Kathryn Janeway of the Starship H4Xor
Chapter…Chapter…um…
(Beltran: 22!
Mulgrew: Shut up, Beltran, tis not 22!
*Beltran covers mouth of Mulgrew* It is so!)
What the Hell! Chakotay…um…Chakotay…screw this, I'm not being paid enough!
*Borg interrupts*
We are the Borg. We will supply you with a narrator if you join the collective.
Me: ……we don't need a narrator.
Russell *necking author*: Oh…
Me: ……Russell, what the hell?
Russell: I really love you, so why do you leave me out?
Me: Because you're already in half of my stories and I don't want to seem like a snob.
Borg: What are you doing, Human?
Me: Um…sorry. I was doing human courtship. Would you like seeing under my top? *takes off top, winks at Russell*
Russell: Mmm… *fondles them…*
Borg: Overload…overload…
*Borg die*
Me: Russell, stop. Russell…asshole!
Russell: Sorry.
Captain's starlog…Stardate…um…Chakotay!
600022.q034
Oh…wait…
60022.03
Yeah…okay…so, I inserted the nanoprobes, and now Chakotay always calls me Queenie now. Queenie…umm, Chakotay…
Yes, my Queen?
I'm your girlfriend.
I know that.
What's with the Queen?
I'm part of your collective now.
Borg speak is not good.
My Queen, there is a-
Chakotay, my name's Kathryn.
Your designation is Kathryn, but you are superior to me.
I'm the fucking captain…
"Chakotay, what is wrong with you?"
"Nothing, my systems are functioning correctly."
"Systems? When did you call yourself systems?"
"On-"
I shook my head. "Chakotay, shut the hell up."
"Yes, my queen."
I sighed and walked off, bumping into the Intendant.
"Hello."
She snarled, and I slapped her.
"Stupid asshole." She turned and left.
Russell: You will join the Collective.
Me: Asshole! *kicks the nuts of Russell*
Russell: Resistance is futile.
Me: I get stuck with a Borg for a boyfriend. Yay.
J.T: The genius to the rescue! *bumps into wall*
Me: Genius *coughs moron*
Russell: Resistance is futile. Your-
Me: Shut up, asshole. *sticks sock in mouth*
J.T: Let's see…plasma grenade…Borg Buster! Yay-
Me: No, J.T, that's not-
Mulgrew: Um…back to the story? I'm not getting paid to sit through a commercial. Makeup!
Beltran: But I like it…it's realistic…
McNeill: I'm leaving for a shake, who's coming?
Everybody except Mulgrew and Ryan: Yeah!
Ryan: Um…Kate, behind you.
The Borg have invaded the station…and the Janeway of the past is here…
Kate: What the hell are you doing?
Janeway *quickly puts away powder and makeup*: Oh, sorry…
Me: Um…let's use a…
Janeway: My makeup?
Kate& I: No!
Kate: God, you're so vain…
Janeway: Look at you! You're so…fat.
Kate: …
Me: Okay, okay, shut up. We're not here to debate.
Kate: Okay. Well, my professor says to use a Starfleet phaser.
Janeway: *getting out big guns* We're using this.
Intendant: No, we're not.
Mulgrew: Those are fake.
Ryan: …Kate, what?
Mulgrew: They're going to use props to defeat the Borg-the real Borg.
Janeway: For your information, they are real.
Me: Um…I'll leave. I have to save my friends…
J.T.: No, I'm here. I just used a Jaffa weapon. *holds it up*
Mulgrew: Stargate sucks.
Ryan: But that guy who plays Jackson is sooo cute! *sighs*
Me: Um…J.T, this is Paramount.
J.T: I know!
Me: …
Mulgrew: Okay, where do we start?
Borg: We are the Borg. Resistance is futile.
Mulgrew: Never mind.
Janeway: Take this! *shoots at them*
Kate: No, that's genocide!
Me: What do you want, humanity or assimilation?
Kate: Well, humanity is hard to define…
Me: Just shut up and shoot!
J.T: Shit, this thing's not working!
Me: Smartass, isn't there something else?
J.T: Hmm…*takes off top*
Ryan: Damn!
Mulgrew: Shit!
Me: Go!
Janeway: Hmmm…*writes down*
Kate: How obscene!
*Borg die*
Intendant: Hmm…plastic surgery?
Me: …
Intendant: I'm kidding. Chakotay already likes my boobs the way they are.
Me: …yeah…
Narrator: And so ends this episode of Kathryn-
Me: Get out. You're fired. And once again, the day is saved, thanks to Captain Janeway-
J.T: No, I did.
Mulgrew: She didn't do squat!
Me: Okay, okay…