Lost Confused Unkind
Chapter 101
We stood there staring at each other & I just wanted to run but my legs wouldn't move. "I'm sorry!" He whispered & leaned in to kiss me.
"No!" I gently pushed him back feeling his hot naked flesh beneath my fingers. "I won't let you break her heart Adam! This can not happen! OK?" My head was spinning.
"I know it's crazy Bec but..." He stepped closer to me & I took a step backwards.
"But nothing! Jesus!" I ran a hand through my hair. Again he stepped closer to me, "I thought you loved Sasha?"
"I did! I do! But I just....I can't help it! I know it's wrong but it....it's driving me crazy!" He touched my cheek & I closed my eyes.
"Adam dude I just..."
I froze & slowly opened my eyes to see Jeff in the dorrway staring at us in disbelief!
"Jeff! Hey....ah...." Adam quickly took a step backwards & ran a hand through his hair nervously. Jeff bit the corner of his mouth, nodded slowly & held up his hands as he backed out into the corridor & out of sight. Adam & I looked at each other in silence for a few seconds & then I made for the door.
"BEC!" He grabbed my arm & I shook him off & turned to face him.
"If you have any feelings for me then you end it with Sasha right now!" I spat at him.
"And then what?"
I Laughed sarcastically & shook my head, "And then what? Well either I totally screw my best friend & me & you live happilly ever after or ...." I got right up in his face, "You fuck off back to canada & stay the hell out of both of our lives! I wonder which option you will get you son of a bitch!" With that I staromed out of the room & hoped I could find Jeff and explain before he told anyone what he thought he had just seen!
I looked for him for over 20 minutes & eventually gave up & went outside for a cigarette! Y'know how they say you find what you're looking for the minute you stop looking for it? I almost ran into the back of Jeff when I barged through the doors!
"JEFF!" He turned slightly, his arms folded across his chest & then looked away again. "I've been looking for you! We need to talk!"
"Do we?"
"Don't be like this!" I Walked around to the front of him, "What you saw in there wasn't what it looked like!"
"It doesn't really matter does it?"
I swallowed hard, "It matters to me! Look Adam is with Sasha now and..."
"I know he is that's what made it all the more confusing!"
"It was nothing jeff! I swear to you it just looked bad that's all!" He sighed and sat down on a nearby step. Loud booming sounds came from inside signalling the start of the show & we both glanced at the doors.
"You're gonna miss the show!" he said quietly.
"I don't care about the show!" I yelled at him, "Talk to me Jeff!"
'Ok, is that the reason?"
"What?"
He stood up & pointed to the door, "That! Him! Is that the reason you don't...." he bit on his lip.
"No!"
"Well then what happened? What the hell happened because I don't even know how I could've done anything wrong! I haven't seen you to piss you off!"
"You haven't pissed me off!"
He grabbed my arms, "So what happened? why isn't it the same?"
I shook my head, "I don't know!"
"Bec!" he looked into my eyes, "Do you love me? I mean are you IN love with me?"
I reached up and touched his cheek, "Jeff...." I took a deep breath & shook my head. He let out a breath and looked up at the sky, "I'm sorry!" I whispered, "Sit down, let's talk please?"
"Well....Adam's a lucky guy then!" He started for the door.
"It's nothing to do with Adam!" I shouted but still he headed for the door. "JEFF!" I needed him to stop walking! I wanted us to talk! "It's not Adam it's Matt!" He stopped in his tracks & looked down at his feet, "I still love Matt! I'm sorry! Please don't walk away from me!"
"He sure is a hard act to follow!" he said quietly & slowly he turned to face me.
"Yes he is!" I nodded as he slowly walked back towards me, then past me & sat back down on the step.
"Why didn't you say something?"
"I didn't know myself!" I sat down beside him, "Well maybe I did deep down but......I used so many excuses as to why I wasn't getting on with my life, hell I even started to see my psycho ex boyfriend!" I Laughed sarcastically.
"But we had something Bec! You said you loved me!" He stared out across the parking lot.
"I know & I thought I did Jeff believe me! I would never have said those things to you if I didn't believe it was true! I dunno what happened, we went through so fucking much together y'know? Maybe I wanted to be in love with you.........I honestly don't know!" I ran my hands through my hair & just wished I hadn't gotten out of bed that morning! What with Adam & Sasha, Shannon & Sarah...Jeff! If all of this shit didn't put me back in the mental ward then nothing would! Not even Mick!
Chapter 101
We stood there staring at each other & I just wanted to run but my legs wouldn't move. "I'm sorry!" He whispered & leaned in to kiss me.
"No!" I gently pushed him back feeling his hot naked flesh beneath my fingers. "I won't let you break her heart Adam! This can not happen! OK?" My head was spinning.
"I know it's crazy Bec but..." He stepped closer to me & I took a step backwards.
"But nothing! Jesus!" I ran a hand through my hair. Again he stepped closer to me, "I thought you loved Sasha?"
"I did! I do! But I just....I can't help it! I know it's wrong but it....it's driving me crazy!" He touched my cheek & I closed my eyes.
"Adam dude I just..."
I froze & slowly opened my eyes to see Jeff in the dorrway staring at us in disbelief!
"Jeff! Hey....ah...." Adam quickly took a step backwards & ran a hand through his hair nervously. Jeff bit the corner of his mouth, nodded slowly & held up his hands as he backed out into the corridor & out of sight. Adam & I looked at each other in silence for a few seconds & then I made for the door.
"BEC!" He grabbed my arm & I shook him off & turned to face him.
"If you have any feelings for me then you end it with Sasha right now!" I spat at him.
"And then what?"
I Laughed sarcastically & shook my head, "And then what? Well either I totally screw my best friend & me & you live happilly ever after or ...." I got right up in his face, "You fuck off back to canada & stay the hell out of both of our lives! I wonder which option you will get you son of a bitch!" With that I staromed out of the room & hoped I could find Jeff and explain before he told anyone what he thought he had just seen!
I looked for him for over 20 minutes & eventually gave up & went outside for a cigarette! Y'know how they say you find what you're looking for the minute you stop looking for it? I almost ran into the back of Jeff when I barged through the doors!
"JEFF!" He turned slightly, his arms folded across his chest & then looked away again. "I've been looking for you! We need to talk!"
"Do we?"
"Don't be like this!" I Walked around to the front of him, "What you saw in there wasn't what it looked like!"
"It doesn't really matter does it?"
I swallowed hard, "It matters to me! Look Adam is with Sasha now and..."
"I know he is that's what made it all the more confusing!"
"It was nothing jeff! I swear to you it just looked bad that's all!" He sighed and sat down on a nearby step. Loud booming sounds came from inside signalling the start of the show & we both glanced at the doors.
"You're gonna miss the show!" he said quietly.
"I don't care about the show!" I yelled at him, "Talk to me Jeff!"
'Ok, is that the reason?"
"What?"
He stood up & pointed to the door, "That! Him! Is that the reason you don't...." he bit on his lip.
"No!"
"Well then what happened? What the hell happened because I don't even know how I could've done anything wrong! I haven't seen you to piss you off!"
"You haven't pissed me off!"
He grabbed my arms, "So what happened? why isn't it the same?"
I shook my head, "I don't know!"
"Bec!" he looked into my eyes, "Do you love me? I mean are you IN love with me?"
I reached up and touched his cheek, "Jeff...." I took a deep breath & shook my head. He let out a breath and looked up at the sky, "I'm sorry!" I whispered, "Sit down, let's talk please?"
"Well....Adam's a lucky guy then!" He started for the door.
"It's nothing to do with Adam!" I shouted but still he headed for the door. "JEFF!" I needed him to stop walking! I wanted us to talk! "It's not Adam it's Matt!" He stopped in his tracks & looked down at his feet, "I still love Matt! I'm sorry! Please don't walk away from me!"
"He sure is a hard act to follow!" he said quietly & slowly he turned to face me.
"Yes he is!" I nodded as he slowly walked back towards me, then past me & sat back down on the step.
"Why didn't you say something?"
"I didn't know myself!" I sat down beside him, "Well maybe I did deep down but......I used so many excuses as to why I wasn't getting on with my life, hell I even started to see my psycho ex boyfriend!" I Laughed sarcastically.
"But we had something Bec! You said you loved me!" He stared out across the parking lot.
"I know & I thought I did Jeff believe me! I would never have said those things to you if I didn't believe it was true! I dunno what happened, we went through so fucking much together y'know? Maybe I wanted to be in love with you.........I honestly don't know!" I ran my hands through my hair & just wished I hadn't gotten out of bed that morning! What with Adam & Sasha, Shannon & Sarah...Jeff! If all of this shit didn't put me back in the mental ward then nothing would! Not even Mick!