Who I am
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an Inuyasha fanfiction
by
mkh2
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One note: raised the rating to PG because of one naughty word, though if you think about who is saying it and the context it's used in, you'll realize it isn't truly profane. I can count all the bad words I've ever said in my life on one hand, with fingers left over (in fact, the first truly bad word I ever said was due to a slip up when I said "shiftless shoulders" – have no idea what I was talking about, that's all I remember, and the others I said without thinking – answering questions, going straight to the original meaning, blah blah blah.)
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~Who I am~
A love story in three parts:
The hanyou
The youkai
The ningen
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Part 2: The youkai
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It's a strange thing, to live your whole life seeing everything thinly through a heavy mist and to suddenly awaken – be born, almost – to find everything painted red. It's a stranger thing yet when you, in the next moment, get shunted back into the grey-gold mist that you had been in before and fall back into that strange state of… slumber, is it? And sadly, those moments of living in that red world are lost to you forever.
Just now he woke up, as always with a horrid pain raking through his body. Why is it that he can never fully awaken when all is calm and peaceful and simply just be? He slowly pulled himself to his feet and looked behind him. A disgusting, drooling, smelly pig youkai stood behind him, squealing in victory, and then he recognized the blood – his blood – on the foul beast's claws.
A rage, as always, coursed through his veins. He never remembered afterwards the bloodlust he always experiences in this state, but he always enjoys it while he can. The world was painted a crimson hue once more as he flung himself, claws first, at the hulking piece of bacon. Then the pig was no more.
He heard words, a voice, call to him thickly, but he heard it in a haze, as if though he was submerged in water and he could only really feel the distortions of the water pulsing against his body. Turning, he sniffed the wind, curious as to where the sound came from.
Small pieces of debris – small branches, pieces of bark, half-ripped leaves – fell on him, littered his hair, entangling themselves in his silken strands, and so he looked up for the source of this slight. A person, a girl, a human, was slipping her way precariously down the tree catching herself as often as she could on lower branches that jutted out. The slim creature called to him before, five feet above ground, she let herself drop in a tiny heap onto a large yellow… thing… a bag maybe.
"Inuyasha." Ah, he understood her now, at least enough to recognize his own name, and he crouched on the ground, trying to remember where he could have known her from to have her know his name. She crept along the ground to him, an inch, a foot, a bit closer, a bit closer, until she was roughly five feet from him.
And then… the winds changed.
Her scent wafted over him, intermingled closely with his own. It was a pleasing scent, even hers alone was delightful, but the fact that her scent was practically melded with his own made it doubly so. Did she belong to him? Was she a possession – a slave, a servant, a play thing? Perhaps not – the way she acted so familiarly with him suggested something more intimate.
He crouched down for a moment before springing up to settle himself next to her side, only startling her a little. That was good – it showed that she was indeed familiar with him. Sleepily he placed his head on her shoulder, relaxing, and slowly lowered them both to the floor so that he could rest more comfortably. Comfortable – that was a word he was unfamiliar with, as every time that he was awake he always felt great pain. He never remembered the pain, and he never knew of comfort, but yet he felt he knew this girl and he vowed to remember her always.
He smirked. She was his, wasn't she? He would remember her always because she would be with him always.
~
When he woke up again, the morning light playing on his face through the trees, he still remembered everything that had happened… maybe he hadn't fallen completely asleep. He looked at the girl… his woman… curiously. Yes, he decided that she was his woman, otherwise she wouldn't be so peacefully sleeping despite practically being jumped on. He sniffed her neck and gave it a soft lick, carefully nudging the neck of her strange kimono top open so he could see if he had already marked her.
He hadn't.
This struck him odd. Obviously she was his… there must be some reason for not having fully mating her… Was it an inopportune time? Have they mated at all? Perhaps they were still in the courting stages. It was plausible… being a human, it would probably take more time. He was a youkai, however, and hoped that she would soon give in to him… Maybe he should check if she had any other marks on her, see what her status was.
Strangely enough, when he checked her right wrist, there seemed to be a series of marks* that showed of the different offerings of protection. The very first one was his, he noted, and then there were… two kitsune, one of them a pup, and also one that smelled strongly of a wolf. He growled slightly at that… it seemed this wolf wanted to rut his bitch**. This trespass wouldn't be allowed. He licked tenderly at his mark and decided now would be a good time to wake her up – he was hungry and he was sure she'd be getting hungry too.
After a bit of nuzzling, the girl roused… she sleepily pushed him off her and rubbed her eyes. She began speaking softly, not quite looking at him, sort of staring off into space, but he didn't mind. He just enjoyed listening to the soothing tones of her voice and a special… lilt …that seemed to be directed at him. He settled one of his legs lazily over her and gave her cheek a tender lick of affection.
She stiffened.
"Inuyasha?" her voice quivered and hung in the air, the four simple notes almost deafening in the relative silence.
He did not understand this. She seemed perfectly relaxed about him earlier and he sensed no danger, so why was she suddenly so tense. He decided she needed to be reassured.
Moving closer, he started to lick her neck and ear, making small placating sounds to let her know everything was alright. After some moments she relaxed and even made a strange happy sound – 'a giggle' some part of him whispered – and one of her hands rose to stroke his ear. Feeling good, Inuyasha settled fully on her lap and started taking longer strokes as he sniffed at her eagerly. She started to stiffen at this, but he brushed it off as he moved to lick the back of her neck and gently nipped at the bone that stuck out slightly. He was pleased with himself when he noticed the change in her scent.
Two small hands pushed at his chest and he reluctantly obliged. He couldn't understand this reaction either. Obviously she enjoyed receiving his affections so why would she…
He bent down at sniffed at the juncture of her legs. Oh, she's a virgin. She must be nervous. He heard her gave an indignant squawk at his movement and was only a little surprised to suddenly find that her legs had disappeared from under him.
Snuffling slightly, he was in moments by her side, arms wrapped around her. He nuzzled her cheek softly, reassuring her that he won't mate with her until she's ready. He lightly nibbled on her ear then remembered that he was hungry. Pulling himself away from her, he then turned and ran off, eager to hunt.
Bloodlust is a funny thing. You have this powerful thirst for blood, to have blood running down your claws, your hands, over your head, onto your lips and down your throat. Sometimes it is easily sated, other times, not so easily. Now he felt no bloodlust, only hunger, and the hunt and the blood – it was just a bonus to fulfilling his need to eat. Right now, he had his sights set on a deer, young and strong though small. This would good enough for both he and his intended.
Pouncing on the deer, he quickly ripped open its neck and let it fall to the ground, instantly dead. It was the most merciful way to kill. He quickly ate a portion for himself before cutting off a good deal of the flesh and filling it with choice meat that would be good for his mate. He ran further away from the clearing and stopped at a stream to clean his hands of the blood so as not to attract other predators as they ate. He splashed in the water, enjoying himself for a bit, before shaking himself off on the bank and heading back.
As he drew near, the parcel of meat securely held to his chest, a different scent, almost as enticing as his future mate's, filled his nose. It floated just over the scent of… smoke? He peered through the bushes and saw that his mate had made a fire – a good thing, because she was still a fragile human and would probably get cold. He gave a soft, pleased rumbling as he watched her, hunched next to the fire, poking rhythmically at it with a stick for he realized the scent was coming from somewhere near her… perhaps more food? Eagerly he bounded through the trees and into the clearing, landing lightly next to her. She turned to him, eyes roving over his face before lighting onto the package he now held out to her. She gave a sheepish grin before slamming a slender hand onto a – what is it? Half a large egg? – that had suddenly and unexpectedly gave out a loud "ding!" Moving slightly, she uncovered two white cups and handed one to him. He sniffed slightly – oh! It was the delicious smell.
Since it was his mate offering this food, he placed his meat parcel to the side near the fire so it could retain its warmth, and happily took one… Unfortunately, he couldn't figure out how to eat it. He looked up to see her eating away at her cup and gave out a soft whine. Lifting her eyes to him, she saw his dilemma. She put her cup down and took his, picking up the chopsticks that he hadn't noticed sitting on his knee. Then, she fed him.
Feeling quite content at the full feeling of the warm "ra-men" that she had fed him, he leaned back and watched her feed herself, amused at how she tried to eat so daintily. When she was done and had gathered together the trash for safe disposal, and when she had also finished preparing the meat to slowly cook until lunch – this pleased him immensely to see how she took good care of their territory - he crawled to her and rested his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her from behind, pulling her back to his chest, a soft rumbling in the back of his throat. It was a nice, comfortable feeling.
After a while she began to squirm in his arms and he released her, only to have her turn around and start tugging at his shirt. He felt immensely pleased, until he realized that she was looking at his wounded shoulder. It was mostly healed, and should be fully healed before night fell, but that didn't stop her from fussing over it, gently dabbing at the still somewhat raw cuts, cleaning, wrapping, until she couldn't find anything else to do. She then tried to pull his shirt back up which he balked at, tossing off both shirts behind him to land at the foot of the tree. Grumbling she stood up and started to pick up the shirts, but he pulled her to the ground, resting on them, content to nap the day away with her in his arms. She fidgeted at first, and so he licked her neck again to reassure her and after a moment she quieted and fell into a light sleep. Some hours later they woke up to eat the tender meat; this time he fed her as she sat almost sleepily in his lap where she spent the morning hours sleeping in and they relaxed again.
~
That evening as he sat with his mate, an arm wrapped around her waist, the both staring at the fire she had rekindled with the aid of some timber he had located for her, he reflected to himself – as best he could reflect – that he had never felt more content. The pain in his shoulder had long since dissipated, he never felt more relaxed, was certain that this was the most relaxed he had ever been in his whole life. An existence without pain or sorrow, an existence with the comfortable feeling of contentment, he knew that it was a new experience.
He tiredly nuzzled the back of his mate's neck, content to only be near her and not mark her yet, though he couldn't help the little nips he gave the slender arc as he wished to do more. He rose his eyes to the sky – it was going to be a moonless night – and gave a content yawn. As he slipped, not quite into sleep exactly, but more into a tired trance, he thought, even if I fall back into oblivion, please don't let me forget.
And then, he sank into that grey mist.
~End part 2 – The youkai~
Well, as mentioned in the previous chapter, I'm trying on sticking out one chapter per day for three days of this story so I hope you enjoy. I better get back to work on my other fiction.
Bleh, I didn't really like how this part turned out though – couldn't quite remember how I wanted it to go… I cut out the cave because I wanted them to be able to see the sky. I also noticed that I had this side of him progress from considering her an intended mate to full mate-hood (not a word) over the progress of they day… I guess he really liked her.
You know what I was just thinking? I had looked at my previous chapter and I thought "Man, I stink at writing fight scenes," though come to think of it, there's only so much a wild youkai boar can do without it looking like something out of Sailor Moon (evil eyes, growing tongues – eww! That's a thought… ::shudders::)
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* If you're wondering about the "markings" on her right wrist, it was just something that I thought of for no good reason other than I like the idea of different markings. There would be markings of protection, markings of possession, markings of mating or "adopted" kinship even. They go down her wrist in tiny half-circles in order of Inuyasha, Shippou's father, Shippou, and Kouga. I almost added Kirara (and possibly Sesshomaru) but Kirara, being more animalistic, would probably offer protection markings in a different manner, possibly based mostly on scent as felines like to mark with scent as well (their scent is comforting to them and gives them a sense of security so a scent mark in that manner could be a protection offering) and I didn't add Sesshomaru because I decided not to go that far down my "version" of the Inuyasha timeline that would eventually would have Sesshomaru place such a marking on her as a sign of a truce (all I'm saying about that.)
** Ooh! My first truly naughty, typed-out word. When I first typed it in, I was thinking strictly "female dog." In Japanese there are two different words for this one, one to refer a female dog and the other to refer to a woman… I was thinking of the dog, not the hussy.
1 hr 15 min, 10/08/2003 – Aw, Cheese Whiz, I had written down the start and stop time, but all I could remember after was how long it took, so I just wrote that instead.