Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 73
We both stood looking at our feet for a while in silence. If only I could have told Dwayne, explained to him why I was so afraid of this happening then maybe we wouldn't be standing here now, staring at the floor, loving each other & hating it! Jeff went to the fridge & grabbed a beer.
"Want one?" He held out a bottle & I took it from him, "well this is nice!" He slammed the fridge door & I jumped. "Did you mean what you told me? Is it true?"
"Yes."
Jeff nodded slowly as he opened his bottle, "so what's the deal?" he held out his arms.
"What deal?"
"You & Copeland?"
"There's no deal. "I took a gulp from my bottle.
"Really? Well aint that just cosey!" I looked away. I didn't have the energy to fight with him but it looked as though I wasn't going to get much of a choice! "So you have a one night stand with a guy, fair enough, that happens I guess but…..you go back for more & yet you still say there's nothing going on?" he laughed sarcastically. "Damn he must be good!"
"Don't do this Jeff!" I put a hand to my head.
"No come on! We have to get this all out in the open here!" he gulped his beer down & went for another, "I mean was he really that good?"
"Jeff I can't deal with this when you've been drinking!"
"Hey I only asked a question! Just answer me that one thing!" He stepped right up to me, "Was he that good Bec? Did he make you scream?"
"Asshole!" I spat at him & turned my face away. He laughed & drank some more beer. Why was he doing this? I was exhausted & Sasha needed me, I didn't have time for this shit, none of it! Not Jeff, not Adam, not Dwayne…I just wanted to help my friend! I wanted to cry but I couldn't let him see me that weak! He walked away & put his bottle on the counter.
"Y'know……………" he sighed & ran both of his hands through his hair, "When you were with Matt I'd watch him……..the way he touched you and it churned me up inside & I hated myself for it! I tried so hard not to feel that way but I wanted it to be me!" He patted his chest, "He was my brother & I hated the way I felt about him sometimes y'know?" he shook his head & laughed, "God I just wished that you'd never come here, that we'd never met you…..because I didn't want to feel the way I felt about my own fucking brother!"
I turned my back & swallowed, trying to get rid of the huge lump in my throat. I didn't want to hear this! "Jeff just stop it!" I said quietly.
"I'd hear you sometimes, like that night in the hotel……………"
"STOP IT NOW!"
"The way you screamed his name……………"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP JEFF I MEAN IT!" Tears welled up in my eyes.
"And I hated him! I hated both of you! I wanted to burst into that room & just drag him the hell off you & smack him in the fucking face!"
I'd heard enough! "SHUT UP! DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT!" I pushed him & he stumbled backwards, "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING SPEAK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT YOU BASTARD!" Tears streamed down my face & I went for him, I couldn't help myself! I slapped his face so hard that it stung my hand & I didn't stop there! I kept on lashing out until he was backed into a corner, he wasn't even defending himself until I hit his face again & he grabbed both of my arms.
He whirled me around and slammed my back against the wall so hard it knocked the wind out of me & he held me there as I gasped for breath. I could see in his eyes how much I'd hurt him & how much he hated me! I shook from head to toe & my feet were barely touching the floor as he had me virtually hanging from the wall!
"Is everything alright in here?" I looked over Jeff's shoulder to see Gilbert standing in the doorway with Betty, Sasha, Chris & Dwayne behind him.
"Yes it's fine!" Jeff said through clenched teeth, not even turning to look at his father. I tried to act calm, as if it was a normal every day occourance to be hanging from a fucking wall! I closed my eyes, my chest burned where he had slammed my own fists into it & my back hurt like hell where it had been rammed up against the wall, but still he held me there.
"Take your hands off her Jeffery!" His dad said calmly. Jeff swallowed hard, he was shaking with anger & blood trickled down his cheek where I'd caught him with my nail as I'd lashed out. He looked like a mad man and yet I wasn't scared of him, I don't think I could ever be scared of him! Slowly he released his grip & I felt the floor beneath my feet. He held his arms out to the side to show his Dad he'd let go of me & took a step backwards. Dwayne took a step into the kitchen & I help up my hand to stop him at the same time as Gilbert stuck out his arm to stop him from going any further. Jeff turned to his side, grabbed a chair & threw it across the room. Crockery smashed to the floor & the chair almost broke in half! Then he booted the back door, almost swinging it from it's hinges as it crashed back into the wall shattering both panes of glass. And then he was gone!
I sank to the floor sliding my back against the wall & clutching at my chest. Dwayne ran to me & hoisted me to my feet.
"Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" I shook my head & sobbed. Dwayne pulled me to him & kissed the top of my head, rocking me slowly in his arms. "I'm sorry sweetheart! I never meant for this to happen!"
Gilbert started to clear up the broken plates & cups without saying a word but he looked devastated! Dwayne loosened his embrace & I ran my hands through my hair & wiped my face. He caught hold of one of my arms & turned it around, the bruises were already starting to blacken, a trait I'd inherited from my mother, (Dad always said we were his 2 peaches!) He let go of my hand & ran out of the door! My God he was after Jeff!
"DWAYNE NO!" I yelled but it was too late! "Chris! Please!" Chris came to me & rubbed my arms.
"Don't worry!" He ran out after Dwayne & I stood bewildered! Sasha walked towards me with the brandy bottle in her hand & I took it from her & gulped some. It was disgusting, burning the back of my throat & I winced as I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand. Gilbert took the bottle from me.
"That's not going to help the situation!" He scowled at me & banged the bottle down on the table.
"Gilbert….he didn't mean it! It wasn't how it looked!"
He nodded his head slowly, "Y'know I've seen Dwayne fighting out there with one of my sons before, that was over a woman aswell!' He hung his head, "Only this time I hope my son gets his ass kicked!" He walked out of the room & went back to bed.
Chapter 73
We both stood looking at our feet for a while in silence. If only I could have told Dwayne, explained to him why I was so afraid of this happening then maybe we wouldn't be standing here now, staring at the floor, loving each other & hating it! Jeff went to the fridge & grabbed a beer.
"Want one?" He held out a bottle & I took it from him, "well this is nice!" He slammed the fridge door & I jumped. "Did you mean what you told me? Is it true?"
"Yes."
Jeff nodded slowly as he opened his bottle, "so what's the deal?" he held out his arms.
"What deal?"
"You & Copeland?"
"There's no deal. "I took a gulp from my bottle.
"Really? Well aint that just cosey!" I looked away. I didn't have the energy to fight with him but it looked as though I wasn't going to get much of a choice! "So you have a one night stand with a guy, fair enough, that happens I guess but…..you go back for more & yet you still say there's nothing going on?" he laughed sarcastically. "Damn he must be good!"
"Don't do this Jeff!" I put a hand to my head.
"No come on! We have to get this all out in the open here!" he gulped his beer down & went for another, "I mean was he really that good?"
"Jeff I can't deal with this when you've been drinking!"
"Hey I only asked a question! Just answer me that one thing!" He stepped right up to me, "Was he that good Bec? Did he make you scream?"
"Asshole!" I spat at him & turned my face away. He laughed & drank some more beer. Why was he doing this? I was exhausted & Sasha needed me, I didn't have time for this shit, none of it! Not Jeff, not Adam, not Dwayne…I just wanted to help my friend! I wanted to cry but I couldn't let him see me that weak! He walked away & put his bottle on the counter.
"Y'know……………" he sighed & ran both of his hands through his hair, "When you were with Matt I'd watch him……..the way he touched you and it churned me up inside & I hated myself for it! I tried so hard not to feel that way but I wanted it to be me!" He patted his chest, "He was my brother & I hated the way I felt about him sometimes y'know?" he shook his head & laughed, "God I just wished that you'd never come here, that we'd never met you…..because I didn't want to feel the way I felt about my own fucking brother!"
I turned my back & swallowed, trying to get rid of the huge lump in my throat. I didn't want to hear this! "Jeff just stop it!" I said quietly.
"I'd hear you sometimes, like that night in the hotel……………"
"STOP IT NOW!"
"The way you screamed his name……………"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP JEFF I MEAN IT!" Tears welled up in my eyes.
"And I hated him! I hated both of you! I wanted to burst into that room & just drag him the hell off you & smack him in the fucking face!"
I'd heard enough! "SHUT UP! DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT!" I pushed him & he stumbled backwards, "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING SPEAK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT YOU BASTARD!" Tears streamed down my face & I went for him, I couldn't help myself! I slapped his face so hard that it stung my hand & I didn't stop there! I kept on lashing out until he was backed into a corner, he wasn't even defending himself until I hit his face again & he grabbed both of my arms.
He whirled me around and slammed my back against the wall so hard it knocked the wind out of me & he held me there as I gasped for breath. I could see in his eyes how much I'd hurt him & how much he hated me! I shook from head to toe & my feet were barely touching the floor as he had me virtually hanging from the wall!
"Is everything alright in here?" I looked over Jeff's shoulder to see Gilbert standing in the doorway with Betty, Sasha, Chris & Dwayne behind him.
"Yes it's fine!" Jeff said through clenched teeth, not even turning to look at his father. I tried to act calm, as if it was a normal every day occourance to be hanging from a fucking wall! I closed my eyes, my chest burned where he had slammed my own fists into it & my back hurt like hell where it had been rammed up against the wall, but still he held me there.
"Take your hands off her Jeffery!" His dad said calmly. Jeff swallowed hard, he was shaking with anger & blood trickled down his cheek where I'd caught him with my nail as I'd lashed out. He looked like a mad man and yet I wasn't scared of him, I don't think I could ever be scared of him! Slowly he released his grip & I felt the floor beneath my feet. He held his arms out to the side to show his Dad he'd let go of me & took a step backwards. Dwayne took a step into the kitchen & I help up my hand to stop him at the same time as Gilbert stuck out his arm to stop him from going any further. Jeff turned to his side, grabbed a chair & threw it across the room. Crockery smashed to the floor & the chair almost broke in half! Then he booted the back door, almost swinging it from it's hinges as it crashed back into the wall shattering both panes of glass. And then he was gone!
I sank to the floor sliding my back against the wall & clutching at my chest. Dwayne ran to me & hoisted me to my feet.
"Are you ok? Did he hurt you?" I shook my head & sobbed. Dwayne pulled me to him & kissed the top of my head, rocking me slowly in his arms. "I'm sorry sweetheart! I never meant for this to happen!"
Gilbert started to clear up the broken plates & cups without saying a word but he looked devastated! Dwayne loosened his embrace & I ran my hands through my hair & wiped my face. He caught hold of one of my arms & turned it around, the bruises were already starting to blacken, a trait I'd inherited from my mother, (Dad always said we were his 2 peaches!) He let go of my hand & ran out of the door! My God he was after Jeff!
"DWAYNE NO!" I yelled but it was too late! "Chris! Please!" Chris came to me & rubbed my arms.
"Don't worry!" He ran out after Dwayne & I stood bewildered! Sasha walked towards me with the brandy bottle in her hand & I took it from her & gulped some. It was disgusting, burning the back of my throat & I winced as I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand. Gilbert took the bottle from me.
"That's not going to help the situation!" He scowled at me & banged the bottle down on the table.
"Gilbert….he didn't mean it! It wasn't how it looked!"
He nodded his head slowly, "Y'know I've seen Dwayne fighting out there with one of my sons before, that was over a woman aswell!' He hung his head, "Only this time I hope my son gets his ass kicked!" He walked out of the room & went back to bed.