Lost, Confused, Unkind
Chapter 87
When I opened my eyes the next morning my head felt like it was about to explode! I groaned and rolled over, burying my face into the pillow & then I remembered! My eyes shot open & I sat bolt upright in bed. "Oh my God!" I whispered as I put a hand to my head. Surely I must have dreamed it? I wouldn't have made a pass at Dwayne! I thought for a few minutes & realized it wasn't a dream, I'd actually done it! I'd made a complete fool of myself & now I had to go out there & face him! My stomach was in knots as I slid out of bed, grabbed my robe & headed to the door. As I opened it I could hear him singing 'Brown Eyed Girl', well at least he was still here! Slowly I shuffled into the living room, he was unpacking all the boxes that Shane had had delivered & singing to himself. He hadn't noticed me standing there so I cleared my throat & he looked up.
"Oh hey!"
"Hi!" I looked at my feet, "You needn't do that I'll um see to it later!"
"It's ok I don't mind!" he smiled, "You want a coffee?"
"I'll make it! You want one?"
"Yeah please!"
I forced a smile & went into the kitchen & heaved a sigh of relief! It was strained, not like me & Dwayne at all & I thought I'd blown it altogether! I started to make the coffee & I felt his arms slide around my waist. I jumped, "Shit!" He laughed & squeezed me! "I'm sorry Dwayne!"
"It's ok!"
"No it isn't! God I feel so stupid!" I blushed & he turned me to face him.
"It's ok! Forget about it!"
"I made such a fool of myself! It was the drink!"
"Hey come on!" He hugged me but I felt awkward & ashamed. "It's fine! We're ok right?"
"Um yeah!"
"Good or I might have had to pull the Rock out on you!" He smiled & held me at arms length. He raised his eyebrows at me, "I said I'd have to pull the Rock out at ya?"
"What?"
"Then you say..?"
I was confused at first but then I realized what he was trying to do! "Then I say as long as that's all you're gonna pull out on me!"
"There you go!" He hugged me again. "Told ya! We're fine!" He laughed & I did the same.
"Thankyou D!" I smiled.
"Mind you I can't say that I blame ya!"
"Excuse me?"
"Well I mean just look at me!" He stood back & held his arms out to the sides, "Who wouldn't?"
I rolled my eyes, "Full of yourself Johnson!" I laughed.
He put his thumb under my chin, "There now aint that better?" I nodded & smiled, "Ok now get out of here & get some clothes on before I change my mind!" He winked.
I looked into his eyes, "In your dreams Rocky!" I said quietly.
"Always!" He whispered & kissed the end of my nose! I felt so much better, not 100% but it was a start! He could have made things much worse, but not Dwayne! He was one in a million! As I looked into his eyes I thought maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad thing after all! Maybe in another life!
We spent most of the day trying to put together the 'mini office'! The furniture we managed but there just seemed to be too many cables to set up the computer, in the end I had to call Shane who sent some guys over to sort it out for me! Once it was done we flopped onto the couch exhausted!
"So when do you start work then?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't even know what I'm meant to be doing yet!"
He nodded slowly & looked over at the desk, filing cabinet and various other bits & pieces that were now set up in the corner of my living room. "You might wanna get one of those room divider thingy's or Jude is gonna have a field day with all those wires!"
I gulped, "You want a coffee?" I stood up.
"When should we go & pick him up then?" He said, ignoring my question. I just shrugged my shoulders & went into the kitchen. "I get the feeling you're avoiding the subject?" He said as he followed me in.
"I'm not avoiding the subject at all it just wouldn't be very practical to bring him back here when I'm just about to start my new job! Do you want a coffee or not?"
"Y'know what you told me last night, about Mick…"
"It was the drink!"
"Ah right! Thought so, because you know that's not possible right?" He folded his arms across his chest & leaned on the doorframe, "I mean if that is your genuine excuse for leaving Jeff then it's a lame one!"
"I never 'left' Jeff! If you recall we were never 'together' for me to 'leave' him! I left Cameron not Jeff!"
"Well if that's what you want to believe then…."
"It's the truth! Do you want a coffee?" I was losing patience with him!
"There's a name for all of this y'know?"
"All of what?" I snapped.
"This! You drinking, letting your house go to shit, not wanting to see your baby……seeing ghosts!"
I rolled my eyes, "Get over it! I said it was the drink!"
He shook his head, "No see I don't believe it was!"
"Ok then 'Dr frigging Johnson' what's your opinion?" I folded my arms across my chest defensively.
"Post natal depression!"
"Oh for God's sake not you aswell! Dwayne I'm not depressed for fucks sake! I get enough of that shit from my mother & Sasha!"
"Ah right, smart women!"
"It's not depression! LOOK!" I grinned at him sarcastically & pointed to my mouth, "See I'm not depressed! I'm fine! NOW DO YOU WANT A COFFEE?"
"No, I want you to see a doctor! Shane wants you to see a doctor & I'm damn sure Sasha & your mother would want you to see a doctor aswell!"
"What the hell does Shane know about this?"
"Well he saw it first hand now didn't he? He's worried about you! We all are!"
"Oh right I get it now!" I put a hand to my head, "Send good old Dwayne in to sort out the psycho!"
"Damn right! Except nobody sent me Bec! I came here because you're a friend & I believe you need some help!"
"I don't need to see a quack Dwayne!"
"What harm would it do?" He put his hand on my arm, "Let him tell you you're fine, prove us wrong! But just go ok? Just go & we'll all shut the hell up! OK?" I sighed & looked at my feet, "OK?"
"You think I'm crazy but I'm not! I know what I've seen! I thought you would understand but this was the reason I didn't tell Matt! You all just think I'm losing the plot!"
Dwayne blinked, "Woah back up about 2 years here! Didn't tell Matt what? Are we talking about Mick again?"
"Yes! He was there Dwayne & I'm not crazy!"
"I thought you said that was the drink?"
I closed my eyes! Now I'd done it! I could see it in his eyes that he thought I was insane! "I saw him!" I whispered & tears welled up in my eyes. "Matt tried to miss him!" I sniffed, "He was in the road Dwayne don't look at me like that I swear it's the truth!"
"Ok! Ok!" He hugged me & I started to cry. "Please tell me you'll see a doctor? Please Bec?" He kissed the top of my head. "Please?" He whispered.
Chapter 87
When I opened my eyes the next morning my head felt like it was about to explode! I groaned and rolled over, burying my face into the pillow & then I remembered! My eyes shot open & I sat bolt upright in bed. "Oh my God!" I whispered as I put a hand to my head. Surely I must have dreamed it? I wouldn't have made a pass at Dwayne! I thought for a few minutes & realized it wasn't a dream, I'd actually done it! I'd made a complete fool of myself & now I had to go out there & face him! My stomach was in knots as I slid out of bed, grabbed my robe & headed to the door. As I opened it I could hear him singing 'Brown Eyed Girl', well at least he was still here! Slowly I shuffled into the living room, he was unpacking all the boxes that Shane had had delivered & singing to himself. He hadn't noticed me standing there so I cleared my throat & he looked up.
"Oh hey!"
"Hi!" I looked at my feet, "You needn't do that I'll um see to it later!"
"It's ok I don't mind!" he smiled, "You want a coffee?"
"I'll make it! You want one?"
"Yeah please!"
I forced a smile & went into the kitchen & heaved a sigh of relief! It was strained, not like me & Dwayne at all & I thought I'd blown it altogether! I started to make the coffee & I felt his arms slide around my waist. I jumped, "Shit!" He laughed & squeezed me! "I'm sorry Dwayne!"
"It's ok!"
"No it isn't! God I feel so stupid!" I blushed & he turned me to face him.
"It's ok! Forget about it!"
"I made such a fool of myself! It was the drink!"
"Hey come on!" He hugged me but I felt awkward & ashamed. "It's fine! We're ok right?"
"Um yeah!"
"Good or I might have had to pull the Rock out on you!" He smiled & held me at arms length. He raised his eyebrows at me, "I said I'd have to pull the Rock out at ya?"
"What?"
"Then you say..?"
I was confused at first but then I realized what he was trying to do! "Then I say as long as that's all you're gonna pull out on me!"
"There you go!" He hugged me again. "Told ya! We're fine!" He laughed & I did the same.
"Thankyou D!" I smiled.
"Mind you I can't say that I blame ya!"
"Excuse me?"
"Well I mean just look at me!" He stood back & held his arms out to the sides, "Who wouldn't?"
I rolled my eyes, "Full of yourself Johnson!" I laughed.
He put his thumb under my chin, "There now aint that better?" I nodded & smiled, "Ok now get out of here & get some clothes on before I change my mind!" He winked.
I looked into his eyes, "In your dreams Rocky!" I said quietly.
"Always!" He whispered & kissed the end of my nose! I felt so much better, not 100% but it was a start! He could have made things much worse, but not Dwayne! He was one in a million! As I looked into his eyes I thought maybe it wouldn't have been such a bad thing after all! Maybe in another life!
We spent most of the day trying to put together the 'mini office'! The furniture we managed but there just seemed to be too many cables to set up the computer, in the end I had to call Shane who sent some guys over to sort it out for me! Once it was done we flopped onto the couch exhausted!
"So when do you start work then?"
I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't even know what I'm meant to be doing yet!"
He nodded slowly & looked over at the desk, filing cabinet and various other bits & pieces that were now set up in the corner of my living room. "You might wanna get one of those room divider thingy's or Jude is gonna have a field day with all those wires!"
I gulped, "You want a coffee?" I stood up.
"When should we go & pick him up then?" He said, ignoring my question. I just shrugged my shoulders & went into the kitchen. "I get the feeling you're avoiding the subject?" He said as he followed me in.
"I'm not avoiding the subject at all it just wouldn't be very practical to bring him back here when I'm just about to start my new job! Do you want a coffee or not?"
"Y'know what you told me last night, about Mick…"
"It was the drink!"
"Ah right! Thought so, because you know that's not possible right?" He folded his arms across his chest & leaned on the doorframe, "I mean if that is your genuine excuse for leaving Jeff then it's a lame one!"
"I never 'left' Jeff! If you recall we were never 'together' for me to 'leave' him! I left Cameron not Jeff!"
"Well if that's what you want to believe then…."
"It's the truth! Do you want a coffee?" I was losing patience with him!
"There's a name for all of this y'know?"
"All of what?" I snapped.
"This! You drinking, letting your house go to shit, not wanting to see your baby……seeing ghosts!"
I rolled my eyes, "Get over it! I said it was the drink!"
He shook his head, "No see I don't believe it was!"
"Ok then 'Dr frigging Johnson' what's your opinion?" I folded my arms across my chest defensively.
"Post natal depression!"
"Oh for God's sake not you aswell! Dwayne I'm not depressed for fucks sake! I get enough of that shit from my mother & Sasha!"
"Ah right, smart women!"
"It's not depression! LOOK!" I grinned at him sarcastically & pointed to my mouth, "See I'm not depressed! I'm fine! NOW DO YOU WANT A COFFEE?"
"No, I want you to see a doctor! Shane wants you to see a doctor & I'm damn sure Sasha & your mother would want you to see a doctor aswell!"
"What the hell does Shane know about this?"
"Well he saw it first hand now didn't he? He's worried about you! We all are!"
"Oh right I get it now!" I put a hand to my head, "Send good old Dwayne in to sort out the psycho!"
"Damn right! Except nobody sent me Bec! I came here because you're a friend & I believe you need some help!"
"I don't need to see a quack Dwayne!"
"What harm would it do?" He put his hand on my arm, "Let him tell you you're fine, prove us wrong! But just go ok? Just go & we'll all shut the hell up! OK?" I sighed & looked at my feet, "OK?"
"You think I'm crazy but I'm not! I know what I've seen! I thought you would understand but this was the reason I didn't tell Matt! You all just think I'm losing the plot!"
Dwayne blinked, "Woah back up about 2 years here! Didn't tell Matt what? Are we talking about Mick again?"
"Yes! He was there Dwayne & I'm not crazy!"
"I thought you said that was the drink?"
I closed my eyes! Now I'd done it! I could see it in his eyes that he thought I was insane! "I saw him!" I whispered & tears welled up in my eyes. "Matt tried to miss him!" I sniffed, "He was in the road Dwayne don't look at me like that I swear it's the truth!"
"Ok! Ok!" He hugged me & I started to cry. "Please tell me you'll see a doctor? Please Bec?" He kissed the top of my head. "Please?" He whispered.