Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 79
"I've never seen you stuck for words, what the hell is going on here?" I placed my other hand on top of his and squeezed it.
"Ok right, well…um see Sasha…..well she's not the only one kinda….um…..going through that shit right now!"
My jaw dropped, "Dwayne!" I gasped & he nodded his head, "My God why didn't you tell me?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "Ahh I dunno! I thought well I kept thinking maybe she would come back y'know? Like one day I'd go home & she'd be there & it would all be cool again!" he smiled, "But after 6 weeks I guess I'm kinda…"
"6 weeks? Dwayne! Oh Jesus!" I stood up, hoisted him to his feet & put my arms around him, "Christ all this time and……well I should have realized I'm so sorry!"
"Hey, I chose not to tell people ok? This is not your fault! Hell I haven't even told my parents!"
"Oh Dwayne!" I stroked his back gently, "I'm sorry!"
He held me at arms length, "I just wanted to tell someone, no that's wrong! I wanted to tell YOU! I'm so sorry for the way I acted last night! I was an asshole!"
"I'm glad you were! Jesus I might never have picked up on anything if u hadn't been!" I touched his cheek. He was still flashing his award winning smile at me & I knew he wouldn't let go infront of anyone, but all the same I could tell he was hurting inside! "Was it another guy?" He nodded slowly & his smile faded. I couldn't believe anyone would give up what was standing infront of me! Surely there was no one better than Dwayne! I caught hold of my thoughts & blinked & shook my head slightly! "Jesus!"
"Well I should've known, after the way we got together I knew she was capable of it!"
"You were seeing her before she broke up with Matt weren't you?" He bit his lip & nodded. I sighed, "Aw Dwayne! Man I'm so sorry!" I pulled him to me & this time he buried his face in my neck & squeezed me tightly. I thought he was going to let go & let it all out, instead he just sniffed, "Was it someone you knew?"
"No! Never even seen the guy!"
"Yeah well if I was that guy I don't think I'd wanna fess up to The Rock either!" I squeezed his muscely arm & he laughed.
"Ok go on then! Go & have your shower!" he playfully punched my chin & I smiled.
"You're a great guy Dwayne, one in a million ya know that? It's her loss!"
"Yeah well it will be your unwanted gain if I have to get in that shower with you!" He winked.
"Who said it would be unwanted?" I grinned.
"Hey don't tempt me!" He swiped my shoulder, "It's been a 6 week dry spell for the big fella y'know!" He smiled.
"Aw well it won't be for long that I'm sure of!" I kissed his cheek.
"Why are you offering?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Yeah, in your dreams Rocky!" I sniggered & went to get my shower!
The hot water felt good & I closed my eyes & just stood letting it wash over me. I couldn't believe everything that had happened in the last 24 hours! Shannon was in hospital, Dwayne & Sasha's marriages were on the rocks, me & Jeff were still totally unfathomable and here I was going home! My head was spinning just thinking about it! Then there was Matt! I knew he'd been there even though I didn't actually see him I could smell him & I could damn sure feel him! That feeling will never leave me for as long as I live! It was the weirdest & most spiritual thing I'd ever felt & it just blew me away! I felt so much better too, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders & I felt lighter somehow!
When I got out of the shower it was 6:20am so I decided to call Shane O. First step in getting my life back on track!
"Shane! Yeah hi it's Bec! I'm sorry it's so early!"
"Hey not a problem! Have you decided about the job?"
"Well yes & no! See thing is Shane I was wondering if there was any way I could do that job from ah the UK?"
"England?" he sounded shocked!
"Yeah! I need to go home Shane! If it's not possible then erm I'm gonna have to decline, I'm really sorry!"
I heard him draw a breath through his teeth, "England huh? Well erm….ok leave it with me & I'll see what I can do but I can't promise anything! We're talking London I presume?"
"Yeah thanks Shane! Oh & I need to call in a favour!" I bit on my lip.
"Shoot! I'll help if I can!"
"I need a plane ticket back home….today & I was wondering if…"
"Not a problem! I'll get on it! Erm are we talking return or……."
"No Shane, just one way, I'm not coming back!"
"Oh right!" He paused, "Ok hun I'll be over in a couple of hours & I'll find out about the job too ok?"
"Shane you are a hero!"
"Yeah yeah!" He laughed, "I'll see you in a little while!"
"Bye!" I hung up the phone & puffed out my cheeks.
"You're leaving?"
I jumped & whirled around, Jeff was standing behind me, he'd heard everything I'd said to Shane! That wasn't the way I'd wanted him to find out! I nodded slowly not sure of what to say!
"And I can't stop you this time can I?"
"No!"
"I'm sorry! About last night! It was just the drink!"
"It doesn't matter! Forget about it! It's over & done with!" Jeff hung his head. "How do you feel this morning?" I said trying to lighten the mood a little.
"Like a bastard!" He shrugged his shoulders, "Like a complete fucking bastard!" he sniffed.
"Oh Jeff don't!" I put my arms around him & held him close while he cried.
"I didn't mean it Bec, don't go!"
I released my grip on him & lifted his chin so we were face to face. "I have to go Jeff!" I wiped his cheeks with my hands & held his face, "I have to!" I kissed him softly & he responded, holding me tightly as his tongue gently explored my mouth. When we parted he put his forehead on mine & ran his hand through my hair.
"Why can't it just work?" He whispered.
I shook my head, "I don't know Jeff! I'm sorry!"
Jude started crying & I took a step towards the bedroom door but he stopped me. "Let me, please…..I…….I wanna spend some time with him!"
"Ok!" I stood back & watched him go into the bedroom. God this was even harder than I imagined it would be!
Chapter 79
"I've never seen you stuck for words, what the hell is going on here?" I placed my other hand on top of his and squeezed it.
"Ok right, well…um see Sasha…..well she's not the only one kinda….um…..going through that shit right now!"
My jaw dropped, "Dwayne!" I gasped & he nodded his head, "My God why didn't you tell me?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "Ahh I dunno! I thought well I kept thinking maybe she would come back y'know? Like one day I'd go home & she'd be there & it would all be cool again!" he smiled, "But after 6 weeks I guess I'm kinda…"
"6 weeks? Dwayne! Oh Jesus!" I stood up, hoisted him to his feet & put my arms around him, "Christ all this time and……well I should have realized I'm so sorry!"
"Hey, I chose not to tell people ok? This is not your fault! Hell I haven't even told my parents!"
"Oh Dwayne!" I stroked his back gently, "I'm sorry!"
He held me at arms length, "I just wanted to tell someone, no that's wrong! I wanted to tell YOU! I'm so sorry for the way I acted last night! I was an asshole!"
"I'm glad you were! Jesus I might never have picked up on anything if u hadn't been!" I touched his cheek. He was still flashing his award winning smile at me & I knew he wouldn't let go infront of anyone, but all the same I could tell he was hurting inside! "Was it another guy?" He nodded slowly & his smile faded. I couldn't believe anyone would give up what was standing infront of me! Surely there was no one better than Dwayne! I caught hold of my thoughts & blinked & shook my head slightly! "Jesus!"
"Well I should've known, after the way we got together I knew she was capable of it!"
"You were seeing her before she broke up with Matt weren't you?" He bit his lip & nodded. I sighed, "Aw Dwayne! Man I'm so sorry!" I pulled him to me & this time he buried his face in my neck & squeezed me tightly. I thought he was going to let go & let it all out, instead he just sniffed, "Was it someone you knew?"
"No! Never even seen the guy!"
"Yeah well if I was that guy I don't think I'd wanna fess up to The Rock either!" I squeezed his muscely arm & he laughed.
"Ok go on then! Go & have your shower!" he playfully punched my chin & I smiled.
"You're a great guy Dwayne, one in a million ya know that? It's her loss!"
"Yeah well it will be your unwanted gain if I have to get in that shower with you!" He winked.
"Who said it would be unwanted?" I grinned.
"Hey don't tempt me!" He swiped my shoulder, "It's been a 6 week dry spell for the big fella y'know!" He smiled.
"Aw well it won't be for long that I'm sure of!" I kissed his cheek.
"Why are you offering?" He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Yeah, in your dreams Rocky!" I sniggered & went to get my shower!
The hot water felt good & I closed my eyes & just stood letting it wash over me. I couldn't believe everything that had happened in the last 24 hours! Shannon was in hospital, Dwayne & Sasha's marriages were on the rocks, me & Jeff were still totally unfathomable and here I was going home! My head was spinning just thinking about it! Then there was Matt! I knew he'd been there even though I didn't actually see him I could smell him & I could damn sure feel him! That feeling will never leave me for as long as I live! It was the weirdest & most spiritual thing I'd ever felt & it just blew me away! I felt so much better too, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders & I felt lighter somehow!
When I got out of the shower it was 6:20am so I decided to call Shane O. First step in getting my life back on track!
"Shane! Yeah hi it's Bec! I'm sorry it's so early!"
"Hey not a problem! Have you decided about the job?"
"Well yes & no! See thing is Shane I was wondering if there was any way I could do that job from ah the UK?"
"England?" he sounded shocked!
"Yeah! I need to go home Shane! If it's not possible then erm I'm gonna have to decline, I'm really sorry!"
I heard him draw a breath through his teeth, "England huh? Well erm….ok leave it with me & I'll see what I can do but I can't promise anything! We're talking London I presume?"
"Yeah thanks Shane! Oh & I need to call in a favour!" I bit on my lip.
"Shoot! I'll help if I can!"
"I need a plane ticket back home….today & I was wondering if…"
"Not a problem! I'll get on it! Erm are we talking return or……."
"No Shane, just one way, I'm not coming back!"
"Oh right!" He paused, "Ok hun I'll be over in a couple of hours & I'll find out about the job too ok?"
"Shane you are a hero!"
"Yeah yeah!" He laughed, "I'll see you in a little while!"
"Bye!" I hung up the phone & puffed out my cheeks.
"You're leaving?"
I jumped & whirled around, Jeff was standing behind me, he'd heard everything I'd said to Shane! That wasn't the way I'd wanted him to find out! I nodded slowly not sure of what to say!
"And I can't stop you this time can I?"
"No!"
"I'm sorry! About last night! It was just the drink!"
"It doesn't matter! Forget about it! It's over & done with!" Jeff hung his head. "How do you feel this morning?" I said trying to lighten the mood a little.
"Like a bastard!" He shrugged his shoulders, "Like a complete fucking bastard!" he sniffed.
"Oh Jeff don't!" I put my arms around him & held him close while he cried.
"I didn't mean it Bec, don't go!"
I released my grip on him & lifted his chin so we were face to face. "I have to go Jeff!" I wiped his cheeks with my hands & held his face, "I have to!" I kissed him softly & he responded, holding me tightly as his tongue gently explored my mouth. When we parted he put his forehead on mine & ran his hand through my hair.
"Why can't it just work?" He whispered.
I shook my head, "I don't know Jeff! I'm sorry!"
Jude started crying & I took a step towards the bedroom door but he stopped me. "Let me, please…..I…….I wanna spend some time with him!"
"Ok!" I stood back & watched him go into the bedroom. God this was even harder than I imagined it would be!