Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 34
I was sitting in the locker room in a world of my own when Matt came back in, sweat dripping from his brow. He just looked at me as he wiped his face on the towel that was around his neck & I looked at the floor.
"I'm gonna take a shower."
'Ok!" I said quietly, as he went for the bathroom door, then he stopped & turned back to me.
"It was an accident!"
"What was?"
"What happened out there with Jeff, I just hit him harder than I meant to!"
"OK!"
"No I saw the way you looked at me, you thought I'd done it on purpose!"
"Why would I think that?" Matt sighed & shook his head, "Oh wait Matt! I get it! Are you trying to pick a fight with me now is that it?"
"Don't be ridiculous Bec!"
"If it's a fight you want then you're trying to wind up the wrong person! I'm too tired to fight with you!"
"I wasn't trying to…" he sighed, "I need a shower."
"What are we gonna do Matt?"
He looked at me, a piercing hard stare, "I don't know? Do you know?" I shook my head. "I don't want kids Bec, not now!"
"Oh & I DO?" I shouted, "Matt if I'm pregnant, and it's a BIG 'if', then I think I'll throw myself off the nearest bridge! I didn't do this on purpose! I don't want to have a baby Matt, not yet!" I started to cry. "I'm scared!" I wiped my face & looked up at him, "I'm scared & I need you Matt! Please don't be like this!" I was sobbing.
Matt took a deep breath & looked up at the celing. "I need you Matt!" I said again, "If you're not here for me then tell me now!" Still he didn't say anything & it broke my heart. I slowly walked over to him & kissed him on the lips softly, then I grabbed my purse from the bench & left. I went out into the corridor, tears streamed down my face as I pushed through the crowds of people, I needed to get to the exit! I couldn't see properly & my mind was all messed up, total confusion & panick is the only words I can use to describe how I was feeling. Someone grabbed me & I looked up into the face of Jeff.
"Bec what's wrong? What's goin on?"
"Just leave me alone Jeff!" I broke free of his grip & threw myself at the exit, almost falling into the parking lot! ! Jeff ran through the doors after me & grabbed me before I had the chance to run away. I was sobbing.
"Tell me what's happened!" He held both of my arms & looked into my face, "Calm down & tell me what the hell is goin on! Is it Mick? Steve? What?"
I shook my head, "Matt!" was all I could blurt out between my sobs.
"Matt? Something's happened to Matt?"
"It's over!" I sobbed, "It's over!"
"Aw Christ!" He held me tightly & my legs almost gave way, I'd never cried like that before, I'd never had a broken heart before! All the time I sobbed, he tried to calm me down, stroking my hair & rocking me slightly. It was a while before I was even able to speak!
"So where do you think you're going?"" Jeff asked, "You can't just run off in the middle of Texas for God's sake!"
"I don't know! I have no money, nowhere to go…I can't think straight but I know I can't stay here anymore!"
"What the hell happened with you two? I mean this morning, well I couldn't help but over hear you guys, well, y'know you seemed happy! Then I hear fighting half an hour later and now you say it's over! I don't get it!"
"Oh Jeff it's all my fault! I've been so stupid!"
"Why?"
"I…….I forgot to take my pill and Matt saw the packet and…."
"Wait a minute, you're pregnant?" He looked completely stunned! "You……..you're gonna have a baby?"
"No! That's just it! I don't even know! Jesus it's a long shot!"
"So you're not pregnant?"
"I don't know!" I snapped, "I just forgot to take my pills and I think he thinks I did it on purpose and I don't want to be pregnant! I'm so scared!" I looked up at the sky as the tears fell off my chin.
"Wow!" Jeff took a step backwards & looked at my belly. "There could be a whole new little Hardy in there! It's amazing!"
I looked at him & he was smiling! Trish's words came back to me, "Hearts & flowers!" why the hell couldn't Matt have reacted like this?
"So he's finished it with you because you could be pregnant?"
"No, I walked out! It was so obvious he didn't wanna know! The way he looked at me, the way he acted, I'm not sticking around Jeff, he's had his chance!"
"Fucking asshole!" Jeff headed for the door. "Don't leave until I get back!"
"No Jeff don't!"
He came back to me, "Just promise you will still be here when I get back!" I just looked at him & sobbed. "Please Bec! I promise you, you won't have to do this on your own! If he is gonna be a total shit head about it then…" he swallowed, "…then I'll take care of you!"
"Jeff, no!" I started to cry & he took me in his arms.
"It's gonna be ok I promise!" he said over my shoulder, "I'll look after you I swear to God!"
"You won't need to!"
We parted to see Matt standing at the door. Jeff went over & squared up to him. "Don't be an asshole about this Jeff!" Matt said quietly, "I need to talk to Bec!" Jeff looked my way & I nodded so he gave Matt one final dirty look before he banged the doors open & went inside. I tried hard to stop crying but I couldn't.
"He's right, I am a shit head!"
"Yeah you are!" I said as I wiped my face.
"Hear me out! I just panicked,'" he bit on his lip, "I panicked & then well…they say you never know what you've got 'til it's gone and ah…" As I looked a tear rolled down his cheek & I was glad! I wanted him to be hurting because then it meant that he actually cared. "I'm sorry!"
"And?" I spat.
"What do you mean?"
"Well how many times am I expected to forgive you? How many times Matt? If it can happen this many times in a week then how many times will I have to forgive you in a year? A lifetime? Is it worth it?"
"I would like to think so!" he said quietly.
"And for what?" I put a hand to my head, "What if I AM pregnant? What then?"
"I don't know I guess we'll cross that bridge….we'll get through it somehow!" He wiped his face.
"And you'll forever hold it against me won't you? You'll always think deep down that I did it on purpose, did it to trap you! Matt hardy Version 1 saddled with a kid at 27! Poor guy!"
"No I don't believe that I swear! It was just the shock! I freaked! I'm sorry, please believe me!"
I looked him up & down & then turned away & started to walk.
"BEC!" He ran & grabbed my arm, "Please don't go! We can do this I know we can!"
"No we can't Matt!" My voice was little more than a whisper, "It just won't work!"
"It will! I swear! Don't leave me!" I started crying again. I couldn't look at him because I knew I'd weaken & go back to him, ending up in a vicious circle of arguments & make ups & I knew I couldn't deal with hurting him. I wouldn't be able to cope with seeing him upset. I pulled my arm from his grip. "Please Bec, Don't do this!"
"I'm sorry Matt!" I started to walk away. I never knew a broken heart could physically hurt but the pain in my chest was unbearable & I clutched at it as I dragged my heavy legs away from him.
"I LOVE YOU!" he shouted & I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, I couldn't believe my ears! There were people all around, wrestlers & crew & everything went silent as they all stopped what they were doing & turned to look at me & Matt!
"IT'S TRUE!" he yelled, "I LOVE YOU!" everyone looked stunned & wide eyes stared at me from every direction! Slowly I turned & the first thing I saw was Jeff standing in the doorway with Shane. To my left Dwayne had stopped rummaging in the trunk of his car & he looked from me to Matt & back again. To my right there was a gaggle of girls, probably Divas, doing the same thing as Dwayne. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing would come out. "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!" Matt shouted with tears running down his face, "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" He started to walk towards me slowly & lowered his voice as he got within a couple of feet of me. "I don't care if you're pregnant! I don't care about anything but you! I love you & I'm sorry! I was scared to fall in love but when you walked out of that door I knew it was too late! If you're pregnant then….then…I'M GONNA BE A DAD!" He spread his arms wide & people that heard him gasped & started mumbling to each other.
"Matt I……I…" I couldn't speak! He stepped closer to me.
"I'm begging you! Infront of ALL THESE PEOPLE!" He got down on his knees infront of me & I looked around at everyone's open mouths! "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" he shouted.
"Stand up Matt!" He didn't argue, he got straight to his feet so we were face to face. "Look me in the eyes & tell me what you just shouted!"
He put his hands on my arms & looked me directly in the eyes, "I love you Bec! Please don't go!" he whispered.
I reached out & wiped his wet cheek with my hand & he closed his eyes. I felt like my world had been turned upside down & I didn't know what to say!
"Matt…I…" I Gulped.
'Are you leaving me?"
I looked into his amazing, deep, beautiful eyes full of tears & tried to smile as tears still flowed down my cheeks. I opened my mouth & knew I wouldn't be able to speak so I just shook my head slowly & he beamed from ear to ear!
"You're staying?" he smiled,
"Yes!" I whispered.
"Yes?"
I smiled, "Yes, I'm staying!"
He threw his arms around me & lifted me from my feet twirling me around & shouting "WOOOOOOO!" people started to join in with him! He put me back on my feet & held my face in his hands, "You won't regret it I promise you!" He slowly kissed me with more passion than he'd ever done before & People started clapping & cheering as they made their way back inside, slapping Matt on the back as they passed us. When we parted most people had gone inside so we were virtually alone. "I love you Bec!" he said & I smiled. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from me. "Marry me!"
"What?"
"I said…" he got down on one knee & took hold of one of my hands, "I love you! I've been an idiot & I'm sorry! I never want us to be apart! Bec, will you marry me?"
Chapter 34
I was sitting in the locker room in a world of my own when Matt came back in, sweat dripping from his brow. He just looked at me as he wiped his face on the towel that was around his neck & I looked at the floor.
"I'm gonna take a shower."
'Ok!" I said quietly, as he went for the bathroom door, then he stopped & turned back to me.
"It was an accident!"
"What was?"
"What happened out there with Jeff, I just hit him harder than I meant to!"
"OK!"
"No I saw the way you looked at me, you thought I'd done it on purpose!"
"Why would I think that?" Matt sighed & shook his head, "Oh wait Matt! I get it! Are you trying to pick a fight with me now is that it?"
"Don't be ridiculous Bec!"
"If it's a fight you want then you're trying to wind up the wrong person! I'm too tired to fight with you!"
"I wasn't trying to…" he sighed, "I need a shower."
"What are we gonna do Matt?"
He looked at me, a piercing hard stare, "I don't know? Do you know?" I shook my head. "I don't want kids Bec, not now!"
"Oh & I DO?" I shouted, "Matt if I'm pregnant, and it's a BIG 'if', then I think I'll throw myself off the nearest bridge! I didn't do this on purpose! I don't want to have a baby Matt, not yet!" I started to cry. "I'm scared!" I wiped my face & looked up at him, "I'm scared & I need you Matt! Please don't be like this!" I was sobbing.
Matt took a deep breath & looked up at the celing. "I need you Matt!" I said again, "If you're not here for me then tell me now!" Still he didn't say anything & it broke my heart. I slowly walked over to him & kissed him on the lips softly, then I grabbed my purse from the bench & left. I went out into the corridor, tears streamed down my face as I pushed through the crowds of people, I needed to get to the exit! I couldn't see properly & my mind was all messed up, total confusion & panick is the only words I can use to describe how I was feeling. Someone grabbed me & I looked up into the face of Jeff.
"Bec what's wrong? What's goin on?"
"Just leave me alone Jeff!" I broke free of his grip & threw myself at the exit, almost falling into the parking lot! ! Jeff ran through the doors after me & grabbed me before I had the chance to run away. I was sobbing.
"Tell me what's happened!" He held both of my arms & looked into my face, "Calm down & tell me what the hell is goin on! Is it Mick? Steve? What?"
I shook my head, "Matt!" was all I could blurt out between my sobs.
"Matt? Something's happened to Matt?"
"It's over!" I sobbed, "It's over!"
"Aw Christ!" He held me tightly & my legs almost gave way, I'd never cried like that before, I'd never had a broken heart before! All the time I sobbed, he tried to calm me down, stroking my hair & rocking me slightly. It was a while before I was even able to speak!
"So where do you think you're going?"" Jeff asked, "You can't just run off in the middle of Texas for God's sake!"
"I don't know! I have no money, nowhere to go…I can't think straight but I know I can't stay here anymore!"
"What the hell happened with you two? I mean this morning, well I couldn't help but over hear you guys, well, y'know you seemed happy! Then I hear fighting half an hour later and now you say it's over! I don't get it!"
"Oh Jeff it's all my fault! I've been so stupid!"
"Why?"
"I…….I forgot to take my pill and Matt saw the packet and…."
"Wait a minute, you're pregnant?" He looked completely stunned! "You……..you're gonna have a baby?"
"No! That's just it! I don't even know! Jesus it's a long shot!"
"So you're not pregnant?"
"I don't know!" I snapped, "I just forgot to take my pills and I think he thinks I did it on purpose and I don't want to be pregnant! I'm so scared!" I looked up at the sky as the tears fell off my chin.
"Wow!" Jeff took a step backwards & looked at my belly. "There could be a whole new little Hardy in there! It's amazing!"
I looked at him & he was smiling! Trish's words came back to me, "Hearts & flowers!" why the hell couldn't Matt have reacted like this?
"So he's finished it with you because you could be pregnant?"
"No, I walked out! It was so obvious he didn't wanna know! The way he looked at me, the way he acted, I'm not sticking around Jeff, he's had his chance!"
"Fucking asshole!" Jeff headed for the door. "Don't leave until I get back!"
"No Jeff don't!"
He came back to me, "Just promise you will still be here when I get back!" I just looked at him & sobbed. "Please Bec! I promise you, you won't have to do this on your own! If he is gonna be a total shit head about it then…" he swallowed, "…then I'll take care of you!"
"Jeff, no!" I started to cry & he took me in his arms.
"It's gonna be ok I promise!" he said over my shoulder, "I'll look after you I swear to God!"
"You won't need to!"
We parted to see Matt standing at the door. Jeff went over & squared up to him. "Don't be an asshole about this Jeff!" Matt said quietly, "I need to talk to Bec!" Jeff looked my way & I nodded so he gave Matt one final dirty look before he banged the doors open & went inside. I tried hard to stop crying but I couldn't.
"He's right, I am a shit head!"
"Yeah you are!" I said as I wiped my face.
"Hear me out! I just panicked,'" he bit on his lip, "I panicked & then well…they say you never know what you've got 'til it's gone and ah…" As I looked a tear rolled down his cheek & I was glad! I wanted him to be hurting because then it meant that he actually cared. "I'm sorry!"
"And?" I spat.
"What do you mean?"
"Well how many times am I expected to forgive you? How many times Matt? If it can happen this many times in a week then how many times will I have to forgive you in a year? A lifetime? Is it worth it?"
"I would like to think so!" he said quietly.
"And for what?" I put a hand to my head, "What if I AM pregnant? What then?"
"I don't know I guess we'll cross that bridge….we'll get through it somehow!" He wiped his face.
"And you'll forever hold it against me won't you? You'll always think deep down that I did it on purpose, did it to trap you! Matt hardy Version 1 saddled with a kid at 27! Poor guy!"
"No I don't believe that I swear! It was just the shock! I freaked! I'm sorry, please believe me!"
I looked him up & down & then turned away & started to walk.
"BEC!" He ran & grabbed my arm, "Please don't go! We can do this I know we can!"
"No we can't Matt!" My voice was little more than a whisper, "It just won't work!"
"It will! I swear! Don't leave me!" I started crying again. I couldn't look at him because I knew I'd weaken & go back to him, ending up in a vicious circle of arguments & make ups & I knew I couldn't deal with hurting him. I wouldn't be able to cope with seeing him upset. I pulled my arm from his grip. "Please Bec, Don't do this!"
"I'm sorry Matt!" I started to walk away. I never knew a broken heart could physically hurt but the pain in my chest was unbearable & I clutched at it as I dragged my heavy legs away from him.
"I LOVE YOU!" he shouted & I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, I couldn't believe my ears! There were people all around, wrestlers & crew & everything went silent as they all stopped what they were doing & turned to look at me & Matt!
"IT'S TRUE!" he yelled, "I LOVE YOU!" everyone looked stunned & wide eyes stared at me from every direction! Slowly I turned & the first thing I saw was Jeff standing in the doorway with Shane. To my left Dwayne had stopped rummaging in the trunk of his car & he looked from me to Matt & back again. To my right there was a gaggle of girls, probably Divas, doing the same thing as Dwayne. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing would come out. "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!" Matt shouted with tears running down his face, "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" He started to walk towards me slowly & lowered his voice as he got within a couple of feet of me. "I don't care if you're pregnant! I don't care about anything but you! I love you & I'm sorry! I was scared to fall in love but when you walked out of that door I knew it was too late! If you're pregnant then….then…I'M GONNA BE A DAD!" He spread his arms wide & people that heard him gasped & started mumbling to each other.
"Matt I……I…" I couldn't speak! He stepped closer to me.
"I'm begging you! Infront of ALL THESE PEOPLE!" He got down on his knees infront of me & I looked around at everyone's open mouths! "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" he shouted.
"Stand up Matt!" He didn't argue, he got straight to his feet so we were face to face. "Look me in the eyes & tell me what you just shouted!"
He put his hands on my arms & looked me directly in the eyes, "I love you Bec! Please don't go!" he whispered.
I reached out & wiped his wet cheek with my hand & he closed his eyes. I felt like my world had been turned upside down & I didn't know what to say!
"Matt…I…" I Gulped.
'Are you leaving me?"
I looked into his amazing, deep, beautiful eyes full of tears & tried to smile as tears still flowed down my cheeks. I opened my mouth & knew I wouldn't be able to speak so I just shook my head slowly & he beamed from ear to ear!
"You're staying?" he smiled,
"Yes!" I whispered.
"Yes?"
I smiled, "Yes, I'm staying!"
He threw his arms around me & lifted me from my feet twirling me around & shouting "WOOOOOOO!" people started to join in with him! He put me back on my feet & held my face in his hands, "You won't regret it I promise you!" He slowly kissed me with more passion than he'd ever done before & People started clapping & cheering as they made their way back inside, slapping Matt on the back as they passed us. When we parted most people had gone inside so we were virtually alone. "I love you Bec!" he said & I smiled. I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from me. "Marry me!"
"What?"
"I said…" he got down on one knee & took hold of one of my hands, "I love you! I've been an idiot & I'm sorry! I never want us to be apart! Bec, will you marry me?"