Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Crazy

Chapter Four

Reality

Another whoopee cushion was put on my chair, and the Intendant had the same problem.

"Hey, Captain, why don't we switch?" She asked.

"Switch? Aren't you going to take over my ship?"

She laughed. "Of course not! Your ship's weaker than mine, plus it's booby trapped."

"Booby trapped?"

"Yeah, so if some one tries to take it, they'll probably be killed." She put her spoon down. "You have to give that file for coffee ice cream."

"Don't you have ice cream?"

"No, just icy screams, when you get buried in ice for being bad." She stood up. "We'll switch uniforms."

"Here?"

"Hey, it's your room."

"Doesn't your uniform smell?"

"Of course not." She took off the first layer. "I'll help you with it."

"How many-"

"5. You'll get used to it."

"I hope so."

"It's titanium, so it's light." She took off the last layer, and I gave her my uniform. "Its just pieces of cloth! How do you survive in these things?"

"We stay in our ships." I grinned. "Act normal, okay? Don't go shooting everybody up just for fun."

"Of course, Captain, but you're going to have to shoot everybody up on my Voyager." She handed me the rifle. "Get used to it."

I sighed, and put the armor on.

=/\= =/\= =/\=

"Intendant."

I woke up, and Chakotay was standing in front of me. "It's time for duty."

"Oh. Okay."

He raised an eyebrow. "Are you fine Intendant?"

I glared at him. "You are in no position to ask about my health."

He flinched as I reached for the rifle, and I holstered it. "Go to your station."

"As you wish." He turned and walked away. I grinned. This was fun. I got up and went to the bridge. "Report!"

"Nothing on sensors."

I looked at the ensign at the station. "There's always something on sensors."

"No, nothing, Intendant."

I lifted the rifle and shot him in the head. "Get somebody to replace him, Chakotay." I sat down.

"As you wish."

"And make it someone good."

"As you wish."

I brooded in my seat-um-"throne", as the Intendant called it.

"Transmission from the mirror Voyager, Intendant."

"Open it."

The real Intendant smiled. "How's it going?"

"It's fun here." I saw an ensign slinking away, and I shot him without looking. "Really fun. Want to keep it that way?"

"No, it's boring here! Look at it! Nothing of value. Hello, Chakotay!" She waved.

The mirror Chakotay gaped. "Intendant? Then…" He looked at me. "Kill her!"

"No, don't! I command you!" She yelled. "I'll kill all of you if you harm her!"

Chakotay put me down. "As you wish, Intendant." He glared at me. "Weakling."

I kicked him. "Idiot, you don't talk to an Intendant that way, even though I'm not her."

He trembled. "I'm sorry, Intendant."

I smiled. "Good."

"Wow, you're good." The Intendant laughed.

I grinned at the Intendant. "When do I come back?"

"In a week. I might like it here." She closed it. I sat down. "Follow the Voyager."

"Yes, Intendant." Paris pushed some buttons, then turned and tried to shoot me. I ducked and pushed a button on the rifle. He fell limp on his console.

"Get him out of here."

Some ensigns dragged him out of there, and I brooded again in my throne.

"Would you like anything, Intendant?" Chakotay asked.

I looked at him. "Coffee, black."

"Yes, Intendant." He left, in clinking armor. I stared. I wished that Chakotay would wear that sometime.

"Intendant, three ships on our aft side."

"Prepare weapons. Viewscreen."

Chakotay handed me the coffee, but spilled it as the Voyager rocked.

"Idiot!" I kicked him. "Get me another one!"

"Yes, Intendant."

"Transmission from the mirror Voyager, Intendant."

My Chakotay appeared. "It's hostile."

"Obviously."

He smiled. "The Intendant's really impatient here."

"Hail them first." I looked at Tuvok at the tactical station. "Target their weapons and fire."

"Yes, Intendant." He pushed a button. I turned and smiled as there was an explosion.

The mirror Chakotay handed me a coffee, and I took it from him and sipped it. "Thank you."

He paused, and I looked at him. He retained his hunter exterior. "Yes?"

"The Intendant never said 'thank you' to me. What do I say?"

I looked at him. "It's customary to say 'You're welcome'." I smiled. "Don't get used to it." He smiled, and then he just sat down.

"The ship is hailing us, Intendant."

"Take it."

"This is the Orion Syndicate's space. I demand that you leave."

I stood up. "I'm Intendant Janeway of the Terran Empire. I'll shoot you from the sky if you shoot us."

The Orion froze. "There is no Terran Empire!" He pushed a button, and the bridge rocked.

"I thought the weapon's array was down!" I yelled.

"That is a different ship, Intendant."

I froze. "Disable their weapons!" I glared at the Orion. "I gave you fair warning."

I cut the transmission and hailed the Voyager. "Well?"

"He's left," the Intendant said. "It's not the Terran Empire anymore."

"How-"

"I tapped to your transmission. I'm surprised no one corrected you. It's the Federation now in our universe."

"Federation?"

"The Terran Federation." She smiled. "Well?"

"Why don't we stay here for now, and dock the Voyager's together?"

"That's cool with me." She cut it, and I sat down, sighing. "Chakotay, come with me."

"I always do." He stood and held a hand for me. "The Intendant's lazy."

"But she's in great shape."

"It's the training exercises."

I stood up and took his hand, and went to the turbolift. "Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

I pulled him close and kissed him, then let go.

"I'm not allowed to have any relationship with an Intendant. I'm just a centurion."

"I'm not the Intendant." I kissed him again. I have no fucking idea why. Maybe because he's Chakotay, if a mirror one. He put his hands around me, and pulled away.

"I have no idea why the Intendant doesn't like me."

"Me neither." I smiled. "I'll talk with her."

"No, don't." He put a hand to my chest. "She'll probably kill me."

"No, I won't let her." I lifted the rifle. "See?"

He smiled, and got off. "It's the end of my duty shift."

"You live here?" I got off. "But these are the ensign's quarters!"

"The Intendant gets the whole first deck to herself."

I sighed. "Chakotay, you better come with me."

I heard a hiss, and the real Intendant got off. "Hey, Kathryn, how's Chakotay doing?"

I slapped her. "You greedy bitch."

She looked at me. "Why did you do that for?"

I glared. "Stupid, you let your crew go to waste!" I threw off the armor. "I quit!"

She looked at me. "The crew is just to run this ship. I just keep them in order."

I came close to tears. "You're all just cruel beings." I pointed to her. "You deserve to be killed." I threw the rifle at her head. "Damn you all."

I got into the turbolift and cried all the way to Voyager.