Lost, Confused, Unkind
Chapter 92
I fell asleep as I lay there on the bed with Dwayne and neither of us knew anything more until the next morning! I guessed the pills were still knocking me out but I couldn't figure out Dwayne's excuse! I slowly unwrapped his arm from around me & slid out of bed trying not to wake him! I crept to the door & made my way to the kitchen but I heard voices comming from the living room so I stopped outside the door to listen.
"Yeah I know well keep a lid on it until tomorrow!" Sasha giggled. I figured she was on the phone & I knew I shouldn't be listening but I couldn't help it! "I know I'm missing you too babe!" Was she talking to one of her kids? "Awww you're so sweet!" She giggled, "Yeah I know! I love you too! Bye sexy!" My eyes widened, that definately wasn't one of the kids! But why wouldn't she have told me she had a boyfriend? I heard her moving around so I quickly darted into the kitchen just before she opened the door!
"Oh good morning!" She smiled when she saw me.
"Hi! Sleep well?"
"Not as well as you two obviously!"
"Ah sorry about that! I can't believe I slept so long!"
"That's ok! I looked in but you two looked so sweet together I couldn't bring myself to disturb you!"
"What's the look for?"
"Look? Me? There's no look?"
"Sasha you know how me & Dwayne are so get that stupid smirk off your face!" I laughed.
"I know how you 'used' to be! I thought maybe things had changed?"
"NO! Sasha you're mind is permenantly in the gutter!" I playfully nudged her, "We're just friends ok?"
"Surrrrre!"
"I'm serious!"
Sasha laughed, "I know I'm only messin! I just think it's a shame that's all!"
"Don't start!" I started to make a coffee.
"Well I'm only saying what I see!"
"Yeah I know, you said the same about me & Jeff remember?"
"Oh now that was soooo different!"
My jaw dropped, "What?"
"You & Jeff just drove me crazy so I gave up on that one!"
"Whatever!" I laughed.
"But you & Dwayne......now there's something I could really get my teeth into!" She nudged me & smiled.
"Coffee?" I handed her a cup & she followed me into the l iving room.
"Can I be brutally honest with you?" She sat down beside me.
"I wish you would be!" I raised my eyebrows.
"You & Jeff.....well is it gonna be on or what?" I sighed, "Hear me out a minute!" She cleared her throat, "Have you ever thought that maybe you two......well all I see is you make each other miserable!" She took a sip of her coffee & leaned back on the couch. "I know it's the 'love' thing I can see that, but I'm trying to say is it worth it hun? You only live once y'know?"
"Have you been smoking something funny?"
"No! I just......well I wanna see you grab life by the balls from now on!"
"Sasha! You're starting to scare me now!"
"Well after what I've been through, what we've both been through, I'm just sick of it all y'know? I'm just gonna say screw the lot of them from now on & live a little! I want you to do the same!"
"Maybe you're right!" I sighed.
"I know I'm right! Oh not about you & Jeff, that's your call! If being with Jeff is gonna make you happy then I hope you go for it with all guns blazing! But just don't do it because it's easy or expected ok?" I nodded slowly, I knew what she meant but could I be as excited about life as she obviously was? "You & Dwayne are constanly punking each other out but it's well...." She smiled, "It's great! You're happy, he's happy....ok I'm gonna shut up but you get my point right?"
"Yeah I do.....but me & Dwayne?" I shook my head, "No Sasha! He's my friend & I love him & I can't risk that right now! I need him!"
"Risk is what it's all about!" She winked!
"Something kinda already happened and..."
"Something with you & Dwanye are you kidding me?"
"NO! I was wasted AGAIN! and God it was so embarassing Sash!"
"Why?" She giggled.
"Because....well he kinda kicked it to the kerb!"
"He what?" Her eyes widened & I nodded my head. "Oh I can't believe that! He knocked you back? Are you serious?"
"Yeah I'm serious! It was pretty um........well I didn't think very much of myself after that!"
"Christ! Is he...." She wrinkled her brow.
"GAY? Sasha I wouldn't put that fucking much on me!" I shook my haed, "Anyway I don't think he is but it doesn't matter cause it aint happening! Not ever!"
"Never say never!" she smiled & looked out of the window.
"Sasha are you seeing anyone these days?"
Her smile quickly left her face, "Why do you ask?"
"No reason, other than this new change of attitude! Sounds like a woman in love to me!" I smiled but Sasha just drank her coffee. "Well?"
She sighed, "Well....I'm not gonna lie to you Bec!" She put her cup down & turned to face me, "Yes I am seeing someone but um......I'm not entirly sure how you're gonna feel about it?"
My stomach lurched! My first thought wasn't a very pleasent one.....she was seeing Jeff! I gulped, "Who is it?"
She looked down at her hands & took a deep breath, "It's ah......it's Adam!"
I blinked and stared at her! "Sasha!"
"Oh I know it's like a shitty thing to do and I'm sorry I just I couldn't help it! I just kinda.....what's so funny?"
I was laughing, "Jesus! No! That's....oh man!" I puffed out my cheeks, "You just kinda had me worried there....I mean you just helped me answer a few questions!"
"What? bec are you ok?"
I cleared my throat & stopped laughing, "Ok, yes I'm fine & yes you & Adam! Wow! Big surprise! It's ah great! I'm happy! Just I thought.....it's stupid I know but I...."
"You thought I was gonna say Jeff didn't you?" She squealed & I nodded! "Oh God no! Jesus I'm sorry I should have just come right out with it I never wanted you to think that!"
"No listen to me, I'm glad you did, it's weird but I kinda know how I feel about Jeff now! Anyway enough about that come on I wanna know all about you and Adam! How the fuck did that happen?"
Chapter 92
I fell asleep as I lay there on the bed with Dwayne and neither of us knew anything more until the next morning! I guessed the pills were still knocking me out but I couldn't figure out Dwayne's excuse! I slowly unwrapped his arm from around me & slid out of bed trying not to wake him! I crept to the door & made my way to the kitchen but I heard voices comming from the living room so I stopped outside the door to listen.
"Yeah I know well keep a lid on it until tomorrow!" Sasha giggled. I figured she was on the phone & I knew I shouldn't be listening but I couldn't help it! "I know I'm missing you too babe!" Was she talking to one of her kids? "Awww you're so sweet!" She giggled, "Yeah I know! I love you too! Bye sexy!" My eyes widened, that definately wasn't one of the kids! But why wouldn't she have told me she had a boyfriend? I heard her moving around so I quickly darted into the kitchen just before she opened the door!
"Oh good morning!" She smiled when she saw me.
"Hi! Sleep well?"
"Not as well as you two obviously!"
"Ah sorry about that! I can't believe I slept so long!"
"That's ok! I looked in but you two looked so sweet together I couldn't bring myself to disturb you!"
"What's the look for?"
"Look? Me? There's no look?"
"Sasha you know how me & Dwayne are so get that stupid smirk off your face!" I laughed.
"I know how you 'used' to be! I thought maybe things had changed?"
"NO! Sasha you're mind is permenantly in the gutter!" I playfully nudged her, "We're just friends ok?"
"Surrrrre!"
"I'm serious!"
Sasha laughed, "I know I'm only messin! I just think it's a shame that's all!"
"Don't start!" I started to make a coffee.
"Well I'm only saying what I see!"
"Yeah I know, you said the same about me & Jeff remember?"
"Oh now that was soooo different!"
My jaw dropped, "What?"
"You & Jeff just drove me crazy so I gave up on that one!"
"Whatever!" I laughed.
"But you & Dwayne......now there's something I could really get my teeth into!" She nudged me & smiled.
"Coffee?" I handed her a cup & she followed me into the l iving room.
"Can I be brutally honest with you?" She sat down beside me.
"I wish you would be!" I raised my eyebrows.
"You & Jeff.....well is it gonna be on or what?" I sighed, "Hear me out a minute!" She cleared her throat, "Have you ever thought that maybe you two......well all I see is you make each other miserable!" She took a sip of her coffee & leaned back on the couch. "I know it's the 'love' thing I can see that, but I'm trying to say is it worth it hun? You only live once y'know?"
"Have you been smoking something funny?"
"No! I just......well I wanna see you grab life by the balls from now on!"
"Sasha! You're starting to scare me now!"
"Well after what I've been through, what we've both been through, I'm just sick of it all y'know? I'm just gonna say screw the lot of them from now on & live a little! I want you to do the same!"
"Maybe you're right!" I sighed.
"I know I'm right! Oh not about you & Jeff, that's your call! If being with Jeff is gonna make you happy then I hope you go for it with all guns blazing! But just don't do it because it's easy or expected ok?" I nodded slowly, I knew what she meant but could I be as excited about life as she obviously was? "You & Dwayne are constanly punking each other out but it's well...." She smiled, "It's great! You're happy, he's happy....ok I'm gonna shut up but you get my point right?"
"Yeah I do.....but me & Dwayne?" I shook my head, "No Sasha! He's my friend & I love him & I can't risk that right now! I need him!"
"Risk is what it's all about!" She winked!
"Something kinda already happened and..."
"Something with you & Dwanye are you kidding me?"
"NO! I was wasted AGAIN! and God it was so embarassing Sash!"
"Why?" She giggled.
"Because....well he kinda kicked it to the kerb!"
"He what?" Her eyes widened & I nodded my head. "Oh I can't believe that! He knocked you back? Are you serious?"
"Yeah I'm serious! It was pretty um........well I didn't think very much of myself after that!"
"Christ! Is he...." She wrinkled her brow.
"GAY? Sasha I wouldn't put that fucking much on me!" I shook my haed, "Anyway I don't think he is but it doesn't matter cause it aint happening! Not ever!"
"Never say never!" she smiled & looked out of the window.
"Sasha are you seeing anyone these days?"
Her smile quickly left her face, "Why do you ask?"
"No reason, other than this new change of attitude! Sounds like a woman in love to me!" I smiled but Sasha just drank her coffee. "Well?"
She sighed, "Well....I'm not gonna lie to you Bec!" She put her cup down & turned to face me, "Yes I am seeing someone but um......I'm not entirly sure how you're gonna feel about it?"
My stomach lurched! My first thought wasn't a very pleasent one.....she was seeing Jeff! I gulped, "Who is it?"
She looked down at her hands & took a deep breath, "It's ah......it's Adam!"
I blinked and stared at her! "Sasha!"
"Oh I know it's like a shitty thing to do and I'm sorry I just I couldn't help it! I just kinda.....what's so funny?"
I was laughing, "Jesus! No! That's....oh man!" I puffed out my cheeks, "You just kinda had me worried there....I mean you just helped me answer a few questions!"
"What? bec are you ok?"
I cleared my throat & stopped laughing, "Ok, yes I'm fine & yes you & Adam! Wow! Big surprise! It's ah great! I'm happy! Just I thought.....it's stupid I know but I...."
"You thought I was gonna say Jeff didn't you?" She squealed & I nodded! "Oh God no! Jesus I'm sorry I should have just come right out with it I never wanted you to think that!"
"No listen to me, I'm glad you did, it's weird but I kinda know how I feel about Jeff now! Anyway enough about that come on I wanna know all about you and Adam! How the fuck did that happen?"