The next few weeks went about as well as they could for the Bishop-Delucas. Maya was able to make it to work most days and was keeping down at least 75% of what she put in her body. That was until she was about 16 weeks and a set of back-to-back days of not being able to keep a single thing down landed her back in the hospital for treatment and monitoring.
Maya had started feeling really bad one afternoon, and when she had still not kept a single thing down and was dry heaving even with her IV meds after 24 hours, Carina knew she should have taken her in, but the blonde had begged her to wait until the following morning, just so the twins could have one more good night of sleep.
They had both been scared as to how it was going to go with her doing back to the hospital. Nora was still struggling after her last admission and her separation anxiety was very much present. She cried every single day at daycare drop off and was permanently attached to Maya and Carina. They knew this admission was not going to help and would likely undo the progress they had made, but Maya was too sick to be at home.
It turned out to only be a 3-day admission with some medication adjustments and monitoring of the baby. Maya had her regular 16-week appointment while she was inpatient and while Dr. Johnson did not like how sick she still was, the baby seemed to be ok.
Maya was measuring a little bit smaller than she should at this point, but she was also still down about 15 lbs. from her pre-pregnancy weight so Dr. Johnson wasn't overly concerned. At her lowest, Maya had been about 20 lbs. below her pre-pregnancy weight so the fact that she had put 5 lbs. back on was huge.
Maya was released from the hospital the day after that which she was incredibly grateful for and Carina had the following day off from work. They kept the twins home from daycare too, neither of the twins leaving Maya's side for longer than it took them to go to the bathroom, needing to be with her the whole day.
Maya and Carina both were so sad that this was what was going on with their toddlers, but they just loved on them as much as they could and tried to reassure them that Mommy and Trottolino were ok. They spent all day on the couch with them, just giving them the cuddles they needed. They hoped it would be enough because the following day, Maya and Carina both had to work meaning the twins had to go to daycare.
Nora had started off the morning clingy, which was pretty normal, and even Rowan was a little bit more attached to her moms than normal, but this was fine. Maya had made sure she gave them both the extra attention they needed despite her not feeling super great. She helped Carina load them into the car, giving quick hugs and kisses and a gentle reassurance before they left.
Everything had seemed pretty much how it had for the past few weeks, except for some extra tears, but when they got to the hospital, Nora informed Carina her tummy hurt. Carina comforted her, telling her she was alright, but just as Carina tried to hand her over to Nicole, Nora had gotten sick all over herself and Carina. The Italian felt bad, figuring the toddler probably had some kind of bug, quickly cancelling her appointments for the day so she could stay home.
However, after the initial bout of vomiting, Nora seemed fine for the rest of the day. She wanted to be with Carina, and Maya when the Battalion Chief came home later which Carina was hesitant about because the last thing her wife needed was a stomach bug on top of hyperemesis, but Nora had been fine all morning so Carina let her cuddle up with Mommy. Maya was more than happy to give Nora the cuddles she wanted.
Carina had picked Rowan up from daycare a little early that day just because there was no reason for her to stay. When she did, she was informed that Rowan had had a bit of a rough day as well, fighting with two other kids and throwing a tantrum. Carina apologized profusely and while Nicole told her it was fine, Carina still felt bad. She and Maya both spent some extra time with Rowan that night, making sure to both reinforce the importance of sharing as well as that they were there for her and loved her.
They decided to keep the twins separated for the night, just in case, which wasn't hard because Nora had no desire to sleep anywhere but in bed with Mommy and Mamma. Carina planned to send her back to daycare the following day, but this time, Nora puked all over herself in the car on the way to daycare.
After a third day of this happening, Carina was worried but for a different reason than before. Maya and Carina were both sitting in bed, a sleeping Nora between then, having ended up there after a breakdown when Carina tried to put her in her own bed and then again when Maya had tried to slip out of the room to go make a phone call.
"I think we might need to get Nora in to see a psychologist," the Italian said abruptly a few minutes after Nora finally fell asleep.
"You mean her pediatrician?" Maya asked, confused, "She's sick."
"I don't think she is though," Carina sighed, "I think she is making herself sick to stay home. I don't think she's doing it on purpose, but she is only throwing up when it is time for daycare and no other time. That doesn't sound like any sickness I have ever heard of, at least not physical sickness."
"You think she is doing this to herself?" Maya all but whispered, hand over her mouth as she looked down at the little brunette who was sound asleep between then, little fingers just barely hanging on to her lower teeth as her other hand was laid above her head.
"I don't think she is on purpose," Carina said, also looking at their daughter, "But I think she is getting so worked up that she is making herself sick. And I don't know how to help her anymore. Maybe we can try the pediatrician first though and see if she has any advice? I just…I don't know and I feel so helpless. And Rowan acting out at daycare too…I think we need more help."
"I hate this so much for her, for them," Maya said, looking up at her wife with tears streaming down her cheeks, "I mean, they're three Carina. Their biggest worry should be who they are going to sit next to at snack time but instead, Nora is so anxious she is making herself sick? And Rowan is acting out because of it too? I just…It's not fair."
"I know," Carina said, reaching over their sleeping daughter to comfort her wife, "I know it's not. I hate it too."
"Did I do this to them?" Maya sobbed, looking at her wife.
"Bambina, no, of course not," Carina said, "There has been a lot going on and none of it is your fault."
"No, I mean, I have anxiety and genetically, they have half of my genes so did I pass this on to them? Did I do this to them before they was even born? Am I going to do the same thing to this baby? Oh my god, what did I do?"
Maya was hyperventilating by the end of this, Carina quickly getting up and going around to her wife's side of the bed so she didn't have to reach over Nora to comfort her.
"Bambina, hey," Carina said, cupping her face, "Can I have your eyes please? Come on. Right here. Your eyes only need to be on me right now, ok? Take a breath for me."
Maya's eyes were darting a lot, but eventually, Carina managed to get her wife to focus on her, using some calming techniques that always helped to get Maya out of the panic attack.
"Ok," Carina said, grabbing Maya's cup, helping the blonde take a few sips once the worst of the episode had passed, "There you go."
"Is it my fault?" Maya asked again quietly, unable to look at her wife, "Did I cause our sweet little Nora to have this kind of anxiety? And Rowan too for that matter, whatever is going on with her? Did I make their lives a million times harder?"
"Bambina, no," Carina said, brushing a piece of hair off of Maya's face that had come loose from her ever-present braid, "You did nothing wrong. Just because you have anxiety and passed your DNA to our children does not mean you did this. Mental health issues are so complicated and can be triggered by so many things. And this might not be something permanent for Nora or Rowan. It might just be a part of their lives right now. Or maybe it will be something more, but no matter what, we will be right here for them, holding them through all of it and helping them learn how to cope with their anxiety or whatever else in a healthy way. The only thing you did to Nora and Rowan is give them the love and support they needs. None of this is your fault any more than it is mine. Might they have been at a slightly higher risk for developing anxiety, yes, but plenty of kids deal with things like this and their parents don't have any mental health diagnosis. And there are kids who have parents with severe mental health disorders who group up without them. It is too complicated to blame any one factor. You did not cause this, ok Bambina?"
Maya nodded, tears still running down her cheeks as Carina pulled her into a hug.
"I still hate that they are going through it," Maya said, "I never wanted them to feel this."
"I know," Carina said, "Neither did I. But we've got them, both of them in whatever way they need. We will get them help and guide them through this. They are not alone."
"Can you call the pediatrician today?" Maya asked, "I just…I want to get Nora in as soon as possible to get help as soon as we can. Should we bring Rowan too?"
"Si," Carina nodded, "I will go call right now, ok? I don't think we need to bring Rowan, but we can talk to the pediatrician and get some advice. We will get our girls feeling better."
Maya nodded, Carina giving her one more big hug before getting up and grabbing her phone before walking out of the room. Maya moved back to look at Nora, stroking her messy hair gently.
"I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time right now Piccola," Maya said, leaning down and carefully kissing her cheek, "I know how hard it is to feel out of control. I promise Mamma and I are going to do everything we can to help you feel better and your sister too. You kinda lucked out a little bit because Mamma and I both struggle just like you so we can relate. But we also know that you can feel better. I love you so much Piccola."
Maya just laid there, stroking the toddler's hair, staring at her, almost trying to will the worry away from the little girl.
"Ok, I got an appointment for her in two hours," Carina said, walking back into the bedroom, "So I can take her and then go pick up Rowan."
"I want to come with," Maya said, "I feel ok enough today and I want to make sure I am able to ask questions too."
"Ok," Carina nodded, laying back down next to her wife and daughter, placing a hand on Nora's stomach, "I just hope the pediatrician has some advice or a referral or something. Seeing her like this and knowing how she is feeling and not knowing how to help her and the same but different with Rowan…it's a lot."
Maya just placed her hand over her wife's, rubbing circles on it with her thumb. The two of them just laid there, staring at their little girl laying between them, stray tears running down their cheeks every once in a while. They didn't know what to say to each other. There wasn't anything to say that would fix this, but the two of them being in it together made it seem a little bit more bearable. They stayed like that until Nora started to stir from her nap, the toddler rolling toward Maya, clinging onto her as she woke up, Carina resting her hand on Nora's back.
"Hi Piccola," Maya said as the little girl opened her sleepy eyes, "Did you have a good nap?" Nora nodded, burying her face into Maya's neck, fingers tucked firmly in her mouth as she clung to Maya's shirt with the other hand. After about fifteen minutes, Nora was a bit more awake, still sitting in Maya's lap with her fingers in her mouth, but not quite as kolaed up against her mommy.
"How is your tummy feeling Piccola?" Carina asked, brushing a piece of hair out of Nora's face.
"Fine," Nora said around her fingers, "It doesn't hurt nanymo."
"That's good," Maya said, pressing a kiss to the top of Nora's head.
"Piccola, would you like to go someplace with me and Mommy in a little bit?" Carina asked.
"Where?" Nora asked, looking at her Mamma.
"To see your doctor," Carina said, trying not to wince as tears filled Nora's eyes.
"No," the toddler said, moving so she was clinging to Maya more, "No. No doctor. No. I want to stay wif Mommy and Mamma."
"Hey, Nora Mae, it is ok," Maya said, rubbing her back, "We are going to be there with you the whole time."
"Si," Carina said, moving closer to her wife and daughter, "We will be right there. We just want to let her look at you and make sure you are ok because your tummy has been hurting."
"But it doesn't nanymo," Nora cried.
"I know," Carina said, "But we just want to make extra sure it is ok. We will just go and the doctor might listen to your tummy and look in your eyes and nose and mouth and ears and then we will just talk to her, ok? And Mommy and I will be right there the whole time. And then when we are done, we can go get a balloon or something?"
"I don't want to stay at the doctor," Nora said, tears still flowing.
"You don't have to," Maya said, "It's just going to be a little visit. Remember when we went to get you and Rowan checked when you had your birthday? And we just talked to the doctor and she checked you out? That's all we are going to do today. And then you will come home with Mamma and me, but we need to make sure you aren't too sick, ok? And find out what we can do to help you feel better."
"Yike you have your medcin?" Nora asked, looking at Maya.
"Kinda, yeah," Maya nodded, "You might not need any medicine. We'll just have to see. But you won't need the tubes and stuff I have."
"No," Carina said as the toddler looked at her, "You won't need anything like that. But is it ok if we take you?" "
Otay," Nora nodded, still cuddled up to Maya.
The three of them stayed cuddled together in bed for a little while longer before it was time to take Nora to the doctor. They all got in the car, Nora's fingers never really leaving her mouth as they drove.
"It is going to be alright Piccola," Carina said, reaching her hand into the back seat, Nora holding it tightly.
It was an awkward position to sit in, but Carina would do just about anything to provide her daughter some comfort right now. All three of them were tense as Maya drove them to the pediatrician's office, no one really saying much.
Once they got there, Carina got Nora out of the car, carrying her into the office as Maya walked next to them. Maya was struggling to carry the girls these days because between her weight loss, her inability to work out, her HG, and her low blood pressure, she felt unsteady on her feet more often than she cared to admit and adding a 30 lb. toddler in the mix was hard and also made her nervous. Maya went and got Nora signed in as Carina took her to sit down.
Nora was still very much attached to her mamma and had no desire to get down and go play with toys or look at books or anything. Maya came back over after a few minutes, sitting down next to her wife. There were other people in the waiting room with their kids.
Carina reached out, holding Maya's hand as the blonde brought it up to her lips, pressing a kiss to it.
"Excuse me," one of the other parents said, Maya and Carina looking at him with a confused look on their faces, "Could you not do…that here? There are children here and they don't need to be confused."
"Excuse me?" Maya said, looking at the man, "Are you seriously asking me not to hold my wife's hand right now?"
"It's unnatural," the man said, "And my kids don't need to be confused by your 'lifestyle'. It's gross and wrong."
"What did you just say to me?" Maya asked, standing up, ignoring Carina's protests for her to sit down, "My wife and I are here with our daughter who is sick and we are worried about her and you have the audacity to tell me not to hold my wife's hand to comfort her right now? Who in the hell do you think you are? You have no right to…"
"Is everything ok out here?" one of the male nurses asked, coming into the waiting room.
"No," Maya snarled, "This bigot is out here insulting my family."
"She is forcing her heathenistic lifestyle on my children," the man said.
"All I did was hold hands with my wife," Maya retorted, "Since when did that become forcing anything on anyone."
"Ok," the nurse said, "I am going to call security and have them come down here, but for now, sir, why don't you and your family go sit over there. Ma'am, are you alright?"
"No," Maya said, "He is being rude and homophobic. All we did was hold hands."
"You kissed her," the man yelled from his place across the waiting room.
"On the hand, you idiot," Maya yelled back.
"Bambina, please," Carina said, Maya turning to look at her wife for the first time since the altercation started, heart breaking when she saw Nora sobbing in Carina's lap, the Italian looking close to tears herself, "Please just drop it."
"But he…" Maya started.
"I know," Carina said, "I know what he said was wrong and we shouldn't let it go, but right now, just for Nora's sake, let's not fight? Please?"
"I'm still reporting him to the office," Maya said, sitting down next to her wife.
"As we should," Carina nodded, "But this, here, this isn't helping and I know it is not your fault at all, but please?"
Maya knew her wife was right. It wasn't fair and if circumstances were different, Carina would likely be at Maya's side to fight this man, but Nora had to be their priority in this moment.
"Mommy, why you yelling?" Nora asked, looking at Maya with tears rolling down her cheeks.
"Oh Piccola," Maya said, reaching out, happy the toddler allowed her to take her into her lap, "I'm sorry. That man was saying some things that made me upset, but I shouldn't have been yelling. I'm sorry."
"Why he's being mean?" Nora asked, still crying as Maya rubbed her back.
"Because sometimes people are just unkind," Carina offered, trying hard to control her emotions, "Sometimes, they are just mean because things are different than what they think they should be and they decide to be rude about it."
Nora just whimpered, snuggling closer to Maya. Tears were threatening to spill down Maya's cheeks as she held her daughter close, Carina reaching over and wrapping her arm around them, pressing a kiss to Maya's temple.
"Are you kidding me?" the man said from the other side of the waiting room, getting up again and coming back over to them, "After all of that, you continue to flaunt your relationship in front of everyone."
"Back up," Carina said, careful not to yell, "We are doing nothing to hurt you. If you have such a big problem, you can leave."
"My kid needs to see the doctor," the man said.
"Well, so does our daughter," Carina said, "We all just want the same thing here, to get our kids seen and cared for."
"Sir," the nurse said who had stepped away for a moment to talk to other nurses, "Come on. Let's go sit back down."
"Nora?" one of the other nurses called, Maya and Carina immediately standing up, Carina quickly taking Nora from Maya and steadying her wife who was a little shaky.
"How come they get to go back first?" they could hear as they went back, "We have been here since…"
The door to the back closed and the sound of the man's yelling got a lot quieter.
"Sorry about that," the nurse said, "We are going to make sure he is banned from coming back here. We will not tolerate that kind of behavior here. Do you guys need anything?"
"Just to get our daughter taken care of in peace," Carina said.
"I understand," the nurse nodded, "Right this way."
Nora was clinging to Carina and absolutely refused to be put down to be weighed and considering the circumstances, they decided they could try to get her weight at the end of the appointment instead.
"Ok," the nurse said, "So what seems to be the problem today?"
"Nora has been getting sick every morning for the last three days before daycare," Carina said, the toddler crawling back into Maya's arms as they sat down, "And then she seems fine the rest of the day."
"I see," the nurse said, nodding, "And this has just been going on the last three days?"
"Yes," Carina nodded, "But she has not been happy to go to daycare for the last few weeks."
"Nora, why don't you want to go to daycare?" the nurse asked, trying to engage the toddler.
"Mommy," Nora said, clinging onto Maya's neck.
"I am part of the reason," Maya sighed, rubbing her daughter's back, "I am pregnant and have been struggling with hyperemesis that has had me in and out of the hospital for the past couple of months."
"I see," the nurse nodded, making some notes, "Well, I will let the doctor know what is going on and send her in as soon as she is available. Can I get anyone anything while you wait?"
"I think we are ok," Maya said, looking at her wife who nodded, "Thank you."
The nurse left, Carina looking at Maya.
"Are you ok Bambina?" Carina asked.
"For right now, I am fine," Maya said, Carina knowing that was code for they would talk about it later, "Are you ok?"
"For now, si," Carina answered back, putting her hand on her wife's back, hating that she hesitated for half a second before doing it.
"Nora, are you ok?" Maya asked, looking down at the little girl.
"I don't yike when dat man yelled," Nora frowned.
"I didn't either," Carina said, "It wasn't nice of him, was it?"
"No," Nora said, "When you are mad, you are apposed to take a deep bref and talk to a drown up. Yelling isn't nice."
"You're right," Maya said, "It's not. But sometimes, people yell because they don't know how to handle their feelings like that."
"Why?" Nora asked.
"Because no one ever told them," Carina said, "Or because someone used to yell at them and now that's how they handle their feelings."
"You should tell him not to yell," Nora said, "Dat way he knows."
"I think he doesn't really want to talk to us right now," Maya said.
"And that is ok," Carina said, "We do not have to be friends with everyone. But just because we don't want to be friends doesn't mean we have to be unkind."
Nora thought about this, nodding before sticking her fingers back in her mouth.
"Nora, Dr. Simons is going to come in and ask you some questions and check you over, ok?" Carina said, "Mommy and I will be right here, but she is very nice and you can answer her questions, ok?"
Nora nodded.
"And we might talk to Dr. Simons about some ways to help you feel better too," Maya said, "And you can listen if you want or Mamma brought you a book and some dinos to play with if you want to do that and we can all talk about it later."
The three of them sat there, both parents trying to remain calm despite the fact that they were shaken up both because of the reason they were at this appointment to begin with and because of the verbal assault in the lobby. Dr. Simons came in about ten minutes later.
"Hello," she said, going to the sink to wash her hands, "I heard about what happened while you were waiting. Are you all alright? Or I guess I should say, is there anything I can do to help?"
"We are ok for now," Carina said as Maya nodded, "A little shaken up, but unfortunately, that is not the first time something like that has happened and I'm sure it will not be the last."
"I am so sorry you guys have to deal with that," Dr. Simons said, sitting down on her stool as she wheeled it closer to the family.
"Thanks," Maya said, stroking Nora's hair.
"Ok, Miss Nora, I hear you have not been feeling so well? Is that true?" Dr. Simons asked.
Nora looked at Maya and Carina, getting a smile and nod from both of her moms.
"My tummy hurt in the morning," Nora said, "But it feels better now."
"What happens when your tummy hurts?" Dr. Simons asked.
"I growed up," Nora said.
"And do you feel better after you throw up?" Dr. Simons said.
"Si," Nora nodded.
"Well, that's good," Dr. Simons said, "Can I have your mommy put you up on the table?"
"No," Nora said, "Tetause Mommy tan't pick us up now tetause she is sick."
"I am pregnant," Maya explained, "And I have hyperemesis and low blood pressure and it doesn't feel very safe carrying toddlers at the moment."
"Congratulations," Dr. Simons said, "That is so exciting. How far along are you?"
"Thank you," Maya said, "I'm about sixteen and a half weeks."
"And Mommy has to go to the hospipal," Nora said.
"I see," Dr. Simons said, deciding to hold off on the physical exam if the little girl was in the mood to talk, "And then what happens?"
"She has to sweep there," Nora said, hand automatically going to her hair, twisting it a little, "And I don't yike it."
"Why not?" Dr. Simons asked.
"Tetause I miss her," Nora said, "And I want her home and I don't want her to be sick and not be able to see her."
"You don't get to see her when she is in the hospital?" Dr. Simons asked.
"When Mamma was at the hospipal, we didn't see her for yots of days," Nora said.
"Last year, when I was in radiation, I got really sick," Carina explained, "And I had to be in isolation at the hospital for a few days because my white count was too low. But Piccola, I always take you to see Mommy when she is at the hospital."
"But I still miss her," Nora said, "And I want to see her."
"It's ok to miss your mommy when she is in the hospital," Dr. Simons said, "How does it make you feel when Mommy isn't home?"
"Sad," Nora said, "And scared and icky. I don't yike it."
"I'm sure it is pretty scary," Dr. Simons said, "What do you do when you feel scared?"
"I try sometimes," Nora said, thinking.
"It's ok to cry when you are scared," Dr. Simons nodded, "I cry sometimes when I am scared too. When you get scared, does anything else happen?"
"I don't know," Nora shrugged.
"That's just fine," Dr. Simons said, "Are you ready to go sit on the table? I bet your Mamma can help you."
"But Mamma stay right there," Nora said, looking at Carina.
"I will be right here with you," Carina nodded.
"And I will sit right here," Maya said, "We are right here with you."
"Otay," Nora said, letting Carina pick her up.
"Wow, Nora, you are looking so strong," Dr. Simons said, "Can I check in your ears?"
Nora nodded, holding Carina's hand as Dr. Simons went through the exam, praising Nora for how brave and strong she was the whole time.
"Alright," Dr. Simons said, "Everything looks great Miss Nora. How about we all go sit and talk?"
Nora nodded as she reached for Carina.
"Do you want to have your dinos?" Maya asked, picking up the bag they had brought with them.
"Si," Nora nodded as Maya handed a small lunch box looking container that held several plastic dinosaur figurines.
"Alright," Dr. Simons said, "So I didn't find anything physically wrong. We could run a blood test if you want, but I don't think that is going to tell us much."
"No," Carina said, "I don't think we need that either. We wanted to rule out anything physical, but we were pretty sure it wasn't that."
"Ok," Dr. Simons said, "So I think this is an anxious/stress response. It's actually not that uncommon in kids, but I know it can be really scary when it is happening."
"What can we do to help her?" Maya asked, glancing at Nora who was sitting on a little chair next to her playing with her toys.
"You can continue to reinforce that things you are alright but be honest with her when you aren't feeling well or when hospitalizations might be coming," Dr. Simons said, "Keeping her informed is important."
"We have been doing that," Carina said, "And making sure we are spending lots of extra time with her and Rowan when we are home."
"That's good," Dr. Simons said, "That will also help. Offering art supplies or other things like that also help some kids. You can also try some breathing exercises or, and I know this might sound a little funny because she is only three, but yoga and deep breathing can sometimes help. It helps kids feel more in control of their bodies and can reduce stress. There are classes offered at some local rec centers and a lot of them are free or very inexpensive and for kids Nora's age, they are always a parent and child class so one of you would have to go. I can get you information about them. There are also just videos online that you can watch and do with her."
"I never even thought about yoga for a three-year-old," Maya said.
"Most kids really enjoy it," Dr. Simons said, "And it's an activity all of you could do together if you are feeling up to it Maya."
"We will look into it," Carina said, nodding, "Is there anything we can do about the vomiting? As much as I wish we could, staying home with her every day is just not an option, but if she is throwing up, she is not allowed at daycare."
"So, I can write a note to the daycare saying I evaluated her and she is not ill," Dr. Simons said, "And honestly, this is probably going to be hard, but when she throws up, help her get cleaned up, give her a quick hug and some reassurance that she is ok, and then send her to daycare. I completely understand why you kept her home the past few days and that is exactly what you should have done, but now that we know what is going on, sending her is going to help more than keeping her home. Start talking about that she is going to go to daycare with her tonight but try to plan something for after daycare. It can be something as small as when you get home, we will all sit together on the couch and read whatever book you want or play with your favorite toy but give her something to look forward to after daycare. Make it sound exciting. It will help her focus on that and not how she doesn't want to be there. And keep reminding her how much fun daycare is because she enjoyed going before this right?"
"Yeah, she has always had fun," Maya nodded, smiling as she looked at Nora who was walking her favorite dinosaurs on the window ledge.
"That's good," Dr. Simons said, "I know this can be scary when stuff like this happens, but you guys are doing an excellent job. And it will get better. Not overnight, but eventually, she will."
"Do you think we need to take her to see a therapist?" Carina asked as Maya's hand slipped into hers, both of them nervous to ask this question.
"Right now, I don't think you need to," Dr. Simons said, "You can, and I have information about ones I recommend and there is absolutely no harm in taking her, but if you want to wait, I don't think there will be any harm in trying what we talked about. They will likely tell you the same things at this point, but I can get you information."
"Yeah," Carina said, "I think it would be good to just have it, that way, if things don't get better, we will know who to call."
"Ok," Dr. Simons said, "I will get that for you. And the information about the yoga classes. Did you have anything else you wanted to talk about?"
"Actually, yes," Maya said, "Can we ask you some questions about Rowan too?"
"Of course," Dr. Simons said, "What's going on with her?"
"She has been acting out at daycare," Carina sighed, "Fighting with other kids and throwing tantrums. She is not normally like that at all. I mean, she knows what she wants and will throw tantrums sometimes at home, but it almost never happened at daycare."
"That can also be a different manifestation of stress and anxiety in children," Dr. Simons said, "It's hard, but honestly, a lot of the same things I told you to try with Nora will also probably help Rowan. Lots of reassurance, make sure she knows what is coming, and with both of them, it will probably help them to talk about their feelings. They are pretty young to have the language to verbalize exactly how they are feeling, but there are lots of charts and books that can help with identifying those feelings. And with Rowan, talk to her about what happens when she acts out in a non-judgmental way. Just talk through it and try to help her identify how she felt. And then go from there to help her learn how to deal with what she is feeling in a better way. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah," Maya nodded, "Thank you."
"Of course," Dr. Simons said, "I will get you those papers and if you need anything from me, you are always welcome to call. You guys have done everything right to help them. I know it is so hard and I can't promise it is going to get better quickly, but it will get better."
"Thank you," Carina said, smiling at Dr. Simons.
"Nora, I hope your tummy keeps feeling better," Dr. Simons said, drawing the toddler's attention away from her toys, "Your mommy and mamma and I talked about some ways that might help you feel less scared, ok? It was nice to see you today."
Nora smiled, waving a little.
"Just wait a few minutes and I'll be back with the paperwork," Dr. Simons said.
"Grazie," Carina said as the pediatrician left.
"Nora, it's time to put your toys away," Maya said, looking over at the little girl, "We are going to go get Rowan and then go home."
"Otay," Nora said, carefully gathering her dinosaurs back into the box.
Just as she was finishing, there was a knock at the door, Dr. Simons walking in along with another man who has a security uniform on.
"Ok, here is the information I promised you," Dr. Simons said, "And this is Doug. He does security for us, and he was hoping he would be able to talk to both of you about what happened, just for our records?"
"Not in front of Nora," Maya said adamantly, "I'm happy to talk, but not in front of my toddler. She has been through enough today."
"Of course," Dr. Simons said, nodding, "You can use my office."
"Alright," Doug said, "I would like to talk to you both so I can take you one at a time if that's ok?"
"Is that ok Carina?" Maya asked.
"Si," the Italian nodded, "Do you want to go first?"
Maya nodded, carefully getting up and going with the security guard. It ended up only taking a few minutes for each of them to give their statements and once that was done, they headed out of the office.
"I think tonight should be a movie night," Maya said as they got in the car.
"You are exhausted aren't you?" Carina asked, looking at her wife.
"And not feeling amazingly well," Maya nodded, having started feeling not super great as she was waiting for Carina to give her statement, "I think I'll be fine, but I think laying on the couch is about as much as I am going to be able to manage."
"Ok," Carina said, "Do you need me to drive?"
"No," Maya said, "The hospital's not that far away. I'll be fine."
"No," Nora said from the back seat, "No hospipal."
"We aren't going for me," Maya reassured her, "Mamma is just going to pick Rowan up from daycare."
"Oh," Nora said, "And den we all tan go home?"
"And then we will all go home," Carina assured her, "But don't you want to see your sister?"
"Si," Nora nodded.
They made it to the hospital, Carina going in to pick up Rowan.
"Hey Carina," Nicole said as the Italian walked up to her.
"How was she today?" Carina asked, not really sure she wanted to know.
"She pulled Harper's hair today," Nicole said, "I'm not really sure what happened, but they were playing nicely and then Rowan just grabbed her hair. We separated them for a little while, and then Rowan apologized and they were fine the rest of the day. She also hit Tommy because he sat in the chair she wanted at snack time. And when we reprimanded her, she had a full breakdown and cried for half an hour."
"I am so sorry," Carina sighed, "We are trying to help them. We actually took Nora to the doctor today to see what was going on with her and the doctor thinks its stress and anxiety. We have a plan to help them both. I'm so sorry Rowan has been acting out."
"It happens," Nicole said, "Kids go through phases, and you all have had a lot going on recently. We are trying to help Rowan, but if there's anything more we can do to help, just let me know."
"Thanks," Carina said, "Actually, there is one thing I can think of now. Nora is going to be coming back tomorrow. She's not actually sick and we want to keep her in her routine and show her she is ok here, but I just wanted to give you all a heads up that she might make herself sick when we get here, and I will help her with that, but she isn't going to get anyone else sick so can she still come?"
"Yeah," Nicole nodded, "She's not our first kiddo who has done that. We understand."
"Grazie," Carina said, "I'll let you know if there is more."
"Of course," Nicole nodded, "I'll go grab Rowan for you."
Carina smiled as the little blonde ran through the door a minute later.
"Mamma," Rowan said, throwing her arms around her, "I missed you. Is Noa still sick?"
"She is starting to feel a little better," Carina said, "She and Mommy are waiting in the car for us."
"Yay," Rowan said, "Bye Miss Nitole."
"Bye Rowan," Nicole said, "Bye Carina."
Carina held Rowan's hand as they walked out to the car.
"Did you have a good day today Patatina?" Carina asked.
"I duess," Rowan sighed, "But I misseded you and Mommy and Noa and my baby Totoino."
"I know," Carina said, "We missed you too. Mommy thinks we should have a movie night tonight, does that sound good?"
"Wif cuddles?" Rowan asked, looking up at Carina.
"Si, with lots of cuddles," Carina nodded.
Rowan smiled, nodding. They got to the car, Carina noticing Maya had switched to the passenger's seat.
"Mommy," Rowan said, "I misseded you."
"Hi Patatina," Maya said, smiling at her, "I missed you too. Did you have a good day?"
"I fighted with Harpa and Tommy," Rowan said, biting her lip.
"Oh, Rowan, why?" Maya asked, "Harper and Tommy are your friends."
"Tetause Harpa said I had to do to her house and I don't want to," Rowan said, tears in her eyes, "I want to come home."
"Oh, Rowan Andrea," Carina said, leaning into the car seat she had just finished helping Rowan strap into and giving her a hug, "You don't have to go to Harper's house. You are coming home with us right now, ok?"
"I misseded you," Rowan cried, clinging to Carina.
"I know," Carina said as Maya reached her hand back to Rowan could hold it, "We missed you too. We are right here."
It took a minute, but they got Rowan calmed down, the toddler still holding tightly to Maya's hand.
"Are you ok?" Carina mouthed to her wife, knowing if she gave up her spot in the driver's seat, she likely was not feeling well.
Maya nodded, her eyes communicating that she didn't feel well but she was fine for now. They made it home, Carina insisting Maya just go inside because she could tell her wife needed to lay down which the blonde didn't fight her on, confirming to the Italian that the pregnant woman was truly not feeling well. Carina got the girls inside, finding Maya on the couch.
"You ok Bambina?" Carina asked sitting down next to her as the twins crawled on the couch too.
"Yeah," Maya said, "I think I just need to lay down for a little bit. And I think it's time for my next dose of meds?"
"Ah, si," Carina nodded, realizing it was later than she realized, "I will go get it for you, and something to drink?"
"Orange drink," Maya said, cracking her eyes a little, "Thanks Babe."
"Of course," Carina said, "Bambine, can you come help me get Mommy a drink?"
"Otay," Nora said, getting up.
"No," Rowan said, "I want Mommy and my baby."
"That's ok," Maya said, nodding a little at her wife.
Over the next hour, Maya started feeling better after her meds, Carina making pasta for dinner before the twins had a bath, Rowan finishing first and coming downstairs to find Maya while Carina finished up with Nora upstairs.
"Hi Patatina," Maya said, having been trying to do some work on the couch, not having had the energy to help with bath time tonight.
"Hi Mommy," Rowan said as Maya set her laptop aside as the toddler crawled into her lap.
"Can I talk to you about something?" Maya asked. Rowan nodded, playing with the hem of Maya's shirt.
"Can you tell me what happened with Harper today?" Maya asked, "I am not mad, I just want to talk to you about it."
"I pulled her hair," Rowan said, "I didn't want to go to her house."
"I know," Maya said, "How did you feel when she told you that?"
"Mad," Rowan said, "I didn't yike it."
"Why didn't you like it?" Maya asked.
"Tetause I missed you and Mamma and Noa and my baby," Rowan said, "And I was sad tetause I wanted to do home."
"Oh Patatina," Maya said, holding Rowan close, "I'm sorry you were feeling like that. And it's ok to feel mad and sad and to miss us. That is all ok. But how did you feel after you pulled Harper's hair? Did you feel better?"
"No," Rowan said, "Tetause Harpa was sad and I was sad. I dust didn't want to do to her house."
"I know," Maya said, "But pulling her hair didn't help you feel better. And I know it's so hard when you are feeling big emotions but pulling hair doesn't help, so instead, what could you do?"
"Tell a teacha?" Rowan said.
"You could," Maya nodded, "Or you could ask Harper to stop or you could go play with someone else. But pulling hair didn't help you feel better so it probably wasn't a good idea, huh?"
Rowan nodded, cuddling into Maya.
"I love you Patatina," Maya said, rubbing her back, "I know you missed us, but Mamma and I are always here for you even if we aren't with you all the time in person."
"And my baby Totoino?" Rowan said.
"And your baby," Maya nodded, smiling a little.
"Hi Totoino," Rowan said, moving down more, "Mommy, is Totoino getting bigger?"
"They are," Maya nodded, "They are about as big as an avocado. Can you believe that?"
"Wow," Rowan said, kissing Maya's stomach.
Carina and Nora came down a little while later, all of them cuddling on the couch together.
Before they started the movie, they talked to both of the girls about the fact that both of them were going to daycare the following day and as a family, they decided that when the twins got home, they would spend some time outside riding bikes in the driveway because the weather was supposed to be nice and both girls loved their bikes.
After that conversation and some reassurance that everything was going to be ok, they turned on The Gruffalo movie which the twins really enjoyed.
Once the movie was over, they got the twins to bed, talking to both of them and reassuring them that they were just down the hall. Surprisingly, Nora went to sleep in her own bed, though Carina and Maya did both stay in the room until she was asleep. They weren't sure if she would stay there all night, but the fact that she went down at all felt like a good step.
Maya and Carina then headed downstairs, curling up on the couch together.
"Man," Maya said, shaking her head, "Today was a long day."
When Carina didn't respond, Maya looked over at her wife, seeing tear running down her cheeks.
"Oh Carina," Maya said, pulling her wife close, "It's ok. I'm right here."
Carina just cried, holding her wife. Maya just held her, rubbing her back until the tears tapered off.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Maya asked, grabbing a tissue off the table.
"Today was just a lot," Carina said, "The past few months have been a lot, but today…I just feel so overwhelmed."
"I know," Maya sighed, "I know. I am so sorry."
"You don't have to apologize," Carina said, shaking her head, "It's not your fault."
"I know," Maya said, "But I still wish it wasn't happening. And I wish I could take away the overwhelming feeling."
"I know," Carina said, "And it is normally fine and I am managing it, but today, realizing how much our babies are struggling, that was hard enough and then getting yelled at by that idiota in the pediatrician's office just reminded me of how my papa used to talk and something about that…it was really hard."
"That whole situation was messed up," Maya said, shaking her head, "I am half tempted to press harassment charges. I won't because I don't think either of us have the emotional bandwidth for that right now, but it made me so mad. Moreso than normal. Pregnancy is really messing with me."
"Some of that could be the hormones," Carina said, "But also, that was the first time anyone has ever made those kinds of comments like that in front of any of our children when they were aware of what was going on. It hurt more to me too because I never want them to hear that any kind of identity is wrong. And I know that there are people like that in the world, but not being able to protect them from them…"
"It's like not being able to protect them from anxiety and stress," Maya said, nodding, "I know. I hate it too. Maybe we should just move to a deserted island and raise them there."
"No," Carina said, laughing a little bit, "I mean, it sounds great, but no. Because being part of a community Is important. And most people are not like that hateful man. I want them to know that there are people like that out there but that they don't have to let those people influence them. I want them to know about all the amazing people in the world too."
"I know," Maya sighed, "I do too. I just don't want them to get hurt."
"Neither do I," Carina said, "But it is part of life and like we talked about earlier, we are here right now to help them learn how to navigate all of this in a healthy way."
"I still think the island would be a good option," Maya said, leaning her head on her wife's shoulder.
"How about we try this first," Carina chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of Maya's head, "Plus, I think Rowan would be very sad if she couldn't see firetrucks anymore and Nora might not survive with her Unca T."
"I guess you're right," Maya sighed, "I just wish I could protect them…and you…from everything."
"You do," Carina assured her, "you protect us so well every day and I am grateful for that."
"I don't feel like I am right now," Maya said, shaking her head.
"You are," Carina promised her, "HG is hard, but you are doing so much for them. I know you felt terrible this evening, and yet you still made sure Rowan got her hand held in the car and let her cuddle with you on the couch because she needed that. And you taking care of yourself is also protecting us. It is protecting us from seeing you in pain."
"I love you, you know that right?" Maya said, pressing a gently kiss to her wife's lips. "I think you may have mentioned it before," Carina smiled as Maya pulled back a little.
"Are you sure you are ok?" Maya asked, noticing Carina still looked a little sad.
"I will be at some point," Carina nodded, "I'm not all the way there right now, but I will be ok. Are you ok?"
"I will be," Maya answered, "Like you said, today was a lot. I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything."
Carina hummed in response, leaning her head on Maya's shoulder.
"What can I do?" Maya asked, brushing her thumb across her wife's cheek.
"You just being here is helping," Carina said, "I don't need you to do anything else."
"Ok," Maya nodded, pulling her wife close again, "I am not going anywhere."
Carina nodded, just snuggling closer to her wife, both of their hands finding their ways to Maya's tiny, rounded stomach, just resting them there as they sat together being exactly what the other one needed in that moment.
What did you think? I know it wasn't super happy, and I'm sorry about that, but I already have an idea for the next chapter and it should have some happier times. I feel like a broken record at this point, but the semester is ending in about a month which means school is busy, I feel like I am fighting my brain on a daily basis to get anything done, and that means updates are either going to be very very quick or pretty slow so thanks in advance for your patience. Thank you for reading, commenting, and following and favoriting!
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