Coming Home
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
**See chapter one for disclaimers and such.
*Please remember to feedback. Love it, hate it, indifference, I really want to know. If you've gotten this far, what's another second or two to say what you're thinking? Feedback inspires a writer like nothing else…So please use the review option and give me your thoughts!
Chapter Three
Abby stared at him, resisting the urge to run. His words tumbled in her mind, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. 'Abigail Lockhart, will you marry me?' The six words she had longed to hear for…for as long as she could remember. It seemed like forever she had been dreaming of this moment.
"Abby?" His voice shook a little, like an adolescent boy.
Abby blinked and shook her head. "I…I want that, Carter. More than anything…"
"But?"
"But no. I have to say no. I can't."
He dropped his eyes, looked down at the table, started picking at something dried on to the surface. She knew she had crushed him, sensed that she had made a terrible mistake. She felt the air change in the room. It seemed somehow thicker, tenser, almost like a fog she couldn't see through.
"I'm sorry, Carter."
He shook his head and stood up. "It's okay. Really. I shouldn't have asked." He took a step back, his eyes glassy, his expression one of a lost soul, wounded, drifting through life without meaning or direction.
She could feel him slipping away from her, from himself. "Carter?"
He put his hand up. "I'm fine. I'm okay. I have to go."
"Carter wait!" She started after him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I just mean…"
He turned back to face her and shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Abby. Nothing matter anyway."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. It means nothing. I have to go. I'm leaving now. Good bye." She took a step toward him and he stopped, turned to her again. "It's been a rough couple of weeks. I just want to be alone."
She nodded. She wanted to kiss him, hold him, feel his arms around her. But that would never happen. Not now, not after she rejected his proposal. Maybe never again.
She stiffened. "Carter, we should talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about, Abby."
"Yes there is. I want to marry you, Carter."
He shook his head and pushed his fingers against his eyes. "No you don't. And I don't want to marry you either. I only asked because…because it seemed like the thing to do. I don't even have the ring. It was impulsive. Stupid."
He was protecting himself, she knew. She knew all too well exactly what he was doing.
"I love you, John Carter."
His face changed in an instant, to that innocent little-boy look he could pull off better than anyone Abby had ever known. "I have to go."
"Go where?"
He shrugged. "Anywhere but here."
His words felt like a knife in her heart, and the effect paralyzed her long enough for him to walk away. She pulled herself together with a shuddering breath, but it was too late. He was already gone.
She collapsed against the wall as the tears overcame her once again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Later, when Abby should have been at work, she sat on the bench outside the hospital. She felt as lost and alone as Carter had looked. She had searched all afternoon for Carter, and found no sight of him.
Sitting there on the bench, staring off into space, she wondered if it was all a dream. Maybe she was still dreaming. It was all one big, stupid, crazy dream. Carter was still in the Congo, and Abby was still alone.
No matter what, dream or no, Abby would be alone. She had her chance at forever with Carter and she blew it. Carter didn't want her, and really she couldn't blame him.
She didn't deserve him, and he certainly didn't deserve her. He should find some high class society girl, especially now that his gamma was gone and he had it all. The entire Carter family fortune. John Truman Carter III was a walking money bag. And a good guy to boot.
It wasn't fair.
Abby closed her eyes and a mirage of his face appeared before her. He was smiling, his eyes shining. She opened her eyes to make the image go away.
"Abby?" Susan Lewis approached her. Abby groaned. "What are you doing out here? Weaver has Frank trying to call you every ten minutes."
Abby shrugged and brushed her hair from her face. "I didn't feel like working tonight."
"You better get in there before Weaver finds you."
Abby got to her feet. "Do me a favor. Are you going back in?" Susan nodded. "Don't tell her you saw me. I'm AWOL today."
"Abby…"
Abby turned and walked away. Back to her apartment. Alone. Eric was there, watching TV. Abby barely acknowledged him and slipped into her bedroom. Into the shower where she could cry under the steady stream of warm water.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I really don't know what is going on with Carter in this fic. He isn't telling me. But it's big. I can tell that much. He's hiding, not so much from me, but from himself and whatever it is he's not telling me. Well, anyway, please be sure to use the review button and let me know what you think of the story thus far!
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
**See chapter one for disclaimers and such.
*Please remember to feedback. Love it, hate it, indifference, I really want to know. If you've gotten this far, what's another second or two to say what you're thinking? Feedback inspires a writer like nothing else…So please use the review option and give me your thoughts!
Chapter Three
Abby stared at him, resisting the urge to run. His words tumbled in her mind, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. 'Abigail Lockhart, will you marry me?' The six words she had longed to hear for…for as long as she could remember. It seemed like forever she had been dreaming of this moment.
"Abby?" His voice shook a little, like an adolescent boy.
Abby blinked and shook her head. "I…I want that, Carter. More than anything…"
"But?"
"But no. I have to say no. I can't."
He dropped his eyes, looked down at the table, started picking at something dried on to the surface. She knew she had crushed him, sensed that she had made a terrible mistake. She felt the air change in the room. It seemed somehow thicker, tenser, almost like a fog she couldn't see through.
"I'm sorry, Carter."
He shook his head and stood up. "It's okay. Really. I shouldn't have asked." He took a step back, his eyes glassy, his expression one of a lost soul, wounded, drifting through life without meaning or direction.
She could feel him slipping away from her, from himself. "Carter?"
He put his hand up. "I'm fine. I'm okay. I have to go."
"Carter wait!" She started after him. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I just mean…"
He turned back to face her and shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Abby. Nothing matter anyway."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. It means nothing. I have to go. I'm leaving now. Good bye." She took a step toward him and he stopped, turned to her again. "It's been a rough couple of weeks. I just want to be alone."
She nodded. She wanted to kiss him, hold him, feel his arms around her. But that would never happen. Not now, not after she rejected his proposal. Maybe never again.
She stiffened. "Carter, we should talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about, Abby."
"Yes there is. I want to marry you, Carter."
He shook his head and pushed his fingers against his eyes. "No you don't. And I don't want to marry you either. I only asked because…because it seemed like the thing to do. I don't even have the ring. It was impulsive. Stupid."
He was protecting himself, she knew. She knew all too well exactly what he was doing.
"I love you, John Carter."
His face changed in an instant, to that innocent little-boy look he could pull off better than anyone Abby had ever known. "I have to go."
"Go where?"
He shrugged. "Anywhere but here."
His words felt like a knife in her heart, and the effect paralyzed her long enough for him to walk away. She pulled herself together with a shuddering breath, but it was too late. He was already gone.
She collapsed against the wall as the tears overcame her once again.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Later, when Abby should have been at work, she sat on the bench outside the hospital. She felt as lost and alone as Carter had looked. She had searched all afternoon for Carter, and found no sight of him.
Sitting there on the bench, staring off into space, she wondered if it was all a dream. Maybe she was still dreaming. It was all one big, stupid, crazy dream. Carter was still in the Congo, and Abby was still alone.
No matter what, dream or no, Abby would be alone. She had her chance at forever with Carter and she blew it. Carter didn't want her, and really she couldn't blame him.
She didn't deserve him, and he certainly didn't deserve her. He should find some high class society girl, especially now that his gamma was gone and he had it all. The entire Carter family fortune. John Truman Carter III was a walking money bag. And a good guy to boot.
It wasn't fair.
Abby closed her eyes and a mirage of his face appeared before her. He was smiling, his eyes shining. She opened her eyes to make the image go away.
"Abby?" Susan Lewis approached her. Abby groaned. "What are you doing out here? Weaver has Frank trying to call you every ten minutes."
Abby shrugged and brushed her hair from her face. "I didn't feel like working tonight."
"You better get in there before Weaver finds you."
Abby got to her feet. "Do me a favor. Are you going back in?" Susan nodded. "Don't tell her you saw me. I'm AWOL today."
"Abby…"
Abby turned and walked away. Back to her apartment. Alone. Eric was there, watching TV. Abby barely acknowledged him and slipped into her bedroom. Into the shower where she could cry under the steady stream of warm water.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
I really don't know what is going on with Carter in this fic. He isn't telling me. But it's big. I can tell that much. He's hiding, not so much from me, but from himself and whatever it is he's not telling me. Well, anyway, please be sure to use the review button and let me know what you think of the story thus far!