Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 26
So another beer later I found I'd told Dwayne more than I should have! When I think back now I can't believe some of the stuff that came out of my mouth that night to a virtual stranger! It's a wonder the poor guy didn't just get up & run for the door!
"So Matt thinks I'm a psycho and Jeff, well……..." I sighed, "Jeff just happens to be there for me……….can I get another beer?" Dwayne gestured to the fridge so I helped myself. "And I don't want to tell Matt because well………just because! So now you have my entire mental life story & you probably think I'm a fucking idiot aswell now!"
Dwayne shook his head & smiled, "No. I happen to think Matt is the idiot in this story!"
"Excuse me?" I said, pacing the floor of the hotel room.
"Well you obviously love the guy but I can't help but get the feeling he's gonna lose you if he doesn't buck his ideas up! Maybe if I had a word……."
"Oh no!!" I laughed bitterly, "Thankyou but he has to figure this one out all on his own or it aint worth shit!"
Dwayne puffed out his cheeks, "Ok! Ok! I won't say anything if you don't want me to but listen about Jeff, "he paused & looked at me, "What I'm trying to say is try not to cling to Jeff because you feel like you have no one else y'know? Matt loves you I'm sure of it! You just have to trust him enough to tell him what's been goin on before….." he paused again & sighed, "Well before something happens between you & Jeff that you'll both regret!"
"Nothing is gonna happen between me & Jeff! I love Matt!" I sat down beside him on the bed & he grabbed my hand. His hands looked so huge compared to mine & at any other time I would have probably laughed about it!
"You might not mean for it to happen but, well sometimes we lose control, believe me I know! I saw the way you two looked at each other & to me it looks like an accident waiting to happen! You get me?"
I sighed, "yeah I do! I get that feeling myself sometimes!"
"Well I don't mean to preach here but, just watch your step, because if I can pick up on these vibes so can Matt, if he hasn't already!"
"Yeah I know I guess you're right!"
"As for this Mick & who's the other guy?"
"Steve!" I sighed,
"Well as for Mick & Steve the only thing I can suggest is that you call home again, see if you can get some sense out of your folks!"
"Right again!" I laughed, "What does it feel like to be so bloody perfect?"
"I have no idea but if you find out then please let me know!" he laughed, "I'm far from perfect believe me! But hey I didn't mean to sound….."
"I'm joking really! I appreciate your advice, it's good to talk to someone who's not directly involved! Thank you Dwayne!"
"Anytime!" he squeezed my hand. "Now come on or Matt will be worried that Rocky's escaped!" he smiled.
We went out into the corridor to be greeted by Jeff coming the other way.
"Hey there you are! I was starting to worry!" Dwayne gave me a sideways glance.
"Oh hi Jeff, I was just um….."
"Hey Bec there you are!" Matt said coming out of the door.
"Well Jeff I was wondering if you could um give me some advice about something!" Dwayne put his arm around Jeff's shoulders and winked at me.
"Advice? But I was just gonna see if Bec was…"
"I'm sure your brother can take care of Bec!" he started to lead Jeff back to his room & I saw Jeff wince as Dwayne's grip on his shoulder got a little too forceful! I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing!! As Dwayne tactfully got Jeff out of the way I walked towards Matt & he held out his arms & hugged me.
"You don't mind all that lot bein in there do you?"
"No!" I smiled, "I was just talking to Dwayne, I didn't realize I'd been so long!"
"Dwayne's an ok kinda guy!"
"Yeah he is! He thinks he's my Dad but he's a genuinely nice guy!" I laughed.
"How come?"
"Oh nothing!" I kissed him & it seemed to take his mind off the present conversation.
"Hey, what's say we don't go back in there just yet? Let's go for a walk!"
"A walk? At this hour of the night?"
"Yeah why not? It's a pretty nice night now the rain's stopped and I've hardly seen you all day!"
"Sure! Ok let's go then!" I smiled.
So, hand in hand we walked outside in the hotel gardens. We stopped by a large pond with a fountain. Matt put his arm around me & I leaned my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head.
"We should do this stuff more often!"
"We never have time!" I laughed.
"Well, we'll have to make time!" He kissed my head again. "You're not havin much fun are you?"
"What do you mean? Of course I am!"
"Naaah……..I can tell! It can't be much fun when I'm working all the damn time & you're left behind stuck in the hotel room!"
"But I wasn't stuck in the hotel room Matt I went out with Jeff I already told you!"
"Oh yeah! Sorry I forgot!" He sighed slightly & I knew there was something coming that I wasn't going to like! "Bec, you & Jeff, well you guys seem pretty close lately?"
"What do you mean? I didn't move but my heart rate doubled!
"Oh nothing really I just feel like maybe I'm neglecting you that's all!"
"I'm not a frigging prize rose bush Matt! You haven't been neglecting me I just, well I get along with Jeff, he's a nice guy and yeah I'm glad he's here or I would've been stuck in the hotel room all day on my own!"
"Yeah I guess." He lifted my chin so I was facing him, "You might not be a prize rose bush but you're still my English rose!"
I Burst out laughing!"You soft shit!" I playfully punched his arm & he laughed.
"Ok! Ok! I don't wanna make you puke!"
"Keep saying shit like that & I'll ban you from drinking alchohol!"
He smiled & softly kissed my lips. It was still there, the shivers down my spine, the goosebumps, the feeling like he was kissing me for the first time! I'd never known a guy to have so much affect on my emotions the way Matt did! I guessed it was because I loved him & I'd just never been in love before! "I love you!" I whispered & kissed him again. When we parted he smiled.
"I………….I…" this is it I thought, he is going to tell me he loves me! My stomach churned! He sighed, "I guess we should get back inside before they trash the place!" I just looked at him amazed! I was sure he'd tried to tell me but for some reason he just couldn't get the words out! "You ok?"
"MMmmm yeah I'm erm…I'm fine! I guess you're right we should be getting back inside!"
He took my hand and we went back inside. We were greeted with shouts & whistles when we walked back into our room!Everyone seemed very drunk & I decided to join them & get myself another beer! I sat on the floor leaning on Matt as we both drank & joined in the meyhem! Adam decided he'd do a strip but Dwayne reminded him just before his boxers came off that there was a lady in the room! I'd hidden my face in Matt's leg once he'd taken off his pants & I realized he seriously WAS going to strip!
"Aw man!" Adam moaned, "Does that mean we cant do the traditional streak down the corridors?"
I looked at Matt, "You do THAT!?" I laughed & Matt held up his hands and tried to look innocent!!
Ah pay no attention to his 'butter wouldn't melt' look Bec! He's usually the first one to get naked!!" Adam laughed.
"Oh I don't think I wanna know!" I giggled.
It was about 1am when Matt was playing Tony Hawk against Chris Benoit & I found myself sitting alone with an empty beer bottle in my hand. I decided I could probably handle one more before I passed out so I got up & went to the fridge where I bumped into Jeff, literally!
"woah!" I staggered back & he caught hold of my arm to steady me. "Sorry! I thought you were a wall!" I giggled.
"Haven't you had enough of those!" he laughed as I bent down & picked another beer out of the fridge.
"Ah one more won't make the hang over any worse!" I laughed & walked back to where I'd been sitting. I found that Jeff had followed me so I just stood & leaned against the wall.
"Can we talk?"
"About what?" I was almost shouting to be heard above then rest of the guys cheering & laughing. Jeff grabbed my arm & pushed me into the bathroom closing the door behind us. "Jeff! I can't be here! Someone will see!"
"See what? There's nothing to see!" he sighed & leaned against the sink & I sat down on the edge of the bath before I fell down! "there's nothing to see & there never will be!" he muttered.
"Er……excuse me I KNOW that!"
"See I don't think you did! I don't think either of us did! Not really!" I looked down at the bottle of beer in my hands & said nothing. "Ok so I had the lecture from Dwayne, although he's a fine one to talk!"
"Yeah me too!" I smiled.
"And I just want to say I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, well I mean it was the right impression but it was wrong to give it……errrm…..what am I talking about?"
"I have no idea!" I said & fell off the side of the bath & onto the floor! "Ouch!" I rubbed my butt & tried to wipe the beer off my jeans, "Oh great it looks like I've pissed myself now!"
Jeff burst out laughing & sat beside me on the floor. "Well I just want to say that I like you an' all but you're my brother's girlfriend and so……" he belched & it stunk of beer! I wafted it away with my hand.
"DUDE!"
"Sorry! Anyway so I was saying I wouldn't do anything to……..well you know?"
I nodded, "Yup!" I took another gulp from my bottle. "Funny how things work out though huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I mean, I hated you, well ok, hate…" I hiccupped, "…..Hate might be a little harsh, but I thought…." I looked at my bottle then decided to take another drink then hiccupped again! "Ah ok so I hated you! But now I Know you're a real nice guy Jeff!" I slapped his leg.
"Yeah I am aren't I?"
"Yup! Full of yourself but never the less a nice…..whatsit!" I pulled myself to my feet using the side of the bath & the sink!
"Bec y'know the funny thing?"
"Yeah you! I'm going bye!"
"No! No,no wait up! I mean if it wasn't…………….um……….if you and Matt weren't well y'know……………..well would you? I mean you & me………….?"
"I don't know that Jeffereeee!"
I opened the door & he whispered in my ear, "Yeah you would!" I pursed my lips but I couldn't help but smile, after all he was right, I would! I definatley would!
Chapter 26
So another beer later I found I'd told Dwayne more than I should have! When I think back now I can't believe some of the stuff that came out of my mouth that night to a virtual stranger! It's a wonder the poor guy didn't just get up & run for the door!
"So Matt thinks I'm a psycho and Jeff, well……..." I sighed, "Jeff just happens to be there for me……….can I get another beer?" Dwayne gestured to the fridge so I helped myself. "And I don't want to tell Matt because well………just because! So now you have my entire mental life story & you probably think I'm a fucking idiot aswell now!"
Dwayne shook his head & smiled, "No. I happen to think Matt is the idiot in this story!"
"Excuse me?" I said, pacing the floor of the hotel room.
"Well you obviously love the guy but I can't help but get the feeling he's gonna lose you if he doesn't buck his ideas up! Maybe if I had a word……."
"Oh no!!" I laughed bitterly, "Thankyou but he has to figure this one out all on his own or it aint worth shit!"
Dwayne puffed out his cheeks, "Ok! Ok! I won't say anything if you don't want me to but listen about Jeff, "he paused & looked at me, "What I'm trying to say is try not to cling to Jeff because you feel like you have no one else y'know? Matt loves you I'm sure of it! You just have to trust him enough to tell him what's been goin on before….." he paused again & sighed, "Well before something happens between you & Jeff that you'll both regret!"
"Nothing is gonna happen between me & Jeff! I love Matt!" I sat down beside him on the bed & he grabbed my hand. His hands looked so huge compared to mine & at any other time I would have probably laughed about it!
"You might not mean for it to happen but, well sometimes we lose control, believe me I know! I saw the way you two looked at each other & to me it looks like an accident waiting to happen! You get me?"
I sighed, "yeah I do! I get that feeling myself sometimes!"
"Well I don't mean to preach here but, just watch your step, because if I can pick up on these vibes so can Matt, if he hasn't already!"
"Yeah I know I guess you're right!"
"As for this Mick & who's the other guy?"
"Steve!" I sighed,
"Well as for Mick & Steve the only thing I can suggest is that you call home again, see if you can get some sense out of your folks!"
"Right again!" I laughed, "What does it feel like to be so bloody perfect?"
"I have no idea but if you find out then please let me know!" he laughed, "I'm far from perfect believe me! But hey I didn't mean to sound….."
"I'm joking really! I appreciate your advice, it's good to talk to someone who's not directly involved! Thank you Dwayne!"
"Anytime!" he squeezed my hand. "Now come on or Matt will be worried that Rocky's escaped!" he smiled.
We went out into the corridor to be greeted by Jeff coming the other way.
"Hey there you are! I was starting to worry!" Dwayne gave me a sideways glance.
"Oh hi Jeff, I was just um….."
"Hey Bec there you are!" Matt said coming out of the door.
"Well Jeff I was wondering if you could um give me some advice about something!" Dwayne put his arm around Jeff's shoulders and winked at me.
"Advice? But I was just gonna see if Bec was…"
"I'm sure your brother can take care of Bec!" he started to lead Jeff back to his room & I saw Jeff wince as Dwayne's grip on his shoulder got a little too forceful! I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing!! As Dwayne tactfully got Jeff out of the way I walked towards Matt & he held out his arms & hugged me.
"You don't mind all that lot bein in there do you?"
"No!" I smiled, "I was just talking to Dwayne, I didn't realize I'd been so long!"
"Dwayne's an ok kinda guy!"
"Yeah he is! He thinks he's my Dad but he's a genuinely nice guy!" I laughed.
"How come?"
"Oh nothing!" I kissed him & it seemed to take his mind off the present conversation.
"Hey, what's say we don't go back in there just yet? Let's go for a walk!"
"A walk? At this hour of the night?"
"Yeah why not? It's a pretty nice night now the rain's stopped and I've hardly seen you all day!"
"Sure! Ok let's go then!" I smiled.
So, hand in hand we walked outside in the hotel gardens. We stopped by a large pond with a fountain. Matt put his arm around me & I leaned my head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head.
"We should do this stuff more often!"
"We never have time!" I laughed.
"Well, we'll have to make time!" He kissed my head again. "You're not havin much fun are you?"
"What do you mean? Of course I am!"
"Naaah……..I can tell! It can't be much fun when I'm working all the damn time & you're left behind stuck in the hotel room!"
"But I wasn't stuck in the hotel room Matt I went out with Jeff I already told you!"
"Oh yeah! Sorry I forgot!" He sighed slightly & I knew there was something coming that I wasn't going to like! "Bec, you & Jeff, well you guys seem pretty close lately?"
"What do you mean? I didn't move but my heart rate doubled!
"Oh nothing really I just feel like maybe I'm neglecting you that's all!"
"I'm not a frigging prize rose bush Matt! You haven't been neglecting me I just, well I get along with Jeff, he's a nice guy and yeah I'm glad he's here or I would've been stuck in the hotel room all day on my own!"
"Yeah I guess." He lifted my chin so I was facing him, "You might not be a prize rose bush but you're still my English rose!"
I Burst out laughing!"You soft shit!" I playfully punched his arm & he laughed.
"Ok! Ok! I don't wanna make you puke!"
"Keep saying shit like that & I'll ban you from drinking alchohol!"
He smiled & softly kissed my lips. It was still there, the shivers down my spine, the goosebumps, the feeling like he was kissing me for the first time! I'd never known a guy to have so much affect on my emotions the way Matt did! I guessed it was because I loved him & I'd just never been in love before! "I love you!" I whispered & kissed him again. When we parted he smiled.
"I………….I…" this is it I thought, he is going to tell me he loves me! My stomach churned! He sighed, "I guess we should get back inside before they trash the place!" I just looked at him amazed! I was sure he'd tried to tell me but for some reason he just couldn't get the words out! "You ok?"
"MMmmm yeah I'm erm…I'm fine! I guess you're right we should be getting back inside!"
He took my hand and we went back inside. We were greeted with shouts & whistles when we walked back into our room!Everyone seemed very drunk & I decided to join them & get myself another beer! I sat on the floor leaning on Matt as we both drank & joined in the meyhem! Adam decided he'd do a strip but Dwayne reminded him just before his boxers came off that there was a lady in the room! I'd hidden my face in Matt's leg once he'd taken off his pants & I realized he seriously WAS going to strip!
"Aw man!" Adam moaned, "Does that mean we cant do the traditional streak down the corridors?"
I looked at Matt, "You do THAT!?" I laughed & Matt held up his hands and tried to look innocent!!
Ah pay no attention to his 'butter wouldn't melt' look Bec! He's usually the first one to get naked!!" Adam laughed.
"Oh I don't think I wanna know!" I giggled.
It was about 1am when Matt was playing Tony Hawk against Chris Benoit & I found myself sitting alone with an empty beer bottle in my hand. I decided I could probably handle one more before I passed out so I got up & went to the fridge where I bumped into Jeff, literally!
"woah!" I staggered back & he caught hold of my arm to steady me. "Sorry! I thought you were a wall!" I giggled.
"Haven't you had enough of those!" he laughed as I bent down & picked another beer out of the fridge.
"Ah one more won't make the hang over any worse!" I laughed & walked back to where I'd been sitting. I found that Jeff had followed me so I just stood & leaned against the wall.
"Can we talk?"
"About what?" I was almost shouting to be heard above then rest of the guys cheering & laughing. Jeff grabbed my arm & pushed me into the bathroom closing the door behind us. "Jeff! I can't be here! Someone will see!"
"See what? There's nothing to see!" he sighed & leaned against the sink & I sat down on the edge of the bath before I fell down! "there's nothing to see & there never will be!" he muttered.
"Er……excuse me I KNOW that!"
"See I don't think you did! I don't think either of us did! Not really!" I looked down at the bottle of beer in my hands & said nothing. "Ok so I had the lecture from Dwayne, although he's a fine one to talk!"
"Yeah me too!" I smiled.
"And I just want to say I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, well I mean it was the right impression but it was wrong to give it……errrm…..what am I talking about?"
"I have no idea!" I said & fell off the side of the bath & onto the floor! "Ouch!" I rubbed my butt & tried to wipe the beer off my jeans, "Oh great it looks like I've pissed myself now!"
Jeff burst out laughing & sat beside me on the floor. "Well I just want to say that I like you an' all but you're my brother's girlfriend and so……" he belched & it stunk of beer! I wafted it away with my hand.
"DUDE!"
"Sorry! Anyway so I was saying I wouldn't do anything to……..well you know?"
I nodded, "Yup!" I took another gulp from my bottle. "Funny how things work out though huh?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well I mean, I hated you, well ok, hate…" I hiccupped, "…..Hate might be a little harsh, but I thought…." I looked at my bottle then decided to take another drink then hiccupped again! "Ah ok so I hated you! But now I Know you're a real nice guy Jeff!" I slapped his leg.
"Yeah I am aren't I?"
"Yup! Full of yourself but never the less a nice…..whatsit!" I pulled myself to my feet using the side of the bath & the sink!
"Bec y'know the funny thing?"
"Yeah you! I'm going bye!"
"No! No,no wait up! I mean if it wasn't…………….um……….if you and Matt weren't well y'know……………..well would you? I mean you & me………….?"
"I don't know that Jeffereeee!"
I opened the door & he whispered in my ear, "Yeah you would!" I pursed my lips but I couldn't help but smile, after all he was right, I would! I definatley would!