Lost, Confused, Unkind (Sequel To "Freaked")
Chapter 86
We spent most of the day cleaning up the flat & believe me when I say seeing Dwayne with a duster in his hand was priceless! He was great though & a few hours later the place was the cleanest it had ever been! We tried to go out for lunch but he was just mobbed everywhere we went so by dinner time we decided it would be safer to order a take out! He put a plate of Chinese food infront of me & I just looked at it!
"Eat it!"
"I'm not hungry!"
"You've hardly eaten a thing all day!"
"I'll eat when I'm hungry!" I stood up & took a bottle of wine from the fridge. He eyed it as he ate his food. "What? I'm only having 1 glass!"
"I didn't say anything!"
"Hmm!" I poured a glass & excused myself so I could have a cigarette in the living room. I put the stereo on, kicked off my shoes & curled up on the couch. 5 minutes later Dwayne came in & sat beside me. He put his feet up on the table, leaned back & closed his eyes.
"So tell me, what's been going on in your world?" I folded my legs up under me & he opened one eye.
"Oh same old shit!" he smiled, "Betty chewing Chris' face off every time I turn around! Shane throwing a blue fit every 5 minutes & I get beat up for a living! How about you?"
I smiled, "I haven't heard from Betty in a couple of weeks! Is she on the road a lot then?"
"All the time! She quit her job!"
"You're kidding me?"
"Nope!" He smiled, "She looks after the kids on the road, y'know the crew's kids n stuff?"
"Wow! That's awesome!" I giggled, "She must be too busy to call me I guess! It's great that things are working out for her & Chris though!"
"Yeah it is!" he smiled.
I sighed, "Ok so what about Jeff then?"
"I was waiting for that one!" he grinned, "Took you long enough!"
"Whatever!" I stood up & went to fill my glass.
"That's two glasses!" he shouted & I flipped him off behind his head! "Jeff's ok! A bit quiet but he's doing ok!"
"That's good to know!" I sat back down.
"Call him!"
"No way!" I laughed & he shook his head.
"I'll never figure it out as long as I live!"
"There's nothing to figure!"
A couple of hours & the full bottle of wine later we were still talking. I ended up on the subject of me & Matt, I'd had too much to drink & I told him about Mick causing the accident!
"……so that's why I can't be with Jeff! Mick will kill him, just like he did with Matt!"
"Mick is dead!"
"Haven't you been listening to a thing I've said?" I drained my glass & went back into the kitchen for another bottle. As I turned around with an unopened bottle of wine in my hand he took it off me.
"You've had quite enough of that if you think you're being haunted!" He put it down on the counter.
"It's the truth! I'll tell you again tomorrow when I'm sober!"
"Yeah yeah!" He bent down to get a bottle of water from the fridge & I don't know what possessed me but I ran my hands slowly over his ass! He cleared his throat, grabbed the water & stood up, banging his head on the roof of the fridge & I smiled. "You might not want to do that right now!" he smiled nervously.
'Why not?" I took the water from his hand & put it on the counter as I curled my fingers around his.
He swallowed hard, "It's not a very ah good idea that's all!" he coughed again. He untangled his hand from mine & went into the living room so I followed him & caught hold of his arm before he sat down. He turned to look at me & I put my arms around his neck & pulled him down to my height so I could kiss him. He turned his face away. "Bec come on! You've had too much to drink aaaaaaaaaand….." he jumped back as I rubbed my hand on the front of his pants & felt him stiffen at my touch. He took a deep breath, "Stop it! Come on Bec!"
"Why?" I kissed his neck & started to unbutton his shirt, tracing my fingers over his hard, muscely chest lightly, feeling the goose bumps on his skin & getting more & more turned on by the second!
"It's….it's not…" he took a deep breath as I traced my fingers around the rim of his pants, "Jesus!" he puffed out his cheeks, "You don't make it easy on a guy do ya?" he said to himself, "No! Come on! This isn't right!" I pulled his head back down to my height once again & kissed his lips & at first he didn't open his mouth, "Mmm…" I kissed him again, "Mmmmm…Bec stop!" I rubbed my hand on his errection & felt his arms slowly fold around my back & he gave in. His mouth opened & our tongues entwined as he gently pulled on my hair & I continued to rub the front of his pants. He groaned as I thrust my tongue deeper into his mouth & he responded by doing the same. His kiss was hard & deep & I wanted him regardless of the consequences. I slipped my hand down into his pants & he gasped as he kissed me & his arms tightened around me so that I had no choice but to pull my hand out, I couldn't move he held me so tight! We fell back onto the couch, my head was spinning & my heart was racing as I kissed his neck roughly & heard him gasp for breath in my ear. I felt his hand squeeze my breast, he put his hand up my top and I got goosebumps at the feel of his flesh on mine. I undid his belt.
"No! Stop it!" He moved me off him & sat up, "Shit!"
"What?"
"Bec no! This is wrong! SHIT!" He put his head in his hands, "We can't do this! You & me…SHIT!" he stood up & fastened his belt.
"What did I do?" I sat on the edge of the couch bewildered!
He put his hand to his head & puffed out his cheeks, "Sweetheart…' he knelt down between my legs & touched my cheek, "Jesus that would have been so easy!" he smiled, he was still breathless.
"Then why wasn't it?"
"You really wanna have sex? Have sex & screw up everything we have? This is me & you Bec! Jesus!" He shook his head.
"It wouldn't screw everything up!" I held his face in my hands & he let me kiss him again for a few seconds.
"MM..babe no come on!" he pushed me back. "It's not that I don't WANT to SHIT!" he rolled his eyes & stood up, "DAMN!" he rubbed his face. His shirt flapped open revealing his perfectly toned, golden chest & his errection was clearly visable beneath his pants. "DAMMIT!" he shook his head, put one hand on his hip & the other to his head & turned his back to me. I stood up & turned him back to face me. "We just can't screw up what we have for one night Bec!"
I ran my hand down his chest & he closed his eyes, "It doesn't have to be just one night!"
I put both of my hands on his shoulders & slipped his shirt to the floor as I caressed his back & he stood there breathing heavily. He opened his eyes & grabbed hold of both of my arms. "NO!" he squeezed my hands. "No ok? Just no!" We looked into each other's eyes, "I know how you feel about Jeff, Jesus! It would be so easy, too easy Bec believe me! We just can't ok?" I stared at him, "OK?"
"Ok!" I said quietly & the reality of what I'd just done hit me & I bit on my lip as the tears welled up in my eyes.
"Oh hey come on!" He pulled me into his arms & I leaned my head against his naked chest, "It's ok!"
"I'm sorry!" I sniffed, "I feel like such an idiot!"
"You're not an idiot! I'm the idiot here!" He sighed & ran his hand through my hair, "Total fucking idiot! I must be ill or something!"
I laughed through my tears & looked up at him, "I'm sorry!"
"Don't be sorry! It….well it could have been great….you & me like that y'know? But just…" he sighed, "Not in this lifetime ok?"
I nodded, "Are you still going to stay?
"Do you want me to?"
"Yes!"
"Then I'm staying!" he hugged me again, "Now go on get to bed! We'll talk tomorrow! I think I've got a bit of business to attend to!" He winked & I laughed again. He kissed the top of my head & squeezed me, "Oh babe!" he whispered, "If only!" He rocked me gently.
I eventually let go of him & went to my room. Why was my life such a bitch?
Chapter 86
We spent most of the day cleaning up the flat & believe me when I say seeing Dwayne with a duster in his hand was priceless! He was great though & a few hours later the place was the cleanest it had ever been! We tried to go out for lunch but he was just mobbed everywhere we went so by dinner time we decided it would be safer to order a take out! He put a plate of Chinese food infront of me & I just looked at it!
"Eat it!"
"I'm not hungry!"
"You've hardly eaten a thing all day!"
"I'll eat when I'm hungry!" I stood up & took a bottle of wine from the fridge. He eyed it as he ate his food. "What? I'm only having 1 glass!"
"I didn't say anything!"
"Hmm!" I poured a glass & excused myself so I could have a cigarette in the living room. I put the stereo on, kicked off my shoes & curled up on the couch. 5 minutes later Dwayne came in & sat beside me. He put his feet up on the table, leaned back & closed his eyes.
"So tell me, what's been going on in your world?" I folded my legs up under me & he opened one eye.
"Oh same old shit!" he smiled, "Betty chewing Chris' face off every time I turn around! Shane throwing a blue fit every 5 minutes & I get beat up for a living! How about you?"
I smiled, "I haven't heard from Betty in a couple of weeks! Is she on the road a lot then?"
"All the time! She quit her job!"
"You're kidding me?"
"Nope!" He smiled, "She looks after the kids on the road, y'know the crew's kids n stuff?"
"Wow! That's awesome!" I giggled, "She must be too busy to call me I guess! It's great that things are working out for her & Chris though!"
"Yeah it is!" he smiled.
I sighed, "Ok so what about Jeff then?"
"I was waiting for that one!" he grinned, "Took you long enough!"
"Whatever!" I stood up & went to fill my glass.
"That's two glasses!" he shouted & I flipped him off behind his head! "Jeff's ok! A bit quiet but he's doing ok!"
"That's good to know!" I sat back down.
"Call him!"
"No way!" I laughed & he shook his head.
"I'll never figure it out as long as I live!"
"There's nothing to figure!"
A couple of hours & the full bottle of wine later we were still talking. I ended up on the subject of me & Matt, I'd had too much to drink & I told him about Mick causing the accident!
"……so that's why I can't be with Jeff! Mick will kill him, just like he did with Matt!"
"Mick is dead!"
"Haven't you been listening to a thing I've said?" I drained my glass & went back into the kitchen for another bottle. As I turned around with an unopened bottle of wine in my hand he took it off me.
"You've had quite enough of that if you think you're being haunted!" He put it down on the counter.
"It's the truth! I'll tell you again tomorrow when I'm sober!"
"Yeah yeah!" He bent down to get a bottle of water from the fridge & I don't know what possessed me but I ran my hands slowly over his ass! He cleared his throat, grabbed the water & stood up, banging his head on the roof of the fridge & I smiled. "You might not want to do that right now!" he smiled nervously.
'Why not?" I took the water from his hand & put it on the counter as I curled my fingers around his.
He swallowed hard, "It's not a very ah good idea that's all!" he coughed again. He untangled his hand from mine & went into the living room so I followed him & caught hold of his arm before he sat down. He turned to look at me & I put my arms around his neck & pulled him down to my height so I could kiss him. He turned his face away. "Bec come on! You've had too much to drink aaaaaaaaaand….." he jumped back as I rubbed my hand on the front of his pants & felt him stiffen at my touch. He took a deep breath, "Stop it! Come on Bec!"
"Why?" I kissed his neck & started to unbutton his shirt, tracing my fingers over his hard, muscely chest lightly, feeling the goose bumps on his skin & getting more & more turned on by the second!
"It's….it's not…" he took a deep breath as I traced my fingers around the rim of his pants, "Jesus!" he puffed out his cheeks, "You don't make it easy on a guy do ya?" he said to himself, "No! Come on! This isn't right!" I pulled his head back down to my height once again & kissed his lips & at first he didn't open his mouth, "Mmm…" I kissed him again, "Mmmmm…Bec stop!" I rubbed my hand on his errection & felt his arms slowly fold around my back & he gave in. His mouth opened & our tongues entwined as he gently pulled on my hair & I continued to rub the front of his pants. He groaned as I thrust my tongue deeper into his mouth & he responded by doing the same. His kiss was hard & deep & I wanted him regardless of the consequences. I slipped my hand down into his pants & he gasped as he kissed me & his arms tightened around me so that I had no choice but to pull my hand out, I couldn't move he held me so tight! We fell back onto the couch, my head was spinning & my heart was racing as I kissed his neck roughly & heard him gasp for breath in my ear. I felt his hand squeeze my breast, he put his hand up my top and I got goosebumps at the feel of his flesh on mine. I undid his belt.
"No! Stop it!" He moved me off him & sat up, "Shit!"
"What?"
"Bec no! This is wrong! SHIT!" He put his head in his hands, "We can't do this! You & me…SHIT!" he stood up & fastened his belt.
"What did I do?" I sat on the edge of the couch bewildered!
He put his hand to his head & puffed out his cheeks, "Sweetheart…' he knelt down between my legs & touched my cheek, "Jesus that would have been so easy!" he smiled, he was still breathless.
"Then why wasn't it?"
"You really wanna have sex? Have sex & screw up everything we have? This is me & you Bec! Jesus!" He shook his head.
"It wouldn't screw everything up!" I held his face in my hands & he let me kiss him again for a few seconds.
"MM..babe no come on!" he pushed me back. "It's not that I don't WANT to SHIT!" he rolled his eyes & stood up, "DAMN!" he rubbed his face. His shirt flapped open revealing his perfectly toned, golden chest & his errection was clearly visable beneath his pants. "DAMMIT!" he shook his head, put one hand on his hip & the other to his head & turned his back to me. I stood up & turned him back to face me. "We just can't screw up what we have for one night Bec!"
I ran my hand down his chest & he closed his eyes, "It doesn't have to be just one night!"
I put both of my hands on his shoulders & slipped his shirt to the floor as I caressed his back & he stood there breathing heavily. He opened his eyes & grabbed hold of both of my arms. "NO!" he squeezed my hands. "No ok? Just no!" We looked into each other's eyes, "I know how you feel about Jeff, Jesus! It would be so easy, too easy Bec believe me! We just can't ok?" I stared at him, "OK?"
"Ok!" I said quietly & the reality of what I'd just done hit me & I bit on my lip as the tears welled up in my eyes.
"Oh hey come on!" He pulled me into his arms & I leaned my head against his naked chest, "It's ok!"
"I'm sorry!" I sniffed, "I feel like such an idiot!"
"You're not an idiot! I'm the idiot here!" He sighed & ran his hand through my hair, "Total fucking idiot! I must be ill or something!"
I laughed through my tears & looked up at him, "I'm sorry!"
"Don't be sorry! It….well it could have been great….you & me like that y'know? But just…" he sighed, "Not in this lifetime ok?"
I nodded, "Are you still going to stay?
"Do you want me to?"
"Yes!"
"Then I'm staying!" he hugged me again, "Now go on get to bed! We'll talk tomorrow! I think I've got a bit of business to attend to!" He winked & I laughed again. He kissed the top of my head & squeezed me, "Oh babe!" he whispered, "If only!" He rocked me gently.
I eventually let go of him & went to my room. Why was my life such a bitch?