People I am BACK! Would you believe I contracted amnesia and thought I was a penguin? No your not that stupid. I have no excuse, but I bring you the next chapter anyway! Everyone give a big round of applause to Aelimir who's review got me up off my arse. As a reward to all you people who have waited so patiently I give you not one, not two, not four but three, yes THREE new chapters.

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Some strange noise, steadily increasing in volume, drifted on the wind. It seemed to be getting closer and closer, fast.

Wailing, it grew to almost unbearable pitch, screeching worse than the damned in hell.

WHAM!

It cut off very quickly, emphasised by a low inaudible groaning.

A blue haired head peeked up, blinking in the light of the rising sun.

The body twitched slightly, protesting in movement. A hand shaded her eyes from the sun's rays as she looked out to see where she was.

Eyes saw the distant hill of mountains, snow capped and awe inspiring as the sun glowed golden behind them

Wind buffeted her face as she grinned at the sight.

"WAHOO! I'm outside! I'm free! I'm….ugh!" She spat next to her, grimacing.

"Bloody bugs"

Mel leaped to her feet, feeling ready to dance, leaping towards the distant chance at freedom.

"Stop child!"

Something grabbed hold of her shirt, yanking her back roughly, and with good reason. For a brief second, beneath her feet was nothing. Down miles below the ground seemed to move gut wrenchingly, tiny moving figures looking like ants.

Mel's eyes grew impossibly big and she started gibbering in an altogether disturbing way.

It came as a shock to feel someone slap her cheek relatively hard. Her eyes blinked, focusing again on a person. Without hesitation WHACK! She belted the person one as well across the face.

"What the HELL was that for!" she screeched, jumping to her feet, hand raised again to slap the person a second time.

"Please child, I meant no offence"

"No OFFENCE!? You bloody slapped me across the FACE for gods sake! What way am I meant to take it? !"

"No no, it was necessary I'm afraid"

"NECISARY!? What? You commonly stroll up to complete strangers and sock them one?! That it?"

"Child, please…" The person was fast loosing patience.

"You were in a state of psychosis"

Mel blinked, lowering her hand slightly.

"Sooo…you slapped me to bring me out of it?"

The person nodded, deciding to leave out the part that it was more than one slap before she returned to normal.

"Man….you certainly stronger than you look" Mel mused, massaging her cheek.

The person decided to change the topic of conversation quick, before suspicion aroused.

"And who are you?" he asked.

"Me? Gee, no ones asked that since I got hear." She sniffed slightly, wiping away a fake tear.

"I'm Mel, quit looking at me like that!"

"The person tried to look innocent.

"Like what?"

"Like digimon man does!"

"Digimon man?"

Mel rolled her eyes.

"Forgot, its all medieval hear."

"Medieval?"

Mel sighed, aggravated.

"Forget it, you wouldn't understand"

"Wouldn't understand?" the person repeated again. Mel nearly growled.

"What are you? A bloody parrot!?"

She glared at the man, then realised he seemed to be laughing silently to himself behind his beard. Laughing, most likely, at HER!

"What's so funny?" she asked huffily, arms crossed.

"Never mind"

She rose an eyebrow.

"Never mind?"

"I have a question to ask, Mel, if you'd be so kind as to answer?"

Mel shrugged. "Go ahead, shoot"

"Your not from around hear, are you?"

"Guess you could say that, yea"

"What are you doing hear?"

"Haven't a bloody clue"

The man looked at Mel curiously.

"Your doing it again!" she whined, a sulk in her voice.

"What am I doing?"

"Looking like bloody Saruman does when he's trying to figure me out!"

"Saruman!" he all but spat the words out with contempt.

"Ah…I see you know him"

"Yes I do, what interest does he have in you?"

Mel shrugged again.

"How am I meant to know the workings of another, most possibly insane man mind? I'm not a psychiatrist you know"

"Your not telling the truth"

"What? You DO think I'm a psychiatrist"

"Your trying to change the subject" The man pointed out, patiently. Mel sighed and sat down, in the middle of the tower centre and clearly not in view of the ground.

"You want to know? first, what's your name"

The wizard chuckled again at this. Before answering.

"My name is Gandalf, Gandalf the grey"

His ears caught a comment under Mel's breath. Something about a bond, James bond.

She sighed.

"Okay, ill tell you what I know, but its not much. Saruman's bloody secretive about the whole thing…. Annoying bastard……" That was meant to be said quietly but Gandalf heard it anyway, and had to suppress a sudden chuckle.

"……Anyway, the orcs don't say much, they usually avoid me, except a few who aren't too bad I suppose, even helping on occasion, often unwittingly but still…I'm getting a bit sidetracked hear…"

Gandalf just stared In open mouth shock. Orcs? Mel didn't realise the surprise on his face that seemed to increase with every word.

"……from what could gather from eavesdropping and the occasional snatches of paper Saruman was studying at the time…." a grin crossed her face at that "…boy was he pissed when he found out they were gone. Course so was I , gone that is, I'm not stupid enough to hang around and get caught, but George was there and tolled me about it.."

"George?" Gandalf interrupted faintly. Mel didn't seem to acknowledge the strangled edge that appeared in the old wizards voice.

"Yea George. Not his actual name but it's a helluva lot easier to say, and he doesn't seem to mind it."

"George is an orc!?"

"Yea…so? Sure he desperately needs a dentist and face lift but he's actually not to bad once you get to know him"

"Your friends with ORCS?!"

"Friends? Hell no! Not exactly. I bribe them with the pipe weed I manage to lift, they help me out in return. Not friendship but it works!" she added brightly. Gandalf just stared in his state of vague shock/horror. Mel ignored it.

"…what I managed to gather together is a spell gone major wrong, and in a language like that, what would you expect? My guess is he either wants me around still because through me he might find a clue of what did go wrong with it, or he's just charmed by my 'astounding personality' " the last was said with much sarcasm.

She looked over at the silent Gandalf.

"Erm…you might want to close your mouth before a bug flies in" she suggested.

Gandalf silently complied.

"Sooo...what did you do to piss off old wizard boy?" she asked, not liking the sudden silence. Gandalf gave a start.

"Pardon?"

"Your up hear, I'm guessing you did something bad"

"I did not!"

"That's what I said too, but does he listen? Nooooooo!"

Gandalf looked at the child gravely.

"You do not understand the severity of the situation do you child?". Mel thought hard about this.

"Nope, not really. And I'm probably glad too"

Gandalf shook his head in bemusement.

"So, child. What did you do to earn your way up hear"

"Didn't run fast enough"

"Pardon?" Gandalf wasn't sure how much more surprise he was going to get today.

"I didn't run fast enough this time. Usually I'm around five rooms away before they try looking for who's responsible. They give up after a while if they cant get me. You'd be surprised how many places there is to hide around hear"

Obviously a lot more surprises by the rate things were going now.

"And just why were you running?"

Mel grinned.

"Many things"

She started rifling through her pockets.

"I've got a list hear…some ware. Cant usually remember all I plan to do, bad memory and all…hear!"

She thrust a slightly tattered looking piece of paper at Gandalf, who took it reflexively.

With a glance at Mel, his expression unreadable, he unfolded the page and began to read.

"Walk behind people, making whoop whoop noises

Cover person with whip cream and silly string

Stand behind teachers and breath loudly

Egg the….hear the word principle is crossed out and replaced with 'wizard boy' "

He looked at Mel strangely.

"Hadn't done that one yet"

Gandalf continued reading.

"Beep like a truck whenever someone tries walking backwards

Stand in a lift full of people and slap head, muttering about the voices to shut up" Gandalf couldn't make heads or tales out of that one.

"Yea…that list is slightly old. Half of it I was planning to do back home, but I improvise"

"Teach the orcs about strikes!"

"Hehe…Saruman had a bit of trouble there. Couldn't get them working for a while, until he agreed to their terms. Personally I wouldn't of sold myself at the level of food and ale, considering they got that anyway, Meh, you win some you loose some"

"Rearrange the furniture stuff

Pull objects along with hidden strings?"

"Yep, now theirs a crazy idea going around that the place is haunted" Mel couldn't stop grinning.

"I wonder how it started" Gandalf stated idly, continuing on with the list.

"Gee…I wonder"

"Sing annoying songs….do I want to know what they are?"

Mel instantly launched into one.

"Iiiiiii…like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny, when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get…"

She was cut off quickly.

"How are you still alive?"

"I'm trying to figure that part out myself, and until then I'm going to exploit the fact that so far I'm not deceased"

"More the worse for everyone"

"My thoughts exactly!"

"Its true.."

"Pardon?" Mel looked at Gandalf confused, not at all understanding what brought about that comment. He motioned to her shirt, which still stated 'There is a fine line between genius and insanity, I have erased that line'.

"Oh…..you called me a genius!" Mel looked delighted. Gandalf looked taken aback. He meant the insane part, but chose not to mentioned it. Mel looked like a happy kitten in the middle of a mouse farm, clapping her hands and bouncing on her feet, until she remembered the heights.

Gandalf was then witness to exactly how fast one can go from mid air jump, to flat on the stomach, virtually hugging the floor. Even he was amazed at the speed that it occurred.

Mel was back into the state of wide eyed terror, nearly at full on psychosis babbling.

"Mel…I don't mean to give any ideas hear, but I might have some useful tips that might come in handy"

Gandalf really didn't think it was natural for peoples moods to change that quickly, let alone normal, but it had gotten Mel's attention. She was now sitting across from him, paying rapped attention.

"Lay it on me Gandy"

Though he hated to think of the consequences for Mel to what he was about to suggest, at least it was a way of securing his own hand in revenge, and Saruman was going to have a hell of a time. One hell of a time. He might even ask the lady Galadriel a favour to see the results in her mirror, if he survived.

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Mel tucked the new improved list back into a pocket, smirking.

"When do you think they'll let you off Gandy?" She asked for conversation. He shook his head in answer.

"I do not think….." he thought for a sec, before changing what he was going to say. "Not for a while yet. How long do you think you'll be up Mel?"

Mel shrugged.

"Until it occurs to them that they have a well known trouble maker who's limits are as of yet unknown mingling with a prisoner that would most likely want revenge, and since your quite old and more knowledgeable about things…well the results will be considered unpleasant"

There was a brooding silence, in which the sound of a very loud curse reverberated from within the tower.

"That should of just occurred to them then, I'm guessing"

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Mel squealed happily as her feet touched solid ground again, once she opened her eyes and started to breath normally.

"I'm FREEEE!" She cried out, jumping forward, arms outstretched. She latched onto the closest thing and hugged it tight.

"Gerrof me!" it protested loudly, trying to pull Mel off. It only made Mel cling tighter, grinning madly.

Saruman seriously thought hard about the wise ness of his choice, letting the Girl down again. It was such a temptation to leave her up there, he had enjoyed the peace and the orcs certainly appreciated the lack of insane girl running around. Mind you it was quite entertaining to watch the current Orc dance about madly in an attempt to try and shake of the Child, who was refusing to let go.

He had to admit she was doing an outstanding impression of a stubborn barnacle, but his patience were wearing thin.

"GIRL!".

She let go of the orc quickly, flopping to the floor in an ungraceful lump, trying to look innocent. It was amazing how quickly she could change expressions like that.

"No more foolishness from you, or it will be your last" he threatened, voice dead low. Mel gulped audibly, clambering to her feet.

"Alright then, then by your leave I wish to retire back to my room, if I may?" she asked, hesitant to all and out run. When Saruman, looking slightly strange at the sudden formality in Mel, nodded in affirmination, she walked calmly out of the room.

Saruman nearly grinned in glee as he hear her footsteps suddenly speed up into a bolt. Maybe she would listen this time around, though he doubted miracles.

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"WAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH" THUMP!

"Back again I see" Gandalf said in the way of greeting. "What is it this time? Your fourth visit?"

"Fifth" Mel answered, picking herself up and brushing herself off.

"What was it this time?"

"Wizard boy bloody walked into the slick area. Seemed a bit miffed at falling flat on his arse"

"I wish I could of seen it" Gandalf chuckled. Mel sighed wistfully at the thought of a camcorder.

"Yea…but at least you have the thought" There was a reflective pause as both thought of the incident, which was quite funny to picture, or in Mel's case, remember vividly.

"You really ought to stop coming up hear…"

"Its okay...I bribed the orcs again with pipe weed to let me down" She wrinkled her nose at the mention of smoking. "Cant stand it myself"

"But still…" he trailed off as a bundle of the stuff suddenly landed in his lap. He looked up at the smug looking Mel.

"Thought I might help" she shrugged, as if randomly tossing weed to all powerful wizard prisoners with overly large noses were a common occurrence.

"I thank you Mel, but unfortunately I have no way to.." he instinctively duck suddenly as a clay pipe went flying at him, landing next to the pipe weed.

"Its amazing what you find just lying around" she stated, picking at her nails in a bored manner.

"Yes, especially in Saruman's private stash I bet too"

Mel looked at Gandalf in wonderment at such an accusation.

"Why sir, are you accusing me of illegal petty theft? AND from the courteous benefactor who has taken it upon himself to care for me out of the goodness of his heart?"

"He's not hear you know, no need to go full on"

"Yea, but I got to practise, get into the habit"

"You seem to have it down well"

"Do I? All the better for me then"

"And the worse for Saruman, not that I think he doesn't deserve it"

"Yep"

"Incidentally, Why do you need to practise?"

Mel grinned her now trademark grin, the one others have learned to watch out for and pray it wasn't they who was the target.

"Well… I'm starting to get ready some of those, delightful suggestions you made"

"Ah, and you don't want to appear the cause, am I right?"

"Quite"

"Do you have a light by any chance on you?" Gandalf asked, gesturing to his 'borrowed' unlit pipe.

Mel 's face fell instantly. She kicked at the ground hard.

"Knew I forgot something!" she cursed herself, hopping about, cradling her injured foot. She had GOT to remember she wore only socks. They sure as hell made her silent when walking, but also made her rather prone to sliding about erratically when trying to run. Through practise though she was getting quite good at it.

"Its alright Mel…" he said, puffing happily on the now lit pipe and shaking slightly in mirth. She gaped at him, mouth open in shock.

"How did you…."

"It seems, even without the aid of my staff, I still have a little magic left in these weary old bones"

The look on Mel's face was priceless to see.

"And now that's over, I can continue on with what I was going to say"

Mel pulled a face.

"Jesus, you got a good memory for an old guy. Course I'm basing this off my grandpa, which isn't saying much for the dirty old man"

"Mel"

"What?" she asked, looking innocent again.

"Don't try to distract me"

"I do that with everyone, what makes you so special?"

"Your trying to avoid the subject hear"

"Am I? How rude of me. I wont do it again"

Mel all but glared at the wizard as he coughed something under his breath. Something sounding suspiciously like 'doubtful'.

"As I was saying before. You really should stop coming up hear deliberately. I will be fine without your presence for a few hours"

"What makes you think I'm up hear to see YOU?" She demanded, arms folded and looking like a three year old about to have a temper tantrum.

"Because, Mel, in the passed thirteen hours you have gotten yourself thrown up hear a total of five times, when before you have been hear over three days and pride yourself in not getting caught once. Now then, what would cause you to suddenly be able to get caught so readily? And with each time having something that you have thoughtfully 'borrowed' for my benefit"

Mel looked genuinely angry now, face turning red in both fury and embarrassment.

"LOOK! If you don't want me interrupting you and your obviously busy schedule , then I bloody well WILL just leave you alone to rot on this god forsaken hell tower! Will that make you happy?!"

"No need to be so angry. I don't want you being punished to try and help me"

"Punishment? HA, im fine"

"Oh really? Whenever your up hear your scared half to death. I know you do not mean to show it but your terrified"

"What you talking about? Its great up hear, all the air, sunshine….bugs" she grimaced at that last part, swatting a particularly bothersome one.

Gandalf shook his head.

"You cant look at anything without starting to shake, and you refuse to move from your spot or go any wear near the edge"

"I get air sick easy, do you know how nauseating it is being thrown up a mile or two in the air half a dozen times?"

Gandalf rose an eyebrow in question, that look on his face.

"What do I do to show I'm okay? You want everything to be on the up and up? FINE!"

She jumped up from her spot and stalked to the edge of the tower, looking down at the trees being uprooted below, glaring still. She whirled around, arms crossed, staring defiantly at Gandalf.

"SEE!? Fine, happy, okay. Want me to try tap-dancing on my hands maybe? Will that help? I'm fine up hear. I'm okay! Nothing to worry about. And now it appears I have to leave again! You better appreciate that pipe I nicked while I'm gone or I'll pound your arse!"

******************

On solid ground again, Mel collapsed to her knees, trying hard not to kiss the floor. She suddenly bolted from the room, hand over her mouth, running through the orcs with one hand out, much like a rugby player would push others aside.

"MOVE OUT THE WAY! I'm gunna hurl!"

A path cleared quickly enough at those words, and record time was made.

Above Isengard on the top of the tower, Gandalf was enjoying his pipe good enough, once again reflecting over how strange that child was. He wasn't fooled, he knew she was dead scared of heights, but he certainly didn't know she'd go to that extent to prove otherwise. Most unusual, but certainly entertaining. He couldn't help but like Mel somehow, she sort of grew on him, and the stories she tolled of her exploits were always welcome. He was quite touched at her not too subtle attempts to try and make him feel less depressed about his predicament, and her embarrassment on being found out was good for a laugh. He didn't doubt he's be seeing a lot more of her again, especially if she was going to try even half the stuff that was suggested.

If only there was someway of getting off this blasted tower and warn others of Saruman's treachery. Frodo needed his help and guidance, the ring needed to reach rivendell, Saruman and Sauron must not get their hands on it, and now, something else wormed its way onto his to-do list, something quite unintended but unquestionable. Mel, the child. To help her as well.

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