A/N: I am so very sorry for the lengthy delay in getting this most recent chapter out. In September I had COVID, and while the symptoms weren't severe, it was enough to make me miserable for nearly two weeks. October was another crazy month, and things are only just starting to settle down. Fingers crossed that they stay that way for awhile, but being that this is my life, I doubt that will happen. At any rate, I hope you enjoy this update.
Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
Elliot opened his eyes, his initial feeling upon waking one of confusion. The first thing he noticed was that he was not in his own room. The second piece of information that registered in his mind was that the weight settled upon his chest belonged to Olivia. More than that, his arms were wrapped protectively around his former partner, holding her close even in sleep. As comforting and heartwarming as the gesture was, he instinctively froze, feeling like he had crossed a boundary that the other woman had been unable to properly consent to. Though he hated to wake Olivia for any reason, in particular when he knew that sleep was such a precious commodity, he realized that she had the right to make the choice to move on her own. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten her for any reason. Not after they'd made so much progress in repairing their friendship.
"Liv. Olivia. It's Elliot. I'm sorry to disturb you, but can you wake up for me, please?"
In her sleep, Olivia made a small sound of discontentment, then proceeded to snuggle even closer against him. As she reflexively held him tighter, something seemed to register with the brunette, because her body went rigid and her breath caught in her throat. His heart broke for the panic he could tell was setting in, and Elliot tried again to reach her.
"Easy, Liv. It's only me. You can open your eyes."
A few heartbeats passed before Olivia's voice filled the silence of the room, and her hesitance was obvious.
"El?"
"Yeah, Liv. I'm sorry, but I must have fallen asleep last night while we were watching television. It won't happen again."
Olivia, who for her part still hadn't moved, shook her head.
"It's not your fault. I know you didn't stay here on purpose. I'm not going to lie, I was a bit startled when I woke up and found someone else in the bed, but if I'm being honest, that was the best sleep I've had in a long time."
"I just didn't want to scare you."
Olivia raised her head until she was making eye contact, and moved her hand until it was resting on the side of Elliot's face.
"You will never be someone I'm afraid of."
Their gaze was locked for a few moments more, until Olivia suddenly realized just where her hand was at, and awkwardly let it fall away. Clearing her throat, she pushed herself up into a sitting position, mumbling an apology as she did so.
"Not necessary, Liv. If I don't have to apologize for falling asleep in your bed uninvited, then you definitely don't need to be sorry for having used me as a pillow."
Though he had meant the comment to be a teasing one intended to lighten the mood, a slight blush stained Olivia's cheeks, and she gestured over her shoulder with her thumb toward the en suite bathroom, just before heading in that exact direction and disappearing behind the closed door.
Cursing softly under his breath, Elliot exited the bedroom, knowing his presence would only make the situation more uncomfortable when Olivia reappeared in few minutes. Instead, he headed to his own room, deciding to get ready for the day. It was a little earlier than he'd normally wake up, but not by much, and he still intended to try and find one of the fruit stands he and Olivia had talked about the day before, so he did have plans for the morning.
In no rush to leave the cottage, but not wanting to delay either, Elliot quickly changed into jeans and a tee shirt, having showered the night before. Briefly, he wondered if he should start on breakfast – or at the very least, put on a pot of coffee, but ultimately he decided to wait until Olivia came downstairs and he could ask her if she wanted to accompany him to the fruit stand, or if she preferred to stay behind and wait for his return.
Elliot didn't have to wait for long, because shortly after he arrived in the kitchen, he heard Olivia padding down the stairs. When she appeared around the corner, she was also dressed for going out, having abandoned her typical attire she usually wore for their walks in favor of an outfit that matched his own. Similarly dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, the only difference with Olivia's apparel was that she had added a gray hoodie to help her ward off the early morning chill.
"Morning, El. Well, 'Good morning' again, I should say. If you don't mind, I thought maybe I would go with you today?"
"That's fine with me. You know I'm always glad to have your company. Did you want to eat breakfast before we leave, or would you rather grab something while we are out?"
"I think we should grab something while we are out. In fact, I was doing some research, and I know we learned about those fruit stands that we wanted to try, but I also found out that there is a farmer's market in town every weekend. I bet that would be a better option yet."
Elliot couldn't contain his smile.
"I like the way you think, Liv. So, what's the plan? Breakfast first, then walking around the market?"
"Seems like the most logical way of going about things. In fact, I'll even let you pick the restaurant."
"You're too kind, Olivia. Are you going to let me pay for our meal, too?"
In reality, it wasn't a fair thing to tease her about, considering that Olivia had paid for their meals only the day before, so technically, it was his turn. Even so, Elliot simply hadn't been able to resist slipping into old habits when it came to their familiar banter over who would be picking up the check. For her part, Olivia said nothing in response, instead opting to give the man standing a few feet away from her a withering gaze. But after years of knowing each other as well as they had, the glare had no affect on him, so she simply returned his smile and followed him out the door.
Although Olivia had tried her hardest not to let her anxiety get the best of her, she still hadn't managed to grasp a stronger control on it than it had on her. Despite all that, she knew she didn't have to worry about the place Elliot had chosen for them to have breakfast, because her former partner always made her needs a number one priority. The restaurant, though busy, was not overly crowded, and as he had done the other day when they had eaten at the diner in town by the hospital, Elliot found a booth in the corner that he knew would make Olivia feel the most comfortable.
Having already made up his mind what he wanted, Elliot glanced at Olivia as she perused the menu. He was careful not to make it look like he was staring, instead keeping himself busy in fixing the steaming cup of coffee in front of him with the appropriate amount of cream and sugar to suit his taste. However, it appeared his efforts weren't as successful as he had imagined them to be, because the next words out of the brunette's mouth were calling him on his shit.
"I can feel you staring, El. Could you at least try to be a bit less obvious?"
"Sorry, Liv. I meant nothing by it. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think anyone noticed. Or, if they did, they probably think I'm just captivated by your beauty and can't keep my eyes off of you."
The sound that escaped Olivia's lips wasn't exactly a laugh, but it wasn't quite not one either. Giving her companion a withering look, she tried again to change the subject.
"That's not helping, Stabler. You just keep digging a hole for yourself."
Genuinely confused, Elliot couldn't help but pose a question.
"How is complimenting you on your looks digging a hole for myself?"
"Elliot -"
Olivia's voice had taken on an almost pleading quality, and even the look in her eyes was beseeching him to drop the subject. Wisely, Elliot decided to let the matter drop – but only for the time being. Something within told him there was more to this than what she was letting on, but he wasn't about to get into such a heavy discussion in public.
"Okay, I'll let it go. But, I'm adding it to my list of things I want to talk about with Lydia when we meet with her this week."
"That doesn't surprise me."
Olivia was about to say more, but the server approached their table then to take their orders, and the matter was temporarily forgotten. Instead, the focus shifted to the farmers market they were going to be visiting after breakfast. It seemed Olivia needed the distraction to occupy her mind. The one thing Elliot did notice was that she seemed to be enjoying the cup of coffee, and he was glad that Olivia had changed her mind and decided to accompany him this morning after all.
As the pair waited for their meals to be brought, they talked about the day before at the zoo. It did Elliot's heart good to see Olivia so animated about something, and while the last of his intentions were to overwhelm her, he hoped that as the days morphed into summer, they could plan more adventures together. Not only would the outings keep her from sitting in the house thinking all the time, but they would provide a healthy outlet for Olivia to rid herself of excess energy.
Elliot watched as Olivia set down her coffee cup, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Before he had a chance to ask what was on her mind, she was putting voice to the thoughts herself.
"Something just occurred to me."
"What's that, Liv?"
"When Dr. Lindstrom first told me that the leave I would need to take was going to be mandatory, and not merely suggested, I wanted to fight it with everything in my being. I thought I needed work to help me get through this, that without the cases to help take my mind off what I was going through, I wouldn't be able to survive."
Elliot said nothing in response, merely reached across the table to cover Olivia's hand with his own and gave a gentle squeeze. He patiently waited for her to continue.
"I know now that I would have been a mess had I tried to go back to the job. I'm not saying never, but considering I'm still struggling to take care of myself, there is no way I would have been able to be the person the survivors deserve. They need someone strong and capable, not a woman who can fall apart easily."
"May I say something?"
Olivia eyed Elliot warily, one eyebrow arched slightly, but nonetheless granted her permission.
"Go ahead."
"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you are taking the time off that you need. I won't even pretend that I didn't need forced into it myself on occasion. But, when talking about the survivors that you want to help, don't forget that you are among them – and one of the strongest I've ever met."
Olivia cleared her throat in an attempt to collect her emotions, and her eyes were bright with tears that threatened to fall.
"El, what have I told you about making me cry in public?"
"Sorry."
"You better be."
The mood was lightened by not only the levity in Elliot's voice, but by the arrival of their breakfast plates. Elliot squeezed Olivia's hand one more time before reaching for his fork, and she took a sip of her water before picking up her own utensil. Cutting into the French Toast with fresh strawberries she had ordered, Olivia took her first bite and chewed thoughtfully before focusing her attention on her partner, who was making his way through the meat lover's omelet he had chosen.
"How is your food, El? Judging by the way you are eating without stopping to breathe, I'm willing to guess it's pretty good."
"Funny, Liv."
"We'll see if you still think I'm amusing when you choke and need me to perform the Heimlich."
"Message received. I'll slow down, okay?"
Olivia made no further comment, but her smug grin said it all.
The two continued to dine in a mostly companionable silence, their breakfast interspersed with comfortable conversation. Midway through their meal, the server reappeared to replenish the coffee, and Olivia was once again grateful that she could enjoy more than one cup a day. At one point, Elliot had offered her a taste of his omelet, which she politely declined, but then stole a bite of his hash browns when he wasn't paying attention. Or, if he had noticed, he hadn't made a comment. Alternatively, Olivia had suggested Elliot try some of her French Toast, but he had shaken his head in refusal. That, Olivia knew, came from his wanting her to get every ounce of nutrition possible, even though her appetite recently had returned almost to normal.
Despite all this, Olivia was immensely grateful that she had chosen the smaller portion this morning, because there was no way she could have finished a full order of French Toast. Plus, from the sound of things, the Farmer's Market they were about to head to would have a variety of stalls to shop from, some including free samples of products to try, and Olivia was glad that she would still be able to enjoy whatever they would find. As they each finished their breakfast, she tried to reach for the bill when it was laid on their table, having only been joking earlier that morning when insisting that Elliot should pay. However, his reach was faster than hers, and he snagged up the slip before she even had a chance.
"Nice try, Liv, but this one is my treat, remember? I'm not going to fight you on it, but if you want to get the next one, you can."
"Don't think I'll forget you said that, Stabler."
"I know you won't forget, but keep in mind I'm just as stubborn as you are."
Olivia kept silent, but rolled her eyes at that comment. Boy, did she ever know about Elliot's stubbornness – and her own. It was a wonder they ever managed to agree sometimes. But, she simply nodded her head in agreement, and followed him out of the restaurant. The Farmer's Market was waiting.
Olivia and Elliot arrived at the Farmer's Market just as the stalls were opening, their timing after having left breakfast near perfect. This suited Olivia just fine, as it meant that they would be able to walk around for a bit and browse before the crowd really came pouring in. Elliot found a parking space easily, then the two were headed toward the area where the many booths had been set up. As had become routine for them in recent days, Olivia slipped her palm in to Elliot's larger one, their fingers automatically entwining. The amount of comfort she found in the close contact with her partner was something she simply couldn't put into words, even if somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she wanted to admonish herself for being so needy.
"Do we have a plan for how we want to tackle this?"
"Why should we need a plan, Liv? We can just start at the beginning and work our way around. If we get tired or bored, we can go home."
Olivia loved how Elliot had made the statement an inclusive 'we', when they both knew the only one who would get tired would be her. Still, her stamina was improving considerably as the days went on, something she swore could be attributed to her nutritional intake. It was amazing how she'd never noticed before just how much she'd been neglecting her own care until only recently. Logically, Olivia knew that was how trauma worked, but still couldn't seem to reconcile it with herself.
"Liv, you with me?"
Startled from her spiraling thoughts, Olivia turned to look at Elliot, who was watching her with a curious but concerned expression.
"Yeah, El. Sorry, my mind just ran away from me for a second. It's nothing you need to worry about, I promise."
"If you say so. Just remember I'm here if you ever need to talk."
Though she didn't say anything out loud, Olivia squeezed Elliot's hand in response.
"Why don't we see what this place has to offer?"
"Lead the way."
For a relatively small town, there were more stalls here than Olivia had been expecting. It turned out, in addition to the fresh produce, there were other vendors available, too. There was a wide selection of other foods. Everything from homemade fudge and baked goods, to cheeses from a local dairy. To help narrow down the impossible choice of making up your mind, nearly every stall offered free samples of their products to make your purchase easier.
As she and Elliot wandered around, nibbling on the varieties of offerings each vendor was trying to sell, Olivia was immensely grateful she hadn't eaten a large breakfast. The canvas tote bag they had been given upon entry to the market was rapidly filling up with the items that they had been buying, and they were still only halfway through.
Sensing Olivia was in need of a breather, as the crowd was beginning to get a bit heavier than it had been when they first arrived, Elliot steered them toward a stand offering fresh squeezed lemonade. After buying two cups, they found a bench to sit on away from the throng of people, and allowed themselves to regroup.
"Still doing okay, Liv? Or did you need to head back home?"
"I'm hanging in there. I think I'd like to try and stay. We're almost to the end, and I'd really like to see what else this place has. That is, if you don't mind."
"Of course not. We're not on any sort of schedule, so why don't we take our time and finish our lemonade, then walk around some more in a bit?"
Olivia nodded her agreement, taking another sip of the sweet yet slightly tart citrus beverage. It still was shocking to her that this was her life now – that she walked on eggshells when it came to going out in public, unsure of what, if anything could be a potential trigger. Elliot had been her rock, and though she knew he didn't fault her for it, a part of Olivia still regretted her behavior when he first arrived. Now wasn't the time to get into such a heavy conversation or offer her apologies, though. She could always do that later this afternoon, or even once they started therapy together. Instead, Olivia adjusted her position so that her head came to rest on Elliot's shoulder, allowing herself to accept the comfort in his physical proximity. There had been so many times on difficult cases during their years as partners when she had longed to do this, but never allowed herself the luxury. Not that Elliot would ever have refused her, but the boundaries then had been clearly drawn. It was bad enough the rumors they'd had to face on a daily basis, to do anything viewed as overly intimate would have only added fuel to the fire.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
The sound of Elliot's voice startled Olivia from her reverie, and she jumped visibly, even though he was the last person in the world she would ever be frightened of. Feeling her face flush with shame, she turned to face him, an apology already forming on her lips. As if he'd already intuited her panic, Elliot reached a hand out in her direction slowly, so as not to upset her any more.
"Easy, Liv. It's only me. Tell me what you need."
"It's nothing, El. My mind ran away with me, that's all."
"We don't have to stay, just say the word, and we can leave right now."
Olivia shook her head. She didn't want to give in to her anxiety, didn't want it to have control over her life. Not if she could help it.
"No, I want – need – to do this. Can we just sit here for a few minutes more?"
"We can sit here for as long as you like. Did you want me to get you another lemonade? Or a bottle of water? Maybe something cool to drink would help."
After taking a few seconds to ponder the suggestion over in her mind, Olivia decided to accept, this time requesting a bottle of water. The lemonade had been delicious, but she didn't want to ingest too much sugar all at once. As much as her palate craved sweet things these days, she tried to control her intake with sugar as much as she did with caffeine.
"I'll be right back."
True to his word, Elliot returned mere moments later, with two bottles of water. Olivia didn't argue when he insisted on uncapping the beverage for her, she merely sipped the refreshing drink gratefully. Having used the time her partner was away to focus on some simple breathing exercises that Lydia had taught her, Olivia was already feeling much calmer, and finally felt ready to see the rest of the farmers market. Placing her hand back in Elliot's free one, she allowed him to help her to a standing position from where she had sat on the bench, and the two of them headed off in the direction they had yet to explore.
By the time Olivia and Elliot had made it to the end of the stalls of the Farmer's Market, both of the canvas tote bags they had been given upon entry were brimming with their purchases. The busy morning had taken it's toll on Olivia, and despite her best efforts to remain awake, she found herself dozing in the passenger seat as Elliot drove them back to the cottage. Once they were back home though, she resisted the urge to nap, instead determined to stay awake and help Elliot put away what they had bought in their rightful places in the kitchen. In addition to some fruits and vegetables, they had also found some baked goods to try, and even some cheeses and meats to make a charcuterie board. While neither of them would be drinking, it would make for a nice early summer snack out on the patio, or even a beach picnic.
Once they had finished with their task, Olivia excused herself to go upstairs and change into something more comfortable. Elliot mentioned he was about to do the same, and the two made plans to meet outside on the patio when they were finished, to take advantage of the pleasant weather. Considering the fact that it hadn't been that long since breakfast, and coupled with the items they'd sampled at the market, it was too soon to have anything for lunch, but Elliot had promised Olivia he would bring out some glasses of iced tea for them to sip while they sat outdoors.
Olivia made quick work of switching out her clothing for something more suited to relaxing around the cottage. She paused in the bathroom briefly, checking her reflection in the mirror before she left the small room and pulled her brunette tresses up off her neck and into a ponytail. Even though her hair was considerably shorter since she'd taken the scissors to it herself, it was still long enough to tie back, something Olivia was grateful for now that the warmer weather was settling in. Before making her way downstairs, Olivia grabbed her tablet, thinking she could pass the time outside by reading if her concentration held, knowing for certain that Elliot wouldn't pressure her into conversation. After such a busy morning, she needed to decompress, but she didn't necessarily want to be alone.
By the time Olivia had made her way outside, Elliot was already there, feet propped up and a glass of iced tea by his side. It seemed their line of thinking had been a similar one, as he had brought along his own tablet. Taking her seat, Olivia mirrored Elliot's position, her long legs allowing her to stretch out easily. She placed one of the throw pillows behind her back as an added support, then leaned back against it with a contented sigh.
"Comfortable?"
Elliot's comment had been more a statement of fact than an actual question, but Olivia decided to answer him anyway.
"Yes. I didn't realize until now how much walking we actually did this morning. I'm more tired than I thought."
"You know I won't think less of you if decide to nap."
"I know. I think I just want to enjoy the fresh air while I can. It's supposed to rain for a few days this week."
Elliot didn't respond right away, not wanting to push the issue. But his concern was winning out, and he hoped that Olivia wouldn't think that he was trying to pressure her.
"I understand what you're saying, Liv, believe me, I get it. But I'm not trying to suggest you need to coop yourself up in the house right now. You could rest out here. I'll move over to one of the chairs, so you can stretch out on the couch, and even if you don't sleep, you can relax for as long as you'd like."
"You make it sound awful tempting when you phrase it like that."
Trying to hide his grin – because this wasn't about winning – Elliot instead reached out and brushed a stray wisp of hair that had escaped the ponytail behind Olivia's ear.
"Just humor me, Liv. Close your eyes for an hour or so. I promise I won't let you sleep so long that it messes up your routine for tonight."
"Part of me still wants to argue with you, but I'm too tired to fight. Don't think this means that you win, though."
"I would never."
Elliot stood to move over to the chair, allowing Olivia to stretch out on the outdoor couch. Before sitting down again, he asked if she wanted him to grab her a light blanket, but she assured him that she would be warm enough. Not wanting to start another debate, Elliot nodded his agreement, but made a mental note to keep an eye out for any signs of shivering so he could grab something to cover her with if she took a chill. He knew he was being overprotective, but it was something that he couldn't help, a natural instinct. Even back when they were partners, and they'd be stuck at the precinct for days on end working on a case, Elliot would often find himself wandering up to the crib to take a nap and make sure Olivia was adequately covered with a blanket before settling into his own bed, usually right next to hers.
After a sip of his iced tea, and finding the place he'd last left off in the book he'd been reading on his tablet, Elliot lifted his gaze to glance at Olivia. Concern furrowed his eyebrows, wondering just how long she'd been exhausted and not said anything, because the woman was already sound asleep. He knew she was getting stronger with every passing day, but he still worried that she was pushing herself for his sake, and not her own. Mentally adding it to the list of things they would need to talk about during one of their joint sessions with Lydia, Elliot tried again to focus on his reading.
More time passed, and as it was closing in on ninety minutes since Olivia had first fallen asleep, Elliot was getting ready to wake her. He powered down his tablet and set it on the coffee table and was just about to stand when Olivia shouted out in her sleep, moving so suddenly that she almost fell off the couch. Her words were indecipherable, but her distress was clear. Even though he was only mere steps away, Elliot hurried to her side, anxious to pull her from the torment that held her captive, even in her dreams. Worried that he would only frighten Olivia further if he reached out to touch her on the arm or shoulder, Elliot instead chose to call to her first, hoping his voice would break though the turmoil in her mind and she would respond to something familiar.
"Liv. Olivia. It's Elliot. I need you to wake up. I'm here. You're safe, it's only a dream."
Olivia cried out again, sitting up suddenly as she gasped for air, her hand clutching at her chest. Her heart felt like it was going to explode, and she was on the verge of tears while simultaneously feeling like she could throw up at any second. It was a sensation that was both familiar, and one she hated at the same time. Swinging her legs around, Olivia pulled herself into a sitting position, trying to figure out what to do with her hands to disguise the fact that they were shaking uncontrollably. Eventually, she gave up, realizing that there was no use hiding from Elliot, he'd be able to see through any of her attempts at masking her anxiety, anyway. Instead, Olivia did what she'd been working on in therapy – and asked for help.
"Can you get me some water, please?"
"Of course. Do you want ice?"
"The colder the better."
"You've got it. I'll be right back, Liv."
Elliot dashed off into the cottage, nearly banging his shin on the coffee table in the process. Despite her obvious distress, Olivia couldn't help but be amused by that. Even though she had noticed, she doubted her partner would have even felt the pain had he actually succeeded in striking his leg on the sharp corner of the table. His focus was entirely on her, something she was trying incredibly hard not to feel guilty for.
Mere moments later, and Elliot was by her side once more, offering a frosty glass of water. Olivia could tell by the way his hands were twitching at his sides that Elliot wanted more than anything to come close and reassure her in some way, but he was forcing himself to maintain a safe distance so as not to overwhelm her further. She appreciated the gesture, but a part of her also longed for the comfort his proximity would provide.
"You can sit, El. I don't mind. In fact, I think I prefer it."
To prove her point, Olivia moved down just a fraction to show Elliot exactly what she meant – she wanted him to sit next to her, and not in the chair he had occupied previously.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No. But I don't want to be alone right now, either."
"Then we'll just sit here for as long as you need to."
Olivia took another lengthy sip of her water, the cool liquid helping her to compose her conflicting emotions. After she'd had her fill to drink she set the glass down, and pulled her legs up to her side, allowing her body to lean against Elliot's broad and muscular chest. Reflexively, his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and Olivia allowed herself to breathe in the scent that she had so often associated with comfort and safety during their years together as partners. Strangely enough, this didn't feel like she was crossing a line, so she simply let Elliot's presence continue to ground her as she tried to put the horrifying nightmare out of her mind. Elliot had been right about two things when he was waking her – he was here, and she was safe. But as for the rest, that was where he had been wrong. It hadn't been just a dream, it was a memory. That was what she couldn't share. Not because she didn't want to relive it, but because she couldn't bear to break his heart.
How long they had sat that way, Olivia allowing herself to be practically held by Elliot, neither one of them had cared to pay attention to the time. Elliot's primary concern had been the woman in his arms, and Olivia's was only to ground herself enough so she wouldn't fall apart. Eventually it was the rumbling of their stomachs in unison that caught their attention, earning a soft laugh from each of them. Before Olivia could say anything, it was Elliot who spoke first.
"I guess we missed lunch. What do you say we have an early dinner instead?"
"I like the sound of that."
Elliot turned his head, brushed his lips against Olivia's temple.
"Are you hungry for anything in particular? We have the leftover Chinese still, but I was thinking we could save that for tomorrow when we get back from your appointment for a quick and easy lunch."
Olivia was grateful for Elliot's thoughtfulness. She wasn't sure she was in the mood for Chinese again today anyway, but having some for comfort food the following day sounded perfect. As for tonight, she had another idea formulating in her mind.
"Maybe something on the grill?"
"I can do that."
Reluctantly loosening his hold, Elliot got to his feet. Even though he knew Olivia could stand under her own power, he offered his hand anyway. She gratefully accepted, then they grabbed their things and headed into the cottage. Olivia murmured something about freshening up and then being back to join him to help with dinner preparations.
"You don't have to help me, Liv."
"I want to."
With that said, Elliot watched as his partner made her way up the stairs before turning his attention to the kitchen, trying to come up with a plan for dinner. Olivia had mentioned wanting something on the grill, but hadn't specified any particular protein. He knew she was fond of chicken, but they had just had the last of that the other night. They would need to get some more the next time they ordered groceries. What they did have, however, were some turkey burger patties. Not Elliot's first choice when it came to a burger, but he knew Olivia favored leaner meats. If they paired the turkey burgers with some sweet potato fries and a salad, it would would make for a decent meal.
Elliot grabbed the bag of frozen potatoes, having decided using a shortcut would be easier this time. After seeing what temperature the oven needed to be preheated to, he programmed the setting and went to work pulling out the ingredients for the salad. This, he wasn't going to touch too much, deciding to let Olivia take control over this particular side course, but at least he could help get everything set up for her at the island so they could work together in the kitchen.
He heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and sure enough, Olivia was appearing within view mere moments later. From the looks of things, she'd washed her face and combed her hair, fixing her ponytail. It was then that Elliot noticed something about Olivia that had escaped him before – she was wearing a short sleeved shirt again. One that appeared to be another one of his old NYPD shirts, in fact. But that wasn't what was unusual. Ever since he had first arrived in Cape May, he had only ever seen Olivia in long sleeves. Yesterday and today, that had seemed to change. Though he wasn't going to comment on it, the fact that she had reached a level of comfort with him to not feel the need to keep herself covered any longer resonated deeply within him.
"If you could make the salad, Liv, I can handle everything else. I thought I'd make some turkey burgers tonight, if that's okay with you."
"Sounds delicious."
"You don't have to start on the salad right away, because I'm preheating the oven at the moment to make some fries to go with our meal. They will take about twenty minutes to cook, and I plan on starting the burgers once the fries are about halfway through their baking time."
Olivia considered what Elliot had said, then responded.
"I think I'll still make the salad now, if you don't mind. If I don't do something to occupy myself, I'm going to go crazy."
"Anything I can do to help, Liv? Did you need to talk?"
"Not right now, no. But I may take you up on that later. At the moment, I'm just trying to get my brain to turn off. A simple task like chopping vegetables is exactly what I need."
Elliot didn't press Olivia to elaborate further, having understood from his own struggles after the shooting in the precinct years before that sometimes a person just needed to rely on mundane activities to keep from screaming. He was relieved though, that while she seemed slightly on edge, his partner wasn't in any severe distress. Chalking it up to whatever Olivia was feeling stemming from the bad dream she'd experienced during her nap, Elliot decided to give her some space to breathe.
The two worked in tandem at the kitchen island, a comfortable silence between them. Elliot spent his time creating a small platter of toppings to use on the burgers, while Olivia made a salad using some of the ingredients they had found at the Farmer's market that morning. By the time she was finished, it was truly a work of art, and she carried it over to the table with a grin that spoke of her pride in her accomplishment. Meanwhile, Elliot was headed out to turn the burgers on the grill, as they only needed a few more minutes to cook, and the fries would be done in the oven soon, too. When he came back inside, he decided to voice the idea that had popped into his brain while out on the patio.
"Hey Liv, what would you say to ordering an air fryer to keep in the kitchen here? The weather is only going to be getting warmer as the summer months hit, and that way we wouldn't have to keep running the oven when we want to have fries or something similar as a side."
"I think that sounds wonderful. We can always leave it here for Don to use as a thank you gift for letting us stay here, same as what we'll be doing with the patio furniture we bought."
"We can go online later and order one. I'm sure it wouldn't take long to have it delivered."
The timer went off on the stove just then, interrupting whatever else Elliot was about to say. He was torn between two places, needing to go and check on the grill, and take the fries out of the oven. That was when Olivia chose to intervene, and Elliot was more than grateful for her help.
"You take care of the grill, El. I've got this. Just don't forget, I like cheddar on my burger. I know you prefer the pepper jack with the turkey patties."
"I would never forget that, Olivia."
That being said, Elliot headed back outside one last time, stopping by the fridge on his way to grab the packages of cheese slices he would need. He was back within minutes, just as Olivia was setting a basket of hot salted sweet potato fries down on the table along with everything else. Elliot added the platter in his hands to the already impressive spread, then rested his hand on Olivia's shoulder.
"You sit and get started fixing your plate. I'm going to grab us something to drink and be right back. Did you want lemonade or iced tea?"
"Just water, please."
"Coming right up."
Much like the preparation had been, dinner itself was a quiet affair, though there was some light conversation sprinkled throughout. For the most part, Olivia and Elliot talked about their morning, and how impressed they had been with the Farmer's Market. It helped that quality of vegetables in the salad Olivia had made was incredible, and they both agreed to visit the stalls again in the near future. Something else about the meal was near and dear to Olivia's heart, even though the gesture had been a simple one. That had been the inclusion of the sweet potato fries. She must have missed when Elliot had added them to their order the last time they got groceries, and the fact that he had remembered they were her favorite touched her deeply. He was always doing little things to try and make things better for her, and it meant so much. She just hoped that one day she could return the favor. Until then, Olivia was going to try and open up to the man again, and trust him just as much as she had when they were partners.
Olivia woke on Monday morning before her alarm even had a chance to go off. She supposed it was it a combination of anxiety and anticipation that had interrupted her ability to sleep, but made no move to get out of bed. Despite the fact that she was wide awake, she was perfectly comfortable and content in her current position.
Elliot had stayed with her again last night, this time on purpose and by her request. It hadn't been an easy ask, but Olivia had swallowed her pride and put her own needs first, having realized how much more at ease she was in her partner's presence. Granted, she never expected Elliot to keep the night terrors away completely, but at least if they were to happen, he could help bring her back to the present quickly instead of the chance of her remaining locked in her trauma endlessly.
Currently, Olivia found herself with her head on Elliot's chest, his arms wrapped securely around her in a way that was comforting but not restrictive. The soothing sound of his heartbeat echoed just below where her ear rested, her breathing matching it's even cadence. Until only recently, she could likely count on one hand the amount of times they had shared such close contact, and all of them had involved life threatening situations. It felt nice to not have to hide behind a veil of professionalism anymore. Not that Olivia was certain if her friendship with Elliot would ever morph into something more, because the last thing she needed to worry about at this stage of her recovery was being involved in a romantic relationship. But her bond with Elliot was something that was so natural, so organic, that it was practically effortless – even as they were finding their footing after having spent so much time apart.
"You okay?"
The low rumble of Elliot's voice, rough and gravely from sleep, startled Olivia from her reverie.
"I'm fine."
"You want to try that again? Liv, you were thinking so loud I could hear it."
Olivia gnawed on her lower lip, torn between wanting to offer an apology and relief that she wasn't alone with her thoughts anymore. However, it seemed that Elliot's gift of being able to read her mind was working even at this early hour.
"Don't even think about saying you're sorry, either. Just tell me what's going on in that head of yours."
Even though she was reluctant to move from Elliot's embrace, Olivia pushed back so she could look into his eyes. She wanted him to see into her own brown irises and know that she was telling the truth.
"I just have a lot on my mind this morning. I guess you could say my thoughts kind of snowballed. It's nothing bad, I promise. Probably woke up early because of anxiety over my appointment in a few hours."
"Did you want to try and get more rest, or would you rather get up and go for a walk, burn off some of that excess energy?"
"A walk would be great."
Elliot leaned forward, and brushed his lips against Olivia's forehead in a tender gesture.
"Let me go get ready, and I'll meet you downstairs in ten minutes. If we head out now, we'll still have time for a light breakfast and a cup of coffee before we leave to see Dr. Barnes."
A short walk on the beach breathing in the salty sea air was exactly what Olivia had needed. By the time they got back to the cottage thirty minutes later, her head was feeling much clearer and the anxiety she had woken with had dissipated to a much more manageable level. After excusing herself so she could take a shower, Olivia climbed the steps to the second level, knowing instinctively that Elliot would handle the breakfast preparations after his own shower.
Locked in the safety of her private bathroom, Olivia allowed her mind to wander briefly as she went about her typical morning routine, though she was careful not to let her thoughts spiral out of control. In her head, she practiced some of the questions she wanted to ask Dr. Barnes today, in the hopes that her voice would portray a confidence she didn't necessarily feel. Of course, she wouldn't be in the room alone, having already asked Elliot to accompany her. Not only did she value his input, but Olivia knew her concentration still wasn't at one hundred percent, so having an extra set of ears there to listen to any instructions would be extremely helpful.
Reluctantly, Olivia turned off the stream of water and pushed back the curtain. She knew she had lingered longer than usual under the warm, soothing spray, but if she didn't hurry now, there wouldn't be any time to eat before they needed to leave for the doctor's office. Using the blow dryer to ensure she didn't leave the cottage with a wet head, Olivia quickly styled her hair so that framed her face in soft waves. Then, she padded into her bedroom to dress in the clothes she'd laid out the night before. While it was no secret that she was becoming comfortable having more skin on display around Elliot, and had started wearing short sleeves around her partner, there was no way she was going to do that in public – not just yet. So, for today, Olivia had chosen a lightweight long sleeved tee shirt with a modest scoop neck. When she was satisfied with her reflection in the mirror, Olivia headed back downstairs, allowing the tantalizing aroma of coffee pull her in the direction of the kitchen. As soon as he saw her, Elliot smiled in greeting.
"There you are. I wasn't sure how long it would take you to get ready today, so I kept our morning meal simple – scrambled eggs and toast."
"That sounds perfect. I'm not in the mood for anything heavy anyway."
"Did you want any fruit? I didn't cut any up, but it wouldn't take me long to get you some."
"No, thank you. Just sit and eat, El."
Though he didn't look entirely convinced, Elliot nonetheless followed Olivia's directive and took his seat at the table across from her. What concerns were turning about in his brain were alleviated somewhat when he noticed that despite the basic breakfast, Olivia was eating normally. Forcing himself not to stare, he focused his attention on his own plate and picked up his fork.
Much to Elliot's surprise, Olivia was able to engage in conversation. Given how quiet she had been on their walk this morning, he'd expected that silence to continue, at least until after they'd seen the doctor. Not that he minded, if anything, he understood completely the reasons for her distraction. Instead, it seemed as though Olivia was craving his companionship, and he was willing to do whatever it took to ease her nerves.
When they were done eating, and Olivia insisted on being the one to clear the plates, Elliot wisely decided not to argue. Instead, he excused himself to head upstairs to grab one last thing that he wanted to take with him – a list of questions he'd jotted down the night before, although he had a feeling they wouldn't be needed. The more they had been around each other, the more he and Olivia had been falling back in sync, and Elliot was willing to bet his next pension check that the things they wanted to ask the doctor today would be nearly identical.
By the time Elliot made it back to the main level of the cottage, Olivia was waiting for him by the door, slipping on her shoes. In one hand, she held her phone, and Elliot had to hide his smile when he noticed the folded piece of paper in the other. It was a good thing he wasn't a betting man. Sliding his own shoes on his feet, he turned to his partner with an encouraging smile.
"Ready to go?"
"As ready as I'm going to be. Then again, this should be the easy part. At least I hope so. Won't know for sure until we get it over with, so I guess we should be on our way."
A flicker of emotion passed across Elliot's face, so quick that Olivia hadn't even noticed. What she was aware of, however, was the gentle brush of his fingertips against her cheek as he brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.
"You know you're not in this alone, right, Liv?"
"I know, El. Some days I think its the only thing that is keeping me sane. I don't know how I had myself fooled for so long that I could do this by myself."
There was so much more Elliot wanted to say to that, but he didn't want to be late for the appointment, not when it was one that held so much weight. This was a visit that could potentially return even more freedoms to Olivia, and he wasn't going to make her wait any longer than necessary. They could always talk later – or even tomorrow when they had their first joint session with Lydia.
To Olivia's relief, the waiting room wasn't overly crowded. She supposed that was one of the advantages of having the first appointment of the day. She and Elliot hadn't been sitting for very long when one of the assistants called her to the back. Olivia tried her best to cooperate when it came to getting her vitals recorded, but found she had to close her eyes when she stepped on the scale. Not that she'd ever been ashamed of her weight, but after all the trouble she'd had with food, she didn't want to be impacted in any way to fall back into bad habits.
Olivia felt out of place and awkwardly on display sitting perched on the exam table, trying not to get annoyed at the sound of the protective paper crinkling under her ass. She knew it was necessary for her to be in this particular place in order for Dr. Barnes to examine her, but the last thing she wanted was to be the center of attention – even if, in this instance, she was. Resisting the urge to fidget and cursing the fact that these rooms never had a clock to stare at, Olivia tried her best not to sigh, as that would make her frustration even more obvious to Elliot, who could probably read her like a book already. Sure enough, the next words out of her partner's mouth proved her guess correct.
"I know it's not easy, Liv, but try and breathe. I promise I'll get you out of here as soon as possible. It's why we made the earliest appointment we could. I didn't want you to have to wait too long."
Before she had a chance to reply, a soft knock interrupted Olivia's train of thought. The door slowly opened, and Dr. Barnes eased into the room. For a man who had such an imposing presence while she was a patient in the hospital, he didn't look anywhere near as intimidating in this setting. Olivia also had to remind herself not to mention the misunderstanding she'd had about the man previously. How, in her confusion, she'd believed him to be a psychiatrist, based off of how he had introduced himself to her in the emergency room in the hospital. Granted, her mental state at the time hadn't been the best, but that didn't mean she was going to embarrass herself further now. The truth of the matter was, Dr. Barnes was a general practitioner with a double degree in psychology, allowing him to see and treat emergent cases in the hospital then refer them elsewhere for continuing care.
"Good morning, Sergeant, I hope you are doing well. I must say, you are looking much better since the last time I saw you."
"Thank you, Doctor. I am feeling a lot stronger than I was, even though I know I still have a long way to go. I just have to keep reminding myself that it's a marathon, not a sprint."
"That is sound advice. I wish more of my patients would take it to heart. So many in recovery want the quick fix and to get back to their normal lives – not that I blame them – but they forget they need to take their time getting there."
After Dr. Barnes asked and received permission to touch her, Olivia forced herself to sit as still as possible while the physician performed a simple physical exam. None of the positions of his hands on her body were invasive, but Olivia still had to resist the urge to flinch, because the only touch other than her own she was accustomed to - or even trusted – was from Elliot.
"I'm sorry, Olivia. I know that wasn't easy or particularly comfortable for you, but I'm sure you realize it was necessary. I also hope you don't mind that I got the physical part of our exam out of the way first before asking any questions, so that you would be more at ease for the remainder of your appointment."
"I don't mind at all, in fact, I prefer it."
Reaching for the rolling stool that was in the corner of the room, Dr. Barnes took a seat. He also mentioned that if Olivia preferred to sit in one of the chairs next to Elliot, that was fine. It took every ounce of Elliot's effort not to jump to try and catch Olivia when he saw her practically leap off the exam table in an attempt to move closer to his side. For his part, Dr. Barnes pretended not to notice Olivia's reaction, instead having directed his focus to the tablet in his hand as he looked through her more recent medical files.
"It says here, Sergeant-"
"Call me Olivia, please."
Olivia interrupted only briefly. Where once she had found comfort in being addressed by her formal title, right now it only made her feel like a fraud. Yet another thing to add to the growing list of things she would need to talk about with Lydia. Trying not to fall into the rabbit hole of letting her mind spiral out of control, Olivia focused her attention on the doctor, not even realizing when she subconsciously reached her hand out in Elliot's direction. She was, however, aware when the warmth of his palm enveloped hers, and her breathing began to even out once more.
"Alright then, Olivia. It says here in your chart that you've been seeing Dr. Hamil since your discharge from the hospital? It also states that the group program was not a good fit?"
Olivia had been waiting for that particular question, and wondering how the subject would be broached. To her relief, there was no accusation or judgment to be heard in Dr. Barnes' voice, only concern. Even though logically she knew from her own discussions with Lydia that she had made the right decision to discontinue the program, part of Olivia had feared that someone else might subvert that and force her to go back.
"No. It wasn't what I needed. Thankfully, Lydia is willing to work with me, and I'm so glad I spoke up instead of trying to stick things out."
"I'm glad you did, too. It's important that you feel comfortable with your providers of care so that you can be proactive with your treatment. Now, I see that you have a list of questions with you. What can I help you with today?"
One by one, they went down the list of questions Olivia had written down, discussing each one in detail. When it came to the topic of increasing physical activity, Olivia was relieved to learn she could add more exercise to her daily regimen, provided she didn't go overboard. That was when Elliot spoke up for the first time and explained that he and Olivia would be working out together. Dr. Barnes seemed satisfied with that arrangement.
Once they were through with Olivia's questions, Dr. Barnes decided to move on to Elliot's. The three of them got quite a laugh when Elliot admitted that all of his had been the same as Olivia's. There was one exception, however – and that was what else he could do to support her, something he planned to ask in their joint therapy session as well.
Before Dr. Barnes ever had a chance to respond, it was Olivia who answered.
"El, you're already doing everything you can. More than enough, really. I wouldn't have made it this far without your help. I know we still have a way to go, but I feel so much stronger with you by my side."
"Not that I'm not glad to hear it, Liv, but don't forget that you're already strong all on your own."
Although he hated to interrupt the beautiful moment, Dr. Barnes knew he had other patients to see. Clearing his throat softly, he asked if there were any other questions, and then recommended that Olivia make a follow up appointment in one month. Of course, if there were any problems, she could come back sooner. Then, he shook both their hands and excused himself from the room, leaving the two partners alone.
Once Olivia and Elliot left Dr. Barnes suite, they headed in the direction of the coffee shop on the first floor of the medical office building. Ordinarily, they would have gone directly home after, but Olivia had received a notification that morning that an appointment had opened up with her dietitian, which would keep them from having to make a return trip on Wednesday as originally planned. However, there was a slight gap in time between visits, so they decided to take a break and wait in a more comfortable setting.
Since her nerves were still on edge, Olivia opted instead for an herbal tea in lieu of coffee, though she did consent to sharing a bagel with Elliot. She hadn't had much breakfast that morning, and now that the most anxiety inducing appointment of the day was over and done with, it might be easier to eat a little something more. This visit with Rene was more of a check in than anything, to see how her appetite had been improving, and Olivia was hoping to no longer have to rely on the supplemental smoothies multiple times a day. She was also counting on the dietitian telling her she could discontinue taking the appetite stimulant that she'd been on since her time as an inpatient.
Olivia sipped her tea, waiting for Elliot to come over with his coffee and their bagel. She was trying her best not to let her thoughts spiral, knowing that they would only snowball if she let them. Instead, Olivia focused on the positives – the outcome from her visit with Dr. Barnes, and the fact that her restrictions were being lifted. She couldn't wait to get back to a regular workout routine, even if the prospect of being in a crowded gym was daunting.
The sound of a tray being set down on the table, followed by the chair across from her being pulled out startled Olivia out of her reverie. She made eye contact with Elliot, and shook her head dismissively to intercept the apology she knew was already starting to form on his lips.
"It's okay, El. I was just lost in thought."
Elliot wanted to press the issue more, but ultimately decided against it. Instead, he placed one of the bagel halves in front of his partner, then passed her a container of cream cheese. He also pretended not to notice the glare Olivia was giving him when she noticed that in addition to the cinnamon raisin bagel, he had also bought them a fruit cup to share.
"You don't have to eat any if you don't want to, Liv. I just know how much you like fruit in the mornings. If you'd rather save it for later, that's fine, too."
"No, that's not it. It's just irritating sometimes how well you know me."
"I could say the same thing about you."
The pair sat in silence for awhile, before Elliot spoke again.
"I don't want to overstep Liv, so please feel free to tell me to shut up and mind my own business if you need to. But, did you want me to go in with you to see Rene like I did with Dr. Barnes? Or, would you rather see her by yourself?"
An expression that could only be described as one of relief crossed over Olivia's face.
"I would love it if you came in with me. Call me crazy, but part of me is terrified that she won't take my word for it when I tell her that my appetite has improved, and I'm actually eating better. Maybe if you were there to back me up, she'd believe me?"
"Of course. You know I'd do anything for you, but Liv, why wouldn't she believe you?"
"You have to admit, our introduction wasn't exactly the greatest in the world. I was practically starving myself back then, and deliberately so."
Elliot reached out to cover Olivia's hand with his own.
"No, Olivia. You were in crisis, and desperate for any sort of control over your life that you could find. Yours just happened to manifest with food. It wasn't your fault, you weren't purposely trying to make yourself sick."
Olivia took another sip of her tea in an attempt to conceal her emotions.
"It sounds so simple when you put it like that."
"I know it's not simple – it's anything but. However, if I have to remind you that you are the strongest woman I've ever met every single day to help you continue to get through this, I will."
"Thanks, El."
The two lapsed into a companionable silence, Olivia drinking her tea and Elliot his coffee. They ate their respective bagel halves, and Elliot hid a smile when he noticed Olivia beginning to pick at the fruit cup he had bought. Instead of making a comment, he too nibbled on some of the pieces of melon and berry, and before long all that remained were crumbs on their napkins.
Elliot could tell by the expression on Olivia's face that she was lost in thought again, and the last thing he wanted to do was startle her, but the time had come for them to head to Rene Wilson's office. Reaching across the table, he rested a gentle hand on top of Olivia's arm, trying not to let his heart break at the pain that flashed through his partners eyes when her first reaction was panic.
"Sorry, Liv, but we should probably get going. The sooner we get done with this visit with Rene, the sooner we can get back home. Once we do that, I'll be happy to give you some time to yourself, if that's what you need."
Much to Olivia's relief, Rene's office wasn't crowded. Aside from herself and Elliot, there was only one other person sitting in the waiting room. Even better, it appeared that individual was merely accompanying a patient already in with Rene, so the wait to be seen would not be a long one. The morning was taking its toll on Olivia, and already she was regretting having agreed to back to back appointments. However, the fact that the inconvenience of today would give her a free day later in the week made it more than worth the added anxiety.
The door opened, and Olivia startled involuntarily, cursing herself for her response. She felt Elliot's fingers link with her own and give her hand a reassuring squeeze, and her breathing immediately began to even out. Olivia watched as her theory was proven correct and the woman who had been sitting in the waiting room with them greeted the man who had just emerged from the back, and the two left the office together. A few minutes later, the door opened again, and Rene greeted Olivia and Elliot with a smile.
"Good morning, Olivia. Are you ready to come back?"
Olivia got to her feet, never once letting go of Elliot's hand. She was about to open her mouth and ask Rene if it was alright if he came back, too, but then thought better of it. He was coming with her no matter what.
Settled in Rene's office, Olivia felt a little more at ease. Though it wasn't quite as spacious, and there were obvious differences, there was something about it here that reminded her of when she went to see Lydia. Instead of a more formal setting, there were comfortable chairs to sit in. The only difference was the wall of pamphlets with an abundance of information on healthy eating.
"I'm glad to be able to see you today, Olivia. I hope the adjustment of your appointment wasn't too much of an inconvenience for you."
"No. It was unexpected, but like I mentioned on the phone, I was already here at the medical building for another visit earlier this morning, so it ended up working better for my schedule anyway."
"My only concern about making this change was that you wouldn't have had a chance to bring your food diary with you, but now that I think of it, I didn't have you keeping one, did I? You were just taking the appetite stimulant along with the supplemental smoothies several times a day, correct?"
Olivia nodded, hoping her nerves weren't as outwardly obvious as they felt inside.
"Yes, that's right. It wasn't easy at first, but Elliot has been a tremendous help. He does most of the cooking, though I have been helping more recently. Before that, though, he kept me involved in the menu planning and grocery shopping without having it be an overwhelming chore."
"I'm glad to hear that. And how have you been doing lately?"
"To be honest, I can't remember a time when I've eaten so well, even before my trauma. My job doesn't exactly allow for a balanced diet, though I did always try to make healthy choices, having normal meals at regular times wasn't always easy when I was stuck working a case around the clock. The smoothies are getting a bit monotonous, however, no matter how much Elliot tries to keep them fresh. I'd love to find a way to stop needing – or even reduce – those."
Rene made a few notes in Olivia's chart as she listened, nodding her head in agreement.
"From what you're telling me, I don't see any reason why we can't do that. Primarily, the need for the smoothies was to help your body get the necessary calories and nutrition when you were having difficulty eating in the first place. If you want to cut back to one a day, that would be fine with me. The only thing I ask, is that if you were to miss a meal or a snack, try and have a smoothie instead, okay? The protein powder won't make up for all the lost calories, but it will give you an added boost."
Olivia glanced at Elliot, not that she was seeking his approval, more that she needed confirmation that what she had heard was true. It seemed so surreal to her right now, she almost couldn't believe that this many positive changes were taking place in the same day. Olivia was so stunned, that she couldn't even find her voice, to the point where Elliot answered Rene, then proceeded to ask another question on both their minds.
"We can do that. There was something else, too – does Olivia still need to take the appetite stimulants, or can those be stopped as well? I've really noticed an improvement, to the point where sometimes she even reminds me that we need to eat. Even if they can't be stopped completely, perhaps even lowering the dose might be good."
Rene smiled warmly at the two people sitting across from her. She wished all of her patients had someone as supportive as Olivia did in Elliot.
"I don't want to discontinue the supplements cold turkey, but what I can recommend is breaking the tablets in half from now on, and also reducing it from three times a day to two. When I see you again in a month's time for another check in, we can discuss going down to once a day, then after that stopping completely."
The disappointment was evident on Olivia's face, and Rene hurried on to explain.
"I know it's frustrating, but I just don't want to diminish or undermine any of the progress you've made. I also want you to remember that one of the possible side effects for some of the other medications that you are on is decreased appetite, so as those potentially go up in dosage, I'm wanting to make sure that your eating habits remain on an even keel."
Olivia's expression morphed again, understanding and acceptance taking the place of frustration and disappointment.
"I do have one other question, though it feels silly to ask."
"There are no stupid questions here. What is it you want to know, Olivia?"
"Is it unusual to have an overactive sweet tooth after having a change in eating habits?"
Rene smiled, but there was no humor behind it, only gentleness.
"Not at all. Some of that could be a possible side effect from your anti-depressant, if it becomes excessive, I suggest you talk with your psychiatrist. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with enjoying sweet things in moderation, even if it happens to be daily."
Unable to resist putting in his own two cents, Elliot couldn't help but comment.
"That's what I've been trying to tell her."
Olivia withdrew her fingers from Elliot's hold long enough to smack him lightly in the chest with the back of her hand, giving him a withering look as she did so.
There was no question Rene was amused by the interaction as well, but she remained professional and carried on with the appointment. After making sure there were no further questions, a follow up was scheduled, and then Elliot and Olivia were free to go. The two of them walked out of the office to the vehicle together, Olivia feeling considerably lighter after that mornings events than she had when they'd left the cottage.
"Did you want to stop for anything on the way back?"
"No thanks, El. But I do think I'm going to take you up on your offer from earlier. I won't be asking you to leave me alone though, but a nap does sound wonderful."
Elliot wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulders as they walked, tugging her close and brushing his lips along her temple.
"Whatever you need, Liv. Just don't fall asleep in the car on the way back. I'd carry you up to your bed if I had to, but I'd rather not get my ass kicked for doing so."
"I think I can manage, but it's probably more important that you stay awake, since you're driving."
"Don't worry about me, Liv."
Olivia shrugged Elliot's arm away from her shoulders, looping her arm through his instead as they walked the final steps to the SUV. Though the day was anything but over, the most complicated part of it was finished. Now she just needed to go home and decompress, because tomorrow she and Elliot would go to therapy – together. That was going to be a life changing experience for them both.