Chapter 8

The Game that Ties You up in Knots

"You're staring," Michael says.

He's curled up on her sofa under about six of her fuzziest blankets, and his hands are wrapped around the tea mug she's handed him. He hasn't drunk much of it but did take it after she insisted. Ella has a ton of teas in her place because coffee is her number one jones, but tea always helps with a scratchy throat. A girl has to have options. But one of her favorite flavors is peppermint, and she often sips on it during the Christmas season after work just because. She hadn't exactly stocked it up because her boyfriend was going to be experiencing morning sickness, but it's a bonus. Apparently. Her prima Teresa swore by anything mint to help with her vomiting woes, and she knows that her abuelita used to recommend anything mint to settle a bad stomach.

Granted, the person in question wasn't a Celestial, but in some ways they're not that different. Michael might be a goddess, but he responded well to chocolate for a certain time of the month, so why not peppermint tea for even more hormone woes?

Still, she can't help make an appraisal him. It's close to five a.m., and she's both dead on her feet but the adrenaline is surging through her. Tonight, she found out she's going to be a mom of not one but two angels, met the Big Guy or at least seen His retreating back when time unfroze, and found herself wanting to punch not just Gabriel but probably God too.

Her Mamí would be so disappointed.

But there is so much swirling through her mind, and it's just so hard not to catalogue Michael. It's many things. Having seen him and Lucifer for a long while in the same room, well, it's still hard not to try and compare, to see the before and after. Obviously, as Michael is now, the twins aren't identical, but now that she knows and seen it side by side, it is clear the similarities that remain. But staring at him also comes from noticing how wounded Michael is. The scars-both now-are obvious, but she is relieved to see that the newer one on his left cheek is no longer red and weeping. It's healed quite a bit, but the lower part of the eyelid there is still swollen, still pulls a bit. He's pale for him, and even if he's more likely to buy five Frappucinnos than admit he's hurt, Ella's pretty sure the morning sickness has been wreaking havoc on him. From living with Amenadiel for almost two months and a few things that Michael's mentioned on the road, she knows that angels don't really need to eat.

Just like it.

And are bottomless pits.

But she isn't sure if that's true anymore for him, especially since he's supposed to be keeping down energy and sustenance for three (which, again, holy shit). He just seems wan, and she worries. A week or more of morning sickness does not agree with him.

She sits down on the sofa next to him and carefully sets her cheek against his shoulder. "Michael, you should drink up."

"It tastes like a candy cane, Scraps."

She chuckles, trying to envision a time when he'd have eaten those. Then again, he was in New York for a while, and Ella can think of no more Christmas-loving a city than the Big Apple. "It's supposed to. Mint helps with tummy troubles and with pregnancy." She takes his right hand in hers and holds it close. "My cousin drank so much tea when she was…you know. Although this has caffeine in it, so I can get a decaf version tomorrow in case."

"In case what?"

"You aren't supposed to have caffeine when you're pregnant. Or eat tuna or most fish cause of the mercury. Oh, and you need to stay away from cats…or at least litter boxes cause of the toxoplasmosis and-"

He narrows his eyes at her, and he really is excellent at looking snippy. Though, keeping it one-hundred, Lucifer is also an expert at being in a snit. She'll probably never tell the Devil that, but the dude can pout.

"Lopez, I am not a human. I think I'm probably being overly cautious just laying off the booze."

"Absolutely no alcohol. Are you nuts?"

Michael sips his tea and sets the drained mug on a side table. "I'm a Celestial. I could drink hydrochloric acid right now and feel great. You get that?"

"I'm a human, and I could definitely not do that. So, little Demiurge or not, you're gonna need to treat everything like a human would. Just in case."

He huffs a little but settles against her. "Fine, wrap me in cotton. I don't really like fish anyway. But if I can't be near cats, does that mean chinchillas are a no too?" Michael's hopeful on that, perks up and regards her with his wide, brown eyes. "I mean, we have to think of the children, right?"

The chinchilla in question scurries into the room then, dragging the Twister box behind him and with his tail wrapped tightly around it. "Pops, Ma! Great news! I found it!"

He comes to a stop and sets the game box on the rug in front of them both.

Michael points to Pepe. "See! He could have that toxoplas-whatsit right now."

"I get my shots," Pepe offers.

Ella chuckles and sits down on the rug before taking off the box top. "He's not kidding. See, I told you, just in case. Pepe's had distemper and his rabies."

Michael does not uncurl from the sofa and his blanket fort. "How did the needle pierce? I mean, he's a… this is the dumbest sentence I've said all night…he's a magical chinchilla."

"Dunno, just did, but I don't like shots," Pepe offers, twitching his tail before sitting on his haunches and waiting less than patiently for her to get out the mat and the spinner. "Mamí said the apartment wouldn't let me in without them."

Michael sighs. "Right, so a magical rat with all his shots. Check."

"I am a purebred chinchilla," Pepe says, twitching his ears.

She notices Michael flinch a bit when the third ear wriggles. "You're something…sorry about that."

Ella shoots him a glance. Pepe has been asking after Michael for a couple months now. Granted, they weren't super close on the road, but Michael came around to letting Pepe ride on his shoulder in the car. Clearly, Pepe has missed his dad, and she worries a little that Michael is going to insult him, especially now that Pepe knows words and what they mean.

"Get down here," she says firmly. "Azrael told me you gave Gabriel the fully monty treatment fear-wise. I think you're probably feeling good enough for a round or two."

"Scraps, this is not a slumber party-"

Pepe walks around the mat and then up the sofa's arm. He comes to rest on Michael's lap. "Please! It's fun!"

Michael regards him and rakes a hand through his hair. "I…how do you play? You can't even take up a whole circle."

"I like to run to the right color when Ma spins," he replies.

"Come on, what else were you doing?" Ella asks. She chuckles a little and gestures to blanket mountain. "You're not even that pregnant yet so don't even try and use the excuse."

"Fine," Michael grumbles. "But I am not having a séance to. Trust me, my sister handles dead souls, and if she didn't, Death certainly does. You're never gonna make a connection on the other side, Pepe."

Pepe chirps happily and rushes back to snuggle by Ella's hip even as Michael stands on the opposite side of the mat. "Okay, just the game and some movie time tonight, but I think I could contact ghosts."

Michael rubs at his eyes. "There's no one to call."

"But it's fun! And there's light as a feather and stiff as a board…" Pepe adds.

Michael looks to her. "How many slumber parties have you two had?"

"Lots and lots!" Pepe enthuses, waving his tail.

Ella hops up quickly and stretches an arm over her head. She didn't want Michael to think too hard over that, to ask her about how she was sleeping. Or not sleeping. She and Pepe and, uh, sometimes Jango might be card shark friends at four a.m. because she hasn't slept well since coming back to L.A.

Because it's hard to be without him, or it was.

"Scraps?"

"Look, I have the cutest little hijo. Of course, we're gonna bust out the popcorn and watch TV. Right, kiddo?"

Pepe nods and moves to sit beside the spinner. "I like Full Metal Alchemist. It's no Bogart, but it's pretty good."

"You made the rat a nerd too?" Michael asks, and Ella remembers that as much as she loves him…Michael is an acquired taste.

"Ahem, I gave him some better hobby options, but he's still super obsessed with noir stuff. I have seen so many detective flicks, let me tell you."

Michael chuckles. "And this is the normal part of our lives before there are twins around."

"Uh, they'd be like Charlie at least, not just born and poof wings and flying on day one, right?"

Michael shrugs, and she's right about the Fearing Gabriel helping him out. His movement is as smooth as she's ever seen it. So if he even tries to pretend he can't do a round or two to make Pepe feel better, she's gonna call bullshit.

"I don't know."

She laughs because Michael's just pulling her leg at this point. "Ha, funny. I know Charlie. No wings, not even a feather yet."

"Probably not ever. Heard that one's normal, pretty human, you know? We were made grown."

She nods and spins first for Pepe. The red circle comes up and he scurries to one circle not far from her foot. "Yeah, sure, but you're not gonna just, uh…"

"They better not have wings in here eventually," he says, gesturing to his stomach. "I am not pushing that out."

Ella tries not to blink too hard at him. He isn't wrong. She has been staring a lot tonight, but she's trying so hard not to imagine a delivery with wings involved, and it's failing. Right, no, the Big Guy probably didn't want that either.

"Right, uh…lemme go," she says, spinning and setting a foot on green.

Michael takes the spinner next. "You know, they had this when I was here before. I'm sort of impressed that it lasted this long. Also, that it's a kids' party game now." He draws a right arm blue and grumbles to himself as he sets it down. "Wee, so fun."

"Wait, Pops, was this not a game for kids before?" Pepe asks.

Ella spins for him and it's a yellow. Pepe stretches out his tail to the circle. Then it's her turn. "Wait so…"

Michael chuckles through the curtain of curls in front of his face since he's hunched over to reach his spot. "Swingers, sure. I mean Lily never saw the point, but you hear things, and this was prototyped on a better game."

"Nuh-uh," Pepe says, even as her hand slips around his tail to reach yellow. "This is the best!"

"You can't even stretch enou-" Michael starts.

She can't quite reach Mike as much as she'd like, but from where she is, Ella has enough leverage to nudge his right shoulder a smidge. Michael wobbles but doesn't topple. "Pepe is great at this."

"You're gonna be that mom who gives out participation trophy bullshit, I can tell," Mike huffs. But his next turn has him spinning left foot green. "Okay, this is…one sec."

He reaches out for the green circle, and he is all legs, but she's already on the yellow in between. Michael brushes against her, and now she's kind of wedged around his leg.

"Uh, hey," she breathes, and it's a lot to be this close to him.

It short circuits so many parts of her brain.

Michael angles himself a bit so that they're both bent down, but his face is clearly facing hers, not far from it. She can feel his breath on her cheek, and it's been so so long. It's like he has his own gravitational pull, and Ella can't quite keep herself from bending closer and…

Pepe chirps excitedly again and races between them to get to a green spot on the top corner of the mat. "My turn!"

He's fast, but neither she nor Michael were really expecting it or probably remembering that Pepe is playing too. Michael jumps instinctively she thinks to the feel of chinchilla against his foot. His sudden jerk of movement leaves her unsteady too. She was leaning forward too far to try and kiss him. Ella's left off-kilter and wobbling before she falls into him. She does manage to twist herself under so that in their tangle of limbs and confusion, he falls onto her on the mat.

And he might be a lot lankier and shorter than he was, but he's not a small woman, and Ella's gonna feel this in the, well, not morning just the later. The less ass o'clock part of the day.

Michael is up fast and then kneeling next to her. "Hey, Scrappy, are you okay?"

She huffs a bit, just feeling the last of the air leaving her lungs from her tumble. Pepe is soon on her shoulder, and his little paw is patting the side of her cheek. "Mamí, are you okay? Also, I won! Next time, we need to bet on this. Pepe needs a new hat."

Michael looks between them both, opens his mouth once…twice…and then slams it shut while shaking his head. After a beat, he starts again. "I am not asking."

"He likes fedoras. I make him some," she supplies. "I had a lot of free time lately."

Her boyfriend sighs (and that is a really dumb term it feels for both the carrying parent of their twins and a being almost as old as the universe, but it's the best word she's got). "I know the feeling. Seriously, are you okay?"

He helps her up then and instead of stopping at the sofa, he supports her side as they make their way to her bedroom. Pepe, thoughtful little guy that he is, stays behind and she can hear him putting everything back in the box. Michael, meanwhile, helps her onto her mattress and settles her comforter over her.

"My hero," she jokes. "It's fine. I felt a little bad cause you were gonna fall."

"I have good balance…for now," he replies.

Michael looks away at that, and she lets him. She knows his bad side bothers him, that it always gets worse no matter what he can do when he Fears. She lets him digest that, even if it's never mattered once to her or at least no more than worrying over his pain. When he gathers his thoughts, he regards her again, and Ella can't resist stroking his nearest cheek, grateful he lets her.

Dealing with him is so often like dealing with a colt that's about to startle. He's just so skittish, but now that she's both met the Big Guy, mostly, and Gabriel too, Ella's getting an even bigger glimpse into his family. She understands more every time why Michael reacts like an open hand will strike him a hundred times over before it'll comfort him.

It always has before, hasn't it?

"Are you all right?" he prods.

"Oh fine. Just got the wind knocked out of me." Her hand moves from his cheek to over his belly, and she is gonna call all her primas and grill them not just on morning sickness ideas but also on best tips for what to eat to put on weight. Sure, it's less than three months, but he's growing two Celestials in there, so Mike's gonna need to eat.

A lot.

Even for an angel.

"Are you?" she counters. "Just the…the babies." Ella shakes her head and giggles. "That's gonna sound crazy for a while. I mean that there are twins here and they're ours and holy crap."

Michael nods. "I had a soft landing, and I'm pretty sure stumbling at a party game isn't going to wreck a goddess. My membership card would get revoked."

She nods. "Oh yeah, fork that right over."

"And Dad would realize He's picked the wrong guy to be the incubator."

Her heart twists at his words, and she can't help tearing up. "You really meant it earlier, didn't you? That you and Lucifer…you'll find some way to make sure your dad doesn't take them from us. I want them here. I…I'm so sorry the Big Guy is like He is. I mean, He froze time so I got a small glimpse of just him and Amenadiel leaving, but I…the way you and Rae Rae and Lucifer seemed so upset after…all the things Azrael told me before you came to take me home…I never really wanted to believe He could be that bad."

And she will work on her own faith, and how it's crumbling hard tonight. She believes in the Devil, even if his compartmentalizing hurt her. She would trust her life, and she is trusting both their children's lives in Michael's hands. She isn't sure after everything she can trust Michael with her heart, and it might take a long time to feel that type of trust again. But Ella knows Michael and Lucifer will do anything to protect her.

Rae Rae too, so score one for the Angel of Death.

But she doesn't believe in the Big Guy anymore. Michael always said that his father liked humans better, that He would like her. But that couldn't be true. Maybe He chose her for this, but it was just another manipulation, just like Michael. Different part of the recipe, but she was still just as used as an ingredient. He hadn't…He hadn't cared that to be here, to fall in love with Michael, she'd had to been hurt by Pete first.

No God she'd ever learned about in catechism or anywhere else could be like that. He was nothing like Mass or Bible study or any of it had left her feeling.

And she's not sure how to reconcile that yet, how to finally let go of her faith.

And she definitely isn't sure how to protect her children.

Ella starts to sniffle, even though she promised herself to stay calm so she wouldn't upset Michael. He's been through so much already, and she's trying to help him. Not burden him.

He curls up around her on the other side of the bed. Michael strokes through her hair and kisses her temple. "I warned you about Dad. I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to believe He'd like you because the rest of us angels do, even Chucky and he's kind of barely an angel if you squint."

She slaps his arm playfully. Lightly. "Michael!"

"I'm serious."

"Are you?"

"Yup like a heart attack," he replies. "Scraps, all of us like you. You have no idea how rare it is for me and Sam and Amenadiel to agree on any one thing. But we all do on you. If Father never bothered to see that-if He never cared-then that's His loss." Michael holds her tighter. "Trust me, when I lost you…it was worse than losing my wings almost. It was just like something so important, like a part of my soul was missing. Dad skipped on that, on really knowing you, and screw Him."

"I don't think I can say that about God yet," she admits. "It hurts, and I'm scared. I don't want to have our kids just yanked to heaven without me."

Michael's eyes go gold for a moment. "They won't be. And I think I failed at getting you to relax. Sam and I…we have time. Amenadiel is the scholar and Azrael is good at finding books in the Silver City archives. Besides, she knows beings almost as powerful as Dad. We will figure this out, but for now, I think you need rest."

"Are you gonna sleep here too?" she asks, and her voice isn't desperate.

Nope, not at all.

Michael curls up tighter to her. "I was thinking—"

There's a rustle of the fabric at the foot of the bed and a familiar (now) day glow of lavender shines against her comforter soon enough.

"Pops, Ma, got it all cleaned up. Now, can we please watch The Maltese Falcon? It's the best!"

Michael yawns. "Pepe, maybe tomorrow or later today, same difference. Scrappy is tired."

She shakes her head and grabs her TV remote. "I'm going to probably be asleep before the first ten minutes, mijo, but you can watch it." Ella opens up her arms for him to curl up against her chest, but chuckles softly when Pepe, instead, sits on Michael's left shoulder. "I'm chopped liver now?"

"No, but I haven't seen Pops in foreverrrr," Pepe says.

Michael looks like he might just die there. Just pass out from being Pepe's new favorite. "You know. You two curl up. I…Believe me, Ella, I have missed you, but it's too tempting to do more if I stay, and we are not in that place. I'm going to check the office. I know Sam is getting here soon enough, all the 'watch Michael' edicts Dad issued. I just…I want to, but I want you to trust me more."

"You can watch The Maltese Falcon any time, though. It can build trust or whatever you want," Pepe says, even as he yawns and eventually curls up in her arms instead.

He's snoring before Michael even stands up from the bed.

"It's a good idea," she admits. So is eating broccoli and deep teeth cleanings at the dentist, but Ella wants to do either of those right now about as much as she wants Michael to go wait in her office.

Michael's face looks about as downcast. "Baby steps. I blew it once, and I'm not doing it again. Scrappy, get rest. You have both me and Samael here or soon enough. We got your back."

"I'm not worried about me," she says, reaching out and setting her hand against his stomach and their kids. "I just…"

"Get sleep," he says gently, kissing her forehead chastely.

Before he leaves, Michael pulls the blanket to her chin. He even surprises her by giving Pepe a pat on his head and scratching the ear closest to him.

"He is cute in his way. I'm just sorry I'm not better at Creation. If I were better at anything, knew how to control my powers…he wouldn't be messed up." Michael laughs then, but it's so hollow that it breaks her heart. "He takes after me like that, but I wish I could have made him better."

Ella shakes her head and cuddles up more with Pepe. He's still snoring, and she can't resist pecking his snout. She knows him well, knows he's out for the count. "He's perfect, corazón. You don't have to be the usual way or an ideal to still be perfect. I wouldn't trade a thing about Pepe, and I wouldn't want to change anything about you." She hesitates at that and frowns.

Michael deflates a little, his shoulders hunching. "Or you would?"

"I want you to be happy, and I think if you had your old form back and your wings, you would. And I wish you didn't hurt so much. I'd give anything if you were happy, and I do care about every part of you, but, yeah, if I could take all that pain from you, I would."

He offers her a small, genuine smile. "I'd never let you take that burden. Besides, I manage."

"Cool, but no being down on yourself. You're great, and you made a great Pepe, and he's who he's supposed to be." She taps each ear gently and strokes Pepe's tail. "And he's a neon, glowing chinchilla who loves Bogart and likes to hold seances."

"We are so weird."

She nods and pats his stomach once more. Ella realizes she's gonna have to ask permission from now on, make sure it's okay, but she's just so excited. Scared sure. Still rebuilding things with Michael of course, but she's thrilled to have the gemelos. She can't wait to meet them, and apparently her hand wants to touch them already.

"We are, but it works for us. There is so much to talk about but mañana?"

Michael groans. "Later today, technically. But rest, and I'll see if I can get some breakfast together later." He sets his hand over hers. "I mean it. Sam and I…we don't know how yet, but we're gonna fix this. I've never meant anything more in my life."

"I believe you," she says, yawning and nuzzling against Pepe.

She's asleep soon after with thoughts of tiny, downy wings on her mind.