Lost, confused, Unkind
Chapter 91
It was another 2 weeks before they let me come home. Once they'd finally (3rd time's the charm!) found the right strength of anti-depressants I started to feel a little more alret & able to talk to people better. Dwayne & my mum picked me up from the hospital & took me back to the flat I'd left over a month earlier on a gurney!
"Ok let's get you into bed!| Mum fussed over me, trying to pull off my jacket when we walked in the door.
"No mum I'm fine!" she eyed me suspiciously, "Really! I've been lying in bed for a bloody month now, please just don't fuss ok?" She reluctantly gave in & went to make us a coffee.
"So...." Sasha took my hand & dragged me onto the couch, "You got any room for me to stay on for a while?"
"Yeah where have you been staying already?"
"Oh your mum's place, BUT I kinda wanted to come here & look after you!"
"No what you mean is she is driving you fucking nuts & you wanna get out of there!|
"No!"
"Sasha come on! I know what she's like!" I laughed.
"Oh.....well.....it's not that bad really!" I raised my eyebrows & she sighed, "Ok yeah you're right! She's driving me crazy now can I stay here or what?" she whispered & I giggled.
"Yeah she drives me up the wall on a daily basis!" We both laughed, "So where are the kids?"
"Summer hols they stay with the whore & the asshole!" she smiled sarcastically.
"Oh right! How's things going on that front?"
"Hopefully the divorce papers will be on my dorrmat when I get home!" She forced another smile, "I just want to get it over with so I can get on with my life!"
I nodded. God how I wished I could be half as strong as her! "Well I'd love to have you stay with me! I'd rather you did than the wicked witch in there!" We both laughed.
"She's not that bad!" Sasha nudged me, "she just cares that's all!"
"Yeah I know!" I smiled, "I should be thankful I have a mother that gives a damn right?"
"Right! So how does it feel to be back home?"
I looked around the room, "Ah ok, good I guess! Just a bit weird! I'm glad to be out of that place but....."
"Here we go!" Mum handed our coffee's around. "Where's Dwayne?"
"Right here! Thanks!" he took a cup off her and sat down on the other side of Sasha. Mum took one of the armchairs & we all sipped our drinks.
"Are you glad to be home?" Mum smiled.
"Yeah mum!"
"Cause you know you can come & stay with us for as long as you need to?"
"Thanks mum I really appreciate it but it won't be neccessary! Sasha's gonna move in here to look after me so you needn't worry!"
"Oh right!" Mum forced a smile but I could sense her dissapointment! The phone rang & as I Put my coffee down to answer it Mum jumped up out of her seat, "I'll get it!" she crooned and answered it! I rolled my eyes & Sasha tried not to laugh.
"Thank God you guys are here or she'd bloody move in & take over the place!" I whispered.
"Yes hang on...BEC! It's for you!" Mum shouted.
"There's a shock! Fancy someone ringing here for me!" I said sarcastically! "Erm mum it's a cordless phone you can bring it here!" I smiled.
"Oh right! Ok I know! No old age jokes please!" She passed me the phone, "It's Jeff!
I froze & stared at the phone in my hand, "Oh....erm......right...."
"Why don't we go back to your place and get my stuff!" Sasha grabbed mum's jacket & handed it to her before she had time to protest! Dwayne stood up to go with them but I touched his arm & shook my head so he sat back down. "Won't be long!" Sasha kissed my cheek & smiled. Mum gave me a hug & they left. Slowly I put the phone to my ear & took a deep breath. "Hi Jeff!" I said nervously.
"Hey! You feelin ok?"
"Yeah thanks! Better now I'm home! How's things?"
"Great here! Dad's having a brilliant time with Jude! He's spoiling him rotten! He's just took him out with Mary!"
"Oh........that's nice!" I gulped.
"Well I just wanted to know do you want me to bring him back to you when I come over for Insurrextion? I mean it's up to you I can bring him sooner if....."
"No that'd be fine!"
"You sure?"
"Yeah....I'm sure!" Dwayne reached over & took hold of my hand.
"Ok well....right I'll um......I'll see you then?"
"Yeah....bye Jeff!"
"Oh and Bec?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you tell your mom we got the rabbit in the post yesterday?"
"Rabbit?"
"Yeah y'know, Jude's favourite one that he takes to bed? We forgot it so she mailed it to us!"
My heart sank! I never even knew he had a damn rabbit never mind that it was his favourite! "Oh yeah....the rabbit of course!" I closed my eyes, "Yes I'll tell her! Bye then."
"Ok.....erm......bye!"
I switched off the phone. "Maybe I should just leave him there!" I muttered.
"Jude?"
"Yeah Jude! I'm sure he'd be better off there than here with me!"
"I don't think so! I think he'd be better off with his mom!" Dwayne squeezed my hand.
"What sort of a mother am I Dwayne?" I raised my voice, "Jeff's telling me about Jude's favourite toy....his rabbit! I didn't even know he had a fuucking rabbit Dwayne!" He put his arms around me & I started to cry, "I didn't even know!"
"Ssshhh....come on Bec! You've been sick! It's not your fault! It'll be ok now you're gonna get better!"
"Sick?" I sniffed, "Ha! That's a very American way of putting it!" I pulled back & wiped my face on my sleeve, "I'm not sick dwayne! People with cancer are sick! Me? I'm just plain old fucked in the head!"
"No you're not!"
"Fucking crazy assed psycho bitch that killed the father of her child!" I started to sob & he held me, "I killed him! I fucking killed him!"
"No you didn't! Bec stop this!" He said firmly. "I don't want to hear anymore of this bullshit it was an accident!" He held me at arms length, "OK? A freak bastard of a thing to happen but it wasn't your fault do you hear me?"
I stood up & yanked my arms from his grip, "You weren't there! How can you know?" I shouted.
"Because......I just do ok? You didn't kill Matt!"
"Because? Is that it? Or wait maybe you meant BECAUSE I'm crazy & this is just another one of my fucked up delusions right?"
He hung his head, "No!" he stood up & tried to hold me but I pushed him away.
"You don't know shit about what happened that night you just think I'm insane!" I screamed at him.
"Bec calm down!"
"FUCK YOU!" He tried to hold me but I broke free of his grip, "Leave me alone Dwayne! Just fuck off before I get you killed aswell!" I stormed into my room sobbing.
He did leave me alone for an hour at most while I tried to calm down. I couldn't believe I'd yelled at him like that when all he was trying to do was help me! I really was losing the plot!
There was a soft knock on the door, "Bec?" he peered in at me as I stared out of the window. "Ok if I come in?"
"Yeah!" I said quietly.
"Wanna talk?" he sat on the edge of the bed & I sighed. "No not really! I'm sick of talking! Nothing's gonna change what's happened!" I slowly turned to face him, "I'm sorry I yelled at you!"
"Don't worry about it!" He waved his hand, "I'm sorry I upset you!"
"It wasn't you it was....oh I dunno talking to Jeff
maybe?" I folded my arms across my chest.
"Want me to kick his ass?" Dwayne smiled.
"You'd do that for me?" I bit my lip to stop myself smiling & he nodded. "Yeah I'd do anything for you! You point them out & I'll kick their asses!"
"What a guy!" I rolled my eyes. "Careful where you sit I might try & seduce you again!" I said sarcastically.
"Bring it on!" Dwayne lay back on the bed & spread his legs wide!
I Looked up at the celing, "I guess I could claim insanity?"
"Come on baby what you waitin for?" he winked.
I took a step back & Looked him up & down, "Oh I dunno, hell freezing over maybe?"
He bit his bottom lip "Dammit woman I tought you well!" I started to laugh, "I think I'll have to go back home cause I do believe I'm a bad influence on you!" He pointed at me, "You come here!" he said as he patted the bed beside him.
"Is it safe?"
"Just come here & quit with the smart mouth already!"
I laughed & got onto the bed letting him put his arm around me, "I missed you!" he said, kissing the top of my head, "I've had no one to punk out for 4 weeks! I was talking to myself!"
I giggled, "Yeah you do that anyway!" I looked up at him & smiled, "I've missed you too!"
"Who wouldn't?"
"Shut up!" I playfully slapped his chest.
"I've been thinking!"
"I thought I could smell burning!" I laughed.
"Shut up woman this is serious!"
"Ok! Ok!"
He cleared his throat, "Why don't you & Jude come & live with me?"
"In Florida? Are you serious?" I rested on my elbow so I could see his face.
"Yeah I'm serious!"
"Oh....erm.....I dunno what to say!"
"Say yes! It makes sense!"
"Why does it make sense for me to come back to the states?"
"So you're closer to Jeff!!"
I laughed, "And that makes sense because?"
"You know why! And besides I can keep an eye on you!"
"Cameron's not exactly 2 minutes away from Miami!"
"Yeah I know but it's closer than England! And warmer too!"
I looked into his eyes, "You are serious aren't you?"
"Damn straight! Besides I was hoping you'd love it so much you'd have to marry me to stay in the country!"
"Oh right, but ah...sorry I could never do that!"
"And why not?"
"Rebecca Johnson........it just doesn't sound right!"
"What? It's perfect!"
"Nah! I'd sound like a newsreader or somethin!" I laughed.
"Oh right so Rebecca Hardy sounds just dreamy?" he fluttered his eyelashes & I slapped him!
"You suck!"
"Do you?" he wiggled his eyebrows & I pulled a face at him! "Think about it though, seriously ok?"
I nodded slowly, "Ok I'll think about it!"
Chapter 91
It was another 2 weeks before they let me come home. Once they'd finally (3rd time's the charm!) found the right strength of anti-depressants I started to feel a little more alret & able to talk to people better. Dwayne & my mum picked me up from the hospital & took me back to the flat I'd left over a month earlier on a gurney!
"Ok let's get you into bed!| Mum fussed over me, trying to pull off my jacket when we walked in the door.
"No mum I'm fine!" she eyed me suspiciously, "Really! I've been lying in bed for a bloody month now, please just don't fuss ok?" She reluctantly gave in & went to make us a coffee.
"So...." Sasha took my hand & dragged me onto the couch, "You got any room for me to stay on for a while?"
"Yeah where have you been staying already?"
"Oh your mum's place, BUT I kinda wanted to come here & look after you!"
"No what you mean is she is driving you fucking nuts & you wanna get out of there!|
"No!"
"Sasha come on! I know what she's like!" I laughed.
"Oh.....well.....it's not that bad really!" I raised my eyebrows & she sighed, "Ok yeah you're right! She's driving me crazy now can I stay here or what?" she whispered & I giggled.
"Yeah she drives me up the wall on a daily basis!" We both laughed, "So where are the kids?"
"Summer hols they stay with the whore & the asshole!" she smiled sarcastically.
"Oh right! How's things going on that front?"
"Hopefully the divorce papers will be on my dorrmat when I get home!" She forced another smile, "I just want to get it over with so I can get on with my life!"
I nodded. God how I wished I could be half as strong as her! "Well I'd love to have you stay with me! I'd rather you did than the wicked witch in there!" We both laughed.
"She's not that bad!" Sasha nudged me, "she just cares that's all!"
"Yeah I know!" I smiled, "I should be thankful I have a mother that gives a damn right?"
"Right! So how does it feel to be back home?"
I looked around the room, "Ah ok, good I guess! Just a bit weird! I'm glad to be out of that place but....."
"Here we go!" Mum handed our coffee's around. "Where's Dwayne?"
"Right here! Thanks!" he took a cup off her and sat down on the other side of Sasha. Mum took one of the armchairs & we all sipped our drinks.
"Are you glad to be home?" Mum smiled.
"Yeah mum!"
"Cause you know you can come & stay with us for as long as you need to?"
"Thanks mum I really appreciate it but it won't be neccessary! Sasha's gonna move in here to look after me so you needn't worry!"
"Oh right!" Mum forced a smile but I could sense her dissapointment! The phone rang & as I Put my coffee down to answer it Mum jumped up out of her seat, "I'll get it!" she crooned and answered it! I rolled my eyes & Sasha tried not to laugh.
"Thank God you guys are here or she'd bloody move in & take over the place!" I whispered.
"Yes hang on...BEC! It's for you!" Mum shouted.
"There's a shock! Fancy someone ringing here for me!" I said sarcastically! "Erm mum it's a cordless phone you can bring it here!" I smiled.
"Oh right! Ok I know! No old age jokes please!" She passed me the phone, "It's Jeff!
I froze & stared at the phone in my hand, "Oh....erm......right...."
"Why don't we go back to your place and get my stuff!" Sasha grabbed mum's jacket & handed it to her before she had time to protest! Dwayne stood up to go with them but I touched his arm & shook my head so he sat back down. "Won't be long!" Sasha kissed my cheek & smiled. Mum gave me a hug & they left. Slowly I put the phone to my ear & took a deep breath. "Hi Jeff!" I said nervously.
"Hey! You feelin ok?"
"Yeah thanks! Better now I'm home! How's things?"
"Great here! Dad's having a brilliant time with Jude! He's spoiling him rotten! He's just took him out with Mary!"
"Oh........that's nice!" I gulped.
"Well I just wanted to know do you want me to bring him back to you when I come over for Insurrextion? I mean it's up to you I can bring him sooner if....."
"No that'd be fine!"
"You sure?"
"Yeah....I'm sure!" Dwayne reached over & took hold of my hand.
"Ok well....right I'll um......I'll see you then?"
"Yeah....bye Jeff!"
"Oh and Bec?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you tell your mom we got the rabbit in the post yesterday?"
"Rabbit?"
"Yeah y'know, Jude's favourite one that he takes to bed? We forgot it so she mailed it to us!"
My heart sank! I never even knew he had a damn rabbit never mind that it was his favourite! "Oh yeah....the rabbit of course!" I closed my eyes, "Yes I'll tell her! Bye then."
"Ok.....erm......bye!"
I switched off the phone. "Maybe I should just leave him there!" I muttered.
"Jude?"
"Yeah Jude! I'm sure he'd be better off there than here with me!"
"I don't think so! I think he'd be better off with his mom!" Dwayne squeezed my hand.
"What sort of a mother am I Dwayne?" I raised my voice, "Jeff's telling me about Jude's favourite toy....his rabbit! I didn't even know he had a fuucking rabbit Dwayne!" He put his arms around me & I started to cry, "I didn't even know!"
"Ssshhh....come on Bec! You've been sick! It's not your fault! It'll be ok now you're gonna get better!"
"Sick?" I sniffed, "Ha! That's a very American way of putting it!" I pulled back & wiped my face on my sleeve, "I'm not sick dwayne! People with cancer are sick! Me? I'm just plain old fucked in the head!"
"No you're not!"
"Fucking crazy assed psycho bitch that killed the father of her child!" I started to sob & he held me, "I killed him! I fucking killed him!"
"No you didn't! Bec stop this!" He said firmly. "I don't want to hear anymore of this bullshit it was an accident!" He held me at arms length, "OK? A freak bastard of a thing to happen but it wasn't your fault do you hear me?"
I stood up & yanked my arms from his grip, "You weren't there! How can you know?" I shouted.
"Because......I just do ok? You didn't kill Matt!"
"Because? Is that it? Or wait maybe you meant BECAUSE I'm crazy & this is just another one of my fucked up delusions right?"
He hung his head, "No!" he stood up & tried to hold me but I pushed him away.
"You don't know shit about what happened that night you just think I'm insane!" I screamed at him.
"Bec calm down!"
"FUCK YOU!" He tried to hold me but I broke free of his grip, "Leave me alone Dwayne! Just fuck off before I get you killed aswell!" I stormed into my room sobbing.
He did leave me alone for an hour at most while I tried to calm down. I couldn't believe I'd yelled at him like that when all he was trying to do was help me! I really was losing the plot!
There was a soft knock on the door, "Bec?" he peered in at me as I stared out of the window. "Ok if I come in?"
"Yeah!" I said quietly.
"Wanna talk?" he sat on the edge of the bed & I sighed. "No not really! I'm sick of talking! Nothing's gonna change what's happened!" I slowly turned to face him, "I'm sorry I yelled at you!"
"Don't worry about it!" He waved his hand, "I'm sorry I upset you!"
"It wasn't you it was....oh I dunno talking to Jeff
maybe?" I folded my arms across my chest.
"Want me to kick his ass?" Dwayne smiled.
"You'd do that for me?" I bit my lip to stop myself smiling & he nodded. "Yeah I'd do anything for you! You point them out & I'll kick their asses!"
"What a guy!" I rolled my eyes. "Careful where you sit I might try & seduce you again!" I said sarcastically.
"Bring it on!" Dwayne lay back on the bed & spread his legs wide!
I Looked up at the celing, "I guess I could claim insanity?"
"Come on baby what you waitin for?" he winked.
I took a step back & Looked him up & down, "Oh I dunno, hell freezing over maybe?"
He bit his bottom lip "Dammit woman I tought you well!" I started to laugh, "I think I'll have to go back home cause I do believe I'm a bad influence on you!" He pointed at me, "You come here!" he said as he patted the bed beside him.
"Is it safe?"
"Just come here & quit with the smart mouth already!"
I laughed & got onto the bed letting him put his arm around me, "I missed you!" he said, kissing the top of my head, "I've had no one to punk out for 4 weeks! I was talking to myself!"
I giggled, "Yeah you do that anyway!" I looked up at him & smiled, "I've missed you too!"
"Who wouldn't?"
"Shut up!" I playfully slapped his chest.
"I've been thinking!"
"I thought I could smell burning!" I laughed.
"Shut up woman this is serious!"
"Ok! Ok!"
He cleared his throat, "Why don't you & Jude come & live with me?"
"In Florida? Are you serious?" I rested on my elbow so I could see his face.
"Yeah I'm serious!"
"Oh....erm.....I dunno what to say!"
"Say yes! It makes sense!"
"Why does it make sense for me to come back to the states?"
"So you're closer to Jeff!!"
I laughed, "And that makes sense because?"
"You know why! And besides I can keep an eye on you!"
"Cameron's not exactly 2 minutes away from Miami!"
"Yeah I know but it's closer than England! And warmer too!"
I looked into his eyes, "You are serious aren't you?"
"Damn straight! Besides I was hoping you'd love it so much you'd have to marry me to stay in the country!"
"Oh right, but ah...sorry I could never do that!"
"And why not?"
"Rebecca Johnson........it just doesn't sound right!"
"What? It's perfect!"
"Nah! I'd sound like a newsreader or somethin!" I laughed.
"Oh right so Rebecca Hardy sounds just dreamy?" he fluttered his eyelashes & I slapped him!
"You suck!"
"Do you?" he wiggled his eyebrows & I pulled a face at him! "Think about it though, seriously ok?"
I nodded slowly, "Ok I'll think about it!"