Lost, Confused, Unkind (sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 29
The paramedics took Jeff to the hospital & since Dwayne was the only one who hadn't been drinking he took Matt & me in his rental. We didn't have to wait very long before the doctor came to tell us that thanks to Matt & Dwayne's quick thinking Jeff was going to be fine! I wanted to go in & see him because I knew this must have something to do with all the shit that had been going on lately, but Matt asked if I could wait with Dwayne while he went in alone.
While I sat with Dwayne in the waiting room I rocked back & forth slightly in my chair, fidgeted with my hands, my clothes, my hair. I bit on my fingernails & kept getting up & pacing the floor.
"Hey come on they said he was gonna be ok! What are you so worried about?" Dwayne asked.
"I need to see him for myself Dwayne! God he almost died in there! I wanna know what the hell is going on!"
"He was drunk! Hell I saw the state he was in & I left hours ago! He probably didn't know why he did it!"
"I don't care how drunk he was! He was fully clothed in the bathtub for God's sake!"
"Hey!" Matt wandered over to us.
"Hi how is he? Is he ok? Did he say what happened?"
Matt gave me a strange look, "Um yeah he's gonna be ok! He's ah.." he scratched his head, "He said he was just wasted, didn't know what he was doing!" Matt sat down & put his head in his hands, he looked drained. 'I dunno what the hell's gotten into him!"
"Can I…um…..go in & see him?"
"Yeah Matt come on man we'll go get a coffee!" Dwayne helped Matt to his feet & put his arm around his shoulders & lead him away without any protest! I think Matt was probably too exhausted to even think for himself!
After I'd watched Matt & Dwayne disappear down the corridor I slowly walked into Jeff's room. He was asleep on the bed so I went over to him & I couldn't help but brush some of his hair from his forehead. He stirred & opened his eyes.
"Hi!" he said weakly.
"Hi, how are you feeling?" I pulled a chair up to the side of the bed & took hold of his hand.
"Ah, y'know, I've had easier hangovers!"
"What really happened Jeff?" he sighed & nodded his head.
"Ok well, I don't really know for sure, I was kinda out of it, but…" he sat forward & moved some of his hair to reveal a large gash in the top of his head, "Think I got this from whoever paid me a visit!" I put a hand to my mouth, "Told the doc I must have slipped & banged my head in the tub! He seemed to believe me!" He lay back on his pillow.
"Jeff, Christ! Jeff I'm so sorry!" I started to cry, "I knew something like this would happen!" He pulled on my arm so I leaned over & hugged him, "He's gonna kill someone!" I sniffed.
"Ssshhh, it's ok! Look I'm fine!" he smiled, "Christ you're freezing! And wet! What the?"
I sniffed again & wiped my face, "Ah well someone had to help Matt drag you ass out of that tub!"
"You did that?"
"Of course I did! What did you think I'd just leave you there?"
Jeff smiled, "Thankyou for saving my life then!" He kissed my cheek & I held him again.
"Don't thank me! If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have been in the damn tub in the first place!" I said quietly, "I've been thinking, maybe I should just leave!"
"Leave?" he pushed me up so we were face to face, "What do you mean leave? You mean go back to Cameron?"
"No, I mean go back to England. I have to get out of here before someone ends up on a slab because of me!"
"You mean you'll leave Matt?"
"If that's what it takes to keep him alive then yes I'd leave him!" I sobbed.
"But you can't leave him Bec, you'll break his heart! Don't even think like that!"
"I don't know what else to do!" the tears streamed down my face.
"Come here…shhh!" He held me again, "But I don't want you to leave either! Stay Bec please?" he kissed the top of my head as he held me tightly. I looked up into his eyes. "Please don't go!" he whispered. Our eyes locked, just like they had done in the locker room that day that seemed so long ago right now. I couldn't look away from him & I could feel him gently pulling me towards him, I could feel his breath on my face…………. and then Matt walked in! I quickly got off the bed as soon as I heard the door opening & when I saw it was Matt I quickly wiped my face. He looked at me, then at Jeff but said nothing to either of us & just walked back out of the room again.
"Shit! I have to go to him!" I didn't give Jeff time to reply I just left. Matt was outside in the corridor. "Matt? Are you ok?"
He looked at the floor, "Yeah sure I just ah didn't want to erm…interrupt anything in there."
"You weren't interrupting anything we were just talking!" I lifted his chin so he was facing me, "Come here you look exhausted!" I put my arms around him & held him tightly, at first he seemed to resist my hug but after a few seconds he gave in & I felt his arms come around my back & I sighed with relief!
About 3 hours later Jeff was given the all clear & discharged. Dwayne drove us all back to the hotel & we were greeted by Shane who was coming down the front steps.
"Hey guys! Oh hey! How's the patient?" He said when he saw Jeff.
"Pretty good apart from a bit of a headache!" Jeff said trying to sound up beat, "So I guess I'll be ok for the show tonight!"
Shane laughed, "Oh you do huh? Well I don't think so Jeff!"
"I'll be fine!" Jeff whined.
"Whatever but I wanted to let you all know you have the day off, you too Dwayne you've been up all night!"
"What about the show? We were supposed to be headed for Texas this morning?" Matt asked.
"You guys need to get some rest! Jesus we'll work around you, just follow on tomorrow it's all in hand!"
After a few moans & groans from Jeff, Shane finally convinced them & said if any one of them turned up in Texas before tomorrow morning they'd all be fired!
So, yet again our stuff had to be moved to different rooms, God knows how much this was going to cost to repair & I didn't even want to think about WHO would be paying for it! I knew I couldn't afford it even if I wanted to! We were now on the opposite side of the corridor with Jeff's room tactfully sandwiched between Dwayne's and ours! The way the doctors looked at Jeff I could tell they thought he'd tried to commit suicide & I think Matt was of the same frame of mind! I was desperate to talk to Jeff alone but I knew I was on shakey ground after Matt had seen us in the hospital! So I resigned myself to the fact that it would be a long time before I was left alone with Jeff again! Matt stayed with Jeff for about an hour which gave me a chance to sort out my cases, have a shower & get warm & dry again. While I was tying back my hair I noticed the red patch again & realized Matt hadn't even said anything about it! Ok so it wasn't THAT obvious but he hadn't even noticed! I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes, just looking at the mess that stared back at me, I didn't much like myself these days & the less mirrors I came across over the next few days the better it would be!
I crawled into be & fell asleep before Matt even came back!
The next thing I knew was when I rolled over still half asleep & put my arm around the naked body next to me & snuggled into him. I heard him sniff & thought nothing of it until it was followed by another & another.
"Matt?" I mumbled.
"Ah erm hey babe!"
"Are you ok?" I lifted myself up on one elbow & peered over his shoulder. I turned his face towards mine & saw that he was crying. "Matt? Hey what's wrong?" I pulled him so he was lying on his back.
"Oh nothing. I'm ok!" he wiped his face & forced a smile.
"Come on you can talk to me!"
He looked up at the celling & sighed, "Well….I…….I thought I'd lost him Bec!" the tears started to stream down his face & I just put my arms around him & let him get it all out. "He might be an asshole but he's my kid brother & I love him!" he sobbed & I rocked him gently.
"I know! Hey it's ok to be upset!" We lay together like that until he finally fell asleep on my chest. I stroked his hair & kissed the top of his head softly & I knew then just looking at him asleep in my arms that I couldn't leave him & go back to England. I wasn't strong enough & I hoped I wouldn't regret that for the rest of my life! I needed for him to be safe but I just couldn't leave him! I was just going to have to rough it out & hope to Christ that somehow we'd be able to get through this and live to see another day!
Chapter 29
The paramedics took Jeff to the hospital & since Dwayne was the only one who hadn't been drinking he took Matt & me in his rental. We didn't have to wait very long before the doctor came to tell us that thanks to Matt & Dwayne's quick thinking Jeff was going to be fine! I wanted to go in & see him because I knew this must have something to do with all the shit that had been going on lately, but Matt asked if I could wait with Dwayne while he went in alone.
While I sat with Dwayne in the waiting room I rocked back & forth slightly in my chair, fidgeted with my hands, my clothes, my hair. I bit on my fingernails & kept getting up & pacing the floor.
"Hey come on they said he was gonna be ok! What are you so worried about?" Dwayne asked.
"I need to see him for myself Dwayne! God he almost died in there! I wanna know what the hell is going on!"
"He was drunk! Hell I saw the state he was in & I left hours ago! He probably didn't know why he did it!"
"I don't care how drunk he was! He was fully clothed in the bathtub for God's sake!"
"Hey!" Matt wandered over to us.
"Hi how is he? Is he ok? Did he say what happened?"
Matt gave me a strange look, "Um yeah he's gonna be ok! He's ah.." he scratched his head, "He said he was just wasted, didn't know what he was doing!" Matt sat down & put his head in his hands, he looked drained. 'I dunno what the hell's gotten into him!"
"Can I…um…..go in & see him?"
"Yeah Matt come on man we'll go get a coffee!" Dwayne helped Matt to his feet & put his arm around his shoulders & lead him away without any protest! I think Matt was probably too exhausted to even think for himself!
After I'd watched Matt & Dwayne disappear down the corridor I slowly walked into Jeff's room. He was asleep on the bed so I went over to him & I couldn't help but brush some of his hair from his forehead. He stirred & opened his eyes.
"Hi!" he said weakly.
"Hi, how are you feeling?" I pulled a chair up to the side of the bed & took hold of his hand.
"Ah, y'know, I've had easier hangovers!"
"What really happened Jeff?" he sighed & nodded his head.
"Ok well, I don't really know for sure, I was kinda out of it, but…" he sat forward & moved some of his hair to reveal a large gash in the top of his head, "Think I got this from whoever paid me a visit!" I put a hand to my mouth, "Told the doc I must have slipped & banged my head in the tub! He seemed to believe me!" He lay back on his pillow.
"Jeff, Christ! Jeff I'm so sorry!" I started to cry, "I knew something like this would happen!" He pulled on my arm so I leaned over & hugged him, "He's gonna kill someone!" I sniffed.
"Ssshhh, it's ok! Look I'm fine!" he smiled, "Christ you're freezing! And wet! What the?"
I sniffed again & wiped my face, "Ah well someone had to help Matt drag you ass out of that tub!"
"You did that?"
"Of course I did! What did you think I'd just leave you there?"
Jeff smiled, "Thankyou for saving my life then!" He kissed my cheek & I held him again.
"Don't thank me! If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have been in the damn tub in the first place!" I said quietly, "I've been thinking, maybe I should just leave!"
"Leave?" he pushed me up so we were face to face, "What do you mean leave? You mean go back to Cameron?"
"No, I mean go back to England. I have to get out of here before someone ends up on a slab because of me!"
"You mean you'll leave Matt?"
"If that's what it takes to keep him alive then yes I'd leave him!" I sobbed.
"But you can't leave him Bec, you'll break his heart! Don't even think like that!"
"I don't know what else to do!" the tears streamed down my face.
"Come here…shhh!" He held me again, "But I don't want you to leave either! Stay Bec please?" he kissed the top of my head as he held me tightly. I looked up into his eyes. "Please don't go!" he whispered. Our eyes locked, just like they had done in the locker room that day that seemed so long ago right now. I couldn't look away from him & I could feel him gently pulling me towards him, I could feel his breath on my face…………. and then Matt walked in! I quickly got off the bed as soon as I heard the door opening & when I saw it was Matt I quickly wiped my face. He looked at me, then at Jeff but said nothing to either of us & just walked back out of the room again.
"Shit! I have to go to him!" I didn't give Jeff time to reply I just left. Matt was outside in the corridor. "Matt? Are you ok?"
He looked at the floor, "Yeah sure I just ah didn't want to erm…interrupt anything in there."
"You weren't interrupting anything we were just talking!" I lifted his chin so he was facing me, "Come here you look exhausted!" I put my arms around him & held him tightly, at first he seemed to resist my hug but after a few seconds he gave in & I felt his arms come around my back & I sighed with relief!
About 3 hours later Jeff was given the all clear & discharged. Dwayne drove us all back to the hotel & we were greeted by Shane who was coming down the front steps.
"Hey guys! Oh hey! How's the patient?" He said when he saw Jeff.
"Pretty good apart from a bit of a headache!" Jeff said trying to sound up beat, "So I guess I'll be ok for the show tonight!"
Shane laughed, "Oh you do huh? Well I don't think so Jeff!"
"I'll be fine!" Jeff whined.
"Whatever but I wanted to let you all know you have the day off, you too Dwayne you've been up all night!"
"What about the show? We were supposed to be headed for Texas this morning?" Matt asked.
"You guys need to get some rest! Jesus we'll work around you, just follow on tomorrow it's all in hand!"
After a few moans & groans from Jeff, Shane finally convinced them & said if any one of them turned up in Texas before tomorrow morning they'd all be fired!
So, yet again our stuff had to be moved to different rooms, God knows how much this was going to cost to repair & I didn't even want to think about WHO would be paying for it! I knew I couldn't afford it even if I wanted to! We were now on the opposite side of the corridor with Jeff's room tactfully sandwiched between Dwayne's and ours! The way the doctors looked at Jeff I could tell they thought he'd tried to commit suicide & I think Matt was of the same frame of mind! I was desperate to talk to Jeff alone but I knew I was on shakey ground after Matt had seen us in the hospital! So I resigned myself to the fact that it would be a long time before I was left alone with Jeff again! Matt stayed with Jeff for about an hour which gave me a chance to sort out my cases, have a shower & get warm & dry again. While I was tying back my hair I noticed the red patch again & realized Matt hadn't even said anything about it! Ok so it wasn't THAT obvious but he hadn't even noticed! I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes, just looking at the mess that stared back at me, I didn't much like myself these days & the less mirrors I came across over the next few days the better it would be!
I crawled into be & fell asleep before Matt even came back!
The next thing I knew was when I rolled over still half asleep & put my arm around the naked body next to me & snuggled into him. I heard him sniff & thought nothing of it until it was followed by another & another.
"Matt?" I mumbled.
"Ah erm hey babe!"
"Are you ok?" I lifted myself up on one elbow & peered over his shoulder. I turned his face towards mine & saw that he was crying. "Matt? Hey what's wrong?" I pulled him so he was lying on his back.
"Oh nothing. I'm ok!" he wiped his face & forced a smile.
"Come on you can talk to me!"
He looked up at the celling & sighed, "Well….I…….I thought I'd lost him Bec!" the tears started to stream down his face & I just put my arms around him & let him get it all out. "He might be an asshole but he's my kid brother & I love him!" he sobbed & I rocked him gently.
"I know! Hey it's ok to be upset!" We lay together like that until he finally fell asleep on my chest. I stroked his hair & kissed the top of his head softly & I knew then just looking at him asleep in my arms that I couldn't leave him & go back to England. I wasn't strong enough & I hoped I wouldn't regret that for the rest of my life! I needed for him to be safe but I just couldn't leave him! I was just going to have to rough it out & hope to Christ that somehow we'd be able to get through this and live to see another day!