My Game

by Kassidy and Black Onyx Angel


Pairings: HG&HP, HP&DM, DM&HG, HP&??

Rating: R (for language)

Warnings: language, maybe ooc (depending on how you look at it), bastard!Harry, might offend some of you

A/N: The third one... Kassidy (a good friend of mine), decided she'd pick it up and write it from Harry's POV... well, she sent it to me, and I read. I loved it, but I wanted to change bits and pieces... add a few lines here, a few punctuation changes there, and a new twist... hope you enjoy... (this follows 'Their Game')



I slowly walk away to my own room, my head down, my mind buried in the thoughts spinning around and around. There are always so many of them now. So damn many…


I never meant for things to go this far. I swear I didn't, but I can't stop it now. I have to live with it and hide my regret, forget my shame, and cover my lies. They don't know me as well as they think they do, if they believe that this can really be me. What they don't know won't kill them, but what they do know might.


I am alone again. I am always alone now, even when they are there, when I am there. They just don't understand. They don't fucking well understand what I'm bloody going through, and I don't want them to. I don't want them to know what I go through every day, because they will only pity me and that would ruin everything. That would ruin me.


I swear they must think I'm blind. Do they really think I don't know what they do behind my back? That I don't know what they do behind closed doors when they think I am far away? I know. I know they're sleeping together, I know that he goes to her for comfort and that she gives it to him. I know that she even wants it. But what can I do? They need each other. No matter how hard they try to deny it, they need each other. And I need them, but they'll never know nor believe it.


I did that for them, you know? I gave them each other. I forced them together. Me. Harry Fucking Potter. It is all my own damn fault.


I will accept the consequences, and watch my back. Believe me, I will, because I know that they will try to get me. I know more than they will ever realize. I even know what they call me. The bastard who lived. That's what I am now. That's all I am.


But again, I can live with that. And I will happily live with it, because that is all I have to live for.


They don't really get it, you know? They don't understand what war really is. They don't know what I have to do, what I have to see, what I have to become... They are no where near tough enough to survive this without me. That is what I am doing, helping them survive...


I close the door behind me as I enter his room. Dropping my cloak over the only chair in the bedroom, I walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.


Yes, it's harsh, do you think that I don't fucking know that? Of course I know it, but when this is done and over with, they will be alive. They may, no, will hate me, but they will be alive, unlike everyone else. I will save everyone I can. And to save them, I will beat, love, or fuck whoever I have to. I'll do it for them.


Until this is all over. Until this war that I did not start, is finished. Then I will be free, finally. When my job is done, I will leave, and they can hate the memory of me in peace. Perhaps in time they will understand why I did it. Perhaps they can forgive me, eventually.


I'll tell you though, I'm not going to hold my breath. I won't be around to hold my breath.


I have some of Voldemort's powers, and after I use them to destroy him, I will destroy them. All of his powers must be destroyed. And that means destroying me...


I look up into the bathroom mirror and wipe away the tears on my face. I open the cold water tap, running the cool water to splash over my face. If they see me crying they will know it has all been a lie. And then my entire plan will go up in smoke.


Drying the water from my face, I hang the towel back in its proper place and open the bathroom door, smiling at the man on the four poster bed. My voice is a carefully cultured purr, as I speak his name. "Severus..."



A/N: ... I wrote that ending, the very last paragraph, and for some reason it sends a shiver up my spine every time I read it. I hop this doesn't disappoint Kassidy, or any of you... next one is from Sev's POV. What new pairing will come to light for the reader? What new deception can I come up with? *snicker* just you wait and see. Feedback for a starving author?