Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 32
Matt was still asleep when I went back to our room & it was now 4:30am. Quickly I got undressed & slid under the covers next to him, he stirred & threw an arm over me. "Mmm, where have you been?" He mumbled, half asleep.
"Oh I went for a cigarette on the balcony. Go back to sleep it's still early!" I hated lying to him, it cut like a knife, but what the hell would he have said if I'd told him the truth? He already suspected something & I didn't wanna make things worse! So why the hell did I go to Jeff's room in the first place? I could have just stayed here with Matt & told Jeff I couldn't get away, but I needed to see him! I don't know why but I just did & the thought of not being able to talk to him alone made me feel sick to my stomach & made me feel alone. As I lay in bed with Matt I thought about what had just happened, or could have happened with Jeff & I realized Dwayne was right! It was an accident waiting to happen! I remembered his words, "Sometimes we just lose control.." God it would have been so easy, just a momentary lapse, an hour, two hours later my whole life as I know it would have been wrecked & I wouldn't have had either of them! I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid! Damn I had come that close to….well God knows what would've happened with Jeff, I was so angry at myself for putting us both in the path of temptation, it could have been such a disaster! I looked at Matt asleep in my shoulder & I knew my love for him was still as strong as ever. Someone up there liked me that night because I don't know where I found the strength from to push Jeff away, but I thanked God that I did!
**
The phone rang at 7:30am & Matt reached over me to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Good morning sir this is your 7:30 wake up call!" said a cheery voice.
"Mmm, thankyou!" Matt said & replaced the receiver, "We have to get up!" he shook me.
"Awwwww man!" I rolled onto my back & rubbed my eyes, "It can't be time to get up already!"
"Well if you weren't out there smoking half the damn night you wouldn't feel so tired!" He kissed me, "Come on!" He pulled the quilt off me, "Get your ass out of bed!"
"Mmm, leave me, go to Texas & pick me up on the way back, I'll still be in bed!" I grabbed the quilt back & snuggled into my pillow.
"Come on!" Matt pulled the quilt back off me & put his arms underneath me, lifting me off the bed.
"Maaaaat!" I moaned.
"You are such a whiner!" he smiled & kissed me, "You are getting in this shower with me & you don't have any options!" He ran into the bathroom with me in his arms & I screamed & giggled! He put me down while he turned on the water & kissed me softly on the lips. I put my arms around his neck & smiled.
"I love you Hardy!"
"Yeah you better after what you let me do to you last night!" He grinned & I laughed. He lifted my legs up around his waist & carried me into the shower. We made love under the water then without even getting dry we did it again on the bed! I didn't care if Jeff could hear us or not! As a matter of fact if I'm honest I was rather hoping he WAS listening! ('Matt Hardy's Woman! Keep Off!!')
It was 9am & we were dressed & finishing off the packing when Matt's cell phone rang. "Hello? Oh hey Shane! Yeah we're almost ready to leave!" I went into the bathroom to collect my toiletries together, I had a bag full of crap so I emptied it out onto the counter & started throwing stuff into the garbage. I could still hear Matt talking on the phone but I wasn't really paying all that much attention. As I rummaged through all my makeup and the rest of my crap I came across a small purple packet & my stomach churned! I picked it up & examined the strip of pills but I knew I hadn't taken any since the first day we were in South Carolina! All this time Matt & I hadn't used any protection & I'd been so fucked up that I'd completely forgotten to take my pill! I bit on my lip, I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid!
"Hey you about ready?" Matt came up behind me & I tried to stuff the pills back into my bag but he saw, "What's this?" He took the bag from my hands & pulled out the packet. Each pill had a day beside it & he studied the packet, then his eyes widened. "MONDAY? Please tell me you just started a new pack?" I looked down at the floor & gulped, "Bec? You have been taking these right?" Slowly I shook my head. "Oh Christ!" Matt ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry! I just forgot!"
"Forgot?" His voice was raised slightly, "Bec! Jesus how could you just FORGET?"
I couldn't even look at him! He was right, I should have been more responsible, but I just hadn't remembered! "I'm sorry! I just…….well…..with everything that's been going on I…..I…" I had no excuses. Matt sighed & sat on the side of the bath with the pills still in his hand, "Bec you could be….." he puffed out a breath, "If I'd known I could have used something….Jesus!" He shook his head & rubbed his face, "Bec you could be…." He bit his lip, he couldn't even say the word!
"I don't know what to say! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't do this on purpose! I don't want to be pregnant! Please Matt…it'll be ok!" tears welled up in my eyes. "OK! SO I'M stupid! I'm A TOTAL FUCKING IDIOT! I KNOW!" I grabbed the packet from his hands & threw them in the garbage, "I'm sorry Matt!" He stood up & went to the door.
"PACK YOUR SHIT! WE'RE GOIN' TO RAW!" he shouted & slammed the bathroom door behind him. All I could think was 'Please God don't let me be pregnant!'
Once I'd calmed down I washed my face, put on some makeup & ventured out into the bedroom to find it empty, no Matt & no cases. I grabbed my jacket & headed out of the door. Jeff was just closing & locking his door aswell so I forced a smile at him.
"Matt said to tell you he's waiting in the car, he's got your bags."
"Ok, thanks!" I headed down the hall but as I passed him he touched my arm.
"Is everything alright? He seemed a bit pissed! He doesn't know you came to see me last night does he? I heard you guys fighting!"
"No! Everything's cool and no he doesn't know!" I forced another smile & turned to walk away.
"You're shaking!" Jeff called after me, "You get that slight tremble when you're lying!" I stopped & turned around to look at him! Why did he notice everything about me?
"Trust me! Everything's just fuckin' peachy!" I threw my hands up in the air. He started to walk towards me, "No Jeff! It's cool really! Ignore me! It'll be ok!" I turned & walked quickly, leaving him in the corridor with his bags around his feet.
Chapter 32
Matt was still asleep when I went back to our room & it was now 4:30am. Quickly I got undressed & slid under the covers next to him, he stirred & threw an arm over me. "Mmm, where have you been?" He mumbled, half asleep.
"Oh I went for a cigarette on the balcony. Go back to sleep it's still early!" I hated lying to him, it cut like a knife, but what the hell would he have said if I'd told him the truth? He already suspected something & I didn't wanna make things worse! So why the hell did I go to Jeff's room in the first place? I could have just stayed here with Matt & told Jeff I couldn't get away, but I needed to see him! I don't know why but I just did & the thought of not being able to talk to him alone made me feel sick to my stomach & made me feel alone. As I lay in bed with Matt I thought about what had just happened, or could have happened with Jeff & I realized Dwayne was right! It was an accident waiting to happen! I remembered his words, "Sometimes we just lose control.." God it would have been so easy, just a momentary lapse, an hour, two hours later my whole life as I know it would have been wrecked & I wouldn't have had either of them! I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid! Damn I had come that close to….well God knows what would've happened with Jeff, I was so angry at myself for putting us both in the path of temptation, it could have been such a disaster! I looked at Matt asleep in my shoulder & I knew my love for him was still as strong as ever. Someone up there liked me that night because I don't know where I found the strength from to push Jeff away, but I thanked God that I did!
**
The phone rang at 7:30am & Matt reached over me to answer it.
"Hello?"
"Good morning sir this is your 7:30 wake up call!" said a cheery voice.
"Mmm, thankyou!" Matt said & replaced the receiver, "We have to get up!" he shook me.
"Awwwww man!" I rolled onto my back & rubbed my eyes, "It can't be time to get up already!"
"Well if you weren't out there smoking half the damn night you wouldn't feel so tired!" He kissed me, "Come on!" He pulled the quilt off me, "Get your ass out of bed!"
"Mmm, leave me, go to Texas & pick me up on the way back, I'll still be in bed!" I grabbed the quilt back & snuggled into my pillow.
"Come on!" Matt pulled the quilt back off me & put his arms underneath me, lifting me off the bed.
"Maaaaat!" I moaned.
"You are such a whiner!" he smiled & kissed me, "You are getting in this shower with me & you don't have any options!" He ran into the bathroom with me in his arms & I screamed & giggled! He put me down while he turned on the water & kissed me softly on the lips. I put my arms around his neck & smiled.
"I love you Hardy!"
"Yeah you better after what you let me do to you last night!" He grinned & I laughed. He lifted my legs up around his waist & carried me into the shower. We made love under the water then without even getting dry we did it again on the bed! I didn't care if Jeff could hear us or not! As a matter of fact if I'm honest I was rather hoping he WAS listening! ('Matt Hardy's Woman! Keep Off!!')
It was 9am & we were dressed & finishing off the packing when Matt's cell phone rang. "Hello? Oh hey Shane! Yeah we're almost ready to leave!" I went into the bathroom to collect my toiletries together, I had a bag full of crap so I emptied it out onto the counter & started throwing stuff into the garbage. I could still hear Matt talking on the phone but I wasn't really paying all that much attention. As I rummaged through all my makeup and the rest of my crap I came across a small purple packet & my stomach churned! I picked it up & examined the strip of pills but I knew I hadn't taken any since the first day we were in South Carolina! All this time Matt & I hadn't used any protection & I'd been so fucked up that I'd completely forgotten to take my pill! I bit on my lip, I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid!
"Hey you about ready?" Matt came up behind me & I tried to stuff the pills back into my bag but he saw, "What's this?" He took the bag from my hands & pulled out the packet. Each pill had a day beside it & he studied the packet, then his eyes widened. "MONDAY? Please tell me you just started a new pack?" I looked down at the floor & gulped, "Bec? You have been taking these right?" Slowly I shook my head. "Oh Christ!" Matt ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry! I just forgot!"
"Forgot?" His voice was raised slightly, "Bec! Jesus how could you just FORGET?"
I couldn't even look at him! He was right, I should have been more responsible, but I just hadn't remembered! "I'm sorry! I just…….well…..with everything that's been going on I…..I…" I had no excuses. Matt sighed & sat on the side of the bath with the pills still in his hand, "Bec you could be….." he puffed out a breath, "If I'd known I could have used something….Jesus!" He shook his head & rubbed his face, "Bec you could be…." He bit his lip, he couldn't even say the word!
"I don't know what to say! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't do this on purpose! I don't want to be pregnant! Please Matt…it'll be ok!" tears welled up in my eyes. "OK! SO I'M stupid! I'm A TOTAL FUCKING IDIOT! I KNOW!" I grabbed the packet from his hands & threw them in the garbage, "I'm sorry Matt!" He stood up & went to the door.
"PACK YOUR SHIT! WE'RE GOIN' TO RAW!" he shouted & slammed the bathroom door behind him. All I could think was 'Please God don't let me be pregnant!'
Once I'd calmed down I washed my face, put on some makeup & ventured out into the bedroom to find it empty, no Matt & no cases. I grabbed my jacket & headed out of the door. Jeff was just closing & locking his door aswell so I forced a smile at him.
"Matt said to tell you he's waiting in the car, he's got your bags."
"Ok, thanks!" I headed down the hall but as I passed him he touched my arm.
"Is everything alright? He seemed a bit pissed! He doesn't know you came to see me last night does he? I heard you guys fighting!"
"No! Everything's cool and no he doesn't know!" I forced another smile & turned to walk away.
"You're shaking!" Jeff called after me, "You get that slight tremble when you're lying!" I stopped & turned around to look at him! Why did he notice everything about me?
"Trust me! Everything's just fuckin' peachy!" I threw my hands up in the air. He started to walk towards me, "No Jeff! It's cool really! Ignore me! It'll be ok!" I turned & walked quickly, leaving him in the corridor with his bags around his feet.