Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 80
A couple of hours later Betty & Sasha helped me pack the few bits & pieces that I was going to take with me. I don't think any of us had quite taken in the events of the previous night & we didn't talk much at all. When we were done we piled the four bags into the corner of the room & went back downstairs to wait for Shane. There was a guy fixing the broken back door for Gilbert & upon further inspection I saw it was John from Edbrook so I made him a coffee.
"What is it with you and glass?" He smiled at me & I forced a smile back & sat down with the girls.
"Well I guess I should go & get the kids & get my stuff over to mums!" Sasha & I looked at each other.
"Oh right. Well um…" I stood up, "I guess I'll see ya then!"
Sasha put her arms around me & we both cried. "Keep in touch ok? I want a phone call at least once a week!" she smiled & wiped her face.
"Yeah!" I sniffed, "And you can bring the kids over for holidays!"
"I'll take you up on that!" She smiled, "Jesus I can't believe you're really leaving!" She hugged me again as Shane squeezed past John, looking him up & down. "Right I'm going! I hate goodbyes!" Sasha wiped her face again, "Take care of yourself hun!" She smiled & I watched her leave.
"What's wrong with the door?" Shane asked.
"Oh it's a long story! Did you manage with the erm…"
"Oh yeah! No worries!" he reached into his inside pocket & pulled out my plane ticket, "Sent a bike over to pick it up for ya!"
"Oh you needn't have gone to all that trouble!"
"Leaves at 3pm is that ok?" he put the ticket in my hand.
"Yeah that's…..that's great Shane, thankyou so much! I'll pay you back as soon as I get…"
"No you won't! Besides Vince paid for it! He doesn't KNOW he paid for it but he won't even notice!" he winked. "And about the other thing, " he looked at Betty then back at me, typical businessman! All cloak & dagger! I smiled.
"That's ok! Betty can hear it!"
"Oh right!" he smiled, "Well it is possible but it's not going to be easy to set up, so I'm gonna have to call you in a day or two!"
"That's great!" I smiled & scribbled down my parent's phone number for him.
"Right well….I guess this is it then huh?"
I gulped, "I guess so!"
"Well I'm gonna miss you!" he hugged me & then held me at arms length, "If you even need anything…..anything at all you call me ok?" I nodded, "ANYTHING got it? I mean one day you might need a plane ticket……say to America?" he smiled & I laughed & hugged him. There was a few tears as he left.
Chris wandered in drying his hair on a towel, "You about ready?" He put a hand on Betty's shoulder & she nodded. "Ok you!" he hugged me, "Take care & don't be a stranger ok?"
"You too! And look after that one or I'll be coming to kick your ass!"
Betty stood up & hugged me & we both started crying, "Same goes for me as goes for Sash! I Want a phone call every week ok?" I nodded & hugged her again, "I'm gonna miss you!" She sniffed.
"Yeah like a hole in the head I know!" I forced a smile, "Now go on get out of here!"
She found Andrew & they left, I felt numb, empty somehow! I still couldn't believe I was actually going through with this! The ticket was on the table & I ran my fingers over it & sighed. There was someone I still needed to say goodbye to before I left. I grabbed my jacket & headed off to the cemetery.
***
I got back an hour later & Jeff & Gilbert were in the kitchen, Gilbert had Jude in his arms. When he saw me come in he handed the baby to Jeff & hugged me.
"I'm not very good at this goodbye crap!" he said over my shoulder, "I just want you to know there's a home here for you & Jude whenever you want it ok?"
"Thankyou! For everything!"
He looked over at Jeff, "Well give him here & I'll leave you two for a while!" He took Jude from Jeff's arms & went into the living room, we just stood & looked at each other.
"Don't do this Bec! Don't go!"
"I have to! Don't make this any harder than it already is!"
He hung his head, "I'm sorry! The way things turned out I…"
I went to him & put my arms around his neck, "It's not your fault!" I whispered. He folded his arms around my back & buried his face in my hair, "I'm gonna miss you so much Jeff!" I sobbed on his shoulder.
"Yeah!" He sniffed, "I'm gonna miss you more than you will ever know!" he squeezed me tightly, "Oh Jesus just stay! I can't do this! I can't say goodbye to you and Jude!"
"I can't!" I looked him in the eye & he put his hand on my cheek, "I can't stay!" I closed my eyes & felt his lips on mine.
"I love you!" He kissed me again, "I love you!"
"I love you too!" I pressed my lips on his & we stayed like that for quite some time!
"The cab's here!" Gilbert said as he walked into the kitchen. We didn't stop kissing, I couldn't seem to move away from him. "Come on!" Gilbert touched Jeff's shoulder & he broke the kiss. I unwrapped my arms from around him & went upstairs to get my bags while Jeff & Gilbert said goodbye to Jude.
Even as I was getting into the cab Jeff was asking me to stay! I cried all the way to the airport.
Before I knew it I was home, well I was in England anyway. It felt too alien to call home now, I'd been away for so long that it felt like I no longer belonged there, my stomach was in knots & my heart ached. The first couple of weeks were a living hell & I cried myself to sleep every night! I didn't want to be there & yet I felt like a stranger in Cameron aswell, I was just lost. I didn't belong anywhere any more.
Chapter 80
A couple of hours later Betty & Sasha helped me pack the few bits & pieces that I was going to take with me. I don't think any of us had quite taken in the events of the previous night & we didn't talk much at all. When we were done we piled the four bags into the corner of the room & went back downstairs to wait for Shane. There was a guy fixing the broken back door for Gilbert & upon further inspection I saw it was John from Edbrook so I made him a coffee.
"What is it with you and glass?" He smiled at me & I forced a smile back & sat down with the girls.
"Well I guess I should go & get the kids & get my stuff over to mums!" Sasha & I looked at each other.
"Oh right. Well um…" I stood up, "I guess I'll see ya then!"
Sasha put her arms around me & we both cried. "Keep in touch ok? I want a phone call at least once a week!" she smiled & wiped her face.
"Yeah!" I sniffed, "And you can bring the kids over for holidays!"
"I'll take you up on that!" She smiled, "Jesus I can't believe you're really leaving!" She hugged me again as Shane squeezed past John, looking him up & down. "Right I'm going! I hate goodbyes!" Sasha wiped her face again, "Take care of yourself hun!" She smiled & I watched her leave.
"What's wrong with the door?" Shane asked.
"Oh it's a long story! Did you manage with the erm…"
"Oh yeah! No worries!" he reached into his inside pocket & pulled out my plane ticket, "Sent a bike over to pick it up for ya!"
"Oh you needn't have gone to all that trouble!"
"Leaves at 3pm is that ok?" he put the ticket in my hand.
"Yeah that's…..that's great Shane, thankyou so much! I'll pay you back as soon as I get…"
"No you won't! Besides Vince paid for it! He doesn't KNOW he paid for it but he won't even notice!" he winked. "And about the other thing, " he looked at Betty then back at me, typical businessman! All cloak & dagger! I smiled.
"That's ok! Betty can hear it!"
"Oh right!" he smiled, "Well it is possible but it's not going to be easy to set up, so I'm gonna have to call you in a day or two!"
"That's great!" I smiled & scribbled down my parent's phone number for him.
"Right well….I guess this is it then huh?"
I gulped, "I guess so!"
"Well I'm gonna miss you!" he hugged me & then held me at arms length, "If you even need anything…..anything at all you call me ok?" I nodded, "ANYTHING got it? I mean one day you might need a plane ticket……say to America?" he smiled & I laughed & hugged him. There was a few tears as he left.
Chris wandered in drying his hair on a towel, "You about ready?" He put a hand on Betty's shoulder & she nodded. "Ok you!" he hugged me, "Take care & don't be a stranger ok?"
"You too! And look after that one or I'll be coming to kick your ass!"
Betty stood up & hugged me & we both started crying, "Same goes for me as goes for Sash! I Want a phone call every week ok?" I nodded & hugged her again, "I'm gonna miss you!" She sniffed.
"Yeah like a hole in the head I know!" I forced a smile, "Now go on get out of here!"
She found Andrew & they left, I felt numb, empty somehow! I still couldn't believe I was actually going through with this! The ticket was on the table & I ran my fingers over it & sighed. There was someone I still needed to say goodbye to before I left. I grabbed my jacket & headed off to the cemetery.
***
I got back an hour later & Jeff & Gilbert were in the kitchen, Gilbert had Jude in his arms. When he saw me come in he handed the baby to Jeff & hugged me.
"I'm not very good at this goodbye crap!" he said over my shoulder, "I just want you to know there's a home here for you & Jude whenever you want it ok?"
"Thankyou! For everything!"
He looked over at Jeff, "Well give him here & I'll leave you two for a while!" He took Jude from Jeff's arms & went into the living room, we just stood & looked at each other.
"Don't do this Bec! Don't go!"
"I have to! Don't make this any harder than it already is!"
He hung his head, "I'm sorry! The way things turned out I…"
I went to him & put my arms around his neck, "It's not your fault!" I whispered. He folded his arms around my back & buried his face in my hair, "I'm gonna miss you so much Jeff!" I sobbed on his shoulder.
"Yeah!" He sniffed, "I'm gonna miss you more than you will ever know!" he squeezed me tightly, "Oh Jesus just stay! I can't do this! I can't say goodbye to you and Jude!"
"I can't!" I looked him in the eye & he put his hand on my cheek, "I can't stay!" I closed my eyes & felt his lips on mine.
"I love you!" He kissed me again, "I love you!"
"I love you too!" I pressed my lips on his & we stayed like that for quite some time!
"The cab's here!" Gilbert said as he walked into the kitchen. We didn't stop kissing, I couldn't seem to move away from him. "Come on!" Gilbert touched Jeff's shoulder & he broke the kiss. I unwrapped my arms from around him & went upstairs to get my bags while Jeff & Gilbert said goodbye to Jude.
Even as I was getting into the cab Jeff was asking me to stay! I cried all the way to the airport.
Before I knew it I was home, well I was in England anyway. It felt too alien to call home now, I'd been away for so long that it felt like I no longer belonged there, my stomach was in knots & my heart ached. The first couple of weeks were a living hell & I cried myself to sleep every night! I didn't want to be there & yet I felt like a stranger in Cameron aswell, I was just lost. I didn't belong anywhere any more.