Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 39
I sat with Matt for over 2 hours. I just stared at him trying to will him to open his eyes & say 'Gotcha!' I was numb. I couldn't even cry anymore, it was like my whole mind had just switched off! I held his hand. He was getting cold & I rubbed it to try & keep him warm. I stood up & pulled the sheets up around his neck. There was someone in the room with me, in the shadows in the corner. I figured it was Jeff & paid little attention until he spoke!
"We're even now."
I looked up as Mick stepped out of the darkness & I just stared at him as he walked over to the bed & studied Matt. "Mick!" I said quietly through clenched teeth. It was just my mind playing tricks on me again I was sure of it! I closed my eyes & took a deep breath.
"How does it feel Bec? To have your heart ripped out?"
"Go away. I'm not afraid of you Mick. You can't hurt me anymore." I said quietly & calmly, still not opening my eyes.
"I felt for you what you felt for this………this worthless pieces of shit! Did you realize that?"
"Matt isn't worthless. He's worth a million of you."
"Was my darling……was!" I opened my eyes to see him grinning at me coldly. "Hurts like hell doesn't it sweetheart?"
"Go away. I don't have the energy to deal with your shit anymore." He put his hand out to touch Matt's face. "Don't you touch him you bastard!" I snapped, although my voice sounded hard, detatched. He could kill me right there & then & it wouldn't matter, not anymore.
He withdrew his hand & sniggered. "Well you won't be seeing me anymore!" he sighed, "I've done what I set out to do. It's done." He looked at Matt again & grinned, bent down & whispered in Matt's ear, "Game over, I win!"
"You're a sick son of a bitch Mick!"
He chewed on his gum and smiled from the corner of his mouth, "Hey I thought that's what you loved about me?"
"Fuck off."
"Oh but did you ever really love me? I mean you never screamed my name the way you screamed his!" He gestured to the bed.
"What would you know about it?"
"Oh I know Bec, I was there I saw everything!"
I closed my eyes, "Bullshit! Just go away."
"Matt I love you!" He mocked, "Matt I need you! Matt I'll come for you!"
"FUCK OFF MICK!" I stood up & tears stung my eyes. "JUST FUCK OFF! DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! YOU WERE NEVER FIT TO LICK HIS BOOTS!"
He laughed again. "You silly silly little girl! You couldn't see it could you? I mean I could have made you happy in ways he never even dreamed of! Oh wait I get it, it was two for the price of one with him wasn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Fuck him you get the brother thrown in free!" He sniggered again, "You always were a sucker for a pretty face!" He touched Matt's hair & I closed my eyes & winced. "Y'know at first it was difficult to tell which one of them you loved the most! I expect you had the same problem…….well not to worry I solved that one for ya!" He winked at me. "I almost killed the other one, that night in the hotel….but well I saw you in the lobby, with this…." He gestured towards Matt again. "That's why I threw you the keys, I knew you'd be smart enough to work out the cryptics!"
"I never killed you Mick! You needn't have done this! If you'd come to me I would have left him to keep him alive!"
"Oh quite the little drama queen these days aren't we? Watching too much…….TV?" He was right up in my face in an instant & I jumped backwards as he spat the word 'TV' into my face. "Don't kid yourself, I didn't want you, you're nothing! A pathetic little slut! No I just wanted to hurt you!"
"Well you succeeded now go away Mick."
"You have no idea what you did to me do you?"
"I don't even care! Just leave."
"Ok!" He went to the door, "Goodbye Rebecca! Have a….." he grinned & looked at Matt, "…happy life!"
I walked over to him at the door, "Rot in hell Mick!" I spat at him.
"Oh I probably will sweetheart!" He threw his head back laughing & he touched my cheek, I closed my eyes & shivered at his touch. "I probably will!" he laughed again & I could hear him laughing as he walked away down the corridor.
I went back to the bed & sat with Matt again.
"It's time to go Bec!" I looked up to see Jeff in the doorway & I shook my head.
"No not yet. I can't leave him."
"You won't be leaving him, he's not here anymore!"
I looked at him lying on the bed. I knew Jeff was right. Matt had gone. I looked at his face, he had a small cut above his left eye but other than that it was perfect! It looked like he wasn't even hurt at all. I stroked his forehead & kissed his cheek. "I have to go now baby!" I smiled at him, "Call me…….when you get home!" I kissed him again, this time on the mouth. It would be the last time I'd feel his lips on mine & I let it linger. We were walking out of the door when Jeff stopped & turned back, leaving me in the doorway. He bent down & kissed Matt's forehead.
"Can you just hear him now?" He laughed & his tears fell again so I went to him, "Don't be an asshole about this Jeff!" he sniffed. I took him in my arms, "Why can't he just get up & slap me in the face? Or yank my hair cause I've dyed it a stupid colour?" I let him cry on me again, but I had no more tears, not that day.
When we finally went out of the room I was amazed to see about 30 guys in the waiting room. So many faces I didn't recognize stood up as Jeff & I rounded the corner. Adam came to me first. He didn't say a word, he just took me & Jeff into his arms & cried. Jay followed him, then Shane, Trish. Shannon was a wreck. Poor guy could barely stand up. Then one by one each & every guy & girl in the waiting room stood up & did the same, no one even spoke, it was surreal! I watched as 30 more guys filtered in through the doors, I couldn't believe it! It made me smile! We were there for ages, every single person coming up to us, hugging us & leaving. It was amazingly comforting to know that so many people cared. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gilbert, he was standing back, away from view & he was smiling although the tears still ran down his face!
When the mass of people had gone I looked around to see one more person sitting alone in among the virtually empty chairs. It was Dwayne. He stood up & came over to me as Jeff went to his father.
"Bec." He nodded.
"Dwayne." I nodded back & we just looked at each other.
"I don't know what to say!" He hung his head.
"You don't have to say anything. I bit on my lip, "But I have to thank you, for everything you have done!"
"I didn't do….." he wiped his face, "I…..I told you I wouldn't let him……" tears fell down his cheeks.
"You didn't!" I smiled & lifted his face up to look at him, "You got him out of that car and you gave me 10 minutes with him that I would never have had! You don't know what that stupid 10 minutes means to me, you can never know!" I put my arms around him & he had to bend down to put his head on my shoulder & cry. Jeff & Gilbert came over & we all held each other. After about 5 minutes we made for the door, arm in arm, with me sandwiched between Jeff & Dwayne. It had rained for 3 days non stop, but when we got outside the sun was shining & I squinted. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been outside & I took a deep breath of the fresh air, it felt good. Still arm in arm we walked down the steps. Gilbert looked up at the blue sky, his eyes were swollen & puffy from all the crying & he squinted. We all basically looked like shit but it wasn't important.
"Looks like it's gonna be ok!" Gilbert said, referring to the weather.
"Yeah." Jeff looked at me & gave me a squeeze, "Looks like it is!"
Chapter 39
I sat with Matt for over 2 hours. I just stared at him trying to will him to open his eyes & say 'Gotcha!' I was numb. I couldn't even cry anymore, it was like my whole mind had just switched off! I held his hand. He was getting cold & I rubbed it to try & keep him warm. I stood up & pulled the sheets up around his neck. There was someone in the room with me, in the shadows in the corner. I figured it was Jeff & paid little attention until he spoke!
"We're even now."
I looked up as Mick stepped out of the darkness & I just stared at him as he walked over to the bed & studied Matt. "Mick!" I said quietly through clenched teeth. It was just my mind playing tricks on me again I was sure of it! I closed my eyes & took a deep breath.
"How does it feel Bec? To have your heart ripped out?"
"Go away. I'm not afraid of you Mick. You can't hurt me anymore." I said quietly & calmly, still not opening my eyes.
"I felt for you what you felt for this………this worthless pieces of shit! Did you realize that?"
"Matt isn't worthless. He's worth a million of you."
"Was my darling……was!" I opened my eyes to see him grinning at me coldly. "Hurts like hell doesn't it sweetheart?"
"Go away. I don't have the energy to deal with your shit anymore." He put his hand out to touch Matt's face. "Don't you touch him you bastard!" I snapped, although my voice sounded hard, detatched. He could kill me right there & then & it wouldn't matter, not anymore.
He withdrew his hand & sniggered. "Well you won't be seeing me anymore!" he sighed, "I've done what I set out to do. It's done." He looked at Matt again & grinned, bent down & whispered in Matt's ear, "Game over, I win!"
"You're a sick son of a bitch Mick!"
He chewed on his gum and smiled from the corner of his mouth, "Hey I thought that's what you loved about me?"
"Fuck off."
"Oh but did you ever really love me? I mean you never screamed my name the way you screamed his!" He gestured to the bed.
"What would you know about it?"
"Oh I know Bec, I was there I saw everything!"
I closed my eyes, "Bullshit! Just go away."
"Matt I love you!" He mocked, "Matt I need you! Matt I'll come for you!"
"FUCK OFF MICK!" I stood up & tears stung my eyes. "JUST FUCK OFF! DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT! YOU WERE NEVER FIT TO LICK HIS BOOTS!"
He laughed again. "You silly silly little girl! You couldn't see it could you? I mean I could have made you happy in ways he never even dreamed of! Oh wait I get it, it was two for the price of one with him wasn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Fuck him you get the brother thrown in free!" He sniggered again, "You always were a sucker for a pretty face!" He touched Matt's hair & I closed my eyes & winced. "Y'know at first it was difficult to tell which one of them you loved the most! I expect you had the same problem…….well not to worry I solved that one for ya!" He winked at me. "I almost killed the other one, that night in the hotel….but well I saw you in the lobby, with this…." He gestured towards Matt again. "That's why I threw you the keys, I knew you'd be smart enough to work out the cryptics!"
"I never killed you Mick! You needn't have done this! If you'd come to me I would have left him to keep him alive!"
"Oh quite the little drama queen these days aren't we? Watching too much…….TV?" He was right up in my face in an instant & I jumped backwards as he spat the word 'TV' into my face. "Don't kid yourself, I didn't want you, you're nothing! A pathetic little slut! No I just wanted to hurt you!"
"Well you succeeded now go away Mick."
"You have no idea what you did to me do you?"
"I don't even care! Just leave."
"Ok!" He went to the door, "Goodbye Rebecca! Have a….." he grinned & looked at Matt, "…happy life!"
I walked over to him at the door, "Rot in hell Mick!" I spat at him.
"Oh I probably will sweetheart!" He threw his head back laughing & he touched my cheek, I closed my eyes & shivered at his touch. "I probably will!" he laughed again & I could hear him laughing as he walked away down the corridor.
I went back to the bed & sat with Matt again.
"It's time to go Bec!" I looked up to see Jeff in the doorway & I shook my head.
"No not yet. I can't leave him."
"You won't be leaving him, he's not here anymore!"
I looked at him lying on the bed. I knew Jeff was right. Matt had gone. I looked at his face, he had a small cut above his left eye but other than that it was perfect! It looked like he wasn't even hurt at all. I stroked his forehead & kissed his cheek. "I have to go now baby!" I smiled at him, "Call me…….when you get home!" I kissed him again, this time on the mouth. It would be the last time I'd feel his lips on mine & I let it linger. We were walking out of the door when Jeff stopped & turned back, leaving me in the doorway. He bent down & kissed Matt's forehead.
"Can you just hear him now?" He laughed & his tears fell again so I went to him, "Don't be an asshole about this Jeff!" he sniffed. I took him in my arms, "Why can't he just get up & slap me in the face? Or yank my hair cause I've dyed it a stupid colour?" I let him cry on me again, but I had no more tears, not that day.
When we finally went out of the room I was amazed to see about 30 guys in the waiting room. So many faces I didn't recognize stood up as Jeff & I rounded the corner. Adam came to me first. He didn't say a word, he just took me & Jeff into his arms & cried. Jay followed him, then Shane, Trish. Shannon was a wreck. Poor guy could barely stand up. Then one by one each & every guy & girl in the waiting room stood up & did the same, no one even spoke, it was surreal! I watched as 30 more guys filtered in through the doors, I couldn't believe it! It made me smile! We were there for ages, every single person coming up to us, hugging us & leaving. It was amazingly comforting to know that so many people cared. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gilbert, he was standing back, away from view & he was smiling although the tears still ran down his face!
When the mass of people had gone I looked around to see one more person sitting alone in among the virtually empty chairs. It was Dwayne. He stood up & came over to me as Jeff went to his father.
"Bec." He nodded.
"Dwayne." I nodded back & we just looked at each other.
"I don't know what to say!" He hung his head.
"You don't have to say anything. I bit on my lip, "But I have to thank you, for everything you have done!"
"I didn't do….." he wiped his face, "I…..I told you I wouldn't let him……" tears fell down his cheeks.
"You didn't!" I smiled & lifted his face up to look at him, "You got him out of that car and you gave me 10 minutes with him that I would never have had! You don't know what that stupid 10 minutes means to me, you can never know!" I put my arms around him & he had to bend down to put his head on my shoulder & cry. Jeff & Gilbert came over & we all held each other. After about 5 minutes we made for the door, arm in arm, with me sandwiched between Jeff & Dwayne. It had rained for 3 days non stop, but when we got outside the sun was shining & I squinted. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been outside & I took a deep breath of the fresh air, it felt good. Still arm in arm we walked down the steps. Gilbert looked up at the blue sky, his eyes were swollen & puffy from all the crying & he squinted. We all basically looked like shit but it wasn't important.
"Looks like it's gonna be ok!" Gilbert said, referring to the weather.
"Yeah." Jeff looked at me & gave me a squeeze, "Looks like it is!"