AN: Story will be updated on Sundays for the time being :) Reviews are greatly appreciated!
The Academy
Life outside the Nest wasn't what she expected.
Order and rules were things Kaede knew and embraced. Knowing boundaries and protocols were comforting to her, a way to know where she stood and what she should do. As long as she knew the rules, she could act accordingly.
There were rules at the Academy, as well as structure and routine, but they contained more holes than a hornet's nest. More often than not, rules went unwritten and even unspoken: when and how to address the instructors, who sat near whom in the mess hall, how much eye contact was considered "acceptable" versus "creepy."
In the Nest, Kaede had learned many of the social guidelines by careful observation over a long period of time, though she usually found it easier to simply avoid other people entirely. Here, she couldn't avoid them, even when she went to sleep. She shared a room with several other first-year girls, most of them bright-eyed, giggling creatures whom she had no idea how to speak to.
She'd tried at first, shyly greeting a couple of her roommates as they settled in, but all she received in response were uncomfortable stares at her forearms. Her uniform's sleeves only covered them partway, so the Kido patterns on her skin were on full display like stark, black tattoos. Kaede had seen plenty of tattooed inmates in the Nest, but when she thought about it, most of them had been gang members of some kind.
"They aren't tattoos," she'd tried to tell the girls, hoping to reassure them that she wasn't some delinquent. "They're…"
But she stopped short of explaining what they really were: Kido seals that had been applied directly onto her body over a century ago. The spells were meant to contain and calm her reiatsu, keeping it at a manageable level so that she didn't hurt anyone.
She didn't know much about how people at the Academy thought, but she figured that explaining all of that - as well as everything else that would come up with it - wouldn't exactly endear her to them.
Her lack of explanation just left a void that first her roommates, then her other classmates, sought to fill with their own. Even wearing a long-sleeved undershirt didn't help much to quell the gossip. The instructors, Kaede knew, had already been informed of her identity and situation, though Urahara had assured her that they were discouraged from spreading it around; yet within a month at the Academy, it seemed that everyone knew that she was the infamous "Child of the Catastrophe."
So much for a fresh start.
That had been the first disappointment, but Kaede was determined not to let it get to her. She was used to isolation, after all, and she was here to study. She could do that while ignoring the uncomfortable stares and whispered gossip.
Besides, now she could breathe fresh air and stand in the sun. At first, Kaede tried to be outdoors as much as possible, wanting to soak up enough sun to make up for the decades underground. However, she found she could only stand it in short bursts; the brightness hurt her eyes, and while her skin wasn't the lightest, she was sensitive to its harsh rays. She wound up retreating to the shadows more often than not, watching with envy as her classmates basked in the light.
That was the second disappointment.
The next was with her classes. The whole point of coming to the Academy was to learn to control her reiatsu and become a useful member of Soul Society - yet so far, she felt she hadn't learned a single thing except how to raise her hand.
Her academic classes were boring. It was difficult to pay attention to the instructors when they droned on about subjects she'd mastered decades ago. Sometimes she'd be called on to answer a question, and she'd have to ask for the question to be repeated.
That never went over well.
In Kido, she understood the theory well enough, but the spells never came out right. She'd tried the same basic offensive spell multiple times, and even when she was sure she'd changed nothing about her approach, the results varied. Sometimes, she barely produced a puff of smoke; others, her energy beam was so weak it barely made it to the target. Once - only once - she wound up blasting a hole through the wall behind the target.
She'd faced disciplinary action for that, even though she'd seen other students make similar (if slightly less destructive) mistakes and get off with a verbal admonishment. The one saving grace was that the instructor hadn't seen fit to use the Failsafe on her for it.
Then there was Zanjutsu, where they were supposed to learn to wield the Shinigami's greatest weapon: their Zanpakuto.
Every student, upon entry, was given an asauchi - a nameless, "empty" sword that would eventually become their Zanpakuto. They carried that sword with them everywhere: to class, to training, when they slept, heck, even when they bathed. The idea was that over time, their reiatsu would make an imprint on the weapon and awaken their Zanpakuto's spirit.
Kaede had heard some of her classmates talk about how, a few months into the term, they were already starting to feel something during their required jinzen meditation. They described it as an awareness, a familiarity, like seeing someone they knew in a crowd; a few claimed they'd been able to see and even talk to their Zanpakuto's spirit already, though most were written off as braggarts.
Kaede felt nothing when she held her sword. It was just a hunk of metal she had to carry in her belt all day. She didn't even train with it; they were given bokken, wooden swords, to use for that.
The worst disappointment was when, a few months into the term, her class was scheduled for its first field trip. Not to the Human World - that honor was reserved for the top class of students. This was just an excursion to the outskirts of the Rukongai, where students could safely practice more volatile Kido spells. The day of the trip, the students were abuzz with excitement; it was their first chance to leave the Academy grounds all term, and many had been getting cabin fever.
Kaede, however, would not be joining them.
As per the requirements set by Central 46, she was forbidden to leave the Academy Grounds, let alone the Seireitei. It didn't matter if it was a trip to the Rukongai or to the Human World itself, whether for Kido practice or to learn the konso ritual - she would always be left behind.
You will exchange one jailer for another, Mayuri's voice whispered in her mind. No. She refused to believe that. She just needed to prove…something. Once she figured out her Kido problems, once she started connecting with her Zanpakuto…between that and her academics, she'd prove she was capable of leaving the Academy grounds without issue.
She just had to be patient.
At least she had found a good way to pass the time while her classmates were away. Urahara had loaned her a whole stack of books when she first entered the Academy, and she'd adjusted enough to her classes that she finally had time to indulge in them.
Kaede chose one of the books in the pile and hurried to the Academy's grand library. There were plenty of nooks in the thousand-year-old archive that were perfect for reading undisturbed; she'd found one in particular that was well away from the oft-frequented sections on Kido and history.
She settled herself on the floor at the end of an aisle of dusty shelves. As much as she'd come to love being outdoors, sometimes the close seclusion of places like this was almost comforting. Besides, so much undisturbed dust had to mean she wouldn't be bothered here anytime soon.
For a couple of hours, she was right - but then a presence nudged at the edge of her senses.
There was someone else in this section.
Kaede stopped reading, frozen in place. She concentrated on the presence, trying to figure out what it was. They had the reiatsu she'd come to associate with other students, relatively shallow, though this one was more refined than most. The sound of their footsteps reached her ears next, soft but not actively trying to be sneaky. Their pace was unhurried, but not the uneven, halting steps of someone browsing the shelves.
They were also getting closer.
Kaede's instincts went into overdrive, demanding that she hide, flee, or - if necessary - fight. She tried to talk herself down. Maybe they wouldn't notice her. Maybe they really were here for research, and she'd just been unlucky in her choice of reading nook.
Please go away, she silently begged. She didn't want to deal with anyone right now.
The universe was not on her side. Barely a minute later, a figure darkened the open end of her chosen aisle. It was a dead end situation, and she silently cursed herself for choosing a spot with only one exit. She'd never have made that mistake in the Nest.
"Hello there," greeted the person. His navy hakama and white upper robe confirmed he was, indeed, a student.
Kaede kept her eyes locked onto the page of her book, though she no longer registered its text. The few times she'd been approached by a fellow student, it was to ask if she really was that girl. Occasionally they asked upfront, but more often, they played nice first; the boys sometimes even flirted with her, clearly hoping to gain points with their peers for chatting up the "freak."
She was not in the mood to put up with this.
"No," she said simply as the boy took a few steps closer.
He stopped in his tracks. "Pardon?"
"I'm saving you time," she clarified. "No, I can't 'melt' people. No, I have no idea what really happened back then, and no, I don't want to talk about what I've been up to since."
There. That should cover all the usual inquiries.
"Actually," the deep male voice said, "I was going to ask what you're reading. I usually only see instructors in this area, not other students."
"Then why are you here?"
"I suppose the same as you," he answered. "I was looking for a quiet corner."
"Uh-huh," she huffed. "Except all the first-years are on some sort of trip today, so you really shouldn't be here."
"Good thing I'm not a first-year, then, or I'd be in trouble."
Kaede finally looked back up at her male intruder. He was tall, slim, and he held himself with far more poise than most of the boys she'd seen. He had a mop of wavy brown hair, rectangular glasses that reflected the ambient light - and there, on his uniform, was the small badge that indicated his year.
Fourth.
Kaede's cheeks warmed. So now she was the object of curiosity for upperclassmen, too? As though her own classmates weren't bothersome enough. She cast her senses out to see if there were any other people in the vicinity, maybe a small group of this fourth-year's friends waiting for him to report back on the "freak."
Nothing. They were the only two in this entire wing.
Her pulse rose. She was alone in an otherwise unoccupied wing with a person whose intentions she didn't know. There were no guards here to maintain order, and she wasn't supposed to use violence if she could help it.
She closed her book and stood.
"Where are you going?" asked her 'senpai.'
"Somewhere else," she stated. "I'd like to read my book alone, if you don't mind."
The only way out was to go past him. She kept her eyes down as she approached, but there was no way to avoid physical contact in the small space. Their uniforms brushed and she flinched involuntarily, her heartbeat rising at the ambient warmth of his body. She registered the scent of old books and lamp oil, and underneath, a faint, clean musk that clouded her head.
Something stopped her from getting past him. Her heart jumped into her throat - but he wasn't touching her. Looking down, she saw his hand not on her arm, but on her book. Her eyes shot up to his, her body already tensed for a challenge. This close, she could see his eyes clearly through his glasses - a pleasant, warm brown that seemed to stare into her rather than at her. There was something unsettling in those eyes too, as though something fundamental was missing.
"I apologize if I upset you," he said in that same polite tone. "That wasn't my intention. I truly did come to read in private, and was curious when I came across another person. I wasn't aware anyone else was here until then."
Kaede studied his face for a moment. She might not have been a social butterfly in the Nest, but she'd observed enough deception there to recognize it in most people. Other than his strangely empty eyes, there was nothing to suggest he was lying. No signs of discomfort over being this physically close either, nor any attempt to make her feel such. His demeanor was matter-of-fact and unthreatening.
Maybe she'd misread the situation. She let her eyes drop. "Sorry…"
Not sure what else to say, Kaede pulled away and hurried out of the aisle. Once she was at a safe distance, she broke into a run and didn't stop until she was back in her dorm.
Only then did she realize she'd left the book behind in the fourth-year's hand.
"Shit!" That book was Urahara's! She really didn't want to see if the fourth-year was still there, but she didn't know any other way to get it back.
Kaede hurried back to the library, but though she found the nook quickly enough, the fourth-year was no longer there.
He was a student here, Kaede reassured herself, trudging back to her dorm. She'd just have to find him some other way to get the book back.
Over the next few days, Kaede kept her eyes peeled for the older student with brown hair and glasses, to no avail. She supposed the next best course of action would be to ask someone about him, but the idea turned her stomach. After all, she didn't even know the guy's name, and she really didn't want to explain why she was looking for him. Showing such interest in someone could be a sign of vulnerability on her part, or, if it got back to him, could scare him off and make him even harder to find.
She turned her attention as best she could to her classes, but there was little solace to be found.
The class she'd had the highest hopes for was also the biggest source of disappointment yet: Hakuda. Her hand-to-hand combat skills were excellent - she knew that. Over a century of on-and-off training by Urahara, regular (though involuntary) involvement in brawls among inmates…she knew how to handle herself.
So why was she stuck doing basic katas with students who barely knew how to stand properly?!
"Today," Honda-sensei announced, tapping his wooden staff along the floor mats, "you will be pairing up. One person will be the offender, the other will defend using the proper forms."
On the one hand, it wasn't just solo katas. On the other…pairing up. Even worse was that the pairings were voluntary: students picked their own partners. Kaede didn't even bother looking around the room to see if anyone was available. Once her affiliation with the Catastrophe had become known, people had generally avoided her. Even her roommates had taken to huddling on the far side of their dormitory room; any time she had to pass them to leave, they shifted away. There was no way anyone here would want to spar with her, even just to practice some boring katas.
"Oy - oy, ya deaf or something?"
Kaede looked up in surprise when she realized the person was talking to her. Before her stood a petite girl, her straw-blond hair tied into pigtails, freckles across her nose. Kaede was pretty sure this girl was even in the same dormitory as her, though they'd never spoken.
The girl had her hands firmly planted on her hips and stared down at Kaede with an annoyed expression.
"I said," she repeated, "you deaf?"
"No," Kaede answered simply. "I wasn't listening."
"Huh?" The blond girl bent down, her expression souring. "Well c'mon, we doin' this or what?"
Now Kaede did look around them: Their classmates had all paired up and begun the exercises, though some sent wary side glances her way. This girl was the only one left without a partner. "Really?"
"What, you think I'm scared o' you?" the girl said, her voice rising indignantly. "I ain't scared of no one!"
Kaede decided not to tell the girl that the double negative implied she was, in fact, scared of someone. Instead, she rose to her feet, standing a good foot taller than the tiny blonde. Well, this was different. She was used to opponents being bigger than her, or at least the same height. How was she supposed to -
"Hey!" Blondie snapped. "What's yer name, anyway? Or do I just call ya 'baldy?'"
Why would she go with 'baldy' when…Kaede shook her head. "Sorano Kaede."
The girl jabbed her thumb to her chest. "Sarugaki Hiyori - but that's Hiyori-san to you!"
That almost made Kaede laugh. "'San?' Rea-" She swiftly crossed her arms in front of her face as Hiyori's foot came flying at it.
"That's for disrespectin' me," Hiyori announced after she bounced back to her feet. "Don't think I'm gonna go easy on ya now!"
"You sure about that?" Kaede asked, brows raised. "If anything, it seems like I should be going easy on you…Hiyori-chan."
"Why you-!" Hiyori came flying at her again with astonishing speed, forcing Kaede to block another attempted foot to the face. This time, she went one step further, catching Hiyori's foot and pushing her to the mat.
"You're predictable," Kaede remarked as Hiyori got back up.
The blonde scowled. "Predict this!"
She went for Kaede's midsection head-first. Kaede pivoted to the side, letting her fly past. "Yeah, still predictable."
Hiyori growled and shoved her long bangs out of her face. "Stop doing that!"
"Doing what?"
"Throwin' me around like some rag doll! Fight me, dammit!"
"I thought we were supposed to be doing those exercises," Kaede pointed out.
"Who the hell cares?!"
Hiyori came at her again, this time with fists out. Kaede sighed, reached out, and stopped her with a hand on her head. Hiyori swung a few futile punches at her stomach, only coming within an inch at best.
"You keep attacking from the front," Kaede told her. "That's what I mean by 'predictable.'"
"I'm - not!" Hiyori grabbed her wrist, lifting herself off the floor and kicking both feet into Kaede's torso. The kicks did land, forcing Kaede to let go of the blonde's head and step back. Rubbing her abdomen where Hiyori's feet made contact, she found herself grinning.
That's more like it.
Hiyori attacked again, and this time Kaede engaged her, widening her stance to lower her body to the blonde's level. Hiyori tried to kick up between her legs, but Kaede blocked each attempt. "You know I don't have balls there, right?"
Hiyori sneered, an overgrown canine poking out over her lip. "Still hurts like a bitch to get kicked there!"
When Hiyori came at her again, Kaede threaded her arm through the other girl's, locking her into a hold. "Sure, if you can land it right."
Hiyori tossed her head back, catching Kaede in the chin. "Stop talkin'! This is a fight, not a chit-chat!"
"You keep talking to me."
She slipped out of Kaede's loosened grip. Whirling around, the blond snatched her collar, her other arm pulled back for a punch. Kaede grabbed the girl's hand, ready to twist off her grip and redirect the incoming blow.
Her entire body froze in place.
Kaede's eyes widened as a sensation like icy chains wrapped around her limbs, stopping all further movement. Hiyori's punch landed on the side of her head, sending her to the ground.
By the time she hit the floor, the muscle spasms had already begun. Electric currents shot through her body, making her muscles seize, then tremble, then seize up again, her mind going blank from the white-hot pain. Something from outside whacked against her back hard, then again. She just curled up, trying to shield herself even as the Kido seals forced her into immobility and sent her nervous system into overdrive.
Please, make it stop, make it stop…please, I'll be good, just make it stop!
She wasn't sure if she was speaking aloud or just in her head - she never could be sure. Gradually, the currents died down, leaving her body twitching and shivering in the aftermath.
But the pain wasn't finished. Another whack landed on her side.
"Oy - oy! What's the big idea?!"
That was Hiyori's voice. It sounded strangely distant, echoing in Kaede's mind until it was abruptly clear and close. She hazarded a glance up to see Hiyori's small form above her, arms out - shielding her?
Just beyond her, Kaede saw Honda-sensei standing over them, staff in his hands, his face twisted in fear and rage. "Sarugaki! Get back!"
"We were just sparring!" Hiyori protested, not moving an inch. "I'm the one that started it, so if ya gotta punish her, ya gotta punish me, too!"
The other students had backed against the walls of the dojo, their wide, frightened eyes glued to Kaede's prone form. Honda-sensei straightened, his face rearranging itself into some semblance of stern authority.
"Class is dismissed!" he yelled out, glaring at the students until they began to scramble for the exit. He turned back to the two girls. "You two - dojo cleanup for the rest of the week! Get to work!"
The students filed out, some glancing back, most whispering. Kaede shut her eyes so she wouldn't have to see them staring, but she couldn't shut out their voices as easily.
"Did she really collapse from…"
"…thought she was going to kill us…"
"We were scared of that?"
"What a freak…"
"At least it's Sarugaki who's stuck with her - not sure who'd be worse to be alone with…"
"What was that?!" Hiyori had clearly heard the last comment. "Who said that?! C'mon, say it to my face, ya cowards!"
They hurried out of the dojo after that. Once he made sure they knew where the cleaning supplies were, Honda-sensei, too, left.
"Assholes," Hiyori grumbled. "Hey. You alive down there?"
Kaede slowly unfurled. Her entire body felt stiff and sore; her mouth was as dry as sandpaper. She cleared her throat. "Hmm - yeah, I'm…"
She swayed when she tried to sit up completely. Hiyori's feet disappeared from her line of vision for a second, then reappeared just when the world stopped spinning.
"Here."
Something was shoved in front of her nose - a towel?
"For your face," Hiyori explained.
Kaede touched her upper lip to find it damp. The towel came away from her face with specks of red - she must've had a nosebleed.
Hiyori crossed her arms and looked away as Kaede dabbed her face. "So what was all that about, anyway? He hit you that hard?"
"Um…guess so…"
"Bullshit," Hiyori spat. "You coulda blocked that punch easy, but something stopped you."
Kaede was impressed at her awareness. The way Hiyori fought, she'd assumed she was just some impulsive hot-head with the temper of a screaming tea kettle.
She had no other answer to give the blonde - nothing aside from the truth, and she just…she couldn't. She'd never felt particularly ashamed of her past before leaving the Nest. Guilt over the Catastrophe and the people she'd hurt afterward, sure. But not shame, and certainly not for simply having lived in confinement for so long.
Out here, though…she felt shame. The rumors were bad enough, but the underlying implication that she didn't deserve to be out here was something she hadn't anticipated. If she gave credence to the rumors, she might as well admit to being a mass murderer.
Not that it was far from the truth, said a little voice in her head. Kaede swiftly rebuffed it. No. I'm not a murderer.
"What, you don't wanna tell me?" Hiyori huffed. "Fine, be that way. Let's just get this stupid punishment over with so we can get outta here before dinner. Ugh, this is such bullshit!"
"You were the one who broke the rules," Kaede reminded her, standing on shaky legs. Her voice was hoarse, but she felt stronger with every breath. "You wanted to fight."
"Yeah, 'cause blocking's boring as hell!"
Kaede almost cracked a smile. "Still seems like something you need to practice."
"What was that?! You wanna go again with me?!"
"And get punched in the face again? I'm good, thanks." All the same, she couldn't stop a smile from forming.
Hiyori glared at her. "Oy - what're you grinning about? What's so funny?"
You are. Hiyori didn't seem scared of her at all, nor particularly contemptuous or wary. It was kind of refreshing.
Kaede shook her head, reaching for a broom. "Nothing, nothing."
"Uh-huh…"
They cleaned in silence for a few minutes before Kaede said, "You're right - those stupid katas were boring."
"I know!" Hiyori exclaimed, nearly breaking the broom she held in half from how hard she gripped it. "It's like he thinks none of us can fight already!"
"Clearly not the case."
"Hell no!"
"You have a really strong right hook, by the way."
Hiyori smirked, an overgrown canine poking out over her bottom lip. "Yeah, I know."
Cleaning the dojo took little time, and working near Hiyori was oddly invigorating. The blond spitfire was surprisingly adamant about splitting the work evenly, though Kaede mentally noted that she assigned herself many of the easier tasks.
"I don't half-ass stuff," Hiyori told her. "And I ain't a slacker!"
Still, she had no problem bolting out of there once her half of the work was done. Kaede watched her take off with an amused smile. Maybe Hakuda training wouldn't be so dull anymore.
The smile evaporated as she started wondering if this incident would get back to Central 46. No, that was a dumb question: it would get back to them. An instructor had seen fit to trigger the Failsafe; that was grounds for a hearing. Kaede's grip tightened around the broom handle, anxiety knotting her stomach. They wouldn't send her back to the Nest over this, would they? She hadn't lost control - it was just a spar, she wasn't even sure why the instructor had triggered it!
Kaede tried to focus on the task of cleaning rather than on these ruminations, but the mindless work did little to distract her. When she was finally finished and stepped outside, everything had turned the murky blue of twilight, the air blessedly cool after the muggy heat of the day. Kaede breathed deep, the sweet fragrance of flowers in the breeze helping calm her a little. She was out, she assured herself. This whole incident had just been a misunderstanding, and she wasn't going back to the Nest. She wasn't going back. She wasn't -
"It's a lovely evening, isn't it?"
Kaede's eyes snapped open in surprise. She hadn't noticed anyone coming - had the Failsafe thrown her off that much?
Across the dojo yard stood a familiar figure, his wavy brown hair gently tossed by the breeze. Her eyes widened in recognition, her anxieties temporarily replaced by relief. "You have my book!"
The fourth-year's brows rose, disappearing into his bangs. "Well - yes, actually. You left it behind the other day."
He reached into his uniform, pulling the book out from an inner pocket and holding it out to her. Kaede approached him cautiously and accepted the book with one hand. The cover was still warm from being so close to his body. "Thanks," she muttered, hugging it to her chest. At least one thing had gone right today.
"I confess," he said with a sheepish smile, "I read it over the past few days. I wasn't sure I'd find you, but I knew that when I did, I hoped to talk to you about it."
"You read it?"
"It's an interesting thesis," he said with a nod. "Not one I've come across in the Academy's archives."
"Yeah…" She looked down at the book, finding it difficult to hold his perfectly steady gaze. "It's not from the Academy, it's a facsimile of something from the Human World. I got it from - a friend, I guess."
"You guess?"
Irritation nipped at her tongue. "Yeah. I guess." She took a breath, reminding herself that this guy was being polite and not everyone who bothered speaking to her had to have an ulterior motive. "So…thanks for getting it back to me. I didn't want to disappoint him by losing it."
"Him?" The fourth-year tilted his head in clear curiosity. "Your boyfriend, then?"
"What? No!" Kaede shook her head adamantly. "No, god no!"
He chuckled, holding up his hands. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to pry."
"Then why'd you jump to 'boyfriend,' of all things?!"
"Ah…" He brought his hand to the back of his neck. "Well, I guess I was trying to pry."
Kaede's stomach dropped. Just when she started to think this one was different… "Look, if you want to ask something, just ask, but I already told you I won't talk about…the stories."
There. Now he'd leave her alone, knowing that she wouldn't give him what he was looking for.
"All right," he replied. "I won't ask about them. What do you make of that thesis, though?"
Kaede almost took a physical step back, his candor catching her off guard. He didn't seem butthurt that she'd shut him down, and instead of just walking away, he was…still trying to talk to her?
His brown eyes held hers steadily, and she found it hard to look away this time, as much as she wanted to. She scrambled to remember what the book was even about, but her mind had gone devastatingly blank.
She blinked a few times and shook her head, trying to kickstart the gears back into motion. "I, uhm - it's interesting, but - uh-"
"But?"
Kaede averted her eyes, needing to not be looking into his face for a few seconds. "I haven't finished it yet. I don't like forming opinions until I've seen the whole argument."
"Of course," he said. "Perhaps when you finish, we can discuss it. I'm curious to hear what you think."
"Um…" What was she supposed to say to that? She had no real reason to refuse, other than a faint suspicion that he might just be playing with her. "Yeah…okay."
She waited for him to walk away, but he didn't. Was he waiting for her to leave first?
Her stomach growled, loud enough that she knew he heard.
"I should go," she said, edging away from him. "Before they stop serving dinner…"
"You eat at the mess hall?"
"Well…yeah, why?"
He shook his head with an amused smile. "That explains why I haven't seen you very often. The food there is…well, anyone beyond their first year can tell you there are better places to eat in the Seireitei."
Kaede glanced away, her neck warming at the implication that she didn't know something everyone else, apparently, did. Besides, she thought the food in the mess hall was fine. Better than the Nest, certainly.
There was also the uncomfortable reality that he probably meant places outside of the Academy - places she wasn't allowed to go to. Plus, as far as she knew, eating anywhere aside from the Academy's dining hall meant paying for food. There were enough stories about her floating around; she didn't want to add "impoverished" to the list.
"That's…nice," she said. "I'm fine with the mess hall."
"Have I made you upset again?" His smile evaporated, replaced with a contrite furrowing of his brow.
"No," she lied - but she didn't know what else to say. She wanted to leave, but without the excuse of him being rude to her, she didn't want to come off as impolite herself. It was hard enough talking to people.
A clanging sound rang out across the Academy grounds - the signal that dinner time was over, and students should retire to their barracks for evening study.
"Shit," Kaede swore before she could stop herself. Her stomach growled again. "Yeah, I know!"
"Sorry?"
She closed her eyes, realizing she'd just said that out loud. "No, not you - I mean-"
He smiled again. "I'd be lying if I said I've never talked to myself before. Not usually to specific organs, though."
"Why are you still talking to me?" she burst out. "You gave me the book back. That's done. So what do you want?"
He looked genuinely surprised for a moment. Then it was like something clicked behind those eyes - an understanding. As swiftly as it appeared, it was gone, replaced with that same cordial smile.
An unsettling sense of familiarity crept up on her, but she squashed it down. This wasn't the Nest, he wasn't a 'dangerous element;' he was a fellow student.
"Well," he began, looking toward the darkening sky, "since it seems I made you miss dinner, I'd like to make it up to you."
"What do you mean?"
He looked back at her with raised brows, the faint light from the nearby lanterns reflecting off of his glasses. "I thought that would be obvious."
Irritation nipped at her nerves. "Spell it out for me."
"I'd like to buy you dinner," he stated. "It's the least I can do, having made you miss yours."
Kaede stared at him, waiting for the punchline. This couldn't be happening. There had to be something else going on. He wanted something, that much was clear, but all his denials made her unsure of exactly what. Without knowing his motives, she couldn't be certain of anything he said - and she just didn't have the energy to play games.
"No," she answered.
He blinked, his smile wavering. "No?"
Until she had a better idea of his motives, she didn't want to give him any reason to hold power over her, no matter how small. But that wouldn't be the 'polite' explanation. "I don't want to."
She wasn't sure how polite that was, either, but it seemed the better option.
"You're not hungry?"
As though determined to betray her, her stomach growled yet again. "Yeah. But I can deal with that."
"You'd rather go hungry than allow me to buy you food?"
"Pretty much."
"May I ask why?"
Kaede searched for the best way to articulate her reasoning without giving too much away about her upbringing. "Because I've seen enough bullshit artists to know they're not worth entertaining."
"And what makes you think I'm such a person?" he asked calmly, not seeming at all surprised or insulted.
That, Kaede thought. She might have had a hard time so far understanding people out here, but the Nest had taught her this much: there were people who lied to themselves, and people who lied to others. The ones who lied to themselves - whether with delusions of grandeur or with the hope that they'd eventually be released - were easily offended when confronted with their own contradictions. They couldn't handle being shown that mirror, so they lashed out to break it.
The ones who lied to others…they were far more insidious. They shifted like shadows, adjusting their every move to avoid the light being shone on them. Confront them about their lies, and they merely molded that into the next lie.
Of course, there were some people who didn't lie at all, and the effect was incredibly unsettling. Kurotsuchi Mayuri's white face and yellow eyes rose to her mind as an example.
Those who lied to themselves were pitiable in her eyes - though she knew she was one of them. Sometimes lies were all that kept a person sane, and she preferred having some form of mental stability. She clung to the idea that 'hope' wasn't just another lie to herself.
But she couldn't stand lying to others - not in the way that she was pretty sure this guy was doing right now. It was hard enough, doing the dance of expected social interactions; adding fabrication on top of that seemed exhausting. Furthermore, those sorts of liars were always self-serving, constantly trying to twist things in their favor.
She had to be better than that.
"Because," she began when she realized she'd been standing there silently. "You keep finding excuses to keep me here, despite your insistence that you have no interest in what people say about me. Every time I try to put you off, you change tactics. You're trying to figure out what will make me bend."
He studied her with that unflinching brown gaze. "I see…you may be right about some of that, though allow me to correct you on one point: I never insisted that I have no interest in what people say about you, only that I wouldn't ask about it. As for 'finding excuses' to keep you here - is it so difficult to believe that I find you interesting?"
"I don't want to be 'interesting!'" she blurted out. She wrapped her hands around her forearms, over the chain patterns hidden by her sleeves. "Is that so hard to understand? I'm not just some freak accident, and I don't exist for your entertainment!"
Screw propriety and all its conventions; she couldn't do this anymore. She ran out of the dojo yard, leaving the fourth-year behind once again.
Kaede avoided eye contact with anyone over the next few days, hurrying between classes and shutting out her fellow students with singular focus. She didn't want to know if the incident in Hakuda training had joined the rumor pool, and she didn't dare risk seeing her classmates' judging stares.
Then, one day, when she got back to her dorm, she found a small box near her bedroll.
She approached the object cautiously as though it might explode if she got too close. When it did not, in fact, do that, she gingerly opened the fabric wrapping around it. A note fluttered onto the sheets.
I'm sorry. Please accept this as a token of my sincerity.
The handwriting was as elegant as the message was cryptic. Kaede eased open the box's lid. Inside, neatly partitioned in rice-paper cups, sat four round confections, each a different color. Green, red, white - one was even covered in black sesame seeds. Kaede lifted the last one between two fingers, sniffing it - then taking as tiny a bite as she could manage.
It didn't taste like much at first; she'd mostly just gotten a couple of sesame seeds and some sort of gummy substance underneath. She tried a larger bite, ready to spit it out if needed.
Flavor burst on her tongue. There was some sort of black paste inside that was both sweet and toasty, its dense, grainy texture welcome against the chewy softness of the dough around it. She chewed slowly, closing her eyes and letting the substance roll around her tongue. It was like nothing she'd ever eaten before, and she didn't want it to end! She had to try the others, and then she had to find out what these sweet, chewy balls were.
Her eyes fell to the note, and she stopped chewing. It wasn't signed, but with a sinking sensation, she realized who'd written it. Dammit…Now that she'd basically accepted his gift, she owed him something in return, didn't she? How did he get this into the girls' barracks, anyway? She almost wanted to throw the little box away, along with the note - but the sweet little spheres were too enticing.
She picked up the note, ready to crumple it up when she realized it had been folded in half - and the bottom had a further message.
I'd still like to discuss that book. There's a vendor that brings fresh tofu in from the commercial district every Thursday, just outside of the west entrance of the library. I'll be there next Thursday.
He was persistent. Well, she had finished that book…maybe he really was just interested in her opinions on it. Her instincts told her that wasn't the case, and she'd learned to trust them over the years.
But…she also wanted to see what would happen if she did go.
All right then, she thought, popping the rest of the black sesame ball into her mouth. She'd play this time.
AN: Three guesses who Mr. 4th Year is, and the first two don't count. What do you think so far? Is Kaede right to assume he has some ulterior motive? …that's a stupid question. Here's a better one: What do you think his motive is, and how do you see things playing out?
Hiyori's here too! She is a ton of fun to write, which is good, because she'll be playing a significant part in Kaede's story. I was surprised by how much I kinda fell in love with her character through writing this fic. I'll be filling in some gaps for her throughout the story, since in canon she's not explored a whole lot beyond the "Turn Back the Pendulum" arc. But that's the fun of fanfic!
As for Kaede…seems she's off to a rough start at the Academy. I tried to imagine what it would be like for, say, a prisoner first rejoining society…hopefully that came through.
Comments are love! I look forward to seeing what y'all think so far - your predictions, observations, how well you think I'm writing the canon characters (or how not well - I'm fine with polite, constructive criticism). I love hearing from you!
Next Time: Friends? Kaede meets Mr. 4th Year again…layered conversations ensue.