Title: Lullaby
Author: Jeanine (jeanine@iol.ie)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Sara/Lockwood
Spoilers: Inside the Box and everything up to it. Part of the Fool for Lesser Things universe.
Feedback: Makes my day
Disclaimer: If it was in the show, it's not mine.
Archive: At my site Checkmate , Fanfiction.net; anywhere else, please ask.
Summary: Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep, and still so many things I want to say…
Notes: For the LiveJournal Writer's Choice "Dead Like Me" challenge - I suppose this was inevitable! If you've not read A Fool for Lesser Things, you might be a little lost, suffice to say that in that story, Sara and Lockwood were involved prior to his death.
***
She's sleeping, and he's watching her.
Not that there's anything new in that; after all, in the five short, wonderful days that they were lovers, he discovered that watching her sleep was one of his favourite things to do in the world. She would lie in his arms, her face peaceful, a small smile hovering around her lips, and he would hold her, looking down at her, and thank his lucky stars that after so long waiting, so long hoping, they were finally here together.
He remembers the last morning that they had together, when he left her sleeping in this very room as he left to go home, go shopping, go to the bank. She woke up before he left, tried to convince him to wait so she could go with him, but she'd been falling asleep even as she'd said the words, so he'd gone without her.
He'd never come home to her again.
But he hasn't left her either.
He's been watching over her as she tried to go on with her life, saw her meet his sisters, his father, and he wished more than anything else that he could have been there to enjoy that. He'd seen her speak at his funeral, he'd seen her cry over him in private where no-one could see, heart-wrenching sobs that broke his heart - the last thing he'd ever wanted to do was hurt her, make her cry. He'd seen her go back to Tomales Bay, walk through the carnival, stand at the Teacups. He'd known what she was thinking, of the first time that he'd ever kissed her after wanting to for so long, and he'd stood beside her, putting his arm around her.
And she'd smiled.
He'd smiled too, because just for a moment, it was like the two of them were together again, and they had their whole life in front of them.
She's not smiling now though.
Instead, she's restlessly tossing and turning, something he's never seen her do before. Her face is contorted in a frown, the blankets twisted around her body. All this would be bad enough, but what really tears him apart are the sounds, muttered whimpers, escaping her lips, and what looks suspiciously like tears escaping her eyes.
It's the tears that get to him, and he goes to her, sits down on the bed beside her, feeling a vague sense of surprise that he actually can. He reaches out a hand to her, runs it over her hair, just like he did that first night sitting in the Teacups, and he whispers, "Sara… ssh… it's ok…"
He doesn't know if she's going to be able to hear him, because he's never done this before, but miracle of miracles, she leans into his touch, and her restlessness abates somewhat. He doesn't say anything more, and if he needed to breathe, he'd be holding his breath, but his hand never stills, moving forward and back over her hair.
He only stops when she shifts slightly in his direction, the corners of her lips turning up in a small smile. "Cyrus?" she mumbles, her voice thick with sleep, and his own lips turn up in the ghost of a smile.
"I'm here Sara," he tells her quietly. "Just like I promised…" Because he'd promised her that he'd always be in her life, that he'd never leave her; a promise that it hadn't been in his power to keep, not the way he'd meant it at the time.
She smiles again, stronger this time, shifts closer to him. "I love you…" she whispers, and he didn't know until right now that it was possible for something to make you happy and break your heart all at the same time.
"I love you too," he replies, his hand moving from her hair down along her arm. He feels the tiny hairs there stand up, feels a shiver course down her spine, and he knows what's going to happen before he sees her eyes flicker, feels her stirring.
By the time her eyes are open, she's already propped up on one arm, looking around her. "Cyrus?" she asks, her voice shaky, and he wants to answer her, wants to tell her that he's here, that he's always going to be here, but he can't. So he watches instead from the shadows as she takes one more look around the room before looking to her bedside table, picking up the framed photograph there. He knows all too well what it is; one of the two of them together at Nick's Christmas party, taken by Archie without their knowledge. This one, he knows, is her favourite, and his too; the last one taken, of Sara looking straight ahead and laughing, him looking down at her, every emotion he was feeling clearly visible on his face.
She stares at the photograph for a long time, or maybe it only seems that way. But when she lies back down and closes her eyes, her face is free of any lines or tension, and her breathing is soon deep and even once again. Only then does Cyrus feel safe enough to venture out from the shadows, and stand looking down at her for just a few more precious moments.
There are many, many things that he wants to say to her, but no time to say them. So he settles for leaning over her, pressing a kiss to her forehead and leaving her with a whispered "Sweet dreams."
Then he slowly fades away.