Coming Home
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 9
I look at him, and I want to cry. He's in so much pain. It's etched in every line on his face. His head thrashes from side to side, his mouth twists in agony. And there's nothing anyone here can do for him.
"What's he saying?" Carter asks Gillian. I know he's talking to Gillian and not me because he's looking at Gillian as if Gillian holds all the answers. I feel like I am not even here.
The two of them lean in, practically forehead to forehead with their ears turned to Luka. His voice is nothing more than a whisper, but I can tell from where I am standing that he isn't making sense.
"I don't know," Gillian says. "It's not French. I don't know what you're saying, baby." Baby? She did not just call him 'baby'. I don't need a signed confession to tell me they've been sleeping together, but really. 'Baby' is a little much. Luka is hardly the kind of man a woman would call 'baby'.
"Croatian?" Carter suggests. Duh, Carter. Croatian is his native language.
Gillian nods. Aren't they just the smartest people on the planet? "It sounds like a prayer." She reaches up to smooth his hair away from his face. She looks at him like she wants to kiss him. Like the prince and Sleeping Beauty.
"Probably is," Carter agrees. If the situation wasn't so serious I would probably laugh. "He's dying, Gillian."
"I know," she says softly and a single tear falls onto his cheek. She brushes it away then kisses that spot. Luka reaches up and grabs her wrist. The wide-eyed look she gives Carter tells me he has more strength than she expected. "What is it, Luka?"
"Danijela," he says, and Gillian looks at him hopelessly. His words are a jumble of sounds to my ears, though I have heard him speak Croatian many times, I never learned any of it.
"I'm sorry, Luka. I don't understand."
"Can you use English?" Carter asks him.
He opens his eyes briefly, but seems to have trouble focusing. "Danijela…the children…Jasna…Marko…"
I can feel the tension thick as pudding. Gillian has no idea who Danijela is. Part of me wants to gloat, but I try to swallow it. I am not jealous. Why would I be? I'm in love with Carter. Luka and I didn't work out. He is a very dear friend, but I'm not in love with him. I am not jealous.
Carter shakes his head and lays his hand against Luka's cheek. The tenderness of the gesture catches me off guard.
"They're not here, Luka. They died in the war a long time ago."
"No…" Luka shifts his eyes to Gillian. He says his wife's name again, and more Croatian I can't understand.
"Carter, what is he talking about?" Gillian asks. "Who is Danijela?"
Luka's hand falls away from Gillian and she moves it to rest next to his body. Carter covers her hand with his, holding it against Luka's arm. "Danijela was his wife. She and their two children were killed during the war in Croatia about twelve years ago."
She looks…stunned. Her face is totally blank. She stares at Carter for a long moment then turns her eyes down to Luka. He's muttering again, the words that sound like a prayer or a chant or something.
Carter moves his hand and Gillian reaches to take Luka's hand in hers. "He told me about fighting in Vukovar, and he said his family was killed. He didn't say it was his wife and children." She sounds like she's been betrayed.
"We have to get him to a modern hospital," Carter says after a few tense minutes.
Gillian looks up at him. "It's too dangerous."
"We have to try. He's dying, Gillian. His leg is infected. Once it's in his blood, it will go to his heart. He'll die within a few days. We have to move him. We can't treat him here."
She looks down and her lip trembles. I'm torn up inside. On one hand I want to punch her in the nose and tell her to get the hell away from Luka. On the other hand I think she really cares about him and what happens to him.
"I'm pregnant."
Carter sucks his breath in. I think my jaw must have hit the floor. I catch myself rubbing my stomach, remembering the night Carter came home from this horrible place, and the persistent thought that I should have made him use a condom.
"How do you know?" Carter asks, his voice full of concern. "Have you taken a test?"
She shakes her head. "I just know. I can tell."
"How?"
"A woman knows, Dr. Carter. I don't know how to explain it to you. It's something I feel."
"And you're sure it's Luka's?"
She nods. "He's the only one."
Carter stares at her, then looks at Luka, and his eyes turn back to Gillian. Luka is still, his face slack, his body relaxed. Probably passed out from the pain. I wonder what he would say if he knew what Gillian was saying.
"You didn't use protection?" Carter asks, and his words seem almost cruel. This is not the time or place for this discussion, but I just sit back and keep my mouth shut. I don't want to be a part of it.
"What protection? Do you see anywhere around here to buy anything?"
"Okay. I'm sorry," he says and I believe he is. I wonder what he would think if I said I think I might be pregnant too. But it's way too early to tell. Back home I could order a pregnancy test on myself.
I can not believe how calm I am. I'm thinking about being pregnant and I am totally calm. How did that happen? I glance at Carter, and I know it's because of him. Because I love him. Because I trust him. Because I want to marry him and have his babies.
"We have to get him out of here, Gillian."
"I know," she whispers and leans in to kiss his cheek. "I know."
* * * * * * * *
Carter gets some guy named Patrique to help him move Luka into the medical van. The woman I met when Carter and I first arrived here is watching, and she doesn't look happy. She, like everyone else, thinks moving Luka is a bad idea.
I'm standing by the wall outside with Gillian. I want to smoke, and I think she wants to smoke, but I don't say anything. I just shift my weight every few seconds and silently pray we're doing the right thing.
Once Luka is settled, we pile into the van. Patrique is going to drive us to the capitol city, Kinshasa. Carter and Gillian sit in the back with Luka, I sit up front with Patrique. I am not thrilled about the situation, because I want to be close to Carter. But Carter needs to be with Luka in case anything happens, and Gillian won't be separated from Luka.
It's a long and bumpy ride. At one point I look back and see Carter laying cross Luka to try to keep him stabilized. Gillian never lets go of Luka's hand.
* * * * * * *
This chapter has been haunting me all day. I thought I would never get home to work on it. Use the review option and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!
An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa
Chapter 9
I look at him, and I want to cry. He's in so much pain. It's etched in every line on his face. His head thrashes from side to side, his mouth twists in agony. And there's nothing anyone here can do for him.
"What's he saying?" Carter asks Gillian. I know he's talking to Gillian and not me because he's looking at Gillian as if Gillian holds all the answers. I feel like I am not even here.
The two of them lean in, practically forehead to forehead with their ears turned to Luka. His voice is nothing more than a whisper, but I can tell from where I am standing that he isn't making sense.
"I don't know," Gillian says. "It's not French. I don't know what you're saying, baby." Baby? She did not just call him 'baby'. I don't need a signed confession to tell me they've been sleeping together, but really. 'Baby' is a little much. Luka is hardly the kind of man a woman would call 'baby'.
"Croatian?" Carter suggests. Duh, Carter. Croatian is his native language.
Gillian nods. Aren't they just the smartest people on the planet? "It sounds like a prayer." She reaches up to smooth his hair away from his face. She looks at him like she wants to kiss him. Like the prince and Sleeping Beauty.
"Probably is," Carter agrees. If the situation wasn't so serious I would probably laugh. "He's dying, Gillian."
"I know," she says softly and a single tear falls onto his cheek. She brushes it away then kisses that spot. Luka reaches up and grabs her wrist. The wide-eyed look she gives Carter tells me he has more strength than she expected. "What is it, Luka?"
"Danijela," he says, and Gillian looks at him hopelessly. His words are a jumble of sounds to my ears, though I have heard him speak Croatian many times, I never learned any of it.
"I'm sorry, Luka. I don't understand."
"Can you use English?" Carter asks him.
He opens his eyes briefly, but seems to have trouble focusing. "Danijela…the children…Jasna…Marko…"
I can feel the tension thick as pudding. Gillian has no idea who Danijela is. Part of me wants to gloat, but I try to swallow it. I am not jealous. Why would I be? I'm in love with Carter. Luka and I didn't work out. He is a very dear friend, but I'm not in love with him. I am not jealous.
Carter shakes his head and lays his hand against Luka's cheek. The tenderness of the gesture catches me off guard.
"They're not here, Luka. They died in the war a long time ago."
"No…" Luka shifts his eyes to Gillian. He says his wife's name again, and more Croatian I can't understand.
"Carter, what is he talking about?" Gillian asks. "Who is Danijela?"
Luka's hand falls away from Gillian and she moves it to rest next to his body. Carter covers her hand with his, holding it against Luka's arm. "Danijela was his wife. She and their two children were killed during the war in Croatia about twelve years ago."
She looks…stunned. Her face is totally blank. She stares at Carter for a long moment then turns her eyes down to Luka. He's muttering again, the words that sound like a prayer or a chant or something.
Carter moves his hand and Gillian reaches to take Luka's hand in hers. "He told me about fighting in Vukovar, and he said his family was killed. He didn't say it was his wife and children." She sounds like she's been betrayed.
"We have to get him to a modern hospital," Carter says after a few tense minutes.
Gillian looks up at him. "It's too dangerous."
"We have to try. He's dying, Gillian. His leg is infected. Once it's in his blood, it will go to his heart. He'll die within a few days. We have to move him. We can't treat him here."
She looks down and her lip trembles. I'm torn up inside. On one hand I want to punch her in the nose and tell her to get the hell away from Luka. On the other hand I think she really cares about him and what happens to him.
"I'm pregnant."
Carter sucks his breath in. I think my jaw must have hit the floor. I catch myself rubbing my stomach, remembering the night Carter came home from this horrible place, and the persistent thought that I should have made him use a condom.
"How do you know?" Carter asks, his voice full of concern. "Have you taken a test?"
She shakes her head. "I just know. I can tell."
"How?"
"A woman knows, Dr. Carter. I don't know how to explain it to you. It's something I feel."
"And you're sure it's Luka's?"
She nods. "He's the only one."
Carter stares at her, then looks at Luka, and his eyes turn back to Gillian. Luka is still, his face slack, his body relaxed. Probably passed out from the pain. I wonder what he would say if he knew what Gillian was saying.
"You didn't use protection?" Carter asks, and his words seem almost cruel. This is not the time or place for this discussion, but I just sit back and keep my mouth shut. I don't want to be a part of it.
"What protection? Do you see anywhere around here to buy anything?"
"Okay. I'm sorry," he says and I believe he is. I wonder what he would think if I said I think I might be pregnant too. But it's way too early to tell. Back home I could order a pregnancy test on myself.
I can not believe how calm I am. I'm thinking about being pregnant and I am totally calm. How did that happen? I glance at Carter, and I know it's because of him. Because I love him. Because I trust him. Because I want to marry him and have his babies.
"We have to get him out of here, Gillian."
"I know," she whispers and leans in to kiss his cheek. "I know."
* * * * * * * *
Carter gets some guy named Patrique to help him move Luka into the medical van. The woman I met when Carter and I first arrived here is watching, and she doesn't look happy. She, like everyone else, thinks moving Luka is a bad idea.
I'm standing by the wall outside with Gillian. I want to smoke, and I think she wants to smoke, but I don't say anything. I just shift my weight every few seconds and silently pray we're doing the right thing.
Once Luka is settled, we pile into the van. Patrique is going to drive us to the capitol city, Kinshasa. Carter and Gillian sit in the back with Luka, I sit up front with Patrique. I am not thrilled about the situation, because I want to be close to Carter. But Carter needs to be with Luka in case anything happens, and Gillian won't be separated from Luka.
It's a long and bumpy ride. At one point I look back and see Carter laying cross Luka to try to keep him stabilized. Gillian never lets go of Luka's hand.
* * * * * * *
This chapter has been haunting me all day. I thought I would never get home to work on it. Use the review option and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!