Title: We've Got Tonight

Summary: The coin toss never happens, and Harm and Mac go their separate ways. But they run into one another over the years and find the spark is still there.

November 2010

London, United Kingdom

I'm not 100% sure, but I don't think I've ever picked a woman up from the airport before. I had planned to pick Renee up once, but I got sent on assignment, and she had to arrange transportation at the last minute and never asked me to again. Annie was in Baltimore – which was only an hour away, and when Diane was on land, she was in Norfolk.

It's weird being here for Mac. Weird because I don't know what I'm supposed to be feeling. She was upset and vulnerable when she agreed to come, and the last time we saw each other, we vowed to move on with our lives. So, what does that mean for this trip? What do I do when I see her? I'm pretty sure a hug is acceptable, but is a kiss? And what about sleeping arrangements? I made up the guestroom, but what if she is open to this being more than just a friendly weekend? Will the guestroom make her think I don't want her in my bed?

God, I want her in my bed.

And that's the worst thought – I want her, but what if she doesn't want me?

"Hey."

A voice – her voice – startles me, and I spin to face her. I'm smiling instantly, and I hate that. I hate how happy just the sight of this woman I can't have makes me. "Hey," I say. I reach for her hand and tug her close. She's pressed against me, her arms go around my waist, and her cheek falls against my chest. This open affection is unexpected but welcome, and I hold her tighter. "Good flight?"

She laughs at the innocuous question and nods against my chest. "It was good," she says, and we stand like that for a little while longer.

I feel bereft when we finally pull apart, and I instantly miss having her against me. She feels incredible, and even after nearly eleven hours on a plane, she smells incredible. "Baggage?"

Mac shakes her head. "I packed light," she says and taps the small suitcase by her legs.

I nod and reach over to take it. "Alright then." She keeps up with me as we make our way to the elevators and the parking deck. I direct her toward a silver Land Rover. She raises an eyebrow and runs her hand over the sleek hood.

"How very British of you." I snort, and she grins.

"When in Rome, and all that…" She laughs, and I smile.

"I thought they liked small cars over here."

I shrug and open the passenger side door for her, and then walk around to my side. "It would make it easier," I say. "But I test-drove a small Fiat, and my back was sore for three days afterward." She laughs again, and I smile wider and start the car. She smiles as she watches the scenery pass us by, and I smile because she's so close. I'm not sure when I turned into this person – this sappy, ridiculous person, but this proximity to her after months of being apart seems to bring it out in me.

It takes nearly forty-five minutes to get to my place, and I see her eyes widen as we pull into a section of colorful row houses. "You live here?" I nod, and she beams. "It's so cute!" I maneuver the Land Rover into a spot near a classic white home with a bright red front door – my home. She hops out of the car as soon as I've stopped and spins around, taking in the charming old street. "I love this," she gushes.

I grab her bag from the backseat and reach for her hand. "Come see the inside." I unlock the door and step back so she can enter first. "It was another fixer-upper," I say. "But without the plane and without so much travel, I've actually had time to buckle down and get things done."

She trails her hand over the small dining room table and shakes her head. "I can't imagine how you could have afforded this. Even as a fixer-upper."

I shrug, a little embarrassed to bring up the Frank-funded trust fund I once swore I would never use. "Lots of savings," I say. The place was exorbitant. But it's London, and when I first moved here, I wanted to be in an area with plenty of distractions to help me forget about her.

"It's really beautiful," she says. Her tone is sincere, and I'm pleased that she likes it. Her opinion has always meant so much to me.

"Thanks." She smiles at me, and I let out a breath. "Want the grand tour?"

"Of course."

I take her into the kitchen – small but recently renovated with marble counters and new appliances, and then out to the small patio. She shakes her head in awe at the view, and then we head back inside, and I show her the living room and the small room I use as an office.

"The bedrooms are upstairs," I say, and she nods. She picks up her suitcase, and we head up the small staircase. I still have no idea how we'll sleep – where we'll sleep, so I start with the guestroom. I imagine I'll have my answer if she leaves her things in there. "This is the guestroom," I say, pointing out the smaller of the two bedrooms. She steps inside, and my heart plummets as she sets her suitcase by the small closet, claiming this room as hers. It's definitely the smarter decision, but I'm never smart when it comes to her, and I don't really want to be anymore.

She's tired from the day of travel, so we order takeout for dinner. We get Indian food delivered and eat at the island instead of at the table, and I'm amazed at how content I feel. This is the first time we've seen each other in five years where it's been something resembling ordinary. There are no shimmering ball gowns and tuxedos this time and no family parties or other dates. It's just us having dinner together, and it feels so goddamned right. It hurts to know we could have had this all the time. She's kicked off her shoes and is swinging her legs, and she looks so comfortable, so at home, and my heart aches.

We haven't talked about anything serious yet. Not really. But I know we're going to have to at some point, and a part of me – a large part wants to rip the bandage off. "Can I ask you something?"

She looks up from her dish of vindaloo and nods, but there's a wariness in her eyes that wasn't there before. "Sure," she says.

"Why did you wait so long?" She frowns, and I swallow. "To have a baby," I clarify.

"I don't know," she says softly. "I guess I was afraid of the medical procedures and the IVF. And the cost of doing it. Not just the money," she says quickly, "but the emotional cost." She shrugs and stabs at a piece of potato. "And work is busy; demanding. I guess it never felt like the right time to have treatments that would take me out of commission for a while."

"Makes sense," I say, taking a bite of my dinner. "So, why are you still on the pill?" Her eyes shoot up, and I wince. "Sorry," I apologize. "I didn't intend to blurt that out. I've always wondered why you'd actively try to avoid getting pregnant with such a low chance of conceiving."

She doesn't say anything for a while; just silently picks at her food. Then she sets her fork down and looks up at me. "At some point – at some point, I realized I didn't want anyone but you to be the father of my child."

My eyes widen at her admission, and I down the rest of my water. "Jesus, Mac. Way to just come out and say it."

She shrugs and leans back. "You asked," she says. "And aren't we past the games and the coy answers?" I don't say anything, and she sighs. "I didn't want Ben, Charlie, or anyone else I've dated over the past five years to father my child. I didn't want to be permanently tied to anyone but you."

I can't put my finger on why, but her words annoy me, and I jump up. "So, what," I say, "it's my fault that you don't have a child?"

Her brow furrows, and she shakes her head. "I didn't say that."

"You just said you only wanted a baby with me, and since we never made it work, it implies that some of the blame is on me."

"I didn't say that," she repeats. "Please don't put words in my mouth." She drains the rest of her water and takes the remnants of her food to the trash can. "It's been a long day, Harm, and I don't want to fight with you. I'm going to bed."

I need to apologize to her, but I can't bring myself to do it. Not yet. I know I overreacted, and she doesn't blame me for her lack of children. When she said she didn't want anyone else as the father of her children, I got that. Because if I'm being completely honest, I've never wanted children with anyone but her.

I never really thought about having kids until that day at the office. I never thought about it with Jordan or Renee. Or even with Diane. When I started dating Annie, I would have been happy to be a stepfather to Josh Pendry, but I never really pictured myself settling down and having a family. Until the day we made our deal. I meant it, but I also didn't think we'd ever get to that point. But then I came back to JAG, and everything got so screwed up. Jordan was done with me, and Mac had gotten closer to Mic, and then they were engaged. And that's when I couldn't stop thinking about her, our deal, and everything I would lose if she married him. And nearly ten years later, here we are. I love her, and I'm pretty sure she still loves me, but we're still apart because of our careers, and it's both of our faults.

I reach over and reset my alarm clock. I'll deal with this tomorrow – I'll apologize for overreacting, and we'll go to the Admiral's house for a Thanksgiving Lunch, and everything will be fine. I slide beneath my sheets and roll onto my side. I've just closed my eyes when there's a gentle tap on the door. I quickly sit up and reach for the lamp. "Come in."

She opens the door and tentatively steps inside. "Hey." She leans against the door frame and looks nervous. "I'm sorry for walking away earlier. But I didn't want to fight."

"I don't want to fight either," I say and sit up a little straighter. "I'm sorry about earlier. I know you weren't blaming me for anything."

"I wasn't," she agrees, coming a little further into the room. "I was being honest, Harm. But I know our situation is as much on me as you." She swallows and sits down on the edge of my bed. "I could have given up San Diego and gone with you to London, and we could have tried for kids." She shrugs and gives me a sad smile. "But I didn't. I prioritized my career over the possibility of a life with you, and that's no one's fault but my own." She pulls her legs up and crosses them. "Why are we talking about this? It's been over five years."

"I don't know," I say. She cocks her head to the side and studies me. "Do you ever regret it? Regret choosing your career over us," I clarify.

She takes a deep breath and chews on her bottom. "I don't know," she says. "I really do love my job and having my own command. And I love San Diego. But God, I wish we had gotten our chance." I nod, and she gives me a shaky smile. "What about you? Do you regret it?"

I do regret it. I regret it every single goddamned day, but I don't know how to tell her that. Will the fact that I regret it make it worse? I mean, regret means we've wasted these five years. "I don't know," I manage. "I can't imagine not being in the Navy, but I'm not as happy here as I'd like to be."

"I'm sorry," she says softly.

"It's not your fault," I say and shrug. "After all, I could have given up London and come with you to San Diego." She nods but doesn't say anything. We stare at each other, and then I hold out a hand to her. "Come here." She moves closer to me, and I run my hand over her jaw and into her hair. "Stay with me tonight." She hesitates but then nods. I pull back the covers, and she settles next to me. I reach for the light, switch it off, and lower my head to my pillow. I pull her against me and drop my arm over her waist. "Goodnight," I say softly.

"Goodnight," she says and covers my arm with her hand.

Her body is still pressed against mine when I wake up, and I instinctively tighten my hold on her. It's been so long since I woke up with her. She shifts closer to me and then rolls over to face me.

"You're awake," she says softly.

"Yeah," I say, running my hand down her arm. "I'm really happy you're here."

She smiles and reaches up to cup my face. "I'm really happy I'm here too." She swallows, and her thumb rubs over my bottom lip. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," I say. And then I pull her closer and lean in to kiss her. Every time I kiss her, the same thoughts run through my head – how right it feels and how stupid this is. My tongue runs over her bottom lip, and she melts against me. She opens her mouth to me, and I bury my fingers in her hair and give her a gentle tug.

She gasps against me, and I move my mouth from hers and down her jaw. She releases a breathy moan, and I push my hips against her, wanting her to feel how hard she makes me. She pulls back, her eyes meeting mine, and then she reaches for the waistband of my boxers. I nod, and she pulls them past my hips, waits for me to kick them off, and then her hand is wrapped around me. I love how this woman touches me, and I moan when she applies a little more pressure. I feel myself getting close, and I give her hair another tug. "Baby, I'm going to come." She lets go of me, and I swear I nearly whimper. But then she moves down my body, settles between my thighs, and takes me in her mouth.

She settles back against me when I'm finished, and I immediately push her onto her back. "That's the first time you've done that," I say, my voice thick with lust.

She nods, and she licks her lips. "We're usually limited to one night."

The thought of a whole weekend of her in my bed is intoxicating, and I push up her t-shirt and palm a breast. "I didn't plan for this to happen," I say. "I mean, I wanted it to. But I was going to let you take the lead."

"I wasn't sure what I wanted," she says quietly. She runs a hand down my chest and smiles. "I mean, I wanted this. I've always wanted this. But it's so stupid to do this."

I slide my hand down her flat stomach, and it dips into the waistband of her shorts and panties. "Mac, it doesn't matter if we're making love or having dinner on the sofa in sweatpants. These moments with you are always stupid." Her eyes widen, and I slide a finger inside of her. She gasps and clutches the duvet, and I swallow. "But maybe… Maybe we should keep being stupid."

She frowns and reaches down to still my hand. "Okay, I can't think while you're doing that." I pull my hand back, and she sits up. "What are you saying?"

I shake my head. "I don't know," I say. "I don't know what we're doing or how this will work, but I don't want anyone but you. I don't want to date anyone else or sleep with anyone else. I want you – this. Whenever, however, we can have it."

"Harm," she starts, but I cut her off.

"Mac, you were ready to go with a sperm donor because you don't want to build a life with anyone either. Look, we've tried being apart, and it hasn't worked. Let's try being together."

She's quiet for a long time, and the silence is terrifying. I'm worried I've pushed her away – out of my life for good. I picture her getting out of my bed, packing her bag, and getting a cab back to the airport. I open my mouth to apologize, to take it all back, but she puts her hand over my mouth and shakes her head.

"Don't," she says softly. "Please don't change your mind." My eyes widen, and I smile, but she still looks unsure. "San Diego to London is a lot of distance, Harm. And we're both so busy that visits might be few and far between. Is this really what you want?"

I nod. "Last time we saw each other, you told me that after that first night, you thought the occasional night with me was better than a lifetime of mediocrity with someone else. Do you still feel that way?"

"Yeah," she says. "I do."

"I do, too," I say. "I regretted bringing Gemma to that wedding the moment I saw you, and other than a few set-ups, there hasn't been anyone since her. I don't want anyone else, Mac. I want you. However, and however occasionally I can have you."

She smiles, and I feel my heart beat faster. "It's been the opposite for me," she starts and then frowns. "That didn't come out quite right. I mean, I've had a few relationships, and I've tried to move past this, past us. But it never works. No one else has managed to make me forget what we have."

"So, let's have it," I say. "Let's have whatever we can. What do you say?"

Mac nods and smiles shyly. "Yeah," she says. "Let's have whatever we can."

End Part Six