JENNIE

What the fuck am I doing?

I can't stop thinking about her!

This could be really bad.

Not only did Lisa make my heart skip a million beats with her eyes, not only did she make my skin flush with desire, the woman paid attention to my every move. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

If she could read me as well as she seemed to already, how the hell would I hide the attraction I felt towards her?

She was being paid to help me, not paid to make me feel a freaking thump of emotion for her. But it was there, and I didn't know what to do with it. I kept trying to tell myself that I only felt the way I did because she was the first woman to touch me that I've felt something since I lost my husband.

It had been two days since the embarrassing and horrible date with Jackson. But it wasn't the date that stood out, it was Lisa brushing my elbow, touching my fingers, scooping me under her arm.

Her muscles were steel, her arms strong and possessive as we left the restaurant. And I wanted more, more of what I could only imagine she could give.

Stop being crazy, Jen, you're just emotional and confused.

What I felt was normal, right?

It was normal to feel a little heat when you played with fire, it was normal to suffocate when you held your breath, but it wasn't normal to let it consume you.

And Lisa, she had infiltrated and consumed my thoughts.

Tucking Ella into bed, she smiled up at me with closed lips. "Mommy, tell me another story about Daddy."

"Another story about Daddy. . . Alright, let me think." I loved this part of our day. Sending Ella off to sleep with dreams of her father in her head. Thinking really hard, I searched my memory for a good story. "Okay, did I ever tell you the story about the raccoon?"

Ella shook her head no, smiling big. "No, what raccoon?"

Slipping my fingers over her head, I said, "Well, one time, long before you were even in my belly, your Daddy and I were going out. So, we had left the house and were walking to our car, and your Daddy. . ." Pausing, I brushed her nose with the tip of my finger, and she giggled. I loved her giggle, it was the sweetest, tiny laugh in the world. "Your Daddy yelled really loud, like really really loud."

"He did? Why did he yell?" Her eyes grew large, wonder filling her gaze.

"Well, your Daddy yelled really loud because he had gotten scared, but I didn't know why he was so scared. And then you know what he did?"

"What? What did he do?"

"He pushed me into a bush as he ran by me really fast."

"He pushed you, why did he push you?" Ella's brows turned in, her little face twisting with a hint of anger. "You said pushing wasn't nice, Mommy."

"Yes, Honey, pushing isn't nice. But Daddy was frightened, and he didn't really do it to be mean. But, do you know why he shoved me into the bush?" Shaking her head no, the curiosity flooded back into her eyes. "He pushed me into the bush because there was a giant raccoon standing on the garbage can, and it scared him so much he just wanted to get away."

Ella started to chuckle, her small hands flying to her mouth to cover her lips. "He was scared of a raccoon?"

"Yup, he was. So you know what I did? I chased the raccoon away, and saved Daddy from the big furry animal."

"That's funny, Mommy. I can't believe Daddy was afraid of that, that's so silly."

Swooping my hand down her cheek, I kissed her forehead. "It was silly, but that was only one of the times I got to save your Daddy. There are a few more, but now it's bed time." Folding her blanket over her shoulders, I tucked her in tight. "I love you, Honey, sweet dreams."

"I can't wait to hear another story. Daddy was funny, huh?"

I could feel my eyes start to fill with tears, as I said, "He was, he was very brave, but he was also very funny when it came to animals and bugs. Now get some sleep."

"I love you, Mommy, good night."

Flipping the switch off, I left her door open a crack, and headed out to the living room. Wiping away the hovering tears on my lids, I sucked in a deep breath and couldn't help but smile.

I loved telling my daughter stories about her father. It made me feel like she knew him, even if she didn't remember him. Those stories meant everything to me now, and sharing them with her was a blessing.

Walking around the room, I cleaned up some toys, tidied up the coffee table, and flipped on the television. Ella usually fell asleep without any issues, and it gave me time to just sit and relax.

Having a child took up so much of my day, and now that she was older, I had to be creative to keep her busy. So down time. . . Well, down time barely existed.

I found myself making games with her to clean the house, using paper towels and cleaning spray to hunt down dust as if it was a giant alien we needed to save the world from. Other days we would have folding races with the laundry, and at her tender age the questions seemed endless.

I had to admit, my reaction time to come up with an answer had become record winning, even if the answer wasn't exactly one hundred percent correct.

But to Ella, it never mattered. She had an answer and that kept her content.

Searching the guide station, my phone pinged. Grabbing it off the table, I noticed Lisa had sent me a text.

Swiping to read the message, it said, "Hope the little person is asleep, put on your dancing shoes, I'll be there in ten."

What?

Is she serious?

Jumping off the couch, I ran to the blind and peeked at the driveway. But no one was there, at least not yet.

Shit! Is she really coming now?

My heart began to trapeze around my rib cage, slamming around like a trapped bird. All the nerves in my body ignited, electrified and charged with a nervous excitement. I stood like a stunned animal in my living room, starting to walk one way, then turning to go another.

I had no idea what to do with myself, or if she was just bluffing; but I knew deep down, she wasn't joking, she was on her way to my house.

She's coming here, right now.

Finally, finding my legs again, I made my way to the bathroom. Staring in the mirror, I tried to at least make it look like I put some effort into my appearance. Fluffing my hair with my fingers, I teased the bland strands, scrunching it up at the roots repeatedly.

What the hell am I doing?

The prickles riding my spine transformed into trembling fingers, fingers that explored more scalp than hair. Fingers that shook and rocketed around my head like I was trying to scratch away bugs.

Oh God, I look like I stepped out of an eighties music video.

I had on straight leg yoga pants, a tank-top, and an old sweater that the collar had been stretched out on. Thank you Ella for using it as a cocoon. And the teasing of my hair only knotted up the roots, making the back stand up from shuffling it around.

Damn it!

Leaning on the sink, I cursed myself in the mirror. I was being ridiculous, completely and utterly insane. Lisa was technically working for me, which in a black and white sort of way, made me her boss.

Yes, she was in charge of my 'program,' if I had to put a name to what I had signed up for. But I was ultimately in charge, I had the final decision.

So why the hell do I care what I look like if she comes over?

I was her client, she was my dating coach; there had to be rules against the way my body was melting to the idea of her being in my house.

Knock Knock

My head jerked over my shoulder, eyeing the door. Fuck me.

Taking one last look in the mirror, I perched my lips to the side and reminded myself that she was here on business. Lisa didn't care about what I looked like, she could probably care less if I answered the door in a brown sack with bare feet, and dirt smudges across my face.

This is crazy, she's not the one you need to impress.

Walking to the door, I unlocked the deadbolt and opened it. "Hi, this was wildly unexpected," I said.

Looking her over, Lisa had traded her suit for a fitted green t-shirt, and loose jeans. Her hair was messy, but looked as if she had methodically placed each lock.

I froze, her piercing eyes glinted with a hint of arousal as they licked up and down my body. "Are you ready for me?" she asked, bringing a bottle of champagne out from behind her back, and an unlabeled disk to her face.

Trying to force my legs to move, I stayed static. "What's all this?"

"This is me apologizing for how the date went, Jennie." Lifting her shoulders, I watched each muscle as it danced beneath the thin fabric. "Are you going to let me in, or make me stand here like a delivery man with your package?"

I couldn't stop my eyes from dropping to her waist, and staring at her bulge after she said the word package. Even behind the thick material I could see she wasn't lacking in size. Her cock was outlined, the large mass shifting as she moved in place.

Lisa caught my stare, a smug grin filling her face. "This might be the first time in the history of man."

Clearing my throat, I ran my fingers down my neck. "The first time for what?"

Her lips peeled back revealing her pearly whites. "The first time a guy has ever had to say, my eyes are up here."

A nervous chuckle escaped my mouth, making me sound more like a hyena tickling a pig.

Smooth, Jen, real smooth.

"Come on in, you know I should be the one apologizing for beating up my date," I said, trying to divert the conversation elsewhere, and remove it from my stupidly blatant gawk at the size of her manhood. "What's on the disk?"

"Well, I know there are some things I'm going to have to do differently with you, my usual spur of the moment dates aren't going to work with the little person you have."

Little person?

Okay, what's this guy's deal?

"You don't have much experience with children, do you?"

Lisa stepped inside, head turning in different directions as she looked over my house. "To be honest, no. But this isn't about me, it's about you. I know I'm not going to be able to do things my normal way, so I'm going to improvise. But. . ."

"But. . ." I said, as more of question, drawing it out in way for her to finish her sentence.

"But, this weekend, I need you Saturday night. I'd recommend taking care of your babysitting needs as soon as possible."

"So what's the meaning of this then? You could have just told me that over the phone." Crossing my living room, I peeked down the hall to make sure Ella was still in bed. Turning back to face her, I folded my arms over my chest, waiting for her answer.

"I told you, it's a peace offering that all dates won't be like the other night. And I still need to learn about you. I figured this would be a good way to find out more and maybe teach you something at the same time." Twisting the case, the CD shined, catching the light of my lamp. "Can you dance?"

No, I suck at dancing.

"I can dance. . ." Waving my hand, palm out, I leaned into the door frame. "A little."

Liar, I'm such a liar.

Why am I lying about such a stupid thing?

"So you can't dance." Holding out the disk, she smiled. "Here put this on."

"What if I don't have anything to play it on?"

"I'd believe you, except there's a radio right there on the entertainment center." Pointing she chuckled, and said, "You might as well be honest with me, I don't need words to see the truth. Why do you think I'm so good at what I do?"

Grudgingly stepping to the radio, I hit the open button. "I just thought it was because you were a woman-whore, excuse my term. But to me, it seems a guy like you, knows women by having been with so many."

"We're not talking about me. I'm not going to answer any personal questions about me either, because it doesn't matter. This is about you, I'm not the one who needs the help." A loud pop exploded behind my back causing me to jump. Snapping over my shoulder, I stared at her. "Just the bottle, Sweetheart, didn't mean to frighten you."

"We can't be too loud, my daughter is sleeping, okay?"

"Sorry, I didn't expect it to be so loud. But I'll keep that in mind."

Laying the disk on the tray, I pushed it closed. "So you're basically telling me I can't ask you any questions?"

"Yes, I have a set of rules, and that's number two. I'm here for you, and only you. But my life is off limits."

Standing to face her, my fingers wrapped my hips. Lisa's lip curled, eyes falling to my waist. Immediately I unlatched my hands, and let them fall to my side. "Well that doesn't seem fair. Why can't I ask you anything?"

"Look, my rules are basically my law. It keeps everything running the way it should. And my life, my past, even my present—it doesn't matter. I'm not getting paid to talk about myself."

"So I'm basically supposed to just do what you say, even though I don't know a thing about you?"

Eyeing the ceiling, Lisa bounced her head from shoulder to shoulder. The large muscles flexed, tempting my eyes to ride over her arms. "Yeah, that's right."

Giving up on my interrogation, I decided I'd figure out another way to learn about her. I was sure there might be a time I could catch her off guard, ask her questions when our conversation was flowing, and maybe it would land me some insight into this woman. "Alright, no questions. So what now?"

"Got any glasses?"

Heading into the kitchen, I grabbed a couple of wine glasses. My heart was racing, stomach doing flips. I hated dancing.

One: Because I was no good at it.

And two: Because the last time I did dance, was the night before my husband was deployed.

After everything happened, dancing made more tears than I could handle.

Stepping back into the living room, Lisa was holding a picture from the top of my entertainment center. "Who's this, your brother?" She asked, not taking her gaze off the image.

I felt the air leave my lungs, my heart freezing. Lisa was holding the only picture I had of the three of us. The one and only reminder Ella had that her father had been in her life.

"Well, that's me and my daughter, Ella, and. . . My husband Taehyung." Biting back a loud exhale, I pinched my lips, eyes searching her for what she was thinking.

"Husband? I thought you were single, are you guys divorced?"

Lowering myself to the couch, my hands wrapped around my knees. "No." My eyes fell to the floor, scanning the carpet. "I guess now's as a good a time as any to tell you why I'm really single."

Lisa's head jerked up, eyes making every attempt to read my thoughts before I said the words.

"My husband was in the Army, and well. . ." Running a hand through my knotted hair, I forced out the words, "He died in action, it was years ago, Ella was just a baby." My fingers gripped around my brows, squeezing my temples.

"I'm so sorry, Jen, I had no idea." I felt her body standing above me, her hand falling to my shoulder. I hadn't even heard her walking over. The scent of aloe and musk swept over my face as her thigh brushed the edge of my arm.

"It's alright, it was a long time ago. But that's why this whole dating thing is just really strange for me. I'd never really thought about trying to meet someone else, but my friends were right, I don't deserve to be alone either."

"Jennie, dating someone, maybe even finding someone you end up falling in love with, it doesn't change who Taehyung was. It doesn't change that he was your husband, and it won't change the fact that he's your daughter's father." Her fingers brushed over my hair, scooping my nape, and forcing my head up to look at her. Giving me a tender smile, she said, "And I know you know that too."

Shaking my head, a tear broke free, cascading down my cheek. I wanted to sweep it away, suck in the sadness and bury it deep.

But Lisa caught the single droplet of water, swiping it with one finger. Her massive palm cupped my jaw, keeping my face on her. "So, can I have that dance now?"

Sniffling, I couldn't look away from her gaze. It was serene, holding me hostage in her eyes. Her words were soothing, blanketing my body in a welcomed feeling of comfort.

I knew she was right, and I had tried to tell myself the same thing so many times before. Taehyung would always be a part of me, he was the love of my life. But that life was over, and a new one had emerged. A part of my heart would always belong to him and what we had.

It was hard to admit that our time together had ended, and it was time for me to move forward. I was still here, living, breathing, caring for our child. Being alone wasn't making me any happier, living in the dream that I would some how hurt him if I moved on had to end.

Taehyung would want me to be happy, he would want me to live again, love again; he would want to free me from the burden I'd felt since he was taken from us. But he wasn't going to be forgotten, he wasn't going to be erased.

Nothing would change who he was and what he meant to me.

My heart grew warm, buzzing with a revelation I had denied for quite some time now. I deserved this, I deserved everything that might show up at my door.

And tonight, Lisa had graced me with her kind words, her tender touch.

Her hand was splayed out, waiting for me to take her offer. "Yeah, but don't get mad at me if you end up with bruised toes. I'm giving you fair warning." Wrapping my fingers around her, she tugged me up off the couch.

"I wore my steel-toe boots just in case." Smirking, she placed my arms on her shoulders. The music started around us, our bodies swaying gently together. "So, now that I know you were married, why did the principal refer to you as Ms. Kim?"

Following her lead as we turned in a small circle, I shifted my eyes to her face. "Well, when I got the job at the school, I guess I thought it'd be easier that way."

"How so?" Arching a brow, her fingers found the small of my back.

My muscles jerked, tensing up and causing me to stiffen my arms. Having her arms around me was a welcomed touch, it brought back the comfort of feeling something. A feeling I had set free ages ago, a feeling I had forgotten and refused to remember.

But that feeling felt so good it scared me.

"Honestly, I just didn't want people asking me about my husband. I'd had enough of answering questions and hearing how sorry people felt for me. Using Miss was just a way to avoid the wonder."

Pulling me into her chest, her arm coiled tighter around my waist. "Jennie, I will never tell to you stop loving your husband, but I will tell you to make room in your heart for another." Her lips brushed my ear, the heat of her words searing my brain like wildfire.

"Thank you," I said, whispering under my breath. "I needed to hear that."

The long strum of a guitar played through the speaker, a burst of high pitched chimes followed, and Lisa held me closer. Letting her lead the way, we danced in my living room.

Her face was never far from my cheek, the heat off her body radiated through me, sending electric pops through my veins.

For the first time in ages, I didn't feel the need to make myself invisible. I wanted her to feel my hips, I wanted her to glide her hands over my ribs. And as if she could read my mind, her hands found their way to the places I desired her to touch.

Thick fingers gripped the dip in my spine, tickling their way up higher. Tilting my head, her mouth hovered above my neck, hot air expelling over my tender flesh. Goosebumps broke across my skin, my lungs jumping with need.

"I'm here for you, Jennie, but I can't break the rules. I have them there for a reason."

"The rules again," I said, eyes glued to the muscle bulging across her shoulder blades.

Her hands drew up and caught my jaw, bringing her lips mere millimeters from mine. I could smell the champagne, the sweet cherry aroma pulling me in closer. "I'm usually stern on my rules when it comes to my clients, but I'm about to break the most important one."

"What do you mean?" My eyes darted between her, making every attempt to figure out what the hell was going through her mind.

"This—" The soft skin of her mouth pressed against my lips, turning from gentle and unsure, to strong and passionate.

And I accepted, my body giving in to its desire.

I wanted her to kiss me, I wanted her to touch me and caress me. I wanted Lisa to give me what I'd missed for so long. To be felt, to be enjoyed, to lose myself in pure bliss.

Her tongue slipped into my mouth, twirling and dancing, bringing me back to life. Our tongues licked and coiled, the muscles fiercely colliding around each other.

My body was tingling, the heat zipping from my chest to my toes, and back up my thighs. My sex was growing warmer, wetter, eager to feel.

I had forgotten how good it felt to be intimate, to be filled with lust and nothing else. I had been lost for so long, blocking out any needs that might have tried to creep up and steal me away.

But with Lisa, I wanted her to steal me, claim me, make me remember what I had forgotten.

Running my fingers up the corded muscle of her abs, I lifted the shirt over her head. Her chest and torso were covered in bright vibrant ink. The tattoos danced, and moved as each muscle tensed with my touch.

Wow, she's built like a god. A statue carved from the finest marble.

Her mouth had found my neck, spotting my skin with intense kisses. Digging her fingers into the roots of my hair, she tugged my head back, licking my throat. A soft moan escaped my lips, bleeding into the music and washing away as she pushed her mouth back onto mine.

That was it, I was gone. All thoughts had depleted, shriveling up and turning to dust. I needed her, I needed this.

"Lisa?" I asked softly under shattered air.

"Yeah?" Her fingers tempted the trim of my shirt, curling lightly underneath and tracing my spine.

"It's been ages since I've been with anyone." My whisper caught her attention, her lips halting from devouring my skin.

Sliding her palm across my cheek, she cupped my jaw. "Jennie, I promise I won't hurt you, but we don't have to do this if you're unsure."

"I didn't say to stop, I only said it's been awhile." Smirking, my fingertips teased the trim of her jeans. Tracing the shell of her ear with my tongue, I said, "Please don't stop."

A deep growl fell from the back of her throat, scooping me up instantly into her arms. "Where's your bedroom?"

Between small nips of her neck, the words floated off my tongue with ease. "First door on the right down the hall."

Swinging herself around, Lisa walked as if she was carrying a small box, not my entire body. I felt weightless and small in her arms. My heart was beating with so much carnal need that I was sure if she didn't get us to the bedroom in the next few seconds, I'd have her right where we stood.

Any rational thinking had flown out the window, lost and blurred between my pussy clenching between my thighs, and the hard-on pressing forcefully against her jeans.

I wasn't going to let her stop, I had already jumped the wall.

Kicking the door open, the handle made a loud bang against the drywall. "Shh," I said giggling. "We still need to be quiet."

"Tell me that in a minute when I'm fucking your brains out and you can't help but scream my name." Lisa dropped me onto the mattress, teeth biting down on her lower lip. "Because you will scream my name, Jennie."

A shiver raked my spine, curling around my heart and digging like thick talons. I didn't have anymore words forming in my head, the only thing in my mind that moment was feeling Lisa deep inside me.

Her fingers grabbed the hem of my shirt, tearing it over my head. Lisa's eyes enlarged, lids expanding past their limit as she looked down on my chest. Exchanging her growl for a deep grunt, her lips found my nipples.

The wet caress of her tongue glided across each hardened bead, her lips sucking and slurping as her mouth hid my breast. My back arched off the bed, head falling back, eyes closing tight.

The feeling was surreal, one I had forgotten but remembered, lost but found. It was euphoric, tantalizing, making my flesh scream with heat. The small droplets of sweat rose across my chest, finding the bend in my sides, they rode my ribs to the mattress.

Her touch was amazing, incredible. Lisa touched me with power, confidence, she touched me like I had been an object of her desire.

My nails scraped her back, working their way down to her zipper. Popping the button free, the metallic ping of steel teeth hit my ears. "Oh, you're a needy girl, aren't you? Can't wait to feel my cock spread you open?"

I couldn't speak, only moaning as I surrendered to her envy.

"Say it, say you want to feel me." The stern words sunk into my skull as her hands entangled the roots of my hair.

Opening my eyes to look at her, Lisa's face was unfurling in need, a feral envy coated her pupils, glazing her eyes. "I want to feel you," I said, my body charging like a live wire. I was hot, wet, exposed, and I couldn't stand one more second without her cock inside me. "I need to feel you, just fuck me."

Slipping her jeans down over her hips, her cock bounced free. Palming her erection, her face went taut. The heat between my thighs had liquefied, slicking my skin. And as she hovered above me, a smooth sultry smile teased the corner of her lips. "I'm going to make you remember what this feels like, even if you can only take just the tip."

Lowering the crown of her cock, the engorged head pressed my opening. My body tensed, muscles constricting in anticipation. It had been such a long a time, a sense of fear crept in.

Is it going to hurt? When in the back of my mind a tiny voice called out, 'Protection!'

Lisa's fingers drew up across my belly, sending a shiver over my skin. Her lips suckled my nipple, stealing away all thoughts, all voices, and everything around me.

But before I could let my brain sync up with my inner voice of reason, her cock slid in, washing away any rational thoughts. My brain had turned to mush, soaking up the intoxicating energy that coated my body.

My toes curled, fingers digging into her back as she lowered herself to rest on her elbows, pushing more of her thick shaft inside.

I could feel my thighs trembling, chest shaking, and my heart shivering as I took in inch after inch. Wincing as the last of her delved in and my sex sheathed her cock, Lisa asked, "Are you alright? Does that hurt?"

"I'm okay, keep going, don't stop." Rocking my hips under her, I met her rhythm. Pumping and rolling, swaying and pulsing. The more she entered, the wetter my pussy became.

I was drenched, the feel of my juice warmed my lips, the sensation building and shooting static over my entire body.

With each thrust, she went deeper and deeper, until I could feel her hitting my lower belly. Her mouth worked over my neck, biting and nibbling the tender flesh. Her cock had swelled, pulsing as her balls slapped against my ass.

"Jennie, my God you're so tight." Lisa whispered into my ear, her fingers diving deeper into my hair.

Pump after pump, the tension left my frame, stealing away the discomfort of her large cock and replacing it with pleasure. My nipples had turned rigid, brushing her smooth chest. The small tuft of hair at her base of her dick was tickling my tummy, soaking up my cream.

The nerves in my head began to fire off one after another. Clenching the mattress, I felt the orgasm building. Prickles broke across my skin, my flesh now a fire red, any sign of the light ivory had been masked with each thrust.

Raking her back with my nails, my thighs trembled as the climax reached its peak. "Ah! Lisa, fuck, Lisa!" I yelled as my eyes rolled back in my head. Loud bursts of colors fired off behind my lids, the bright reds and oranges matched the colors staining hee skin.

I felt her body tighten, back firming as a long baritone moan flew out from the back of her throat. Her cock pulsed deep inside me, throbbing and jerking as she gave into the orgasm.

"Holy shit, Jennie." Rolling off my body, Lisa's arms fell over her head. "That was incredible, wow."

"Looks like I've still got it," I said giggling. Turning to face her, I wrapped a leg over her, and spun a single finger up and down her ribs.

It was strange, I had always thought that the first time I had sex since my life had changed would be awkward and uncomfortable.

But I was wrong. I felt amazing, revitalized as if the past few years had been lifted off my shoulders.

My body was still tingling, my sex still swollen, clit still pulsating as I curled into Lisa's arm.

And for the first time in ages I fell asleep happy.

Completely and utterly happy.