I didn't sleep that night, but I didn't mind it much. I don't think Bilbo slept much either, but he at least got an hour or two before sunrise. Not that I cared, since I would gladly stay up every night for him, even if the results made me a little cranky.

The only reason I haven't gone off on anyone was purely because Bilbo was still on edge, and I didn't want to fuel that anxiety. If he wasn't there, Fili and Kili would have gotten an earful from me when they handed us our breakfast that morning.

I didn't look at them when they handed me a loaf of bread for us to share. Bilbo was packing up our stuff while I did my usual chores of cleaning up the camp site and making sure Starlight and Mrytle were fed and comfortably saddled. They were harder to get ready this time, since being out in the open after a night of wolf howls didn't make their sleep any easier, but I eventually wiggled them into the reins.

Guess we weren't the only ones affected by last night. They would be fussy to deal with today.

The sight of the dwarven brothers made my stomach knot, though I wasn't sure if it was with anger or with nerves. I grimaced and Kili flinched, looking down in shame.

Good.

"Master Glírae-" Kili started, but one look at him shut him up.

"If you're here to apologize, I'm not the person you should apologize to and you shouldn't if you don't mean it." I said, my voice calm and leveled as if speaking to one of my younger siblings. "You really scared him last night for no reason. It might have been a joke to you, but it wasn't funny for him. So, if it's an empty apology that you are here to give him, you're wasting your time and ought to leave."

Fili sucked in a breath but let it out slowly instead of screaming back like I was expecting. He handed me the bread, which I took, and straightened up.

"It's not a false apology like you claim. We are very sorry for what our words did last night and were hoping that you and Master Baggins would name a price for your forgiveness." He said formally and bowed at the waist, though it was too emotionless to do much for me.

Kili followed suit, though he was clumsier about it and kept his eyes fixed on me as if I was going to hit him. I felt a bit of pity for it, since it's the same look my siblings and I had before our mother smacked the shit out of us.

Something I learned a few days ago on the road is that Dwarves tend to deal with offenses like they would with debts. When they committed a wrong against a person, they would compensate them with either money or labor and sometimes with other unsavory methods. For example, Bofur carried Nori's pack and did his chores for 3 days when they got into an argument that Bofur accidentally started (over something stupid, like making a jab at the color of his hair). I wanted nothing to do with it, since it felt all kind of icky to have someone owe me.

Hard pass on that one.

"I accept your apology." Bilbo said, walking up to us with a tired look. "All I ask is for you to mind your words in the future. They hurt far more than you think they do, and some might not take too kindly to them. The same thing with certain actions."

I looked at Bilbo in surprise.

That's it? I know he forgives easily like I do, but typically he would have me at least think about it before forgiving someone. That wasn't just stealing a carrot from his yard, it was actual bullying what happened last night. Shouldn't they at least get their asses chewed out?

"However-" Bilbo said, just as the princes were beginning to relax. "Don't think for a moment that I have forgiven you for everything else and my acceptance doesn't mean that Glírae is required to forgive you for what you've done. I don't want anything from you, but it's his choice if he does."

Wait, me? What did they do to me that they have to apologize for? The joke last night was directly solely at Bilbo, and I only got involved in defending him. I don't think they've done anything on the journey either, besides ignore me and order me around a bit. Hardly a reason to apologize, much less have me name a price.

Did they do something I wasn't aware of? They couldn't have though. I was there the whole time and hadn't noticed anything off. Surely Gandalf or Bilbo would have said something if I was supposed to be offended.

Before I could ask what he meant, Bilbo had walked off and left me with the two princes, taking the loaf of bread out of my hands before he did so.

Rude as fuck. That's my breakfast too.

I turned back to the two, but just as they opened their mouths to say something, a fat raindrop hit Kili in the eye.

"Get your rain coats out. A storm has started and we cannot linger here." Thorin called out from the other side of camp.

The rain started falling immediately afterwards, picking up speed fast. I was going to get soaked if I didn't get my raincoat on in a few minutes, maybe even less. Thank goodness our packs are mostly water resistant, otherwise my books would be doomed. I'm still going to wrap them in my dirty clothes for good measure though.

"Excuse me." I said to the princes, and walked away, leaving whatever they were going to apologize for to die.

Oh well. If it was important, they would have told me already.

The storm was pouring by the time I managed to button myself into the waterproof Elven cloak. Why are these things so hard to put on?

The rest of the day was spent in an uncomfortable silence that made even Bilbo nervous. The mood was the worst it had been, even worse than the days Thorin spent angry after their argument outside of the town, with everyone grumbling and brooding in the rain (though the rain was hardly bad and was closer to a light shower than heavy downpour like the Dwarves had said). It was suffocating and stifling, which must have been worse for Glírae, who was always sensitive to negative emotion.

He was hiding it surprisingly well, like he always did, but the ticks were there if you knew what to look for. The way his hands were grasped so tightly onto Starlight's reins that they were white and shaking the way he kept his gaze down yet stared at nothing (his eyes were surely glazed over with particularly unpleasant thoughts), how tense he was as if any movement would cause something bad to happen, and how he had yet to say a word since they had left.

Bilbo sighed but knew there was nothing he could do in that moment. Glírae had gone deep into his mind, to that place where nothing outside of himself existed and only he could decide when he was coming back. It had been terrifying to see the first few times, but now it was such a common sight that Bilbo had forgotten to worry on most days.

Trying to cheer him up wouldn't be very helpful until the mood itself lifted, and who knows how long that would be until. Once the rain had stopped and they had turned in for the night, he would speak with him and get him to tell him a story or sing. Making him feel useful was one of the better ways of lifting his mood.

For now, it was best to make conversation to make the time go by faster. Balin was next to him this time and the old Dwarf was in as cheerful of a mood as he could be, so speaking with him was a pleasant time. This time, he had been asked about what had occurred the night prior, when Bilbo had been frightened by the princes.

He glanced over at Glírae one last time, who didn't even react to his own name being uttered, before turning back to Balin.

"I would also like to apologize for the actions of the princes last night, though it is not mine to give. They are young and inexperienced to the outside world, though it doesn't make what they said any less cruel." Balin said, using his hand to wipe the water from his eyes. "They saw it as a joke, a simple game to get a reaction out of you and to test your character, though they did not realize the damage they were inflicting. Be assured that they received a rather firm tongue lashing from Thorin and myself, though I heard your elf did that as well this morning."

Bilbo smiled as he remembered Glírae's protective anger with pride. It was difficult for the elf to say anything to his own defense, but Bilbo had always come first when defending. It wasn't often that he needed to be, and it was a reward to see Glírae stand his ground for once rather than let things happen to him without complaint. Now if only he would do the same for himself.

"Yes, he has. Glírae was far angrier at their action than I was, and he made it known. I say that that was far more of a punishment than anything I could have asked from them." Bilbo chuckled. "Kili looked absolutely crushed when Glírae brushed him off."

Balin laughed along with him, though it trailed off into a more somber mood.

"Yes. The boy is convinced that he can win Master Glírae over and claim his hand. I fear he will end up with his heart torn out if he continues." Balin grimaced and looked over to the elf. "I worry that he will take this as a challenge to get back into his favor and do something far more reckless than search through his things."

Bilbo shook his head, flicking water everywhere. A small pool of heat grew in his chest at the very thought.

"I'll make sure that doesn't happen. Glírae does not want to marry and that should be respected. He fears it and I doubt that Kili would be able to win him over, no matter how hard he tries."

Balin nodded, though he still looked troubled by it. He spoke again after a bout of uncomfortable silence.

"Can he hear us?" Balin asked, his voice so hushed Bilbo had to strain to hear it.

"Not at the moment." Bilbo shook his head. "His mind is not present right now. The only way he'll hear us is if something startles him. But if you wish for me to tell you his secrets, that's something you must ask him yourself."

Balin didn't seem to like that answer but didn't protest it. Bilbo almost rode away, but Balin broke the silence again before the tension could grow again.

"Would you like to hear a story?" Balin asked. "There's a reason why Thorin was angry and the hatred for Orcs is deep. You feared the story the princes told you, but it would be a disservice to you if you didn't know what lies out there."

Bilbo barely got a chance to nod before Balin launched into an explanation about the War between Orcs and Dwarves, down to the graphic details that made his stomach twist. It was far worse than what he had ever hoped for, yet it was captivating in a war that made him want to finish the story to the end.

Bilbo was so deep in his thoughts that he barely noticed how Glírae started shaking as the story continued, nor Ori approaching Glírae until he saw the elf jump in his seat.

I was not in the movie, like I originally thought.

How did I know, you might ask? I'll tell you how and then you'll realize why I'm on the verge of a panic attack right now.

One of the main things that the Hobbit movie got wrong was the way that Thorin's grandfather died and the events that led up to that. The way the movies did it, the story made no sense in relation to the rest of history and messed up everything to give Thorin a terrible backstory. Granted, his story in general is not a happy one, but they messed up in a lot of ways.

Thrór did die in Moria, but he didn't die in the Battle for it against the Orcs. His death was the start of the War between Orcs and Dwarves, not the end of it. Azog killed him when he went into Moria along, against the advice of his friend Nár, and his severed head was thrown out along with a bag of pocket change for extra mockery. The battle for Moria happened 3 years later, and Azog was beheaded by Dáin at the end of it.

That was the story that Balin told Bilbo later that day (to which I had tuned in the moment Balin started), not the bullshit one the movie created. He went into details in history that fit more with the book narrative and the history created afterwards by Tolkien. Azog was as dead as dead can be, and none of the bs chase scenes from the movie were going to happen.

You would think I'd be relieved that this was going to be an overall easier journey and I wouldn't have to worry about potentially dying before even getting to the mountain, but this was just giving me a heart attack more than anything. So far, this journey has followed the movie's dialogue and events, minus the few in-betweens that I figured just didn't make it into the movie because of time. Apparently, that wasn't the case?

Is this a mix between the two? You gotta be fucking shitting me, dude. How am I supposed to know what's going to happen next if I don't know what version of the story I'm in? They're both two very different renditions, even if the general idea is the same.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Ok. Ok, Aria. You can do this. Just think and think long and hard about this. What events stayed the same and what can you predict with the information you have now? What happens next that you can control?

The Trolls, right? That scene was around the same in both renditions, even if it's not exact. The words and actions didn't matter, as long as you know what the outcome will be if you don't interfere. The trolls were a close call in both, so long as I stay out of the way and not change anything, the outcome should be the same and Bilbo will be safe.

I'm doing this for Bilbo. Only Bilbo and the Ring mattered in the long run, so changing anything to be a hero is just bad news. I'm fine without glory or the heat of battle if it meant keeping my friend alive and healthy.

How long until we reach the Trollshaws again?

"Good day, Master Elf."

I jumped, my heart spiking in my chest as something made contact with my elbow. Starlight flinched under me as well, nearly slipping in the wet mud and almost knocking us both over. I righted her by pure instinct, holding my breath while I tried to calm my heart back down.

The Company froze in their steps, the ponies moving back from the startled Starlight. Everyone looked towards us, which did not help my rapidly beating heart. Ori backed away, horrified by my reaction. Heat rushed to my face in sheer embarrassment, even as everyone relaxed at the lack of a threat.

Fuck, how could I be so fucking stupid? I should have been paying more attention, but no. Here I was being a fucking space cadet and scaring poor Starlight because of my lack of awareness. Dumbass!

I was just about to explain myself, to make up some excuse for reacting the way I did, when someone else did it for me.

"Spooked horse." Thorin said, then turned back. "Move along!"

In a snap, everyone returned to their original positions, grumpy faces and all. All except Ori and Bilbo, who were looking at me in concern. Bilbo nodded to me, and I nodded back to ensure that I was alright. Ori, on the other hand, shook himself off and guided his pony back over to me.

I blinked a few times to get my head back together.

"Master Elf, can you sing a song or recite for us?" Ori requested, though it was forced calmness. "Perhaps something cheerful that is easy to learn and sing along with? Bofur said your songs are beautiful and we could use some cheer in this weather."

He did? When did he hear me-

Oh right. The clearing with the laundry. I almost forgot Bofur was a part of that. I'm not sure why they sent him of all Dwarves since he was hardly a fighter or a scout, but if it made them feel better. I guess last night's lullaby also counted as hearing me sing.

Something cheerful? I don't listen to music that isn't emotional a lot, but I must have something...

I know!

"Um...I can sing you something, sure." I said, swallowing the last bit of nerves down. "Would a sea shanty work? I'm afraid I have no poems that are cheerful."

Ori's eyes lit up and some of the other Dwarves looked over at the conversation. Even Bilbo sat up straighter, obviously recognizing where this was going and getting ready to sing along. Good. Singing with another person was easier than on my own, even if he didn't know much more than the chorus.

"I would love to hear it! How does it go?"

"It's easier if you have a beat that goes with it. Do you mind handing me a bowl and a spoon, since we don't have drums?"

It didn't take long to gather the utensils, which were passed to Bilbo and me. He started the beat before I did, eager to hear me again after so long. I nearly blushed at his enthusiasm.

"There once was a ship that put to sea

The name of that ship was the Billy o' Tea

The winds blew hard, her bow dipped down

Blow, me bully boys, blow..."

The sky cleared up after two days on the road, which wasn't all that bad. It didn't rain again afterwards, though it did take a good while afterwards to get the bags dry enough to be able to change into new clothes. Thankfully, wrapping my sketchbooks in clothes worked and the edges were only very slightly damped when I pulled them out, so no harm done. All it took was to spend a day drying our stuff in the sun to get us back to normal again.

Thorin had started assigning me more chores in the following weeks, to the dismay of Bilbo. I've taken up the duty of gathering wood for the fire, feeding all the ponies and keeping them entertained during the periods of rest, along with my usual cleaning and laundry whenever we came across a river we could use. Not that I minded much, since it gave me something to do without going insane from boredom.

No one ever mentions in those fics how boring traveling gets when you're on the road for a month. I can only draw so many things or read a manual so many times before I want to tear my own hair out just to have something interesting to do.

Bilbo didn't understand why I didn't fight Thorin on the adding of chores or why I seemed to enjoy them so much, but Bilbo didn't have unmedicated ADHD, so he didn't have to feel the constant pressure on his chest of pure energy that was just begging to be released, but with no outlet. I don't know how I'm going to be able to finish the rest of this journey without something to do. I'm thinking of starting a new hobby on the road, just so I don't use up all the pages in my sketchbook.

Maybe I should try carving wood? Nah, I don't trust myself with a knife. Intrusive thoughts would end up winning that fight after a while. At least yarn is harder to hurt someone with, even if the knitting needles would make a good shank.

We made it to the Trollshaws after a little over a month of traveling, right as summer was beginning. I had taken to wearing the cloak on me with the hood up, just to keep the bright ass sun out of my eyes. Stupid elf eyes and their stupid amplified senses that pick up light better than the rest of my companions. I don't know what it is about this place, but the sun here is brighter than it has ever been in the Shire.

I blame Gandalf for no other reason than that he's the one that made us come here.

It was three days into the Trollshaws that a scene I recognized had begun to play out, once again from the movie rather than the book. It started with the remains of an old farmhouse, followed by a screaming match. Thorin had stopped us at an open clearing, right by the collapsed building, surrounded by stones and wild grass.

It would have been a beautiful sight, if it didn't make me feel like someone punched me in the gut.

"We'll camp here for the night." Thorin declared and dismounted his horse. "Elf, go collect wood for the fire."

I nodded, dismounting Starlight and handing her reins over to Kili, ignoring the way he was looking at me like I offended his mother by simply existing. I ignored the rest of Thorin's orders, making my way over to the torn down farmhouse to collect the splintered wood.

What? I didn't feel like walking very far. My legs are tired and the wood from the house is better than finding random twigs on the forest ground. Besides, it's not like the farmhouse is being used anymore (Rest in Peace, Farmer dude. Your death also made me sad).

However, I ran into Gandalf right before I could make my way over. He grabbed my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks and shaking his head at me. He didn't let my shoulder go, even though he turned to talk to Thorin.

"I think it would be wiser to move on." Gandalf said, squeezing me even as I was trying to not so subtly push him off. "We could make for the Hidden Valley."

Um, dude. This is not a conversation that I want to be a part of, especially with a well-known elf hater. Please get your old ass hands off me and just let me collect the wood we need to eat dinner.

"I told you. I will not go near that place." Thorin growled, glaring at me as if I were the one who suggested it.

Like, bitch? I also want nothing to do with the elves here, so I don't see why I'm getting the brunt of the anger here. I have never once suggested going to Rivendell, so stop looking at me like that. Please, it's making me so uncomfortable.

"Why not?" Gandalf said, letting go of my shoulder but grabbing my forearm instead to pull me along.

Excuse me, bitch? Why am I part of this now? I didn't know I was yours to man handle! Where the fuck are we going? Gandalf, you son of a bitch!

"The Elves could help us! We could get food, rest, advice!" Gandalf argued.

Yeah, that's nice and all, but how do I fit into this equation? Gandalf didn't budge, even though I was pulling on my arm to get myself free to no avail. What the fuck, man? His grip wasn't even that strong, so why can't I move? How weak am I?

"I do not need their advice."

Sure, you do, but that's not the point. I get that you dislike me, Thorin, but be a pal here and pry his wrinkly hands off me before I chew off my own arm.

"We have a map we cannot read. Lord Elrond could help us." Gandalf said, then pulled me forwards. "And with Glírae here, we'll have enough cause to upgrade some of our equipment, which would make the journey much easier on the Company. Dislike Elves all you want, but their supplies would last us longer and be far sturdier than the ones you have bought from the villages of Men."

Thorin turned murderous, which only made my struggle to get free all the more important. Seriously, how are they ignoring me squirming this much? How are they having a normal conversation here?

"Help?" Thorin glared harder, which looked painful on his face. "A dragon attacks Erebor? What help came from the Elves? Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls. The Elves looked on and did nothing. And you ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather? Who betrayed my father? It's already bad enough that you forced one of them into my Company, and now you wish to involve them all!"

I give up! This bastard isn't going to let me go, so I give up. Thorin's whole speech really bummed me out, and while I agree at some parts, I really don't have the energy right now to fully sympathize with this brooding motherfucker who likes to blame everyone. Yes, none of what happened was his fault and he's a brave Dwarf for getting up every day to make life easier for his people and fight for his home back, but the attitude on a personal level was grating to hear about.

Plus, insulting me for something like that is kind of a dick move, my guy.

"You are neither of them. This is the very reason why I did not give you the map and the key. You hold onto the past and blame those that have nothing to do with it!"

"I did not know they were yours to keep." Thorin practically snarled, eyeing the pocket that the key was in.

Gandalf said nothing and turned around, pulling me with him. I stumbled as he did so but followed obediently just for the sake of not tripping. We marched past the camp, and I shot Bilbo a confused and pleading look.

"It's best you come with me for a time, Glírae." Gandalf said once I caught up to his pace. "I fear the anger here might be directed at you tonight and wish to spare you that."

That's nice, my guy. I just wish you would have warned me before I became your personal ragdoll. I don't know if you know this, but you don't usually drag people away against their will. That's called kidnapping and frowned upon in most societies.

"Everything all right?" Bilbo squeaked as he finished tending to Mrytle. "Gandalf where are you going? Where are you taking Glírae?!"

"To seek the company of the only one around who's got any sense!" He called back, marching away with an angry huff.

I turned around and waved to Bilbo, who gave me an even more confused look than before. I shrugged and titled my head to show that I didn't know either. Bilbo didn't follow after me, which was probably for the best since I really needed him to stay there if the events were going to play out how I needed them to.

"And who's that?" He called.

None of the Dwarves even acknowledged that I was basically being kidnapped in broad daylight.

"Myself, Mr. Baggins!" He snapped. "I've had enough of Dwarves for one day. Come along, Glírae."

"Yes sir." I responded automatically and picked up the pace to keep up with him.

I wonder where we were going.