Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Crazy

A/N: The worst thing is C/7, BTW. No, here it never happened. And I keep forgetting to put the disclaimer on, blah, blah, blah.

Chapter Eight

Picard vs. Janeway and Tea vs. Coffee-What more can you get?

Q, I suppose…

Q appeared with a flash in my bathtub-again!

I threw the soap at him. "Go away. I'm busy."

He laughed. "With what, Kathy? War?"

I glared. "Yes, war, now shut up and go annoy someone, like my future children or Picard!"

"Actually, I just came back from sending your past self to the future with your daughter." He shifted, and smiled. "That was very fun, actually."

I sighed. "Well, please go, I'm not in the mood to give you anything."

"Okay…" He snapped and I sighed and sank lower into the bubbles.

"Stupid Q…" I closed my eyes, just for a sec, and three things happen.

One: The doors open.

Two: Someone splashes into my tub.

Three: Phasers are fired.

I opened them, and saw the Intendant in the tub and a person, probably dead, on the floor. "I'm taking a fucking bath!" I yelled to the Intendant, throwing the soap at her. (It fell back into the tub-I'd missed when I threw it at Q.)

She glared at me. "Well, if it wasn't for me, Picard would've killed both of us with his minion! Now I'm wet!"

"Good for you!" I beamed. "Now, out, and take him away, he clashes with the décor." I waved her off.

"So impolite," she muttered as she dragged the corpse away.

I got out of the tub, and the doors opened again, showing Chakotay in civvies. I quickly wrapped a towel around me. "Hi, Chakotay."

"You're wet." He leaned against the frame. "Why was the Intendant in the bath with you? Are you-"

"She fell in after one of Picard's guys chased her." I glared. "I'm not a fucking lesbian!"

He chuckled and pulled me into his arms. "Of course you're not, you love me!" He kissed me.

I deepened it, and the doors opened again.

"Ugh, peachy stuff." The Intendant bent down and got her rifle, then squealed.

The mirror Chakotay had nipped her armored butt, then stood up and whistled. The Intendant whirled to me.

"What the fuck did you do?"

I gave her a withering glance. "Nothing."

"Really?"

"Ask the mirror Chakotay."

She looked at Chakotay. "Did she do anything?"

"No, Intendant."

"Good. Let's leave this place." She left, and I turned to Chakotay with a smile.

He was looking at the bed, then to me. "Bed?" He asked.

"Bed's fine." I raced over there. "Last one is a core breach!"

"Oh no, you're not." He grabbed my towel and unraveled it. "Ha!"

I sat in bed. "Ha! Core breach!"

He pushed me down and got on top of me. "I'm going to have the last laugh."

=/\= =/\= =/\=

I woke up to the sound of Voyager rocking. "Red alert? Chakotay…" I looked down. He was snoring-again. I sighed and shook him. He opened his eyes.

"What? Oh-" He sat up and kissed me. "We better get dressed."

I got off and pulled my underclothes on. "You snore too much."

"I snore?" He was pulling his uniform on. "Really? I don't notice."

I glanced at him. "Yeah, you snore-on the bridge, at mess hall, in bed. You need to go to the doctor."

"Sure." He smiled. "Okay, Captain." He left, and I brushed my hair, putting ludicrous amounts of hair spray and mousse.

"Coffee, hot!" I yelled, getting the cup and running to the bridge. "Report!"

"The Enterprise-E and the mirror Enterprise are here, attacking us."

I glared. "Who would fire on their own ships? Oh, duh!" I smacked my forehead. "Picard."

The viewscreen changed, and Picard appeared. "It is moi, Picard!" He laughed.

"For a French guy, you sound so British!" I laughed, and sipped my coffee.

"Coffee?" He laughed. "Wow, how original. I should congratulate you, but now this is war…"

He fired on me.

"Well, there's that sissy tea of yours…what was it again? Earl Shit, or something…"

The bridge crew laughed. Picard turned beet red.

"Janeway, you bitch…"

"Wow, I'm soooooo scared!" I glared. "You're 74 and still not an Admiral!" I laughed. "Fire at Picard, please…"

Chakotay came in, and sat down. "What's funny?"

I looked at him. "Nothing."

"Wow, the famous Captain Janeway…sympathizing with the Marquis…such a good, peachy heart…" He made gagging sounds. "And the Marquis…they think they're heroes, killing Cardassians! Ha! They were cowards! They abandon Starfleet because they think they can do it all by their chicken selves!" He laughed, so hard that he doubled over.

Chakotay was seething, by the look on his face. I widened my eyes. "Chakotay?"

He ran up, kicked Tuvok away and took the tactical controls. "Bastard!" He yelled, and launched torpedoes and phasers at the Enterprise. All of them.

Their shields went down, and the link died. He then beamed himself off and all of the former Marquis members.

"Wow." I beamed myself off and appeared, seeing that they were beating up the Enterprise crew.

Chakotay the hardest-he was punching Picard into the wall, like a punching bag. I couldn't blame him-what Picard said about the Marquis and me was in his head, and feeding his anger. Avenging every Marquis member and his family was a noble cause.

"Chakotay!" I yelled.

He turned, with fire in his eyes and tears. "Kathryn?"

Picard escaped, and Chakotay came over and hugged me. "Oh, Kathryn…"

We were beamed off, and into the bridge.

"Captain?"

I let go. "Yes, Ensign?"

"Tuvok said that Chakotay had enough time in there."

"Oh, I see." I smiled. "Yes, he did."

Chakotay had fallen asleep on my shoulder, snoring.