Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 59
When I came out of the bathroom Sasha was waiting for me with her back to the wall & her arms folded across her chest. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked & I just looked at her. "Do you really wanna just go with this guy?"
"You're the one who's been nagging me all freaking night about getting on with my life!"
"Not like this Bec!" she shook her head. "If this is to prove a point to me then please, I get the message ok? You don't need to do this!"
"Sasha," I sighed, "Right now I'm not exactly 'doing' anything! Besides he's a nice guy! Why shouldn't I?"
"Well if this is what you really want then……I'll keep my nose out just, well be careful and take a little time to think about this! Why not wait until you are both sober for starters?"
"I'll be ok!" I smiled, "Stop worrying will ya?" I nudged her & she smiled, I walked away.
When I got to the door I paused, my heart was racing but it was more from excitement than fear! I pushed the door slightly & suddenly found myself being dragged out onto the landing!
"I thought you weren't coming!"
"Hey I told you I was!" I smiled as he took me in his arms.
"I don't feel much like talking anymore!" he said as he looked into my eyes.
I brushed some of his hair from his face with my fingertips & he closed his eyes & took a deep breath. "Do you realize how crazy this is?" I whispered.
"Crazy is my middle name!" he grinned.
"Yeah but if someone comes out here……….."
"So what? Are you seeing anyone?"
"No but……….."
"Neither am I so what's the problem?"
I stumbled backwards, "Ooops!" he kept tight hold of me & pulled me back to him. He put his hands on the back of my neck as he kissed me & I pulled back. "What's wrong? Relax!" he smiled & kissed me again, this time I let it happen. I felt like a school kid, sneaking off & doing something I shouldn't be! I got a major adrenalin rush as our tongues intertwined and he pushed me up against the wall & pressed himself against me. I had one hand up the back of his shirt, raking my nails down his back while my other hand squeezed his ass & he moaned as we kissed. One of his hands was in my hair & the other up the front of my shirt & I kissed him harder as he squeezed my breast. It wasn't like me at all but I just wasn't thinking! I'd had too much to drink & the only thing that was on my mind was lust, pure & simple lust! I wanted someone & he happened to be there, I'd always thought he was a great looking guy ever since we first met, but after that kiss I wanted him more & I wanted him there & then! We broke the kiss & he cleared his throat & adjusted his trousers slightly while I tried to tidy up my hair & straighten my shirt.
"You sure you wanna do this?" he asked as he ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm sure!"
"Ok come on! Let's get out of here!" he took hold of my hand & together we went outside to hail a cab.
***
Ever heard of the phrase, 'Wild, Animal Sex'? Well I didn't think I was capable of such a thing but, as they say, alcohol makes you lose your inhibitions, and boy did mine ever jump right out of the window that night?! When I think back now I actually shock myself! We were pulling each other's clothes off the second we were in his hotel room, I can't even remember how many times we had sex but I do know it was almost all night! I remember being up against the wall, on the floor, the bed, the chair, even (I'm ashamed to admit it!) on the balcony!! It was completely crazy and to this day I don't know what came over me to do some of the totally undescribable shit that we did to each other that night!
When I woke up & looked at my watch it was 5am & I felt like shit! I must have had an hour & a half's sleep tops & I was aching all over!
"Aw man! What time is it?" he groaned & I turned over & smiled at him.
"5am!" I whispered, "I'm gonna have to go!" I pulled the sheet around me as I got out of bed & started to gather up my clothes that were strewn all over the floor! Every time I bent over I felt like I was going to spew & my head was pounding!
"You're leaving? At 5am?"
"Yeah, I have to get back to Jude!"
"Oh shit yeah! Sorry." He at up in bed & eyed the sheet I was clutching around my naked body, "Now she gets bashful?" he raised his eyebrows & I giggled.
"I'm gonna get dressed."
"Come here first!" he patted the edge of the bed so I sat down & he put his arm around me, "At least let me buy you a coffee before you go!"
"Oh yeah! I can really go to Wendy's in the top I was wearing last night! I'd look like a hooker at this hour of the morning!"
"Your jeans are ok & I'll lend you a shirt!"
I leaned my head back on his shoulder, "God it hurts!" I rubbed my forehead. He lay back on the bed & I let myself fall with him.
"Man tell me about it!" He rubbed his head, "I can't believe I drank that much!"
"Me either! Um…….I'm not usually like this y'know?"
"That's a shame!" he grinned.
"I'm serious! I don't want you to think…..well." I sighed, "You're the first person I've, well, y'know….since Matt."
"Oh right! Sorry! I wasn't thinking!
"Hey no it's cool! But……."
"I won't be seeing you again will I?"
"Oh you'll be seeing me around, but not like this!"
"Ah right, I kinda thought as much anyway!"
"You mind?"
"Well…..yeah a little! But well if that's what you want then I'm ok with that!" I smiled at him, "It's a shame though!" he lifted my chin & kissed my lips softly. "I thought we were kinda good together!"
"Yeah we were but it's just not me, that's all! What you got last night was a totally different person, you'd only be disappointed!"
"Hmm I doubt that!" he smiled & kissed me again, "Ok come on then! Let's find you a shirt & go get a coffee before my head explodes!"
I got dressed & washed last night's crap off my face! I looked like death but quite frankly I didn't even care! We ended up in a little café about a block away from the hotel. It was nice & quiet which I suppose I could've expected at 5:30am! We talked over coffee about all kinds of stuff, it was nice, not forced or awkward at all, just two old friends having a coffee & I guess that's exactly what it was! What happened the night before wasn't even mentioned once! He offered to drive me home but I decided that wasn't such a good idea!
"Will Jeff freak if he finds out?"
"Yeah probably! Oh I dunno! He just, well he's a little over protective of me I guess, since Matt died." I said as we waited outside the café for my cab.
"Bec?"
"Yeah?"
"Before you go…………" He put his arms around my waist & smiled, "I just wanna…um…."
I smiled & kissed him, it was deep & it was nice, but I knew it wasn't for me. As we parted the cab pulled up & we looked at each other. "I guess I'd better get gone then?"
"Yeah I guess. I'll see you around?"
"Probably!" I let go of him & went to walk away but he grabbed my hand, pulled me back & kissed me passionately.
"Don't do this!" I whispered as he held my face in his hands.
"I'm sorry!" I put my arms around his neck & we held each other.
"I have to go!" I kissed his cheek, "I'll see you…….soon!" I smiled & got into the cab, leaving him standing on the street.
***
I got back home at 6:30am & I felt like such a kid, sneaking in the back door & tiptoeing around with my boots in my hand!
"The wanderer returns!"
I jumped, "Holy shit Dwayne!" I hissed at him, "I thought it was Jeff! I shoved his legs off the end of the couch & sat down. "Have you been here all night?"
"Yeah, which is more than can be said for some!" He winked.
I lay back & rubbed my head, "I feel like crap!"
"Evil, evil alcohol!" Dwayne ruffled my hair, "No sympathy from me! Where did you end up?"
"Oh erm…..Sasha's?" I raised my eyebrows & Dwayne shook his head.
"Nope Jeff called there!"
"Oh shit! Ok how about Betty's then?"
Dwayne laughed, "Ok we'll go with Betty's!"
I puffed out my cheeks, "Y'know it shouldn't even matter where the hell I was last night!"
"So why does it then? I mean what's the deal with you & Jeff anyway?"
"There's no deal!"
"Come on Bec! He was up half the damn night pacing the floor because you hadn't come home!"
"Oh well maybe that's his problem then!" I rubbed my head. I was about to bitch some more when I heard Jeff coming downstairs! I rolled my eyes & put my head on Dwayne's shoulder, "Can't we just say I've been here for hours?"
"Oh no! Don't bring me into this!"
"Save me Dwayne I'm dying!" I moaned.
"Oh thank God you're home!" Jeff said as he came into the living room.
"In body only, my mind is still out there, in the gutter somewhere!"
"So I take it you had a good time last night then?"
"Mmm it was ok! I just drank too much! Where's Jude?"
"He's still asleep!"
"Mind if I grab a shower?"
Dwayne stood up & grabbed his bag from the chair & I fell into the nice warm douvet he'd left behind! I snuggled my head into it! It smelled of gorgeous, expensive cologne & I smiled to myself at how immaculate Dwayne was, even when he went to sleep!
Chapter 59
When I came out of the bathroom Sasha was waiting for me with her back to the wall & her arms folded across her chest. "What the hell are you doing?" She asked & I just looked at her. "Do you really wanna just go with this guy?"
"You're the one who's been nagging me all freaking night about getting on with my life!"
"Not like this Bec!" she shook her head. "If this is to prove a point to me then please, I get the message ok? You don't need to do this!"
"Sasha," I sighed, "Right now I'm not exactly 'doing' anything! Besides he's a nice guy! Why shouldn't I?"
"Well if this is what you really want then……I'll keep my nose out just, well be careful and take a little time to think about this! Why not wait until you are both sober for starters?"
"I'll be ok!" I smiled, "Stop worrying will ya?" I nudged her & she smiled, I walked away.
When I got to the door I paused, my heart was racing but it was more from excitement than fear! I pushed the door slightly & suddenly found myself being dragged out onto the landing!
"I thought you weren't coming!"
"Hey I told you I was!" I smiled as he took me in his arms.
"I don't feel much like talking anymore!" he said as he looked into my eyes.
I brushed some of his hair from his face with my fingertips & he closed his eyes & took a deep breath. "Do you realize how crazy this is?" I whispered.
"Crazy is my middle name!" he grinned.
"Yeah but if someone comes out here……….."
"So what? Are you seeing anyone?"
"No but……….."
"Neither am I so what's the problem?"
I stumbled backwards, "Ooops!" he kept tight hold of me & pulled me back to him. He put his hands on the back of my neck as he kissed me & I pulled back. "What's wrong? Relax!" he smiled & kissed me again, this time I let it happen. I felt like a school kid, sneaking off & doing something I shouldn't be! I got a major adrenalin rush as our tongues intertwined and he pushed me up against the wall & pressed himself against me. I had one hand up the back of his shirt, raking my nails down his back while my other hand squeezed his ass & he moaned as we kissed. One of his hands was in my hair & the other up the front of my shirt & I kissed him harder as he squeezed my breast. It wasn't like me at all but I just wasn't thinking! I'd had too much to drink & the only thing that was on my mind was lust, pure & simple lust! I wanted someone & he happened to be there, I'd always thought he was a great looking guy ever since we first met, but after that kiss I wanted him more & I wanted him there & then! We broke the kiss & he cleared his throat & adjusted his trousers slightly while I tried to tidy up my hair & straighten my shirt.
"You sure you wanna do this?" he asked as he ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm sure!"
"Ok come on! Let's get out of here!" he took hold of my hand & together we went outside to hail a cab.
***
Ever heard of the phrase, 'Wild, Animal Sex'? Well I didn't think I was capable of such a thing but, as they say, alcohol makes you lose your inhibitions, and boy did mine ever jump right out of the window that night?! When I think back now I actually shock myself! We were pulling each other's clothes off the second we were in his hotel room, I can't even remember how many times we had sex but I do know it was almost all night! I remember being up against the wall, on the floor, the bed, the chair, even (I'm ashamed to admit it!) on the balcony!! It was completely crazy and to this day I don't know what came over me to do some of the totally undescribable shit that we did to each other that night!
When I woke up & looked at my watch it was 5am & I felt like shit! I must have had an hour & a half's sleep tops & I was aching all over!
"Aw man! What time is it?" he groaned & I turned over & smiled at him.
"5am!" I whispered, "I'm gonna have to go!" I pulled the sheet around me as I got out of bed & started to gather up my clothes that were strewn all over the floor! Every time I bent over I felt like I was going to spew & my head was pounding!
"You're leaving? At 5am?"
"Yeah, I have to get back to Jude!"
"Oh shit yeah! Sorry." He at up in bed & eyed the sheet I was clutching around my naked body, "Now she gets bashful?" he raised his eyebrows & I giggled.
"I'm gonna get dressed."
"Come here first!" he patted the edge of the bed so I sat down & he put his arm around me, "At least let me buy you a coffee before you go!"
"Oh yeah! I can really go to Wendy's in the top I was wearing last night! I'd look like a hooker at this hour of the morning!"
"Your jeans are ok & I'll lend you a shirt!"
I leaned my head back on his shoulder, "God it hurts!" I rubbed my forehead. He lay back on the bed & I let myself fall with him.
"Man tell me about it!" He rubbed his head, "I can't believe I drank that much!"
"Me either! Um…….I'm not usually like this y'know?"
"That's a shame!" he grinned.
"I'm serious! I don't want you to think…..well." I sighed, "You're the first person I've, well, y'know….since Matt."
"Oh right! Sorry! I wasn't thinking!
"Hey no it's cool! But……."
"I won't be seeing you again will I?"
"Oh you'll be seeing me around, but not like this!"
"Ah right, I kinda thought as much anyway!"
"You mind?"
"Well…..yeah a little! But well if that's what you want then I'm ok with that!" I smiled at him, "It's a shame though!" he lifted my chin & kissed my lips softly. "I thought we were kinda good together!"
"Yeah we were but it's just not me, that's all! What you got last night was a totally different person, you'd only be disappointed!"
"Hmm I doubt that!" he smiled & kissed me again, "Ok come on then! Let's find you a shirt & go get a coffee before my head explodes!"
I got dressed & washed last night's crap off my face! I looked like death but quite frankly I didn't even care! We ended up in a little café about a block away from the hotel. It was nice & quiet which I suppose I could've expected at 5:30am! We talked over coffee about all kinds of stuff, it was nice, not forced or awkward at all, just two old friends having a coffee & I guess that's exactly what it was! What happened the night before wasn't even mentioned once! He offered to drive me home but I decided that wasn't such a good idea!
"Will Jeff freak if he finds out?"
"Yeah probably! Oh I dunno! He just, well he's a little over protective of me I guess, since Matt died." I said as we waited outside the café for my cab.
"Bec?"
"Yeah?"
"Before you go…………" He put his arms around my waist & smiled, "I just wanna…um…."
I smiled & kissed him, it was deep & it was nice, but I knew it wasn't for me. As we parted the cab pulled up & we looked at each other. "I guess I'd better get gone then?"
"Yeah I guess. I'll see you around?"
"Probably!" I let go of him & went to walk away but he grabbed my hand, pulled me back & kissed me passionately.
"Don't do this!" I whispered as he held my face in his hands.
"I'm sorry!" I put my arms around his neck & we held each other.
"I have to go!" I kissed his cheek, "I'll see you…….soon!" I smiled & got into the cab, leaving him standing on the street.
***
I got back home at 6:30am & I felt like such a kid, sneaking in the back door & tiptoeing around with my boots in my hand!
"The wanderer returns!"
I jumped, "Holy shit Dwayne!" I hissed at him, "I thought it was Jeff! I shoved his legs off the end of the couch & sat down. "Have you been here all night?"
"Yeah, which is more than can be said for some!" He winked.
I lay back & rubbed my head, "I feel like crap!"
"Evil, evil alcohol!" Dwayne ruffled my hair, "No sympathy from me! Where did you end up?"
"Oh erm…..Sasha's?" I raised my eyebrows & Dwayne shook his head.
"Nope Jeff called there!"
"Oh shit! Ok how about Betty's then?"
Dwayne laughed, "Ok we'll go with Betty's!"
I puffed out my cheeks, "Y'know it shouldn't even matter where the hell I was last night!"
"So why does it then? I mean what's the deal with you & Jeff anyway?"
"There's no deal!"
"Come on Bec! He was up half the damn night pacing the floor because you hadn't come home!"
"Oh well maybe that's his problem then!" I rubbed my head. I was about to bitch some more when I heard Jeff coming downstairs! I rolled my eyes & put my head on Dwayne's shoulder, "Can't we just say I've been here for hours?"
"Oh no! Don't bring me into this!"
"Save me Dwayne I'm dying!" I moaned.
"Oh thank God you're home!" Jeff said as he came into the living room.
"In body only, my mind is still out there, in the gutter somewhere!"
"So I take it you had a good time last night then?"
"Mmm it was ok! I just drank too much! Where's Jude?"
"He's still asleep!"
"Mind if I grab a shower?"
Dwayne stood up & grabbed his bag from the chair & I fell into the nice warm douvet he'd left behind! I snuggled my head into it! It smelled of gorgeous, expensive cologne & I smiled to myself at how immaculate Dwayne was, even when he went to sleep!