~Glass~
Disclaimer: I do not own neon genesis evangelion, GAINAX does and they rule!!!!!!
If I did I wouldn't be writing FAN FICTION meaning fiction written by
Fans, would I now!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
This is a very odd story about the aftermath of Shinji killing Kaworu.
//____// Subconscious voices *____* thoughts "____" speck
CHAPTER 1 REGRETS
I am glass, broken by love and loss.I am shattered glass.
The sun is shining orange through the window of the room anyone else, by now, would have called home. It reflects of every individual speck of dust as if they were significant in some way; but the dust won't settle. I haven't moved from this spot for however long it takes you to realize you are of no purpose, nothing.
//why did you kill him//
"I don't know any more."
//why did you kill him//
Shinji just lay there he didn't want to answer that he didn't have to. He ran out of answers days ago but still the voices haunted him. He had killed the only person on the face of the earth that cared about him, yes he was an angel but this, to Shinji, was no longer an excuse.
"Kaworu I miss you, it hurts so bad...I need you Kaworu."
Shinji could not make sense of this, it wasn't fair. Maybe Kaworu was wrong maybe he wasn't deserving of love.
"Shinji what's the matter, why don't you let any one in"
"What do you mean, Kaworu?"
"Why do you block people out? Are you afraid that they will betray you; like your father did"
"Everyone that been my friend has either left, betrayed me or died"
Shinji broke away from his daydream as Misato entered his room.
"hiya Shinji how's it going, feeling any better?"
Shinji said nothing, got out his bed and went to get his cloths. Misato sat down on the bed where Shinji had just been. She didn't know why he was this way *does he miss piloting the EVA, has he lost his identity again?*.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well guten morgan my cold-blooded man of the house!" Asuka said with a malicious look on her face.
"Guten morgan." Shinji said depressively
"Well, hurry up I'm starving"
"I'm coming, Asuka."
He brought the scrambled eggs and toast over to the table; and put them down. Asuka looked at the food.
"YOU IDIOT YOU ONLY MADE ENOUGH FOR TWO!!!!!!"
"So?" Shinji asked slightly confused
"What's Misato gonna eat?"
"Half of it, I'm not hungry."
Asuka looked at him strangely *that makes it three days* she thought to her self *oh well it's not my problem* but deep down she was slightly worried.
"Hey Asuka, how's it going"
Misato had just came in the room as Shinji had got up to leave. Asuka was about to ask if Shinji was going be okay but changed her mind as the last second.
"Misato why has Shinji been acting like such a manic depressive lately" she said ignorantly
"I guess the fact that he can't pilot the EVA anymore has cased him to lose his identity; no matter how much he hated it."
*Kaworu.*
*Kaworu why did I kill you, I hade no right to take your life*
*You loved me, can you ever forgive me*
"Kaworu can you ever forgive me. I'm so fucked up I don't even have a reason to live any more," Shinji cried.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Asuka sat in front of the TV; flicking from channel to channel till she finally stopped at a music station 'the school of hard knocks' was playing but Asuka was not a great fan of rap or rock so she went to the kitchen to get a drink. There was no cola left so she decided to take one of Misato's beers instead. As she walked back to the TV she heard what sounded like crying and occasional mumbling she went along the hall to Shinji's room. She opened the door; Shinji lay on the bed face first in his pillow. Asuka wrinkled her nose at this.
"Hey idiot, shut up I'm listening to the TV," she snarled.
Shinji continued to weep silently.
"Shinji, you ok," she said in a slightly softer tone (which was still harsh considering it was Asuka).
She steeped over to Shinji how was still sobbing slightly. Asuka sat down on the bed beside him.
"Yo, Shinji, what's up," she said cheerfully.
Shinji just lay there; not saying a word. This made Asuka very mad.
"Shinji you either tell me or I'll.I'll."
Asuka didn't know what to say she didn't have an insult a threat or even a witty remark. This scared Asuka quite a bit, so she turned her attention back to Shinji.
"SHINJI, JUST TELL ME!" Asuka yelled
Asuka lifted Shinji by his arm. Shinji just hung there, he had no life left in his body but much to Asuka's relief he moved his other hand to give himself some support. Asuka opened her beer.
"Man you've been acting so strange lately." She said while getting up from her seat on the bed, "You gotta loosen up a bit." Her voice returned to it's former I don't care attitude.
Shinji was beginning to scare her; so she left the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"And he has been that way ever since?" Asuka exclaimed.
"Yep" Misato said with quite a serious look on her face, considering how drunk she was.
Both or them took a large gulp of their beers. Asuka who was still relatively sober twitched and took another sip.
"I don't get it, if he hated the EVAs why would he want to pilot one?"
Misato just shrugged. Asuka thought about this for a second and then decided to brush her teeth before going to bed, she got up and luckily wasn't drunk enough to fall over, she wished she could say the same for Misato.
Shinji had been talking to Kaworu for about an hour know. Kaworu was still listening contently.
" I think I may have been born just to meat you, Shinji"
Shinji smiled at the other boy but Kaworu could see the pain Shinji felt. He reached and ran two fingers down Shinji's cheek. Shinji savoured the sensation, he needed this so badly, if it had been Asuka or Rai he would have moved away, but with Kaworu he felt safe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shinji woke up remembering that night was so painful, how he wished he could be back in Kaworu's warm embrace. Tears were streaming down his face. He was so cold with out him, he always new what to say he imagined Kaworu holding him kissing his tears away. This made him even more depressed he couldn't go on much longer with out him. He curled up under the covers, life was so cruel to him, even Kaworu knew that.
//who are you with out him?//
"I can't tell any more"
//are you anything with out him?//
"I don't know"
//.Why did you kill him?//
Shinji started to cry again the sound trailed of into the night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"GUTEN MORGAN EVERYONE." Asuka greated them in a high-pitched yelp.
"Hey Asuka what do you want for breakfast." Misato asked
A look of horror crossed Asuka face.
"Wh.what, why are you cooking, where is Shinji."
"I came through and he wasn't here; so I started breakfast."
The look of horror remained on her face.
"I think I'll cheek on him." Asuka suggested.
"Hey baka wake up because you slept in we have to eat Misato's cooking." She said as she entered the room.
She thought he would be on this bed but instead, he was more depressingly curled up in a corner knees pulled up to his chest hands clutched over the top of his head. He was slowly rocking back and forth.
"Misato I think you should come see this." Asuka called panicking slightly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- Author's notes/ramblings
Hope you liked the first chapter I know I know It's strange but I do my best, please R+R as I need to know what people think of my writing. Look out for more depressive weirdness in the next chapter, a loss.
Disclaimer: I do not own neon genesis evangelion, GAINAX does and they rule!!!!!!
If I did I wouldn't be writing FAN FICTION meaning fiction written by
Fans, would I now!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
This is a very odd story about the aftermath of Shinji killing Kaworu.
//____// Subconscious voices *____* thoughts "____" speck
CHAPTER 1 REGRETS
I am glass, broken by love and loss.I am shattered glass.
The sun is shining orange through the window of the room anyone else, by now, would have called home. It reflects of every individual speck of dust as if they were significant in some way; but the dust won't settle. I haven't moved from this spot for however long it takes you to realize you are of no purpose, nothing.
//why did you kill him//
"I don't know any more."
//why did you kill him//
Shinji just lay there he didn't want to answer that he didn't have to. He ran out of answers days ago but still the voices haunted him. He had killed the only person on the face of the earth that cared about him, yes he was an angel but this, to Shinji, was no longer an excuse.
"Kaworu I miss you, it hurts so bad...I need you Kaworu."
Shinji could not make sense of this, it wasn't fair. Maybe Kaworu was wrong maybe he wasn't deserving of love.
"Shinji what's the matter, why don't you let any one in"
"What do you mean, Kaworu?"
"Why do you block people out? Are you afraid that they will betray you; like your father did"
"Everyone that been my friend has either left, betrayed me or died"
Shinji broke away from his daydream as Misato entered his room.
"hiya Shinji how's it going, feeling any better?"
Shinji said nothing, got out his bed and went to get his cloths. Misato sat down on the bed where Shinji had just been. She didn't know why he was this way *does he miss piloting the EVA, has he lost his identity again?*.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well guten morgan my cold-blooded man of the house!" Asuka said with a malicious look on her face.
"Guten morgan." Shinji said depressively
"Well, hurry up I'm starving"
"I'm coming, Asuka."
He brought the scrambled eggs and toast over to the table; and put them down. Asuka looked at the food.
"YOU IDIOT YOU ONLY MADE ENOUGH FOR TWO!!!!!!"
"So?" Shinji asked slightly confused
"What's Misato gonna eat?"
"Half of it, I'm not hungry."
Asuka looked at him strangely *that makes it three days* she thought to her self *oh well it's not my problem* but deep down she was slightly worried.
"Hey Asuka, how's it going"
Misato had just came in the room as Shinji had got up to leave. Asuka was about to ask if Shinji was going be okay but changed her mind as the last second.
"Misato why has Shinji been acting like such a manic depressive lately" she said ignorantly
"I guess the fact that he can't pilot the EVA anymore has cased him to lose his identity; no matter how much he hated it."
*Kaworu.*
*Kaworu why did I kill you, I hade no right to take your life*
*You loved me, can you ever forgive me*
"Kaworu can you ever forgive me. I'm so fucked up I don't even have a reason to live any more," Shinji cried.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Asuka sat in front of the TV; flicking from channel to channel till she finally stopped at a music station 'the school of hard knocks' was playing but Asuka was not a great fan of rap or rock so she went to the kitchen to get a drink. There was no cola left so she decided to take one of Misato's beers instead. As she walked back to the TV she heard what sounded like crying and occasional mumbling she went along the hall to Shinji's room. She opened the door; Shinji lay on the bed face first in his pillow. Asuka wrinkled her nose at this.
"Hey idiot, shut up I'm listening to the TV," she snarled.
Shinji continued to weep silently.
"Shinji, you ok," she said in a slightly softer tone (which was still harsh considering it was Asuka).
She steeped over to Shinji how was still sobbing slightly. Asuka sat down on the bed beside him.
"Yo, Shinji, what's up," she said cheerfully.
Shinji just lay there; not saying a word. This made Asuka very mad.
"Shinji you either tell me or I'll.I'll."
Asuka didn't know what to say she didn't have an insult a threat or even a witty remark. This scared Asuka quite a bit, so she turned her attention back to Shinji.
"SHINJI, JUST TELL ME!" Asuka yelled
Asuka lifted Shinji by his arm. Shinji just hung there, he had no life left in his body but much to Asuka's relief he moved his other hand to give himself some support. Asuka opened her beer.
"Man you've been acting so strange lately." She said while getting up from her seat on the bed, "You gotta loosen up a bit." Her voice returned to it's former I don't care attitude.
Shinji was beginning to scare her; so she left the room.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"And he has been that way ever since?" Asuka exclaimed.
"Yep" Misato said with quite a serious look on her face, considering how drunk she was.
Both or them took a large gulp of their beers. Asuka who was still relatively sober twitched and took another sip.
"I don't get it, if he hated the EVAs why would he want to pilot one?"
Misato just shrugged. Asuka thought about this for a second and then decided to brush her teeth before going to bed, she got up and luckily wasn't drunk enough to fall over, she wished she could say the same for Misato.
Shinji had been talking to Kaworu for about an hour know. Kaworu was still listening contently.
" I think I may have been born just to meat you, Shinji"
Shinji smiled at the other boy but Kaworu could see the pain Shinji felt. He reached and ran two fingers down Shinji's cheek. Shinji savoured the sensation, he needed this so badly, if it had been Asuka or Rai he would have moved away, but with Kaworu he felt safe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shinji woke up remembering that night was so painful, how he wished he could be back in Kaworu's warm embrace. Tears were streaming down his face. He was so cold with out him, he always new what to say he imagined Kaworu holding him kissing his tears away. This made him even more depressed he couldn't go on much longer with out him. He curled up under the covers, life was so cruel to him, even Kaworu knew that.
//who are you with out him?//
"I can't tell any more"
//are you anything with out him?//
"I don't know"
//.Why did you kill him?//
Shinji started to cry again the sound trailed of into the night.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"GUTEN MORGAN EVERYONE." Asuka greated them in a high-pitched yelp.
"Hey Asuka what do you want for breakfast." Misato asked
A look of horror crossed Asuka face.
"Wh.what, why are you cooking, where is Shinji."
"I came through and he wasn't here; so I started breakfast."
The look of horror remained on her face.
"I think I'll cheek on him." Asuka suggested.
"Hey baka wake up because you slept in we have to eat Misato's cooking." She said as she entered the room.
She thought he would be on this bed but instead, he was more depressingly curled up in a corner knees pulled up to his chest hands clutched over the top of his head. He was slowly rocking back and forth.
"Misato I think you should come see this." Asuka called panicking slightly.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- Author's notes/ramblings
Hope you liked the first chapter I know I know It's strange but I do my best, please R+R as I need to know what people think of my writing. Look out for more depressive weirdness in the next chapter, a loss.