Lost confused Unkind
Chapter 98
"Erm....surprise!" he held his arms out to the side then put them in the pockets of his jeans. I swallowed & threw the rest of my cigarette onto the ground. I saw Sasha & Dwayne's faces peering around the door & I stared at them & shook my head. I wasn't ready for this, not yet & I could've strangled them for it!
"Hi." I muttered.
"Hmm....well it's not exactly the welcome I imagined but it's a start I guess!"
"Look....Jeff I'm sorry but well.....I didn't exactly plan on seeing you for another 2 weeks! It's just...a little erm...unexpected that's all!"
"Ah ok sorry! I should've known it was a bad idea!" he looked down at his feet & I realised what a bitch I was being!
I sighed, "I'm sorry! I just never expected..." I ran a hand through my hair & smiled, "Sasha & Dwayne's idea I take it?"
"Yeah!" he smiled back at me & shuffled his feet in the dirt. "You ah.....wanna take a walk?"
"Yeah sure!" I gave the two conspiritors one final glare & Jeff & I walked around to the side of the building. "So did you bring Jude with you?"
"No.....he's with Dad is that ok?"
"Yeah, that's fine!" I sat down on a wall & he sat down beside me.
"Are you feeling ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine thanks! You?"
He nodded, "Yeah ok."
We looked away from each other. Damn I couldn't believe Sasha & Dwayne had pulled this crap! They must have thought they were doing the right thing but God they couldn't have been more wrong! I didn't want things to be strained like this between me & Jeff, I needed time, time that I thought I had! Looking back now I don't see what difference 2 weeks would have made but at the time I believed it would have given me the opportunity to think about Jeff & try & sort my head out a little!
"Jude's doing great!"
"That's good! Thanks for ah......looking after him!"
"That's no problem! Anytime!" He smiled & looked at his feet. "Bec I'm sorry for comming over! Just Sasha thought you might like to see me maybe?"
"Hmm yeah look don't get me wrong I am gald to see you it's just a bit of a shock that's all!"
"Yeah sure!"
We sat in silence again for a few minutes. I tried desperatly to think of something to say to him.....anything to break this silence!
"How's your dad?"
Jeff ran a hand through his hair & laughed sarcastically. "He's fine. Look Bec this is stupid!"
"Stupid isn't quite the word I'd have used to describe it!"
He stood up, "Come on it's me here! Me & you.....what happened?"
"I don't know." I said quietly.
"I just......well I...." he sighed, "Come here!" He grabbed both of my hands & pulled me off the wall so we were face to face. "I've missed you so much!" I swallowed hard & avoided his eyes. "Bec?"
"Yeah...I missed you too!" I whispered.
"So look at me!"
I closed my eyes & took a deep breath. Slowly I looked up at his face, he was still as beautiful as I remembered, more so probably! It had been so long since I last saw him I don't think my memories did him justice! He touched my cheek, "I'm not asking anything of you, all I wanna do is spend some time with you, talk, hang out that's all ok?" I nodded slowly. "I just want us to be friends again!"
I bit on my lip as tears welled up in my eyes. Slowly I put my arms around his back but it felt like it took every last ounce of strength I had. For some reason I just didn't want to let my guard down & be vunerable, not just to Jeff but to anyone! I felt too fragile inside to let anyone in & I was scared that as soon as I relaxed & took down this invisable 'force field' something would happen & I'd end up back in the hospital....I'd end up crazy again!
As soon as he felt my arms around him he grabbed me & pulled me to him tightly. I heard him take in a deep breath. "God I missed you!" He whispered over my shoulder. It felt good to be in his arms again but at the same time I was wishing he was miles away! It was so confusing, my emotions were all over the place & I felt like screaming! But instead I let him hold me as I breathed in his familliar scent & let the tears slowly rool down my cheeks.
Chapter 98
"Erm....surprise!" he held his arms out to the side then put them in the pockets of his jeans. I swallowed & threw the rest of my cigarette onto the ground. I saw Sasha & Dwayne's faces peering around the door & I stared at them & shook my head. I wasn't ready for this, not yet & I could've strangled them for it!
"Hi." I muttered.
"Hmm....well it's not exactly the welcome I imagined but it's a start I guess!"
"Look....Jeff I'm sorry but well.....I didn't exactly plan on seeing you for another 2 weeks! It's just...a little erm...unexpected that's all!"
"Ah ok sorry! I should've known it was a bad idea!" he looked down at his feet & I realised what a bitch I was being!
I sighed, "I'm sorry! I just never expected..." I ran a hand through my hair & smiled, "Sasha & Dwayne's idea I take it?"
"Yeah!" he smiled back at me & shuffled his feet in the dirt. "You ah.....wanna take a walk?"
"Yeah sure!" I gave the two conspiritors one final glare & Jeff & I walked around to the side of the building. "So did you bring Jude with you?"
"No.....he's with Dad is that ok?"
"Yeah, that's fine!" I sat down on a wall & he sat down beside me.
"Are you feeling ok?"
"Yeah I'm fine thanks! You?"
He nodded, "Yeah ok."
We looked away from each other. Damn I couldn't believe Sasha & Dwayne had pulled this crap! They must have thought they were doing the right thing but God they couldn't have been more wrong! I didn't want things to be strained like this between me & Jeff, I needed time, time that I thought I had! Looking back now I don't see what difference 2 weeks would have made but at the time I believed it would have given me the opportunity to think about Jeff & try & sort my head out a little!
"Jude's doing great!"
"That's good! Thanks for ah......looking after him!"
"That's no problem! Anytime!" He smiled & looked at his feet. "Bec I'm sorry for comming over! Just Sasha thought you might like to see me maybe?"
"Hmm yeah look don't get me wrong I am gald to see you it's just a bit of a shock that's all!"
"Yeah sure!"
We sat in silence again for a few minutes. I tried desperatly to think of something to say to him.....anything to break this silence!
"How's your dad?"
Jeff ran a hand through his hair & laughed sarcastically. "He's fine. Look Bec this is stupid!"
"Stupid isn't quite the word I'd have used to describe it!"
He stood up, "Come on it's me here! Me & you.....what happened?"
"I don't know." I said quietly.
"I just......well I...." he sighed, "Come here!" He grabbed both of my hands & pulled me off the wall so we were face to face. "I've missed you so much!" I swallowed hard & avoided his eyes. "Bec?"
"Yeah...I missed you too!" I whispered.
"So look at me!"
I closed my eyes & took a deep breath. Slowly I looked up at his face, he was still as beautiful as I remembered, more so probably! It had been so long since I last saw him I don't think my memories did him justice! He touched my cheek, "I'm not asking anything of you, all I wanna do is spend some time with you, talk, hang out that's all ok?" I nodded slowly. "I just want us to be friends again!"
I bit on my lip as tears welled up in my eyes. Slowly I put my arms around his back but it felt like it took every last ounce of strength I had. For some reason I just didn't want to let my guard down & be vunerable, not just to Jeff but to anyone! I felt too fragile inside to let anyone in & I was scared that as soon as I relaxed & took down this invisable 'force field' something would happen & I'd end up back in the hospital....I'd end up crazy again!
As soon as he felt my arms around him he grabbed me & pulled me to him tightly. I heard him take in a deep breath. "God I missed you!" He whispered over my shoulder. It felt good to be in his arms again but at the same time I was wishing he was miles away! It was so confusing, my emotions were all over the place & I felt like screaming! But instead I let him hold me as I breathed in his familliar scent & let the tears slowly rool down my cheeks.