Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 65
Just as I put my hand on the handle of the men's locker room Shane O popped his head out of a door opposite.
"Bec! Just the person I was looking for! Have you got a minute?"
He looked serious & it worried me! "Um sure ok!"
He stepped aside and ushered me into his 'office' where he gestured for me to sit down in a chair infront of a computer screen.
"I just wanted to show you something that was brought to my attention!" He clicked the mouse & brought up a black screen. "I think you might know something about it!"
A video started to play of Matt & I smiled & put my hand to my temple. It was a montage of stuff that I'd put together ages ago, I was just messing around with Jeff's computer & I had managed to teach myself quite a lot!
"So?" Shane sat on the corner of the desk.
'So what are you going to sue me for breech of copywrite or something?" I laughed & Shane shook his head & smiled.
"So you're admitting it was your handy work then? I mean this disc just appeared on my desk…"
"I never gave you the disc!"
"I thought not, but someone did & I noticed the little thing in the corner…." He paused the video & tapped the screen. In the bottom left hand corner I'd written 'Bec' in the tiniest font I could find! "I knew it was you when I saw that!"
"Yeah it is mine but I was just pissing around!"
"I want to use it!"
"What?"
"I showed it to Vince & although he said it was a bit rough around the edges, I wanted to get your permission to have one of our tech guys touch it up & air it tonight!"
I puffed out my cheeks, "Jesus I don't know Shane!" I gulped.
"Well tonight would be perfect, we're in Matt's home state and we do have a couple of other tributes to air so…." He raised his eyebrows & I sat in stunned silence! He just looked at me, letting me take in the situation until finally I spoke.
"I dunno Shane really it's not that good! I mean I haven't had any training, I was bored & just messing around! No one was ever meant to see it! It was just for me!"
"I appreciate that & if you say no then……well I'll be disappointed but it's your call! Our tech guys will polish it up nice, maybe add some music…..aw come on Bec!"
I bit on my thumbnail, "Jeff gave you this didn't he?"
"Hey I already said it was just on my desk! I know nothing!" he smiled.
"There's some stuff on there though, stuff that was shot while we were on the road……"
"Well to be honest that's what I like about it most! Especially…." He scrolled back, "….this part!" He played a bit of Matt that I'd filmed when he was messing about doing his whole 'Mattitude' speech with Jeff in the background pulling stupid faces……then Adam & Jay mouthing "Blah! Blah! Blah!" all the time Matt was talking & he never even knew they were there until they 'jumped' him! I had to laugh. "See this shows his human side, what he was like outside of the ring, having fun with his friends! I love it Bec! Please say we can use it?"
I looked up at Shane & bit on my lip. Was I ready to have my stupid ass video broadcast to the world on the biggest PPV in the WWE calendar? I gulped & slowly nodded my head.
"Ok but…..well these tech guys better shine it up real nice!" I said, mocking Dwayne, "AND let me call Gilbert first, only if he agrees then you can air it ok? Some of those clips on there are his, I don't want to upset him!"
"You are a star!" Shane jumped up from the desk & hugged me, "You won't regret it, trust me!" He laughed. "Do you want me to run it by you before we show it?"
"No I'm sure it'll be fine!" I stood up, "I guess I'll go & see Jeff then, I want to make sure he's happy with this too!"
"No worries! Hey if either Jeff or Gilbert has any problems with it come & find me ok?"
We hugged again & I left. I walked across the hall & knocked on the door to the locker room.
"Come in!"
I peered around the door, "It's only me!"
"Hello you!" he smiled, "Everything ok?"
I took a brush from his hand & started to dab paint on his arm, "Well yes & no!" I sighed, "How much more of this do you want on?"
"Some here, round the back!" he turned around so I could paint on his shoulder, "So what's the yes & no?"
"Well…….did you leave one of my discs on Shane's desk?"
"What discs? This colour!" he handed me a tub of blue body paint.
"One of my computer discs. With some video stuff on of Matt?"
"No, why?"
"Jeff come on man you must have done it!"
"I don't have a clue what you are talking about, seriously!" he laughed.
"Well someone did! Turn around!" He did & I continued to paint his shoulder & the top of his arm. "Shane somehow got hold of one of my discs & now he wants to use it as some sort of tribute to Matt on tonight's show!"
"Hey that's awesome!"
"You wouldn't mind? I mean I'm not sure about it myself!" I sighed, "There how's that?"
He studied himself in the full length mirror, "That's pretty good! Maybe I should hire you!" he turned to the side & had another look, smiling, "I like it!" he kissed me cheek, "Thanks!"
"So you really don't mind?"
"What? Oh God no! I think it'll be great, especially here in NC!"
"Will you call your Dad & run it by him? I want him to be prepared!"
"Sure! I'll do it now, but I'm pretty sure he'll go for it!" he rummaged in his jacket pocket & pulled out his cell, "Oh just out of curiosity, where did you leave that disc?"
"Um in the computer why?"
He smiled, "Oh no reason!"
"You did do it didn't you?"
"Nope! I swear to you I didn't have anything to do with it!"
"But?"
"But nothing!" He grinned.
"You know who did it don't you?"
"I have an idea but before you start my lips are sealed!" he winked.
"It's a conspiracy!" I laughed.
Jeff called his Dad while I went into the bathroom to freshen up a little. I still wasn't sure that using my video was such a great idea but I figured if Gilbert was ok with it then I shouldn't worry too much!
I was looking in the mirror, putting on some lipstick & humming to myself when I realized what song was actually stuck in my mind! It was The Calling! I usually couldn't even hear the opening bars of that song without bursting into tears & here I was singing it without even thinking! I looked away from the mirror & stopped humming. I leaned my backside on the rim of the basin & sighed. Was I really ready to see this 'tribute' up there on that huge screen infront of the entire world? I threw my lipstick into my purse & sniffed………my whole body tensed up & I gripped the basin so hard my knuckles turned white! Tommy! He was here!
"Go away! Go away! Go away!" I squeezed my eyes shut & held my breath. "Get a grip girl!" I whispered to myself & took a deep breath……it had gone! All I could smell was Jeff's shower gel, nothing else! I was imagining it! I inhaled again just to be sure….nothing! Thank God! I looked back into the mirror, "You are NOT flipping out tonight my girl!" I said to my reflection & then went out into the locker room.
"Dad thinks it's a great idea & he's especially pleased that it came from you and not someone who never even met Matt!" Jeff smiled when I walked in, "He's looking forward to seeing it!"
"Oh……good….I think!" I sat down on one of the benches.
"Got any gum?"
"Yeah sure." I put my hand into my pocket & felt a piece of paper………….the poem! I'd forgotten about it! I put some gum into Jeff's outstretched hand but held onto it as he made to walk away. "Jeff?" He looked down at me, "The poem! I'm sorry what with Shane & this video stuff…………anyway that's why I was coming to see you, to say thankyou!" I smiled & he pulled me to my feet.
"It's ok! I was reading one of my books last night & well that one kinda jumped out at me! I thought you might like it!"
"I love it! It's perfect!" I kissed his cheek, "Thankyou! It was a real nice thing to do!"
"Anytime!" He folded his arms around me.
"Hey your paint!" I laughed.
"Oh shit! Sorry!" He pulled back & when I looked at my top I was covered in blue & green smudges.
"Ah it doesn't matter about me look at you! Turn around & I'll give it a quick touch up!" I pushed him over to the mirror & grabbed the brush. "Seriously Jeff I appreciate the poem!" I said as I touched up the paint on his shoulder.
"I just read it & thought of you……and Matt!" He turned around, "Here!" He pointed to a spot on the top of his shoulder near his neck & I dabbed the brush on it. I kept going up the side of his neck to just below his ear & he closed his eyes & took a deep breath. Slowly I traced the brush back down his neck & along his shoulder & he shivered slightly. I knew exactly what I was doing, but I didn't know why I was doing it!
"Oh sorry did I tickle?" I smiled.
Jeff cleared his throat, "Um no, no…" He coughed again, "It's fine!" he smiled.
"Well….." we looked into each other's eyes from a moment. "Zwan's" 'Honestly' played through the crappy in-wall PA system,
*There's no place that I could be without you, honestly. *
"That's you finished!" I smiled. Jeff just stared into my eyes. He had the kind of eyes you could get lost in! A bit like Matt's only not quite as mesmerizing! I held his gaze for a few seconds until Billy Corgan had sang the last words of his song & Uncle Kracker took his place! "you ok?"
"He swallowed hard, "Yeah," he said quietly then finally looked away.
"Right." I bit on my lip not quite sure of what had just happened!
"Bec?"
"Yeah?"
Jeff smiled, "This song sucks ass!"
I smiled & shook my head, "Yeah it does, you're right! I guess I'll erm go then & let you get ready!" I went for the door.
"Copeland's kicking around!"
I stopped & turned around, "Yeah, I've ah seen him already!" I gave him a puzzled look!
"Oh right."
"It's cool Jeff I already told you!"
"Yeah I know! I just thought I'd mention it, y'know?"
I wrinkled my brow, "Um ok then! I'll see you soon!" I left.
Chapter 65
Just as I put my hand on the handle of the men's locker room Shane O popped his head out of a door opposite.
"Bec! Just the person I was looking for! Have you got a minute?"
He looked serious & it worried me! "Um sure ok!"
He stepped aside and ushered me into his 'office' where he gestured for me to sit down in a chair infront of a computer screen.
"I just wanted to show you something that was brought to my attention!" He clicked the mouse & brought up a black screen. "I think you might know something about it!"
A video started to play of Matt & I smiled & put my hand to my temple. It was a montage of stuff that I'd put together ages ago, I was just messing around with Jeff's computer & I had managed to teach myself quite a lot!
"So?" Shane sat on the corner of the desk.
'So what are you going to sue me for breech of copywrite or something?" I laughed & Shane shook his head & smiled.
"So you're admitting it was your handy work then? I mean this disc just appeared on my desk…"
"I never gave you the disc!"
"I thought not, but someone did & I noticed the little thing in the corner…." He paused the video & tapped the screen. In the bottom left hand corner I'd written 'Bec' in the tiniest font I could find! "I knew it was you when I saw that!"
"Yeah it is mine but I was just pissing around!"
"I want to use it!"
"What?"
"I showed it to Vince & although he said it was a bit rough around the edges, I wanted to get your permission to have one of our tech guys touch it up & air it tonight!"
I puffed out my cheeks, "Jesus I don't know Shane!" I gulped.
"Well tonight would be perfect, we're in Matt's home state and we do have a couple of other tributes to air so…." He raised his eyebrows & I sat in stunned silence! He just looked at me, letting me take in the situation until finally I spoke.
"I dunno Shane really it's not that good! I mean I haven't had any training, I was bored & just messing around! No one was ever meant to see it! It was just for me!"
"I appreciate that & if you say no then……well I'll be disappointed but it's your call! Our tech guys will polish it up nice, maybe add some music…..aw come on Bec!"
I bit on my thumbnail, "Jeff gave you this didn't he?"
"Hey I already said it was just on my desk! I know nothing!" he smiled.
"There's some stuff on there though, stuff that was shot while we were on the road……"
"Well to be honest that's what I like about it most! Especially…." He scrolled back, "….this part!" He played a bit of Matt that I'd filmed when he was messing about doing his whole 'Mattitude' speech with Jeff in the background pulling stupid faces……then Adam & Jay mouthing "Blah! Blah! Blah!" all the time Matt was talking & he never even knew they were there until they 'jumped' him! I had to laugh. "See this shows his human side, what he was like outside of the ring, having fun with his friends! I love it Bec! Please say we can use it?"
I looked up at Shane & bit on my lip. Was I ready to have my stupid ass video broadcast to the world on the biggest PPV in the WWE calendar? I gulped & slowly nodded my head.
"Ok but…..well these tech guys better shine it up real nice!" I said, mocking Dwayne, "AND let me call Gilbert first, only if he agrees then you can air it ok? Some of those clips on there are his, I don't want to upset him!"
"You are a star!" Shane jumped up from the desk & hugged me, "You won't regret it, trust me!" He laughed. "Do you want me to run it by you before we show it?"
"No I'm sure it'll be fine!" I stood up, "I guess I'll go & see Jeff then, I want to make sure he's happy with this too!"
"No worries! Hey if either Jeff or Gilbert has any problems with it come & find me ok?"
We hugged again & I left. I walked across the hall & knocked on the door to the locker room.
"Come in!"
I peered around the door, "It's only me!"
"Hello you!" he smiled, "Everything ok?"
I took a brush from his hand & started to dab paint on his arm, "Well yes & no!" I sighed, "How much more of this do you want on?"
"Some here, round the back!" he turned around so I could paint on his shoulder, "So what's the yes & no?"
"Well…….did you leave one of my discs on Shane's desk?"
"What discs? This colour!" he handed me a tub of blue body paint.
"One of my computer discs. With some video stuff on of Matt?"
"No, why?"
"Jeff come on man you must have done it!"
"I don't have a clue what you are talking about, seriously!" he laughed.
"Well someone did! Turn around!" He did & I continued to paint his shoulder & the top of his arm. "Shane somehow got hold of one of my discs & now he wants to use it as some sort of tribute to Matt on tonight's show!"
"Hey that's awesome!"
"You wouldn't mind? I mean I'm not sure about it myself!" I sighed, "There how's that?"
He studied himself in the full length mirror, "That's pretty good! Maybe I should hire you!" he turned to the side & had another look, smiling, "I like it!" he kissed me cheek, "Thanks!"
"So you really don't mind?"
"What? Oh God no! I think it'll be great, especially here in NC!"
"Will you call your Dad & run it by him? I want him to be prepared!"
"Sure! I'll do it now, but I'm pretty sure he'll go for it!" he rummaged in his jacket pocket & pulled out his cell, "Oh just out of curiosity, where did you leave that disc?"
"Um in the computer why?"
He smiled, "Oh no reason!"
"You did do it didn't you?"
"Nope! I swear to you I didn't have anything to do with it!"
"But?"
"But nothing!" He grinned.
"You know who did it don't you?"
"I have an idea but before you start my lips are sealed!" he winked.
"It's a conspiracy!" I laughed.
Jeff called his Dad while I went into the bathroom to freshen up a little. I still wasn't sure that using my video was such a great idea but I figured if Gilbert was ok with it then I shouldn't worry too much!
I was looking in the mirror, putting on some lipstick & humming to myself when I realized what song was actually stuck in my mind! It was The Calling! I usually couldn't even hear the opening bars of that song without bursting into tears & here I was singing it without even thinking! I looked away from the mirror & stopped humming. I leaned my backside on the rim of the basin & sighed. Was I really ready to see this 'tribute' up there on that huge screen infront of the entire world? I threw my lipstick into my purse & sniffed………my whole body tensed up & I gripped the basin so hard my knuckles turned white! Tommy! He was here!
"Go away! Go away! Go away!" I squeezed my eyes shut & held my breath. "Get a grip girl!" I whispered to myself & took a deep breath……it had gone! All I could smell was Jeff's shower gel, nothing else! I was imagining it! I inhaled again just to be sure….nothing! Thank God! I looked back into the mirror, "You are NOT flipping out tonight my girl!" I said to my reflection & then went out into the locker room.
"Dad thinks it's a great idea & he's especially pleased that it came from you and not someone who never even met Matt!" Jeff smiled when I walked in, "He's looking forward to seeing it!"
"Oh……good….I think!" I sat down on one of the benches.
"Got any gum?"
"Yeah sure." I put my hand into my pocket & felt a piece of paper………….the poem! I'd forgotten about it! I put some gum into Jeff's outstretched hand but held onto it as he made to walk away. "Jeff?" He looked down at me, "The poem! I'm sorry what with Shane & this video stuff…………anyway that's why I was coming to see you, to say thankyou!" I smiled & he pulled me to my feet.
"It's ok! I was reading one of my books last night & well that one kinda jumped out at me! I thought you might like it!"
"I love it! It's perfect!" I kissed his cheek, "Thankyou! It was a real nice thing to do!"
"Anytime!" He folded his arms around me.
"Hey your paint!" I laughed.
"Oh shit! Sorry!" He pulled back & when I looked at my top I was covered in blue & green smudges.
"Ah it doesn't matter about me look at you! Turn around & I'll give it a quick touch up!" I pushed him over to the mirror & grabbed the brush. "Seriously Jeff I appreciate the poem!" I said as I touched up the paint on his shoulder.
"I just read it & thought of you……and Matt!" He turned around, "Here!" He pointed to a spot on the top of his shoulder near his neck & I dabbed the brush on it. I kept going up the side of his neck to just below his ear & he closed his eyes & took a deep breath. Slowly I traced the brush back down his neck & along his shoulder & he shivered slightly. I knew exactly what I was doing, but I didn't know why I was doing it!
"Oh sorry did I tickle?" I smiled.
Jeff cleared his throat, "Um no, no…" He coughed again, "It's fine!" he smiled.
"Well….." we looked into each other's eyes from a moment. "Zwan's" 'Honestly' played through the crappy in-wall PA system,
*There's no place that I could be without you, honestly. *
"That's you finished!" I smiled. Jeff just stared into my eyes. He had the kind of eyes you could get lost in! A bit like Matt's only not quite as mesmerizing! I held his gaze for a few seconds until Billy Corgan had sang the last words of his song & Uncle Kracker took his place! "you ok?"
"He swallowed hard, "Yeah," he said quietly then finally looked away.
"Right." I bit on my lip not quite sure of what had just happened!
"Bec?"
"Yeah?"
Jeff smiled, "This song sucks ass!"
I smiled & shook my head, "Yeah it does, you're right! I guess I'll erm go then & let you get ready!" I went for the door.
"Copeland's kicking around!"
I stopped & turned around, "Yeah, I've ah seen him already!" I gave him a puzzled look!
"Oh right."
"It's cool Jeff I already told you!"
"Yeah I know! I just thought I'd mention it, y'know?"
I wrinkled my brow, "Um ok then! I'll see you soon!" I left.