maybe something Billy-proof. It wasn't like she was buying anything anyway. She didn't have the money. But a girl could dream.

Max perused the aisles as she walked along the wall of hanging skateboards. Some guys eyed her curiously, murmuring among themselves, asking why a girl was in the shop looking at skateboards. Max didn't care. She was used to it. Besides, if it came down to it, she knew she could whip any guy when it came to skateboarding. She wasn't called Zoomer for nothing. Though, she did give herself that title, but whatever.

So, she continued to browse. She had to admit, there were a bunch of cool designs with witty one-liners: "Land on both feet," "Sorry, couldn't make it. I had a board meeting," "Skateboarder- proudly annoying pedestrians since 1972." Max chuckled to herself, then stopped. There was one skateboard in particular that caught her eye. It had a red deck that said, "I ain't scared to fall, I've felt the ground before."

So corny, she thought. But she couldn't take her eyes off of it. The quote sent a chill through her body. There was something playful about it, courageous, and maybe even prideful.

But also sad.

Billy's anxious eyes flashed through her head. Max quickly shook the thoughts away. Maybe she'd been in the shop too long. Max shifted the skateboard under her arm and left the shop. Before she knew it, she skateboarded her way to the arcade. A few games would definitely get Billy off her mind.

"Hey, redhead! Hey! Madmax!"

Max turned, not even six feet inside the building. Keith stood behind the counter, chomping on a bag of cheese puffs. His gray shirt and fingertips were stained with orange crumbs. Keith nodded in her direction.

"What happened to the board?" he said.

"An asshole broke it."

"Ah . . . speaking of assholes–" Keith pulled another cheese puff from the bag and tossed it in his mouth "–a very angry-looking dude with a mullet came in here looking for you. He was totally decked in denim like some ragtag in Grease. I swear those jeans were too tight for his ass. Not that I was looking."

Max scrunched her nose. Gross. Why was everyone so fascinated with Billy's butt? There was hardly anything there.

"How long ago?" she said.

"About 30 minutes. Seemed kind of flustered. He said if you came in to tell you to go straight home or else."

"Or else?"

Keith shrugged popping in another cheese puff. "He didn't specify."

Max sighed. Knowing Billy, "or else" meant he'd break something of hers. She looked out at the few people in the arcade, games chiming with theme songs and pixelated sounds.

God. Couldn't she just enjoy a few hours without him threatening her?

"Thanks," Max said, turning to head back out the door. But she stopped. "Wait, you said he was . . . frantic?"

"Flustered, yeah. Like a headless chicken."

Max thought for a moment, then smiled to herself. Of course Billy would be flustered. He was still supposed to watch her. Now, he had no clue where she was.

Max's smile widened. "I guess I have time for a few games."

. . .

A little past five o'clock, Max skateboarded through her neighborhood. It was nice distracting her mind for a few hours, and even better imagining Billy in a panic. It was her own revenge for what he did to her in the car. Still, she probably had a storm coming as soon as she set foot in the house. It was a good thing Billy didn't know she was grounded. And there was no way in hell she'd tell him she was. Even if he did know and tried to use it against her . . . Well, if he took her down, he'd go down with her.

Max slowed on her skateboard when she approached the house. Billy was in the street, furiously pacing back and forth in front of his car while rubbing his head. Max gave the faintest smile.

Then he looked up and saw her.

Here we go.

Billy charged at her in an instant, his strides long and vengeful. "Where the hell have you been?!" he snapped.

Max scoffed. What was he, her mother? "That's none of your business," she said.

Max kicked up her skateboard, tucked it under her arm, and headed for the house, cutting through the grass to avoid him. But Billy was quickly upon her.

"Don't walk away from me. Hey. Hey!"

Billy grabbed her by the arm, yanking her towards him just as she reached the steps. Ugh, she was getting so tired of him doing that.

"Where the hell have you been, huh?–"

"Let go of me!"

"–Are you trying to get me in trouble?!"

"Mom and Neil get back around six. I came back before then. If I wanted you in trouble, I would have come home later. Now let go!"

Max dropped her skateboard, trying to pry open Billy's strong grip with the other hand. But her attempt was futile. He gave her a good shake, digging his nails into her arm. She tried to pull away, but he gripped tighter and yanked her back.

"And what if they came early? Hmm? What then?" he said. "I had to look all over town for you just because you didn't meet me after school. For once, do as your fucking told!"

"Why do you care all of a sudden? Aren't you the one that said if I was late, I'd walk home? That's what I did! So what does it matter to you?!"

"You know damn well why it matters! That little stunt you pulled the other day is why my ass is on the line. But you know that don't you?"

"Billy, let go!"

"Don't you?!"

Billy shook her again, his grip almost unbearable now. Max wanted to scream. Wanted to tell him he deserved to be whipped, deserved everything coming to him. The words bubbled in her throat, ready to burst.

"Why didn't you meet me after school?" he said. "Why did you leave?"

"To be away from you!"

"So you disobeyed me?!"

"I just needed some time to think."

"Of what, ways to get back at me?"

"No–"

"Ways to make my life miserable–"

"No–"

"–so I could have a repeat of last night?!"

"So I could come up with a way to apologize to a self-centered asshole like you!"

Both of them froze, both surprised by what Max just said aloud. Billy was taken aback. He tried to find his words, but Max continued before he could.

"I'm sorry, ok?! I'm. Sorry. I'm sorry for not speaking up about that night. I didn't know that Neil would, that he would do that to you. And I had a very good reason why I left that night, and if I could tell you, I would. But ever since yesterday, I didn't know what to do. And I'm trying to make things right, but you are impossible to talk to, and the only thing I can come up with is sorry. So I'm sorry."

Billy's grip loosened as he scanned Max's face. He was puzzled, unable to wrap his mind around what was happening. A beat passed. He scrunched his lips and shook his head. "No," he said. "No you're not."

Max's mouth had gone hard. She balled her fists as anger curled hot in her gut. "You may not have been sorry, but don't ever put me in your shoes."

She yanked her arm away and shoved him, scooping up the skateboard and rushing inside. To her surprise, Billy didn't follow.

. . .

Max hadn't left her room since then. Why would she, knowing that jerk was somewhere in the house? She finally spilled her guts to apologize, and for what? For him to imply she didn't mean it? What a hypocrite.

Stupid, she thought to herself.

Max sat at her desk, studying, unable to focus. Come dinner time, the house filled with a familiar scent. Meatloaf.

There was a soft knock on Max's door. "Maxine, dinner's ready!" Susan called.

"I'll be out in a second, mom."

Max put away her books and went to the dining room table. Neil soon followed. He placed his jacket on the back of his chair and sat with a long exhale. Max was surprised to see him there. Neil was a security guard, and his work hours always fluctuated, so he rarely had dinner with them on nights he worked. But tonight, he was having a meal before going in for a second shift.

"Where's Billy?" he asked Susan.

"I'm not sure," she said, placing a plate in front of him. Max sat down beside her mother. "He left as soon as I came home."

"Did he now . . ."

Neil looked at Max, who tried to avoid his gaze. She didn't even know Billy had left. She just assumed he worked out and then lounged in his room like he usually did. Maybe he was out trying to avoid Neil, just as she was trying to avoid his gaze. Max was grateful when her mom placed a plate of meatloaf, mixed vegetables, and rice in front of her. It gave her something else to focus on.

"Thanks, mom."

Just as Susan sat in her chair, the front door opened and shut. Keys rattled as shoes clacked along the wood floor through the living room. Neil moved his head to look through the dining room doorway. "Billy."

The clacking of shoes stopped. In fact, all movement ceased. After a moment, the footsteps headed toward the dining room. They were slow and quiet compared to a few seconds ago.

Billy stepped into the room holding his radio and folded up a piece of yellow paper in one hand, and his car keys in the other. He paused a moment when he saw Neil.

"What are you doing here?" Billy said.

Neil folded his arms. "Is that how you greet people now?"

Billy pursed his lips. "No. Shit, sorry. I just . . . I thought you'd be at work by now."

Yep, Max thought. Definitely trying to avoid him. He could have at least been more subtle about it.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Neil paused. "I have to go in later tonight. I'm just here to eat."

Billy nodded. Unsure of what to do, he gave the briefest greeting to Susan and Max–he barely said Max's name above a whisper let alone make eye contact–then headed down the hall. But Neil stopped him.

"Where were you tonight?" he asked.

Billy paused. "I was at the radio store."

"At this hour? Didn't know they stayed open this late."

"It's not like that."

"What's it like then?"

Billy swallowed, trying to pick his words carefully. The air was tense as the two stared each other down.

"Billy, have you eaten?" Susan asked, breaking the tension. She rose from her seat. "I can fix you a plate if you want."

"No thanks, Susan," Billy said.

"Come on," Neil said, patting the seat right of him. "Sit and eat."

"I'm not really hung–"

"Sit."

The sternness in his voice sent a chill up Max's spine, and apparently Billy's as well. No room for negotiation in his tone whatsoever.

Billy sighed. He set the radio on the floor and jingled the keys in his hands before pocketing them along with the yellow paper. Billy walked around the table and sat next to Neil, right across from Max. He adjusted himself in the seat until he sat comfortably, or as comfortably as he could. Susan dropped him a smile as she placed a plate in front of him, but Billy didn't return it.

"Thanks," he said plainly.

Neil and Susan began their meal, only the sounds of utensils banging on glass plates echoing in the room. Max began to eat, but just barely, too focused on Billy. He picked up his fork and picked at his food, eventually putting the mixed vegetables in his mouth.

This was strange. Seeing creatures from another dimension strange. Everyone was sitting at the table. Eating. Talk about rare. Max's mother and Neil–especially Neil–were almost always out, whether at work or out with each other. Even when it came to dinner, Max and her mother would eat alone together. Billy never ate with them. He'd always hang in his room, only coming out to eat leftovers when he thought no one was looking. But now, everyone was sitting at the table together.

"Meatloaf is good, Susan," Neil said.

She smiled. "Thank you. I added bell peppers this time.

Neil nodded, sliding another piece on his tongue. "So, Billy," he said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "Why were you at the radio store so late?"

"Cuz I left when Susan got home," Billy said with a sigh. "Max wasn't alone at the house."

"Not what I asked."

Billy paused. "I was trying to see what was wrong with my radio. It hasn't been playing right since. . . since yesterday." He cleared his throat. "I went to get it fixed, but it took longer than I expected."

"So what's with the yellow flyer?"

"It's nothing."

"Show me."

Neill held out his hand. Billy's jaw tensed as he ground his teeth. He reached into his back pocket and reluctantly handed it to Neil, who was quick to unfold and read it.

Neil frowned, lines forming between his eyebrows. "A Metallica concert?"

"Yeah. In Indianapolis. The um . . . The clerks were handing them out at the store. Tickets go on sale this Sunday."

Max set down her glass. Was that a hint of a smile on his face?

"Oh, that's nice," Susan chimed in. "Do you plan on going?"

Billy glanced at Neil, his faint smile disappearing. "I don't know yet."

Neil looked at the flyer a moment longer before placing it in the center of the table. "Seems like a busy day. What about you, Maxine? Anything . . . interesting happen for you?"

Max froze. Since when did he care about her day? He only interacted with her when asking her to pass the salt or when trying to butter her mom up. Or . . . Max's heart skipped a beat. Shit. Did he know she didn't come straight home?

"Nothing much," Max eventually said.

"Really? The neighbors said you two were yelling at each other out front. What's that about?"

Max and Billy's forks stopped. They exchanged glances. She turned to Neil, his eyes fixed on her. Shit, what should she say?

"I-I was just . . . upset," Max said.

This time, Neil lowered his fork. "Upset. About what?"

Max shrugged. Neil just mimicked her. "This isn't an answer," he said. "You're old enough to use your words, so use them."

Susan looked at Neil warily, but he never took his eyes off Max.

Max swallowed. "It was nothing."

What the hell? she thought. Why did I just lie for Billy?

But she continued. "He just…startled me a little when I was on the skateboard. I fell off and got upset with him when he . . ." She looked to Billy, a puzzled look in his eyes. ". . . when he told me to tough it out. I don't know, it was stupid."

"The neighbor said he grabbed you," Neil said.

"He did. . . he was uh, he was helping me up. You know, from the fall."

Yeah right, she thought. Billy would help me into a volcano before helping me up from a fall. And a helpful hand wouldn't leave bruises. Good thing she still wore her sweater.

Neil nodded. No expression on his face. Did he believe her?

"Huh . . ." he said eventually. "Did he apologize? You know, for startling you?"

"Yeah, yeah. It was, It was just an accident, that's all."

"Did he apologize for anything else?"

Max swallowed, her mouth going dry. Once again, she and Billy exchanged subtle glances before he looked back down at his plate. The jerk was doing a poor job of pretending to eat. His body was completely stiff as he held his breath. She didn't blame him. Whatever came out of Max's mouth, they both knew that Neil would most likely believe it.

Max pursed her lips and nodded. "Yeah, he did actually. He uh, he apologized for the other night. For . . . For leaving me by myself. It was . . . kind of surprising."

She did it again. Nothing about what she said was true. Billy had coldly threatened her. He called her "little shit" and a "freak." So why was she lying for him?

Neil gave Billy a look of skepticism. "Is that true?" he asked him.

Billy shrugged. "That's what she said."

"I didn't ask what she said," Neil said firmly.

Billy swallowed dryly. "Yes, sir. It's true."

Everyone was unmoving, waiting for Neil to say something. It was faint, but Max noticed his eyes narrow for the briefest second. Then he gave a brisk nod. "Good," he said, suddenly changing the subject.

A wave of relief seemed to sweep over the table as everyone began eating again. Dinner was still awkward, but at least the storm had passed.

. . .

Right after doing the dishes, Max read Wonder Woman comics on her bed, waiting for Billy to get out of the shower. He hadn't really acknowledged her since her lie to Neil, but she really shouldn't have been surprised. It wasn't anything new.

A heavy knock sounded at the door.

Max sat up straight. No way that knock belonged to her mother.

"Yes?" she called.

"Maxine, we need to talk."

Max gulped. Neil. What could he want?

"Come in."

The door creaked open. Neil stepped in, wearing his heavy coat and black boots. He barely set foot in her room before folding his arms.

"About Bily's apology . . ."

Damn, she thought. Straight to business.

"Did he actually do it?" he said.

Max paused.

"He's not here. Be honest."

Max nodded. Neil narrowed his eyes. "Yes," she said, remembering what he said about using her words at the table. That seemed to satisfy his expression.

"Did he mean it?"

She nodded again. "He—"

Neil raised a hand, cutting her off. "Billy won't learn if you lie for him."

Double damn, Max thought. He really doesn't trust his own son. Or maybe he just knows him too well.

Neil lowered his hand. "So, I'll ask again, and I want you to choose your words carefully. Did. He. Mean it?"

Max pursed her lips. She didn't really know why she chose to lie for Billy. Especially after the things he did and said to her that day. But now, she did it twice–no, three times. She had the opportunity right now to throw him under the bus and make him pay for what he did. But everything inside of her refused to.

"Yes," she said.

Neil's shoulders sank. He sighed, and she couldn't tell if it was out of relief or disappointment. "OK," he simply said.

The bathroom door clicked open. Soft footsteps tapped down the hall until Billy passed Max's room. He froze upon seeing Neil in her doorway, his wet hair dripping onto the floor. Billy looked between the two, adjusting the towel around his waste.

"Is something wrong?" Billy said.

Neil simply gave him a once-over. "Stop walking around here half-naked. Hurry up and get dressed."

Neil ambled passed Billy, into the living room, and out the front door. Confused, Billy turned to Max. He stared for a moment, a somber expression on his face. An expression she couldn't quite understand. Without a word, he walked into his room and lightly closed the door.

. . .

The next morning, Max was cautious. For all she knew, Billy thought she ratted him out to Neil and wanted revenge. When she got in his car, she sat as scrunched up to the door as possible, ready to jump out if she needed to. Billy said nothing the entire ride as he speeded down the road.

As soon as he parked in the Hawkin's Middle School parking lot, Max rushed to get out, but Billy was faster.

Click.

Max tried the door, but it was locked. She unlocked it, but the click sounded again. Max shot Billy a glare, unlocking the door once more, only for him to lock it again. They repeated their little war back and forth until Max nearly boiled over.

"What?!" Max finally shouted, whipping her head to him. "What do you want from me?!"

"Why did you lie yesterday?"

Max paused, taken aback. She flicked her hands in annoyance. "You're holding me captive just to ask me that?"

"Just answer the damn question," Billy said.

She shook her head in frustration. "What does it matter? You said you didn't want to get in trouble, so I just told a little white lie."

"Don't give me that bullshit."

"What?! Bullshit?! You told me you were going to tell him you apologized anyway. Now you're upset that I did it for you?"

"Since when have you ever listened to me?!"

Max tightened her lips. Her breath was heated. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"I don't know why I lied," she said, her tone softer. "And, hell, we both know you probably didn't deserve it but . . ." she shook her head. ". . . consider this proof of my apology for the other night."

Billy scoffed. "A stupid apology doesn't change anything."

"No. It doesn't. I can't take back what happened. But I can damn sure admit to a mistake I made better than you can."

Darkness flew over Billy's eyes. "That's a load of horse shit if I've ever heard one. It was because you couldn't admit to a mistake that I got in this mess." He scoffed. "What? You think you're better than me, Max? You think you are superior to me. Don't you? Just because my old man hasn't punched you in the face yet."

Max jerked, completely stunned. Where did that come from? Her mind filled with questions, but Billy interrupted them.

"Don't think I owe you anything because of this," he said.

"I don't want anything from you!"

"No, you want to ruin my life!"

"No! Why can't you get it through your thick head? I have never done anything to you. You're the one who is always, always so damn angry at me, and for what?! I was trying to make something right because maybe, just maybe, I didn't want to see Neil beat on you again."

He paused. For a second, it almost felt like he considered her words, but then he narrowed his eyes. "I don't want your damn apology. It means shit to me." Billy dug into his breast pocket to fish out his cigarettes. "What are you just sitting there for? Get out of my car."

Billy unlocked the door. On the brink of tears, Max swung the door open, accidentally hitting her skateboard against it. She climbed out of the car but turned to him one last time.

"Call me a liar or whatever you want, but know that unlike you I meant my apology."

She slammed the door shut and stomped to the school doors. What an ungrateful dick! All of that effort, all of her attempting to care, and for what? What did she expect? For him to change? For things to be different? To show herself that maybe, just maybe, he had a beating heart? That she wasn't like him? Max bit the sides of her cheeks to keep her lips from quivering.

I was right, Max thought. I should have thrown him under the bus.

To be continued . . .

A/N: Found the skateboard quotes on the internet.